Anatomy of a run

It's 8am on a non-work day although I have a list of worky things to do regarding a job interview on Tuesday
I have a graze on my knee (I know, how old am I?)
I am concerned about the potential Achilles problem - also considering perhaps stretching the thing like you're supposed to?
Another alternative is to go to the gym and use the cardio things there (eyeing up the rowing machine to get an all-over sweaty glow)

And yet I am still in my dressing gown trying to make a decision.

Full disclosure: I don't want to exercise. It hurts. It makes me red-faced and knackered. I feel like people are laughing at me for daring to go out in lycra at my age and current wobbliness.

There is a 3rd way - stay in the warm, prepare for the interview. Go for a coffee and read my book. Clean the house. Start on the garden clearance.

And then I get a shot of reality - I can do all those things AS WELL AS GO FOR A RUN

It's now 0811

It's 1003 and I did option 2...
I drove to the gym (bad idea - nowhere to park) and did the usual stuff with the heavy things and then did 20 mins on the rower. 143 calories later and I'm back. I took it stupidly easy on myself, only gradually upping the difficulty - but if I do it again I will start higher. It was OK - 'meditative' as lovely Ross described it. I was listening to a play - could manage some music I think.
And although I thought I was taking it easy (I was) I felt quite wobbly driving back so I guess it's doing something.

Will it be a regular thing? My half-arsed plan was to replace my regular pre-work coffee with a 20-minute row - saving £2.52 and working off 140-odd calories. What's not to like? (Losing my beloved pre-work coffee for one thing)

So that's it - the start of a new era of self-improvement? Or a one-time flash in the pan.
I guess that choice is up to me...

Here's possibly (definitely) my very first link:
Bitterly true-isms from the truth potato

CHANGE OF DIRECTION

Sorry for shouting but I think my life is about to take an abrupt turn.
Like, resigning my job with no concrete plan for the future.
It's a biggie. The biggest maybe.

So I need some kind of focus otherwise I will descend into invisibility - overweight, middle-aged, a nobody

The only thing I can't change is the passage of time. So I use Time to my advantage (stay with me, it's all getting a bit self-help)
It will take time to tackle the weight issue
It will take time to regain fitness, strength and flexibility (as far as that is physically even possible) and it will take time to make my way in this brave new world of my own creation.

But in the meantime - it's a horrible morning so I'm going to stay in the relative warm, do my possibly useless teeth-whitening and start on my copywriting course which will change my life.

Possibly.

The world is full of possibility

(written 24th Jan)

Cheeky blighters

It was a vile morning but I went out anyway, full of vim and vigour. Made it up to the first high point without any drama.

A young chap asked for my help as he'd been at a friend's house and couldn't find his way to Temple Meads. It's about 2 -3 miles from that point. So I pointed him in the right kind of direction and off he went. I hope he got there OK

When I set off again, my calf muscle was quite painful. Dilemma: do I go on regardless, or accept I need to rest/stretch/strengthen it and wait for it to mend. So I decided to go home, less than a mile away.

Annoying though

But when I stopped the mapmyrun thing, one of the adverts popped up:
'you made that 1.69 mile WALK look easy, why not raise money for cancer research'

1.69 mile WALK.

WALK

I ran (that's RAN) 1.69 miles before the pain started.
OK my pace was 11m 25s a mile which is possibly the very definition of

Perhaps only I will ever know I had run every step of the way

I did it

It was a grizzly morning - that grey rain which just makes you want to stay inside and drink tea.
But on my 'I Am Doing This' list was to go for a run.
So I very much did just that.

It wasn't nice.

My first concern was to keep my phone dry. Just hoped for the best really. It was fine.

Next was the burden of a lack of fitness and a massive arse. I am finding it tough to get my breath back after a gentle slope. It didn't seem to be getting any easier  - but then came the pace update - 9mins 42. I am quite surprised. It totally explains why I was so out of breath - but not why I was running faster...
It meant of course that the run was shorter - just over 30 mins which isn't the idea. I think 45 mins is better. But I could not have run much further this morning.

And I have a calf strain. It wasn't too much but got worse over the last 10 mins or so. Not sure why it's happening - is it something linked with the arthritis?

And I'm writing this standing up at the kitchen table - it's meant to be much better for you, isn't it. I have to think of my massive arse at the p[oint and hopefully, gramme by gramme it will shrink Hopefully to the size it was this time last year before I stupidly put every lb back on

But now I'm back - showered and with the whole day ahead with nothing planned. Just how I like it, tbh.

I am not doing this *hangs head in shame*

That didn't last long. I was honestly going to run this morning but when I felt the remnant of an achilles twinge left over from Friday, I didn't go.

This is the problem with me - the lack of motivation and the belief in my other mantra  'motivation follows action' - another blatant  and oft-proved truism.

So, in the light of 'new year new me' (which has got off to a very shaky start)  I will just get over myself and lose the stone in weight I seem to have put back on (thank you wine and chocolate. And bacon)

So here goes.

I will lose the 10 lbs I regained last year because that will tackle the depression and lack of self confidence. Also, I will embrace running and yoga to become as lithe, (well, as much as a short-arse can be lithe) supple and fit as I feel the person I am is.

Advanced grammar.

It's also pay day at the much-reduced rate thinks to going part-time. It's a massive pay cut. It might be the worst decision I've ever made - or it could make the whole self-improvement thing a doddle.

I hope I can convince myself it's the latter otherwise I will be whiling away my spare time watching Netflix and drinking wine. And that is not the person I believe I am deep down. (Problem is, that person is really, really deep down these days)

This is a wake-up call like no other. (Apart from the last few)

I Am Doing This

'I Am Doing This' is my new mantra.

It's streets head of looking in the mirror and telling myself  'I can do this': it's immediate - it's  already happening.
It works when I haven't even begun to do the thing: a statement of intent as much as a status update.

So that's the new thing

I ran this morning - I didn't want to, in fact I would have found it so very easy to talk myself out of it. I've done that many, many times before. But 'I am doing this' happened and there I was, running. And feeling quite pleased about it. Don't like the hills, but there you go.

Incidentally I hear there is a film about the Ashton Court Park un on BBC Inside Out West on 22 January - it's the story of a family coming together and training for this 5km run. It's awesome.


3.44miles
9m58s a mile

Just lurking under the 10 minute mile. Is that ever going to change? Only if I put my heart and soul into it.

Am I doing this?

Back on track. Kind of.

A not-too-bad run this morning. It was OK. What can I say?

It was very cold and my left index finger was white with shock for a couple of miles but it warmed up.

I started listening to a podcast but gave up – it wasn’t funny enough or clever enough so I bailed and listened to ‘Elsinor’ from BBC. It’s a prequel to Hamlet. If I’d known it was a prequel before I set off it would have made far more sense.

3.35 miles

9m 51s pace

Not very far, not very long. I think I need to up the time to about 45 mins which I understand is the optimum for aerobic fitness. Which means I have to put in more effort. Never something I want to hear… But I am turning into a fatty so perhaps it’s time to step up.

And when I got back there was a squirrel on the bird feeder - urban wildlife! I was hoping for birds... 

-->

Happy new year!

Yes - I have run every day this year so far.

Enough with the stupid cliches - other than 'new year, new me'

I am cutting my work days to 3 a week - therefore requiring a massive rethink in terms of spending. I'm not sure it's the right thing to do in many ways - other than needing to have a clear out of things which cause me stress - such as work. It's going to be more intense but then there will be more time to decompress - and that is a good thing.

Also, I have literally put on all the weight I lost over the past year or so - 8st 13.4lbs. And I was actually pleased I hadn't broken the 9st level.
Back on the intermittent fasting - and healthier eating - cutting right back on the wine (which has been my major downfall tbh)

So, all that's happening.

But I did run this morning - first time for a while and it felt like it. My hips are aching and the odd bit on the joint next to my buggered big toe joint is giving me cause for concern. Hey ho - there is a light on the toe joint horizon - well, 2 really. One is chasing the cortisol injection to make the thing less painful and the other is a new replacement cartilege treatment (cartiva) - private of course but it might just cure the thing.

3.14 miles
9m 56 pace
Barely average tbh but I am very glad I did it. if it wasn't for the odd toe thing I would mind less about running... 
I also have to keep going to the gym - limited to work days though - 3 days in a row? It's hardly impossible.

So - a plan...
running twice a week - once on Friday or Saturday  morning and Westbury on Monday evening
3 gyms
Yin every day - have done 8 mins today, quite hard work but I think it's a good thing to do. A class of actual yoga is probably good as well - but I don't want to do a full 90 mins - an hour is more than enough

So there you go.
It's 2018 already.
How did that happen..

inspiration

I need some inspiration

It's cold and wet outside.
I over indulged over Christmas.
I feel old and knackered

Although all the above are reasons to go for a run (not to hide away inside and pretend I don't need to take any exercise) my superb rational brain is fighting the logic and I am very much stuck indoors horrified at the antics of my bf. He is out running 19 miles at the start of a tour around the entire coast of Wales. I am impressed by his madness.

But not inspired

Oh, perhaps tomorrow I will do a zombie run... It would feel good to blast out a quick run before the end of the year...

I'm a runner now

I've been for 2 Monday evening runs with the Westbury Harriers and I may go back for more (except for work and Christmas...)
It was surprisingly OK - I mean, I usually avoid running with other people but I found it was fine. Also not knowing the course helped as I did't know where the hills were or how long there was left. So a win, really.
I put myself in the slowest group of course and it was quite easy. So when I do go back I will go up one and challenge myself. Not fond of a challenge really. Hence my rather troubling current situation. But that's for another blog...

Park Run

Didn't do it - I just went on a recce for work. I am planning on doing one though. It's a tough course at Ashton Court: all uphill then a turn and back down the hill. Lovely scenery if you can see it through the red mist.

Zombies are tough

I decided I would go round the downs this morning, just for a change. I reckoned it's about 5k around there which is would-like-to go-to distance these days (it's a work thing)
But I was so unfit.
Note to self - when you've lost the 10+ lbs you wanted to (and felt SO good about) don't just pile it straight back on.
Idiot.
I had to walk 3 times; once cos the zombies made me run too hard and I lost the ability to breathe. And I didn't outrun them once.
It's all very depressing to be honest. I know it's nature and it's not exactly unexpected, but I had no idea it was going to be this hard to get back up to anywhere near the quite feeble levels I was operating at before...

It was more than 5k - nearer 7.2
So, still not at the 5-mile marker.
I will get there though - I feel it's something which will make me feel an awful lot better. It may stave off the depression now I'm off the tablets.

Zombies; ran!

OK - I have a grouse about the app - I can't get it to work while there's music playing. I expect it's my fault, but there you go.
I spent the 1st bit of this morning's run listening to the Stranglers - but no zombie news updates... I turned off the music and the zombies came back. They also chased me fast up a hill - I know I was running for my life, but I absolutely knackered myself. I am so unfit these days. I'm hoping that it's going to be a FITT thing and the pain will be far outweighed by the good it does me.
I had planned to do 5k so I can tackle a parkrun soon (it's a work thing) but I missed the start probably by about 1km and then I decided running up hills was making me pant like a - zombie? - so I went home.

zombies

I have a new app. It's called Zombies; Run!

The premise is that you've survived the zombie apocalypse and are now heading towards the safe zone. But the helicopter's been shot down by a surprise rpg attack and the only thing left to do is run back to safety.
Along the way you're directed to pick up useful things - because as the nasty lady says - people have to pull their weight or they won't be lit into the safe zone. The nice chap was in love with your predecessor - it'll be interesting to see how that plays out

It's an ongoing tale of everyday zombie adventures

I found myself wondering if I should be saving my energy slightly for when the news comes that the zombies are getting close and I have to up the pace a bit.

FYI I did get back safely.

So that's where I'm at now. It saves your route and all that but where it saves it I have no idea - my phone is a bit of a mystery these days thanks to various unwanted updates...

I have to up my running game: going part-time will make a difference I'm sure...

Sunday run/crawl

3.04miles in 30' 29” 
10' 01” a mile 

That's 4.8km 

I am going to work up to 5km and keep that as my baseline doable and repeatable run. 
I'm blaming anti-depressants on being so bloated and unfit. But I actually know that's just me in denial... 
It's quite nice running from home - I keep discovering little alleys and routes behind houses and so on. Not exactly urban exploration but it make the run a bit more interesting 

A dreamlike state

If only.

Still - a run is a run. And I managed to go a little over the 5k distance. (Distances sound better in km - the numbers are bigger...)

Not fast, not spectacular other than nearly face planting the pavement for no apparent reason. And sweating so much that a kindly lady near the church felt sorry for me.

It may be the beginning of my new push to get fit again. I have a journal to fill out with my goals and what have you - one of which is to lose weight and this includes getting fitter. Perhaps with the right push it will motivate me to persevere.

'Motivation follows action'

oh, the effort...

I haven't been for a run for weeks and I have put on weight and generally not taken very good care of myself. So it was a struggle to go out for a run this Saturday. A proper, hardcore struggle.
I knew I wasn't going to go far or fast but I wasn't expecting the sheer agony of rudely-awakened muscles the next day...

It's almost enough to make me question (ever) venturing out again - but all the advice is that it gets easier. Do I believe that? I still view myself as someone who runs - self-delusional perhaps - so I have to get out and actually pound the streets from time to time. A parkrun? never done one, no reason not to start this week. It's 'only' 5km...

Stats from Saturday... unavailable right now cos Mapmyrun has got some interminable advert for Fred Olsen Cruises which has crashed... 

Ah, here goes - 2.04 miles in 20m 24s exactly 10-minute miles...

But that's only just over 3 1/4 km... perhaps I will have to build up to a 5km parkrun...
I can't believe I'm thinking that... I once ran a 1/2 marathon you know

at least I went for a run

Whitstable is my favourite place for a run - all that fresh sea air, relatively unknown surroundings, pretty flat - just perfect for a PB

Except - being hung over and over weight did not allow a pb. Far from in fact.
10min 11 per mile, I only managed 3.11 miles and I was struggling.

But I did go for a run and I didn't stop.
So yay me.

tough

OK I had to drag myself out this morning - it's a bank holiday and I had lots of wine last night. But no excuse not to go
I am glad I went, let me get that clear from the start
God it felt tough, though. Then when the mapmyrun lady piped up it was to say I was running miles in under 10 mins. Like, wow - I was pleased cos it explained why I was so tired

3.46 miles, 9m34s per mile - and that's the fastest I've been for months.

So I just have to keep doing it. I find it hard to believe I ever ran further - I know I'm overweight (again) and don't run much but I used to run 6 or 7 miles quite regularly. Perhaps I will get there again. Perhaps I will want to go that far again one day - for now, 3 or 4 miles is fine

new route

Well, it was a run - short and strenuous enough to leave me very red-faced. I've discovered about a mile of back alleys and off-roading routes to make the effort interesting. All I need to do now is up the distance to about 5 miles, up my speed to 9 30 a mile and I will feel I have progressed. But for now just getting out of the house for 30 mins is an achievement.
I trained for the 1/2 marathon from this place in Bishopston - how did I ever run 7 miles before work? I did though.
11 years ago now...

Don't blame the app

The app actually had saved my run - and the next one

3.73 miles, 9m 55s per mile

But the next one on Sun 7th...
2.51 miles and 9m 44s per mile - but I was knackered - totally puffed. I've put on some of the weight I recently lost, plus I did have a hangover - so there were mitigating circumstances... But I was mortified about how hard it was

So - do I stop running and save myself the pain and the exhaustion - or put this behind me, get out there and enjoy the experience (honestly it's possible) and just take heart from the fact I'm in my 50s but still running. Kind of.

Colleagues did the 10k at the weekend and did it in under 50 mins. So glad I didn't sign up - although if I had done long enough ago I would have been motivated to get training, right?

Motivation then - nothing difficult to understand there.

Back on track.

Well, back on the road/pavement etc etc

Not proud of my record this year - it seems to get harder all the time. But it's more mental than physical. Or perhaps I just have to accept I'm getting older and it will get tougher to keep going. But that's not the issue. The point is getting out there and 'enjoying' it. I do get the feeling of freedom and achievement though. And that is enough. Any more than that is pushing it - but then I do have the old '5% extra' thought along the way which gives me a little bit extra in reserve.

My bloody app - it doesn't seem to save my runs. The last one was 11 March - which is truth is the last time I ran - but I definitely saved yesterday's. I know it was over 10 mins a mile but there was a nice route I wanted to have a look at today.
Technology - it can be amazing but sometimes it just shortens your life,

Achievement

Well it's nothing to write home about but the very fact I've gone for a run seems worthy of note.
Second one this year...

And when I set off I felt amazing. I guess I've lost a stone in weight over the last year which helps - and just getting out of the house seems like a win. And the prospect of a different route - especially when I found a new lane behind the games field - it all fell into place.
Then I got a bit tired and my left hip began hurting.
But I kept going and I can now proudly hold my head high and say 'I went for a run'
Well done me

Just have to keep going now...

Also I could get some new running kit as a treat.
Or I could just keep wearing the stuff I already have., The perfectly good stuff I already have...

stats- well, mapmyrun has failed. I'm sure I saved the thing but it's not there. . the live feed suggested 9min 30 ish a mile which is OK - but -I need to up it to about 9min miles to keep under the hour for the 10k

seriously unrunny

Well, new year's day was the last time I went for a run. And it's now 7 Feb. I keep visualising myself running (isn't that what you're supposed to do to motivate yourself?) But no matter how much I think about it - I haven't been for a run since then.
My therapist recommends running for depression (to cure it not trigger it) and my head knows it's the right thing to do. But I've moved house and it's all wrong... Except no of course it isn't 'wrong'. Something is stopping me getting out there - perhaps it's the cold, the damp, the time it takes... Perhaps I need to motivate myself, to make not running worse than getting out there.
Some of my colleagues are going to run the Bristol 10K and I may just enter but not tell anyone so when they compare times I won't feel obliged to admit to taking over an hour... 6 miles. I should do it under an hour.
Sounds like I've convinced myself.
Troubling.
It sounds so easy of course - but it won't be,

Happy New Year

I have a lot of work to do...

I did go for a run on 1st Jan which I was very pleased about - even though I had a massive wobble. I got up to the downs and it began spitting, there was a huge black cloud in the distance so it didn't bode well. I actually turned around and was starting to drive back when I saw in the opposite direction the sky looked lighter. So I went for it.

Well done me

It was awful. Obviously there was the Christmas belly to contend with but also I've been doing so little running I have become quite unfit.

But at least I ran

Once

This year...

(so far)

All Uphill

It's getting harder to get out and running. I know it's getting colder which doesn't help but that's not the main thing. I think there is such a psychological aspect to running that I have to change my frame of mind to get me out there. It's why boyf runs with a club - as he says, he hands himself over to them and he just runs. I seem to spend a stupid amount of time psyching myself up.

But I did go for a run and it didn't kill me.

The new route round the allotments is nice - quite uphilly once I'm down in the valley but that's part of the challenge. I still ache and so on but I assume it's doing me more good than harm.
I feel better for going but it does kind of let me off the leash to spend the rest of the day lazing around. And eating too much. Or worse.

But - I have to keep going. And without the benefit of very expensive Sweaty Betty kit. It won't make a difference having £90 tights will it, even if they promise to be warm but wicky. I am just as likely to run in old leggings tbh - it's down to the state of my mind, not the state of my kit.

oo, that was quite deep.

Depression

Yesterday was a challenge.
As well as the usual effort required to get kitted up and out the door, I was buried under an overwhelming wave of depression. It makes me slow down to the point of catatonia; I need to cry, to turn myself off, to disappear.
Even my new bouncy shoes made no difference.
But I had 2 things on my side.
One is the accepted wisdom that exercise and especially outdoor exercise - ie running - is hugely beneficial at these times.
Two - bf was there to give me a proper hug and boot me out the door.
And it was the right thing to do - both the hug and the run. I felt a lot better for it.
The depression doesn't go away, it's not zapped out of existence like an infection blasted by antibiotics - but it becomes softer, more malleable and can be kept in its box.
Perhaps I will have to keep my running shoes at work and head out at lunchtimes for therapy (probably healthier than endless coffees) This will make me an elite something by Christmas. That plus the Headspace sessions will make me a superbrain ready to tackle anything and everything life and throw at me.

I live in a world of fantasy and fancy.

I. Feel. So. Bouncy

New Shoes!!!!

Nothing special, just got new shoes and they have changed everything.
Well sort of.
They're very much an improvement on my old ones.
But I had to swap their laces (bright neon pink) for my old grey ones. It seems like all shoes are now, by law, bright, fluorescent, nauseatingly colourful.  Apparently I like dull shoes. Who knew? (I refused to even try on the Barbie-coloured pair...)


More to the point - I ran like the wind. A slow breeze sort of wind...
4.5 miles - 9 min 41 a mile

last week, to compare:

28 sept: 4.5 miles 9 min 48 a mile
25 sept: 4.4 miles 9 min 49 a mile

like, crikey it's as though i have rockets on my feet....

I still can't believe I ran 13 and a bit miles once. Only once.
 

2 runs

Am I getting a bit ocd about these posts? I mean - no one cares if I do one after every run or not and it's not like it changes anything... But in truth I do like to look back and see what previous runs have been like - and how much pain I was in, that sort of thing...

so - the last 2 runs (not exactly over doing the commitment to running...)

4 sept
4.4 miles - 9 53 a mile

17 sept
4.53 miles - 9 min 55 a mile

so nothing life-changing - but nothing too shabby either

The most recent one (today) - I actually went a different route -  I went down past the allotments and along the railway line for a little while and then back up to ashley hill. It was disappointingly not very far as it was a lovely route (very green and no traffic) and then I just did the normal route. But changing is good.

Pains and so on - well, my hip is still troubling me a bit but the pain might be in a different place, or does the stress put on it by running helps it repair??? I don't know. Plus I tried to engage my hamstrings a bit more which engages my glutes which is something I really need to do more of.
So that's all good.

And it's all done in a fasted state so hopefully an effective weight-loss thing as I'm not eating until midday at the earliest - a 16-hour fast which is something I've been doing for a few months and have lost 10-12 lbs. Feel much better for it. Would like to lose a little more fat to feel a bit more angular. The main downside is that as I'm quite short it's extraordinarily hard to find clothes which fit. Perhaps I should try children's - they seem to grow quite large these days....

More pain...

Working on the various pains...
1. heel - just putting up with it I guess. I know rest is important (I'm good at that...) and stretching will come into it at some point - but there is a level of pain there which puts me off making it any worse. It hurts when I walk, mostly when I've been off it and then walk on it. Running seemed to be OK - it wears off fairly quickly. Not sure if that is a good thing or not
2. Hips - my osteopath is working on me. The foam roller is a main element in the rehabilitation process - never has anything self-inflicted hurt so much. I can only hope it's working. It hurts far more on the bad side so I think the principle is sound, and the pain is lessening - or my threshold is rising.
3. toe joint - no change but I am constantly aware I have to make sure my Glutes are engaged when running which sometimes means I have to feel I'm twisting. I just wasn't made very well...
But I did run this week - another turn around the downs. I would be very happy if I could get myself up there without the need for a bike/car. I know my limit is about 5 miles - it used to be a regular 7 but that was a lifetime ago - and so the downs run is a treat. Perhaps when I'm back at work I will cycle up at lunchtime... could only do that if it's very cold as my face turns beetroot when I run. Not sophisticated really...

stats
4.35 miles
9min 58 a mile - so not too shabby for me... (under 10 mins a mile is a triumph in my book)

Never without pain...

One day I will get through a run without a nagging pain.
But not yet

Today was hip and heel pain. The saga of the hip is that I have been to the osteopath and she gave me the most painful massage ever - really digging into the muscles. I had to go to my happy place to get through it tbh. But I didn't cry or use the safeword.

And the outcome is that my hip is more painful. I'm working on the assumption that this means something (ultimately) good is happening in there. I have stretches to work on as well which are painful and necessary. I sit around so much everything that should be moving and loose is tight and stiff. I'm getting old but there is no real reason why I can't keep supple and fit - apart from the arthritis thing everything just needs keeping moving.

Use it or lose it

I actually went to the gym before the run (and had cycled up there as well - I am a superhero)
3.21 miles
10.04 mins a mile. Slow but ffs I was in pain and I actually went out and did it

well done me

slow but sure

Another run - get me.
This time 10 years ago I was running 7 miles before breakfast

entry for 10 aug 2006:
Back on the road again....

Having survived various symptoms of lergy (lurgy??) I am back on the long road to wherever 13 and a bit miles will take me...

It wasn't too bad, once the first mile or so was done. This bit is all slightly uphill, so imagine setting off at 0620, uphill, feeling a little queasy and a lot knackered and you get the picture... But despite allowing myself to think about cutting the route short and taking it easy on myself, I did the whole thing and felt like a real trouper (trooper??) when I got back to safety and managed to separate my feet from my shoes.

So there you have it - I'm still in the running, whether I like it or not.

Was chatting to a friend who has just taken up running and claims to love it: she goes for about 3 and a half miles and feels on top of the world. She knows a person who runs 13 miles for fun then runs home up a steep hill. That person is obviously unstable and is to be avoided. How can anyone get to the stage when 13 miles is a 'fun run'?

I see Nick Rose running round the downs a lot - I remember him from way back (can't be sure when) and he was a terrific international runner, winning lots of races and generally being a local hero. He still goes at a hell of a rate and I'm sure he's just jogging...

I'm off on holiday tomorrow but the trainers are coming with me. A week away from the routine will test my mettle... 

So there - it really happened.
I don't think I'm downhearted about not being at that level now - I am realistic about my capabilities although I know I could push myself a lot harder. I guess I have to balance that against the injuries and knackerednesses I would have to endure.
But 10 years is a long time which has gone by very very fast.
At the rate I ran today my 1/2 marathon time would be... 2.2 hours. Even if I could keep going at just over 10 mins a mile...
But I have to accept that I can keep running though by muscles and hips are aching while I dod it - it doesn't feel like an injury, just age getting the better of me...

Hurty

OK - it was a bit hurty but at least I dragged myself out for a run and was very glad I did. It was even raining when I left the house and I went anyway.
(But then it stopped raining and was quite nice...)
It was OK - I went up to the downs with the intention of being kind to myself by running slowly (which I did) and once I got a bit warmed up the hip problem didn't get any worse. And today it's still relatively OK so perhaps it's a limited thing. I am stretching like an Armstrong which I hope helps as it's not very nice. I have also booked an osteopath session to see if there is something I can be doing to sort it out and also to have a go at my wonky shoulders.
No one warns you that 'getting old' starts so soon. I thought it might kick in at some point in the future but it looks like it's happening now.
How depressing is that...

Whinge

Oh I know I have a lot to feel thankful for.
But there are a few things I want to get off my chest

I haven't been for a run since the previous post - it's my hip. There is an ache heading down the outside of my leg towards my knee - and doesn't seem to be getting any better. I am stretching a bit (no doubt not enough) and I expect that's something I will have to keep up. But my hips are so tight - I see how they do the stretches on the yin yoga vidoes and I feel actually ashamed by my stiffness. My big concern is that it's arthritis. It's destroyed my toe joint but I'm managing to live with it - but if it's a hip thing I don't know how to deal with that.

But that's all kind of moot if I continue along the road to a mental breakdown. Today's been OK but Friday was a scary day. Panic, crying (the collapsed on the floor crying your face off sort), unable to move. Wanting to die.

I've lost 10lbs - which was supposed to make me feel better about myself. But, because NO ONE HAS NOTICED it means nothing to me. And I haven't been running to get the benefit of having less weight to haul around

When do things start getting better?

Bursitis...

...possibly.

It hurts exactly as google says it would. It's come on after running - like google said it would. Google said it's caused by a tight IT band among other things - which is feasible.

So I will have to do those hideous stretches - and keep at them - until I am no longer stiff as a board and could pass for someone 20 years younger

We can all dream...



god it's annoying this aging process.

Old

Well, I feel old. My left hip aches like a nasty thing and I can't run straight cos of my arthritic toe joint.

So, old

But not so old I didn't go for a run this morning - in the very leggings I bought in Jasper to run in Canada. Which was nice.

I did a run round the downs and realised today is when the Race For Life is on - I could have done that... Except I'm working today on a project which is frankly doing my head in so much I'm taking August off as unpaid leave to regain some level of sanity. Extreme I know but sometimes you have to take control of your life,

I found it slightly easier to run than I feared - possibly cos I have lost about 10lbs. It feels great but I know I won't be happy until I look and feel slimmer. There is a slight element of eating disorder about my thinking from time to time - but this week I have been eating better and have only lost 1/2 lb or so. That's OK. I've done it on intermittent fasting - the 16:8 not the 5:2 version (I can't stand the long days without food) This one is 16 hours fasting in 24, 5 times a week. And when you're eating you can have pretty much what you like - not too much obviously but as long as you're eating healthily you lose weight. It's to do with getting into the fat-burning zone once you've had 12 hours without eating - so after about 8am I spend the next 4 hours burning fat - which is then gone. If you eat enough calories to remain the same weight over the course of a day, you haven't spent 4 hours burning fat - so there is a net loss over the day despite eating maintenance levels of food.

It works

long-distance run

Well, not 'long distance' as in 'I ran a long way' - more that it was a long way from home. Jasper in Canada in fact. It was beautiful there - the mountains were perfect - a light dusting of snow glowing in the morning light.
I went out for a run about 630am and it was below freezing - but how fresh and clean the air was! Running alongside the railway track (which carried trains at least a mile long...) and then onto a cycle track which headed off into the unspoilt woodland.
It was so lovely that even the aching calf muscle couldn't spoil it totally.
Also I had to buy new running kit as I hadn't packed any, thinking I was going to have a 2-week rest to allow my calf to recover.
So - yes I should have let my calf rest - but I would have missed out on the most amazing run.
The leggings were North Face and were perfect - apart from the lack of drawstring meaning they fell down and there is no key pocket. I very much should have packed some...

Honestly - this was what I was running through...

Slow and painful...

So it's a bank holiday and it wasn't raining (too much) this morning so I did what any right-minded serial jogger would do - I got in the car and went up to the downs for a run.
It was all looking ok and in truth I was beginning to enjoy it once I got warmed up.
But then came a dull ache in my right calf - nothing worse than I've had before. But it got worse and worse - and having been through the trauma of a proper torn calf muscle I decided to walk back to the car and call it a day.
Very disappointing.
I'm away for a couple of weeks so I guess I will pick it up again when I get back - and it might be just the thing to rest for a couple of weeks.
Like I need an excuse...

get a grip...

It was an OK run - but towards the end I decided I could run faster - so I did. For about 3 minutes.
And it really hurts today. My poor foot that doesn't work very well now has a painful arch and as for my calves, well, don't go there.
But I was under the 10 mins a mile average which is pleasing considering I did the hilly route round the downs.
I could post the stats but I can't really be bothered...

hey ho - onwards and upwards

I watched a bit of the London Marathon yesterday - how those people do I I don't know. I struggle to run for 40 mins and they're going for hour after hour. I know there is a boost from the crowd but they can't give you more puff or less pain. Could I ever do such a thing? I honestly don't think so cos I don't have the motivation.
So what I'm saying 'I could do it, I just don't want to.' Anyone believe that?
Thought not

Seaside - yay!

A weekend in wonderful Whitstable: great friends, great weather - and great runs. Yes, runs - 2 of them... Don't often to consecutive days (ever???) but I was out there on Saturday and then, blow me down, Sunday as well...

Sat
4.34 miles/ 10:06 mins per mile

Sun
2.76 miles/10:30 per mile

so - spectacularly slow but it is so good to run along the shore - lots of groynes to leap over (...) and shingle beach to slow me down hence the slow time...but the air and the scenery is enough to keep me going quite happily...

a run on the downs

It was OK. It made sense to drive up to the downs as it's far nicer than running from home. And I am very down these days. I know running's supposed to give you a lift and I guess it does. I'm still on the 16:8 (not exactly losing a shedload of fat but there you go) so I was running on an empty stomach. It was tough to begin with but it got a little easier later on.
44m 53s
4.47 miles
10m 02 per mile.
I am a jogger not a runner. Being a jogger is a fine and noble pursuit. It's good for me and keeps my mind off the current shitty nature of my life as I see it. I have no right to call my life in any way shitty compared with 99.9% of the world - but I am down.
Me
Work
Home
When will the good things happen?

Better

This morning was so different.

For a start I have been back on the 16:8 intermittent fasting regime (not eating between 8pm and midday) so I was running on an empty stomach - but it felt fine. Surprisingly.

Where the pains were:
1. knackered toe joint after about 30 mins
2. left hip at the side
3. general hips on both sides - possibly due to the crappy running action caused by running lop-sided on my knackered toe.

But - it was a run which made me feel better for having been on it. So that's good, right?

Running for mental health

There is a lot of evidence to support that running is good for your mental health - reducing stress hormones, improving appetite and sleep, having a goal even if it's just to get out of the house and run for 30 mins.
I do harbour a few mental health issues - general depression, anxiety, the usual modern afflictions - and I never regret going for a run even if it's a huge effort to get out there.
Perhaps it's time to make a greater commitment to just getting out there
I may even take the radical step of running in my walking shoes (the clumpy merell things). I have run in them before - in France on a holiday - and it was ok. With the mid-foot strike there is less need for the heel cushioning and there is plenty of support around the mid-foot. It's a plan in case I decide to go away in May and only want to take the one pair of shoes. It's going to add a level of suspense to today's run...


later
I got ready to go and convinced myself it was a good idea. And I truly believed that it would do me good and was happy at the thought.
I drove up to the downs and the heavens opened. I was tooled up with the app and headphones and ready to go. But I gave in. Decided that a hot bath would do me more good. I started driving back home - but then the rain stopped so I forced myself to get over myself and run.
I set off and felt like shit. I was heavy and slow and desperately unhappy. I walked a bit of the way.
In total I dragged myself for 1.6 miles and came home.
Now I feel terrible, a failure. I spent the rest of the day eating and making myself sick. Hate that it's come to this.
I know that on a better day I would tell the story differently - that despite the rain I went for a run which is an achievement
But today I feel wuite down.

it's been a while...

I think there has been a couple of runs recently - but using the tiny ipod means I don't have the stats. Although that doesn't mean the runs don't count.
Does it?
Accurate stats never used to matter, in my days of training for the 1/2 marathon. Then it was a bit of cotton wound round the course on a scale map..

That was 10 years ago.
10 YEARS
ffs what's happened to all that time?

I know I'm much slower (and fatter and older) but it was mst definitely a jog this morning. I did go around the downs for the first time in a year or so (cos I can now drive after 12 months of purdah waiting to see if I have another seizure and am banned for another 12 months - but it's fine and I'm back on the road. Yay!)

4.28 miles
10m 26s a mile.
Really slow.

On my leisurely way round the downs I was overtaken by a young perfect person and I began to berate myself for being the way I am - slow, overweight, red in the face, ungainly - I could go on. But then I got a grip - ff sake, I thought, I am in my 50s and still running - I might not be fast or particularly fit - but I compare well with most women my age and running is part of how I define myself. The ladies at my partner's running club aren't particularly fast either - they do it for all their own reasons but mostly cos they enjoy it. And there are times when I am loving the feeling - there is strength in my legs, the sun is out, people are waving (well one chap did) and I realise how blessed I am to be where I am, capable of running - I am one of the luckiest people on the planet.
Even if I do feel that sometimes I have the weight of the world on my shoulders...

To the stars, Gaia, whoever - thank you (and I accept the responsibility to care for myself)

not exactly impressive but...

... it was a run in anyone's book. I tried putting it off as long as possible but the damn thing wouldn't go away.
So I went. It was very warm today which was odd.
But it's done and it's earned me an afternoon on the sofa admittedly doing 1/2 worky things but that's ok. And there are baked potatoes baking for later and all is good with the world.
Apart from the headache, the aching muscles, the blistery little toe and so on.
No, it's all good.
Mostly good.

Unusual

Running in the evening. Unusual. Out of character.

Still, a run's a run. And this one was fine. Far better than I'd feared. I am quite pooped now but I'd spend all afternoon watching a film, feeding tiny bits of wood into the fire. It was a full time job as the wood was all too long and needed feeding in bit by bit and they were spitty so there was a constant need to be on spark watch. And there was the issue of burning through this wood at such a pace that we kept on having to get more. It's a grubby business.

But I did go for a run.

:-)

Happy New Year

Hmm. I did run on New Year's Day which is a thing. It was OK. I guess I am running out of excuses not to run. Although one of my colleagues said 'running's bad for you - knees' yesterday and he's a bit right. But then doing no exercise is far, far worse for your joints. And I do gym and cycle and yoga from time to time so I'm not going to use him as an excuse.

I'm not going to set targets or anything this year (have I ever?) just go out there as and when and enjoy it as far as that can happen. If I sign up for a 10K or half marathon then so be it.
But I doubt that I will...

Winter is coming...

it's so cold.
Wait, it's quite warm today.
no - cold again
mild...

Sorry old joke

It was ok. I mean I was expecting the 3-week gap to have had some very bad effects - but the truth is it was fine for the first 85% or so - then I felt tired and my mind began wandering off into fantasies of sofa, water, shower...

But - it's done.

My left ankle is a bit hurty  - I slipped over on wet leaves earlier in the week (wrenched shoulder, grazed knee, hurt pride) and I must have twisted my ankle a bit. Still, I managed to run the best part of 5 miles on the thing so I guess there's not too much wrong with it. Also I did the yin yoga thing last night - that surely has to help. Possibly need to do it twice a week rather than twice a month...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sDPQyWZJi0

It's tough and I don't do the end bits cos I am weak. But I think it must be beneficial.

frankly shabby

I know I keep missing out on my updates but seeing as it's only me who ever reads the things it seems daft to fret...

hello - anyone out there?

there is a mighty echo in cyberspace...

this morning it was perishing - but that's ok tbh. I did a usual route - the reverse one - and it was ok. i was flagging by the end but other than that it was ok.
no stats - using the old ipod nano these days.
note to self - must put some more recent music on the playlist - and less muse.

so - as all is well, there is nothing to stop me running twice a week and possibly even upping the distance - perhaps a 5-miler is possible...

A nice Sunday morning run. Would be nice.

OK I've had about 3 weeks off - terrible chesty cold excuse.
There was another run before then, just being lax with the recording tbh

but today's was another new approach - ditching the iphone/mapmyrun combo and just using my old ipod mini thing - listening to music, not being at all concerned about the nice lady telling me how slowly I'm runing.

So I have no idea how far I went other than it was the same route as usual (I think I am beyond cracking the 5-mile mark...)  and it was no doubt slow. But I ran out of puff, my arthritic toe was aching and my left side hips/thigh were hurting (probably due to the flipping arthritic toe)

But it was ok. I don't want to join the club and turn into a running bore - they're lovely people but omg they go on...

Will I continue? I want to - it's  good, flexible exercise and it makes me feel good. But the toe is an increasingly big issue. It's aching and it's affecting how I run - twisting possibly, lop-sided at least.
Perhaps a sports massage to ease the left side a bit - I  have no idea. 

Don't ever get old.
Don't ever get arthritis.

Gardening + running = knackered legs

I do like gardening - although not while the place is still a building site - with no change in sight tbh.
It was the autumn clear-out yesterday - lots of lavender to cut down, weeds to pull, perennials to tidy, that sort of thing. Lots of ground-level working, lots of working those leg and back muscles.
So when I got up this morning I was stiff and achy. But like a true hero I went for a run anyway...
(too dramatic??)

4.36 miles
9m 51 per mile

So nothing particularly good other than the amazing achievement of getting out there for a run. The weather was gorgeous which helps and I was quite early (got back about 9am) and it was all OK.
Really, it was ok. Nothing hugely painful and I didn't feel like giving up.
So, proof if proof were needed that I don't have to run every day - once a fortnight is more than often enough.
no... wait...

Dispiriting if you let it

Well, I was pleased I went for a run yesterday - the usual route - but run in reverse - usual time, if a couple of seconds a mile faster whoopie doo.

that's it really. It was the day of the Bristol half marathon and so I had to bite my tongue when the runners around me were banging on about PBs and how they beat a rival by a single second. And so on.
I have to just suck it up and pretend I don't want someone to appreciate that my going for a run takes just as much effort as anyone else.

baby steps

Baby steps might be all I'm good for, frankly. But it's not the end of the world

I spent last weekend with a large group of people from a running club. It was like being with the Moonies: everyone was telling me how marvellous the club - and running - is, that no one gets left behind (well, that's encouraging - I mean patronising) and how when they started they got out of breath and they didn't like it and now they've pretty much all run marathons.
I was being indoctrinated.
On the other hand - they were all of an age as me, and some were of a build too (the more dedicated marathon runners where wiry) so there is no reason why I couldn't join them and add some sociability to my runs.
But that would also mean that I would be expected to talk while running - and that would make me a walker...

but hey ho

I did an evening run this week and it was ok. Actually nothing like as bad as I was expecting - it's often like that, the expectation being far worse than the reality.
My left hip was aching and my right foot was a bit iffy to begin with - and towards the end my toes were banging into the ends of my shoes which is unpleasant as my squished little toe is quite painful when it rubs. (There is a lovely corn thing there now)
at least my right big toe nail is hanging on in there for now - it's getting very black and a bit dead-looking at the bottom. Unpleasant.

4.34 miles
9m 41/mile

Not the worst ever.

somehow it's getting tougher...

I'm not pushing myself any harder - and yet...
Perhaps it's like watching the minute hand going round the clockface of your life - you don't really notice you're ageing, but all the evidence is there if you look closely enough

top metaphor

4.43 miles
9min 42 per mile

But i spent the rest of yesterday feeling knackered and i fell asleep watching Orange is the new Black at 8 o clock. and then again at 20 past 8 for an hour...
I have many more episodes to watch and I'm running out of time to watch them all...

meh

Can't even remember running  - I think it was Saturday cos it was going to be a pigging hot day and I thought it would be best to get it out of the way before gardening all afternoon
And I was v slow.

Usual route - 4.4 miles
10min 01 per mile
So slower than normal

Odd run...

So why didn't I run last weekend? Was away on Friday night, bit meh on Sunday... Wish I had a better excuse...

Anyway - didn't want to run today either but because I put my kit out last night I was kind of whittling away at my excuses not to.

So I did.

And the 1st bit was really very fast - and I have no idea why or how...

4.5 miles
9min 25 a mile (so quite fast for me...)
but then the 1st mile was 8 mins 15 per mile... I wonder if there has been a glitch cos I have never knowingly run so fast. Well, relatively fast. For my age. etc.

but - run: done.

Despite almost overwhelming odds...

...I ran this morning.
It's a Monday - I know, get me.
Well, I was simply too busy - the get-out in Sunday was a particular case in point. And on Saturday I had to wait in for a delivery

And then, on Sunday during the get-out, my big toe, right foot (yes, that big toe) was crushed under a seating rostrum. I thought at the time it was a bit hurty, but there was no blood. Not on the outside anyway - but my toenail is now quite black. Oh joy. And it hurts. But only when walking - running seems to be OK. What is it with running/walking?
Oh well.
I went v slow just in case (who am I kidding: I went v slow cos I am v slow...)

4.36 miles; 9m 55s per mile

And my toe:

ouch, right?
Crikey - I do not have photogenic feet do I...

Once a week is not enough...

...but will I ever be motivated enough to run in the evening which is when I would have the time? Perhaps I could revert to my 1/2-marathon training routine and run at 6am... it's not impossible, but do I have the motivation? Ageing is so uncool...

4.93 mile
9m 45s per mile

So nothing spectacular - but I have to accept I'm not going to get much better without a huge change in motivation - plus it's still almost 5 miles and even if I'm going at jogging pace, it's good exercise, more than a lot of people my age do - plus I like to think of myself as a runner...

So all in all, I will keep it up - possibly treat myself to some new running kit. (Cos that will make all the difference when I'm red-faced and panting like a steam train.)

Blasted Blisters

5.26 miles
9m 31s

My mapmyrun has me down as walking. I am one hell of a fast walker...

I ran from the downs this morning which is why it's longer and possibly faster as it is less hilly from the start.
It was OK to begin with - then the tiredness kicked in and then the blisters. Damn them. I had vaseline on my toes which should have avoided it but perhaps the slipping around it causes makes it worse. I just don't know...

The bits that ache are the tops of my thighs, the outer sides. It's where I get pains sometimes. But it's not a big deal is it? I can run through it - and again this morning I did feel a little bit stronger... It doesn't last long this feeling and I pay for it later when I slump a bit and start looking like a fat old trout pretending to be a runner...

But I'm 50 now and am still running despite everything. I guess that's a good thing.

cycle run

Something I haven't done in a long while - cycling up to the downs for a run. It was quite nice apart from the hill climb - but I guess that's the bit which does the most good.

4.4 miles
9m 51s per mile

Certainly no sprint but there is a long uphill section which my flab and I found quite challenging.

I may well be fooling myself, but there was a part of me which felt stronger than normal during this run. It might all be in my mind (and the stats would bear that out) but if it's making me feel better then why don't I do it far more often?

post-work run

Do not like the post-work run.

It felt like the toughest thing I have ever done and yet it was the same as most of the other runs. Why does it feel so much harder? I mean, on top of the usual challenges of being 10lbs overweight and generally unfit? With an arthritic toe - did I mention that?

4.36 miles
9m 50s per mile
not the worst ever in terms of stats, but omg it hurt. I didn't stop though... Well done me.

Long time coming

OH well - it's 2 weeks since I last ran. The grizzly scab on the knee has pretty much gone leaving a lovely scar. So I had no excuse to stop at home.

And the thing is - if I want to even get a little bit better I have to run 2 or 3 times a week. Not once or twice a month. I would like to finish a run without panting for breath and wondering if the pain in my left hip is anything more than age-related. Or arthritis-related...

I haven't even got an appointment yet to talk to someone about the options for my toe joint - so I reckon in the meantime I will continue as well I can.

Anyway -the actual numbers are...

drum roll...

4.38 miles at 9m 41s a mile.

Sadly that is pretty good for me...

Fell Over

Tripped over a kerb. Blood, gore, knee fell off...

OK it's probably a bit over dramatic, but I tripped over a kerb and went flying and I now have a large dressing on my hurty knee and feel very sorry for myself.

 It wasn't a great run - even apart from the terribly injury. I wanted to get up to 5 miles and didn't. I was also very tired for no reason. I guess you can't progress every single time you hit the pavement.

Shouldn't have called it 'hit the pavement' - too soon.



Stats: 4.35 miles, 10min 3s per long, tedious mile

3 runs

16 May - Whitstable - 50m19s  5.1 miles 9min 47/mile
17 May - whitstable - 49m 24s  5.2 miles 9m 32/mile
23 May - bristol - 1h 2m 16s - 6.4 miles - 9m 47/mile

Those are the longest runs I have done for years. I am knackered.
The Whitstable ones were the best - either way along the seafront, the smell of the sea, the fresh air, the flat routes, the new sights and sounds - just inspiring - which is why I went both days, why I went a long way on Sunday cos I saw a nature reserve I hadn't seen before and had to have a look.
Today's run was long cos I was dropped off at the downs and I did a circuit before heading home. It was far rather than I thought and it was incredibly hard work. I'm glad I did it but I'm not sure if I will repeat it in any hurry. But then how else do you get better?
The one caveat to all this running is my feet - the arthritic toe joint makes the surrounding toes ache a lot and there was a twinge from the place on my left foot where I had that stress fracture before.
Perhaps I need to restrict how much I do and not push it too much...

dull stats...

..but frankly a ray of hope as well...

That run felt like I was progressing a little. Thing is, it wiped me out for the rest of the day which I spent on the sofa falling asleep very 1/2 hour or so.

Might have been something else causing that. I had a splitting headache as well.

hey ho, and all that...

3.77 miles
9m 35s per mile

so all in all not too bad...

thoughtful...

3.77 miles (usual route)
9m 40s per mile

Slowly getting better. Faster, anyway
And 2 runs in 2 days - get me. As I was running round I was actually thinking that I could do it twice a week - 3, even.
But if I do go ahead with this joint replacement, I won't be able to run for weeks. So perhaps subconsciously I'm getting ahead in fitness so it's not quite so disheartening when I come to rehabilitation.
Or something.
Anyway - it's gratifying to read the stats that say I'm getting fitter. Unfortunately I'm not losing weight - still over 9st - but I guess being fit and strong is far more important than being skinny.

tech fail (again)

Definitely operator error this morning...

I was in 2 minds about running. I have a yin yoga video which I have done once and have promised to keep doing it.  Obviously I haven't.  But that was an option which would have got me out of running. Then I thought to myself that running isn't a punishment - it's a privilege and a joy.

So I went for a run. And I felt better than I have for a long time. I am sure I was running faster and sure enough, the 2nd time the mapmyrun lady popped into my headphones, I was running under 9'30" a mile which is about as good as it gets for me.

So I get home all glowing and pleased with myself - AND FORGET TO STOP THE WORKOUT APP.

Apparently I was doing 12 minute-plus miles by the time I stopped the thing.

Oh well. It was good while it lasted...

Bionic

I've had a stiff right big toe joint for a while now, and occasionally it's been quite painful, but it's never let me down in terms of running. In fact, walking hurts far more than running.

I went to the GP for something else a while ago and mentioned my poor toe. I couldn't bend it upwards from the ground. He sent me for an x-ray. 

A mere 5 weeks later (the practice did chase the hospital for a report time and time again) I got a phonecall from a random GP at the practice who blithely told me that my joint has such bad osteoarthritis that I need a joint replacement. 

I was quite shocked. I had been goolging and had convinced myself that what I needed was a cheilectomy where they just scrape off the extra bone that's been growing on top the joint, a couple of weeks off work and gently back into the running.

But no. It's far more involved than that. And I was left with too little information. Normally I would defend the NHS to the hilt, but this time, not so much. I want to talk to someone who does these operations who can tell me exactly what's going to happen, long term outcomes, recovery, alternatives - will I be able to run again in the future?

I know that doing nothing will mean that it will get worse and also that my recovery will take longer as I will be so old... 

So I guess I will go for it - but not until I get to talk to someone.

I got the message from the GP that they don't refer people for consultations any more, you just go there for the operation and that's all you get. It's been suggested that the consultation part of the process has gone in order to keep the whole procedure (from referral to operation) under 18 weeks. Well, frankly, it doesn't matter if it takes more than 18 weeks so why not just take this off the grid so to speak.

Anyway - that's what's happening. exciting in a way to think that possibly later this year I will have a fully-functioning toe once more. 

In the meantime I will continue to limp around town, but run like the wind on Saturdays... kind of.

adequate

3.78 miles
9m 49s per mile

not sure why pace is important enough to record.

I am too overweight to really enjoy running. Carrying that extra flab just makes it tough and miserable. And wobbly. If I lost 10lbs then I would fly like the wind. A light breeze at any rate...

Hey ho - I am grateful that I am able to run, do yoga, cycle and walk even if driving is out of my reach for now...

going backwards

Not literally.
I ran this morning and felt good, stronger, like the 'training' is paying off, like I was beginning to benefit from 3 weeks of no wine. But no - it's not to be I fear.

3.78 miles
9m 51 per mile

It's a little disappointing in truth
I guess this is where my natural gumption and determination will kick in and keep me running over the Summer. Sadly my ng and d don't exist and I will give up if things don't improve.
Well, possibly.
Thing is, I still really value running as a keep fit thing, as a way to see the sea shore - just as a way to explore a place. And it feels good to be able to think I can run for 5k or so which is more than a lot of people my age. Although I hate that qualifier.

Heavy going

I ran yesterday - and I felt like I was dying. I guess it's cos I am very unfit (and getting unfitter???) It's very frustrating - it would help enormously if I could feel that I was getting better - even improving slowly would be better than this.
Oh well. I only have myself to blame - months of drinking too much, dealing with hangovers by consuming excess carbs, and generally ignoring the fact that being old means having to cut way back on calories just to stay the same weight.
Sometimes I wonder how hard this is going to get...

Stats:
3.68 miles
36m 57s
10m 02s per mile

AT LEAST I WENT FOR A FLIPPING RUN...

Bank holiday run in the rain

3.77 miles
9m 52s per mile
Nothing particularly exciting...

But it was done - and getting to Happy Lane put a smile on my face :)

Brighton no.2

Gorgeous morning, long flat run - couldn't be better.
Apart from it was too sunny (not really, no such thing), and I am too fat to make the most of the route.

3.7 miles
9m 27s per mile

Not as far as the other day but I had lots to drink last night which kind of makes things even more challenging than hauling extra weight...

TBH it was a little dull - it's kind of offputting when you turn around, retrace your steps and you can see the end of the run a long way off.
It's not the end of the world and it's far preferable to running in the hills and traffic of Bristol...

Brighton Run

It's one thing I really love - running next to the sea. Brighton seafront is quite big, meaty - not like Whitstable which is soft and twee.
But, nevertheless it was a longish run by the sea!!
Happy runner
Unhappy runner's feet (they're a bit tired and achy tbh especially since I made them walk all round the laines afterwards...)

4.50miles
44m10s
9min 48 a mile

So it's the longest and fastest one I've done for a while. Mainly cos it's quite flat. Also time of day (0830) and I'd had a little bit of breakfast before hand.
So all in all it was good.
I am paying for it now of course - hurty feet, blistery little toe, etc.

foolish

I found a new cut-through called Happy Lane the other day and it pleases me!

The run was OK - it felt better than last time which is good.

3.83 miles
37m41s
9m49s per mile

I am actually a little bit pleased with that. It's far off how well I used to run, but I have changed my philosophy to 'progress not perfection'. That runner from the isn't me anymore, she's gone. I am who I am now, with my collection of physical and mental challenges to overcome.

I am still a fatty though.

a weighty problem

3.09 miles in 30.36mins
9mins 54 secs per mile

Bloody hell it was hard work. I always find running at the end of the day (well, 5pm...) much harder than first thing in the morning. But really???

I think my greatest challenge with this (apart from the fear of more stress fractures, and bone spurs/arthritis making my right big toe rigid and excruciatingly painful) is that I am carrying about a stone in extra weight. No kidding. I'm not enormously overweight, but the fact is I have gained a stone over the past couple of years (perhaps a bit longer). While I know at my great advanced age of 50 I can expect to be gaining a few lbs here and there, I have been dealing with my stress, depression and so on by eating and drinking far too much. And now I'm paying the price.

'So, lose the weight' I hear from the web.
Of course I know I have to lose weight. It's tough. I have dieted before and never kept the weight off - never, if I'm honest, even reached a target weight. I have low-carbed, meal-replaced, and driven myself to anorexic levels of calorie counting (actually I did achieve a target weight of 100lbs doing that but I know now I nearly slipped into anorexia proper)
I still have issues around food - for me it's about comfort - feeling hungry makes me very nervous, as if I don't believe I'll be able to cope with the slings and arrows that everyday life throws at you. Any emotional feeling makes me want to eat and drink to excess - either good or bad feelings, doesn't matter.
I have delved into 'the Beck Diet Solution' and it is genius - it deals with 'dieting' rather than promoting a perfect diet.
I will attempt to go for the 5:2 intermittent fasting option again - previously I have lost about a lb a week but have given up due to emotional complications...

I know if I want to feel like myself again (not the 'old' me - that person is gone, I want to feel like I am the best person I can be - for myself) I need to shed some lbs even if it's just to get back into the clothes languishing in my wardrobe because they're fat too tight.
Sounds easy.
Will  running play a large part? Part of regaining my self-esteem is that I will be 'a runner' of sorts. Probably not the of the 1/2 marathon stripe, but of the '5-mile of a weekend and a shorter run in the week sort' My motivation for running is because it makes me feel better, feel positive, not because it might help me lose weight.
Running while you're firing on all cylinders is amazing.

And next week I will be running along the seafront in Brighton - inspired by 'running like a girl' by Alexandra Heminsley

And that is the end of the longest blog post I think I've ever done

A run

It was OK
I didn't need new kit, I didn't need it to be flat or sunny or especially early or late.
I didn't go fast at all apart from down the long straight rd just before the end - sefton park rd - 1/3 mile - and I wanted to get my average pace under 10 minutes per mile. Why that mattered - well, it doesn't. But it's a nice round number to be under...

3.7 miles, 36m 48s, 9mins 57" per mile

The last 1/3 mile was a killer.

But I did it. Despite being now 'disabled' and entitled to free prescriptions.

a new world

This is a tough one to write.
I know I have a lot to be grateful for in my life - I'm not starving, I'm not scared for my life, I have a loving family.
But sometimes I wonder how evil I must have been in a previous life to deserve the challenges that sometimes come my way.
I've been through difficult living arrangements, tough employment situations, a stress fractured foot... things that test your resilience and seem insurmountable at the time - but looking back puts things into perspective and you appreciate the good things.
I was hoping that I was heading for some good times as I feel I've been dealing with a lot of crap over the past 2 or 3 years - I felt there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
Then on Thursday last week I blacked out on the way home from work and ended up in A&E being treated for epilepsy.
I'm probably going to be on drugs for the rest of my life; I can't drive for a year (A whole flaming YEAR) and it happened in the co-op: I had to get rid of the coat I was wearing in case anyone recognises me in it.
I feel humiliated, embarrassed, my muscles ache where they went into spasm, I have bruises on my arms where the needles went in. I just don't want this to be my life from now on.

I know it's no big deal in the scheme of things but it's something I now have to deal with and already the driving ban is hitting home. I already felt as useless as a peri-menopausal woman can be - and this just is the icing on the shitty cake.

But. I know it's important that I keep myself fit and healthy to give me any chance of getting the better of this and making sure I can drive again. So I have to run - Nell McAndrew seems to think it's a good idea and she looks great:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2974716/How-woman-learn-love-running-yes-TV-presenter-Nell-McAndrew-s-new-book-tells-started.html

So I am feeling very sorry for myself but I know other people have far worse things wrong with them - things that could actually kill them so I should shut up.
It just seems totally over the top to ban me from driving for having 2 seizures in 2 years. I am still a better driver than some of the numbskulls trying to negotiate their way around Henleaze...
The drugs I'm on have a terrible possible side effect which could be lethal - it's a skin lesion thing which sounds a lot worse than the fits imho.

So I am in a slump now. Is it wrong to enjoy the attention of the ambulance people - they were so kind and made me feel safe. Everyone at A&E was very nice. But I'm kind of on my own now I get that - I just have to suck it up and make sure I don't make things worse for myself.

Hey ho.

Slow.

3.71 miles
37m 18s
10m 4s per mil
Slower then ever before - also I am heavier than I have ever been in my life.
Issues: right big toe - I have done a fair bit of walking over the last 2 days and so my toe joint is very stiff - happily (weirdly) running doesn't seem to affect it quite so much. The knock-on effect though is that my right foot feels stiff and odd I guess through compensating for my dodgy toe joint.
Left hip - bit of a squeal but nothing too drastic.
Breath - very little on the hills
Stomach - I feel nauseous, like I have just eaten a huge meal. I have eaten today but not for a while - and last time I ran on empty I still had that feeling. I guess it's cos my newly extended stomach requires more oxygen to sustain it and so it makes me feel sick. Not pleasant and I should look on it as inspiration to lose weight.
Why else would I run other than to lose weight? Well, to get fit of course and to put off being old and unfit. Although I am pretty much there. I would like to be fitter and slimmer than average. That's all.

The jogging life for me

Well, there is really no excuse not to get out there and run,. It does me more good than harm (I have to believe that...) and even though my back is not 100% it doesn't stop me running. Well, jogging. A fast saunter, really...
37m 46s
3.8miles
10min 3s per mile
It's better than nothing.
In reality, I am getting on which means that recovery always takes longer. Also I am putting on weight and it's getting harder to shift. And my cretinous, arthritic big toe means that there is extra train being put on various other joints.
What 'getting on' doesn't mean is that I have to give up.
So really, until I cannot put one foot in front of the other I should keep on running, and if anything up the mileage and even consider doing the Bristol 10k at the end of May - it's something realistic to aim for isn't it.

Happy New Year

Well, it's been a tough start to the year - I have had the worst cold I have EVER had in my life. It ended up with a chest infection which obviously stopped me running for a long time - but also I was coughing so hard I have done something fairly major to my lower back. It's always been a bit weak but I have never been so incapacitated by pain. Made me very unhappy. And very, very unfit.
But yesterday I decided it was better enough to have a run with the option of cutting it short.

The stats speak for themselves - never have I been so slow (or so wobbly...)

28m 28s
2.8 miles
10min 7s pe rmile

The long road to running begins again...

No big deal...

 Just went for another run last Friday - no mapmyrun app to garner stats, just me and a useless ipod to listen to the radio (it nearly deafened me as the signal came and went...) and I ran the usual route up past the prison, past the moggery, looping back along coldharbour rd, glos rd and the sefton park straight...

No big deal then. Felt very ordinary, no pain, no drama...

SO THERE'S NO REASON WHY I CAN'T DO IT 3 TIMES A WEEK AND GET FITTER IS THERE

I have been for a run

Of course I have been far, far too busy to actually get off my bum and go for a run - so very, very busy...

This is a lie

Today was the first time I've been running since the last post. Not very impressive is it.
Except in the preceding weeks I have turned 50 and yet I still went for a run.

3.72 miles
36m 20s
9m 45s a mile
not the worst ever - but every time I go for a run it's a run.

Another Tech Fail

OK get these stats:
4.88 miles
37.19 mins
7min 39secs permile

I am an elite athlete...

In truth I don't think the the gps thingy had quite homed in on my position and so it possibly gave me a very flattering reading at first - in fact the first mile and a bit was run in a pace of a shade over 3 mins a mile... Still, it was quite amusing. Not very amusing, but a little

It was tiring, it was OK - my left hip hurt which I think is due to lack of mobility - I really must do those stretches I was given some years back - I'm sure they will work...

In all it was a good idea to go for a run - I do feel better - if knackered - for doing it.

5" run

Honestly - 5 seconds. If I'm listening to redux I have to make sure it doesn't disappear when I leave wifi so I start and pause the mapmyrun thing, get the sounds going and then I start mapmyrun.
I didn't start it. I was getting concerned when I didn't get an update 1/2 way through.
Hey ho.
It was the same route as last time at I guess about the same pace.  So I'll assume it was all that.

Concerned about my stomach - it felt like it was full of lead. I know I had a bit of a hangover this morning - but it was about 4pm when I ran so that should have gone. I guess it's just that I am very unfit.
And my left hip started aching - too tight I guess - I need to stretch.

Bad times

4.02 miles
40.43"
10min 7secs a mile
I ran round the downs and it was stupidly hard work. I did the 5:2 diet for the first time this week so I guess there was an issue with energy but it's ridiculous. I am so unfit it's embarrassing. Is it an age thing? I stand no chance if it's to do with age. So should I continue? I want to feel OK about doing a 5-mile run, that's all. I guess if I'm ever to run 5 miles in under 45 mins I'm going to have to work really hard, and I don't know it I've got in me to go down that line.
I did enjoy running round the downs though - far nicer than round the streets. It was the 1/2 marathon today and I kind of know there is no chance I will ever do one of those again. Not that I'm that bothered tbh.

Sometimes I impress myself

3.56 miles
9mins 48 pace

Sloooow but at least I went back out there for the first time in a million years and did a run. It was hard work. I am very unfit for running. I know that means I have to run more and get fitter, simple. I may even treat myself to some new running kit. Oooo, yes!


SHOCK UPDATE
About 30 mins after I finished running, it's started raining. I am blessed.

I am a jogger, not a runner

Not that the whole jog/run thing is important but this morning I tipped into the 10+ mins per mile category. I brought it back, but for a while I was down there with the joggers...

stats:
3.13 miles in 30m 45s which is 9m49s a mile. It's also 323 calories which just about cancels out the huge hunk of cheese I had after breakfast.

It's no way to carry on is it

almost not worth the effort...

On 28th July I ran 2.8 miles in 27min25 - 9min 40 per mile

It's really not very impressive is it? At least I went for a run. Which I haven't done for 11 days now.

Not very impressive

baby steps

Slow baby steps at that...
3.52 miles at 9min 40 a mile
I was trying to make myself feel better by believing  the 1st half was mostly uphill but frankly I think even 9mins 30 is a way off for me as yet - too fat, to unfit. Something to work on I guess - although it makes the likelihood of the 5in45 challenge a little unrealistic. That would mean a 9-minute mile (5 of them in fact) which is a tough ask. I know it's nothing to most other people but I have to accept my limits and run because I enjoy it and because it keeps me fit - and you can do it any time and it's a good way of seeing new places. Many reasons to run. Really very few reasons not to - hurty feet/knees/hips - blisters, fractures that sort of thing. I have accepted I'm better running in the supportive shoes not my beloved merrell minimals. Perhaps when I'm much lighter and stronger and fitter I will return. I feel like my ideal shoes would be some with support on the front of my foot rather than the heel as that's where the rolling and weakness comes in... That and some which aren't 1/2 a size too small... And wear socks.
Rambling now
Which is a fair description of my running style. :)

2 runs

1.41 miles @ 9min 58 and 2.6 miles at 9min 30

Really quite happy with those runs... The second one I think I could have gone further but I didn't want to push it
I'm quite surprised I'm still doing 9mins 30 pace as I feel slow (I know it IS slow, I'm not deluding myself) but I hope I can keep up this improvement. Must run more than once a week I guess.

Injury news - nothing to do with running but I've pulled a muscle in my hip - I think it's the abductor - it hurts when I turn corners or go upstairs anyway. It's stopping me walking and cycling today but I guess it'll be ok in a day or so. It just hurts and I am fed up with being in pain from injuries...

Not there yet...

I'm not exactly throwing myself into the return to running am I? I still have an idea that some sparkly new clothing might make all the difference, but I am fooling myself
I have a bad back which doesn't help - but all such things are connected...
I hurt my foot cos I was running a bit twisted which meant I cycled more than walked to work which exacerbated the (possible) cause of the bad back which is that my saddle was too high so that when I was going uphill, at the bottom of the pedal my lower back was twisting slightly to get the power on...
So, if the saddle height is the cause of all this, it would explain the stress fracture, the hurty foot and the bad back.
If this is the case, then everything is solved. If only everything in life was that simple...

I'm back!

Well, kind of... If you can call 0.94 miles 'a run' then, yes, I'm back...
:-)

5 minutes

I ran for 5 minutes on the treadmill this morning. It felt good. My foot still has a small lump which I think could turn against me again so I'm not going to push this recovery. I reckon if I do 5 minutes on the treadmill every time I go to the gym, then this will strengthen my foot and all that goes with it and I will be back before long
The long road to running starts here.
Again.

fingers crossed...

My foot's stopped hurting today. I just noticed this morning that I hadn't winced
:-D

Limp

Well, I'm still not back running, but I think it'll be soon...
I am getting very bored of being in pain with every step. Sometimes it hurts when I take the weight off it (barefoot, especially) and sometimes it just kicks in during a step. It's better in birkenstocks.
Thing is, to avoid the pain of walking I have to use my hurty big toe more.
I feel life is not being fair at the moment.
Oh I know there are far worse things that could happen, but when I try and do everything right and I still end up injured I feel unhappy.

enough is enough

It's now 18 days since it started hurting and it's still hurting. Oh, to be honest, on some days the pain is a different sort, in a different place, but it's still a pain...
The physio got my foot back on straight so I can now put it flat down on the ground. But  I think that might have increased the irritation on the nerve or something. And now there are shooting pains going into my ankle.
I've booked into the doctors this afternoon so perhaps they might be able to shed some light on it. Perhaps they will tell me to get the weight off it for a few days - that'll be interesting. Anti-inflammatories, that sort of thing.
Hey ho. I think I'm fairly confident it's not a stress fracture.
And that's the good news...

16 days later...

...and the pain is still there
I'm going to see the physio in an hour or so, but that's not going to cure it. Hopefully it'll straighten me out enough to stop it happening again and I can resume running with confidence...
In the meantime it's bloody painful. I keep thinking it's worn off then I walk funny on it and it's off again. I would be very happy for it not to hurt at all for a while...

emotional level: glum

Good news, bad news

Good news -  I ran more than 5 miles this morning...
5.18 miles at 9m35s a mile. Happy with those numbers

Bad news - I have hurt my foot. I feel it might be serious in the sense that it could stop me running in the future. I have hallux rigidus in my right big toe joint. It's painful - very painful - at times but until now it hasn't affected my running.
I think there is a combination of factors here - one is the big toe joint not working well. This forces me to run a little on the side of my right foot which obviously puts a strain on other bones and joints. Not good. Also my shoes are a bit rubbish - they have lost their grip (I can believe it's the way I'm running which makes my feet slip on the road...) also I have quite sweaty feet these days and with no socks on my feet are sliding around a bit. I guess when I feel brave enough to run again I'll try socks and see if that solves the problem (s)

I feel very unhappy about this. If it is enough to stop me running I will feel crap. I live with runners and they are gleeful about running further, faster, more heroically and I feel really pissed off with them. I am never going to be in their league obviously but if I can't even keep going for myself then it's going to take a lot of adjustment on my part.
I am angry.

A first

This morning I broke all expectations and went to the gym - then went for a run.
It makes perfect sense of course - while I'm off work for a while, I need to keep up with the fitness - and actually spend more time on getting fitter. So I cycles up to the top of blackboy hill and my lovely gym, then ran round the downs and cycled home. And it wasn't as awful as I thought it might have been...  It was hard work and I had to walk up the cross-country section, but apart from that - this is how it panned out:

4.63 miles in 44m29s
which is a less than impressive 9min 35secs a mile.

Good enough for an overweight middle-aged trout?