Uphill struggle

Quite literally: I was struggling on the hills this morning. I'm blaming it on having 2 halves of 'Double Standard' last night at The Urban. (That means something to me, I'm not going to explain it) It was my birthday so we went out for a fish pie (I know how to celebrate) and the beer came with it. And I didn't even have fish pie (always rebellious) - I had moules frites and smoked mackerel pate which had added horseradish - something I will add to my own in future.

So, that's a lot of nothing before I start on about this morning's run.

It felt very tough: I know I am carrying a lot of extra weight which doesn't help - in fact, it's the single thing which makes running such a challenge. But now I have got my birthday out the way I am going to turn things around health-wise. I know I keep saying it - but until it becomes ingrained into my every waking thought and I believe, not only that I can do it, but that the pain will be worth it - I am setting out to fail
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels: it's a dangerous concent for anyone who might have an eating disorder - but it is the truth as far as motivation for weight-loss is concerned.

4.7 miles
10m 16s pace

Back on track. Kind of.

A not-too-bad run this morning. It was OK. What can I say?

It was very cold and my left index finger was white with shock for a couple of miles but it warmed up.

I started listening to a podcast but gave up – it wasn’t funny enough or clever enough so I bailed and listened to ‘Elsinor’ from BBC. It’s a prequel to Hamlet. If I’d known it was a prequel before I set off it would have made far more sense.

3.35 miles

9m 51s pace

Not very far, not very long. I think I need to up the time to about 45 mins which I understand is the optimum for aerobic fitness. Which means I have to put in more effort. Never something I want to hear… But I am turning into a fatty so perhaps it’s time to step up.

And when I got back there was a squirrel on the bird feeder - urban wildlife! I was hoping for birds... 

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why?

It was raining again this morning - not great, but it didn't rain the whole time.

I had to walk for a short while which was annoying but perhaps just got me enough energy to keep going. I missed out some of the route to get back home - but I guess it was still about 5 miles.
It just all felt a bit rubbish, frankly.

And then when I got home I weighed myself for the first time in a while and I found out I've put ON weight. This is despite the new regime of 3 runs a week, 3 gyms a week, cycling to work every day and yoga on mondays. I know I haven't cut back on calories but if 'they' are to be believed then upping your exercise is enough to make you lose weight. What's going wrong here?

Now I feel there is no point to any of this - I might as well eat and drink what I like and give up the exercise cos it seems to make no difference. I know this isn't true but some days you just have to wonder - 'is it all worth it?'