a new world

This is a tough one to write.
I know I have a lot to be grateful for in my life - I'm not starving, I'm not scared for my life, I have a loving family.
But sometimes I wonder how evil I must have been in a previous life to deserve the challenges that sometimes come my way.
I've been through difficult living arrangements, tough employment situations, a stress fractured foot... things that test your resilience and seem insurmountable at the time - but looking back puts things into perspective and you appreciate the good things.
I was hoping that I was heading for some good times as I feel I've been dealing with a lot of crap over the past 2 or 3 years - I felt there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
Then on Thursday last week I blacked out on the way home from work and ended up in A&E being treated for epilepsy.
I'm probably going to be on drugs for the rest of my life; I can't drive for a year (A whole flaming YEAR) and it happened in the co-op: I had to get rid of the coat I was wearing in case anyone recognises me in it.
I feel humiliated, embarrassed, my muscles ache where they went into spasm, I have bruises on my arms where the needles went in. I just don't want this to be my life from now on.

I know it's no big deal in the scheme of things but it's something I now have to deal with and already the driving ban is hitting home. I already felt as useless as a peri-menopausal woman can be - and this just is the icing on the shitty cake.

But. I know it's important that I keep myself fit and healthy to give me any chance of getting the better of this and making sure I can drive again. So I have to run - Nell McAndrew seems to think it's a good idea and she looks great:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2974716/How-woman-learn-love-running-yes-TV-presenter-Nell-McAndrew-s-new-book-tells-started.html

So I am feeling very sorry for myself but I know other people have far worse things wrong with them - things that could actually kill them so I should shut up.
It just seems totally over the top to ban me from driving for having 2 seizures in 2 years. I am still a better driver than some of the numbskulls trying to negotiate their way around Henleaze...
The drugs I'm on have a terrible possible side effect which could be lethal - it's a skin lesion thing which sounds a lot worse than the fits imho.

So I am in a slump now. Is it wrong to enjoy the attention of the ambulance people - they were so kind and made me feel safe. Everyone at A&E was very nice. But I'm kind of on my own now I get that - I just have to suck it up and make sure I don't make things worse for myself.

Hey ho.