Couch to 5k: week #8 runs 22 - 23 - 24

 run 22

Well - another step up: today's run was 28 minutes. 

And it was fine. I mean, really, it was fine. I added a little extra distance to get nearer the full 5k and according to Mapmyrun it was 4.57km but I didn't start it at the right point so it was possibly shorter than that. But getting closer. Incidentally, it's telling me my average speed was 7m 1s per km which included some walking so I'm OK with that. 

So, here I am.

I think what helps is not drinking and eating far too much before going for a run. Who knew? 

Run 23

So - I did it again, as in, I forgot to start the app so I walked for 5+ mins, realised my horrible mistake and began the 5-minute warm-up walk after 5 mins or so. So I basically ran for 33 mins, adding on some extra distance. Well done me, right? 

And it was OK. I feel like I've turned a corner and got just a little bit fitter. I could be fooling myself of course but I didn't feel particularly out of breath and my hurty bits didn't hurt so much. 

Mapmyrun says 5.59 km but that included the walk at the start but I will count this as a 5k run. Yay!

For the next one - Sunday probably - I will do the mapmyrun properly and see where I get to. But, excitingly, I'm planning to do that one on the downs. I have a weird short shift on Sunday morning and can then cycle up the endless hill (so I won't include the warmup) and see how far I get. I used to love running up there. Why did I stop? One of the main reasons, even though it sounds utterly trivial, is that I have to go through a stupid procedure to get out of the house on my bike. It's a sorry tale of missing locks and walks through the house. 

But - yay - well done me. 

This is despite this list of current injuries to my poor feet:

1. the toe operation. It's healed and is doing what it was supposed to, as in eliminating the stabbing pain in the joint

2. the arthritis remaining in the joint: mostly it's fine but it causes pain elsewhere

3. I dropped scaffolding on my 2nd toe yesterday and gouged out a chunk near my nail - it's still a bit weepy. Lovely

4. new sandals - the blisters have more or less healed 

5. Barge injury - the hole in my left heel is closing but it's still painful to put weight through

Feet are so important: I don't feel I can walk with any grace or elegance at the mo. I know I will never wear heels again. Luckily I like a chunky sole...  

Fastest split was 6m 41s per km.

Run 24: Probably OK - don't remember it. But I know I felt good afterwards.

couch to 5k: week #7 runs 19 - 20 - 21

So this week we've - I've - been doing - smashing - 25-minute long runs. And they feel very long. I'm craving the midpoint bell and Laura telling me I'm doing ever so well... But the psychology of waiting for permission to stop, to slow down, whatever, is very strong. 

So - that's week 7 done.

I'm having to leave 2 lots of 2 day rests for various reasons - one being I've booked body pump next week and I think doing those classes is more beneficial than sticking to the single rest day. So, that. 

This week's middle run was along the Kennet and Avon Canal, which is utterly beautiful. We were lucky with the gorgeous spring weather of course but the flat towpath was just heavenly to run along.

Or it would have been if, 1. I hadn't been gorging on full English breakfasts and fish and chips for lunch and copious amounts of wine, and 2. I hadn't gouged out a chunk of my heel by sliding off the boat roof onto the door lock. Luckily it was on a bit of my heel which doesn't get a lot of pressure when running - but it really hurts when I walk. So that was a challenge... 

Next week it's 28-minute runs. 3 times a week. Unheard of. Will it trigger some kind of running mania in me? Or will it be another of my short-lived passions which I will get to the end of and never do again? At least with this one, there is an obvious benefit of keeping going with it. 

couch to 5K: week #6 runs 16 - 17 -18

 Run 16

I don't feel any fitter. Perhaps if I get some new running kit I will feel better. Ha ha.

But - 5 + 8 + 5-minute runs which is OK, right? Or am I kidding myself about this? Will I ever really respect myself for this? Surely I need to aim higher? 

Listening to 'Tagged', a podcast. It's the final episode but I feel like there should be more to come - there is no denouement. Perhaps the point is the police are forever playing catch-up with the Evie character and will never actually find her? 

My right foot is feeling stiff. I guess it's because I can't use the big toe joint and the effort is going through the rest of my foot and it's not up to it. But I'm having a follow-up consultation on Wednesday, with an x-ray. Yay!

Update on 'Tagged' - the Evie character was definitely one step ahead...

Runs 16 & 18

Well - I've just done 25 mins on run 18 which I frankly struggled with. I am unfit (have I mentioned this before?) plus I don't have the leg strength I used to have when I regularly did weights at the gym. But circumstances change and I abandoned all that and consequently have become weak and overweight. I'm such a catch. 

But, for the last minute, I did run quite a lot faster (on the suggestion of Laura in my ears) and it felt good. OK, it was on the end bit where it's slightly downhill, but still.

So I've completed week 6 - 3 more to go. The next run is another 25 mins but that is OK. I can do this. 

The big question is - once I've done the whole 9 weeks - will I stick with the running?

Couch to 5k week #5; runs 13 - 15

They're saying it kicks up a gear this week - and 8-minute runs suddenly seem like a big deal. Not to mention a 20-minuter on run 15.

Things are going OK - I've developed a new niggle on my left foot and I'm concerned it might be because of the new bike which might be a little bit small and making the leverage all wrong. But hopefully it was just my ageing carcass throwing another spanner in the works.

So I've done run 15 now and it's escalating!

This was 5 minutes walk then a 20 - twenty! - minute run. That's quite a leap after the 8 mins the last couple of runs. It was the first time the psychology came into the talk, explaining that it's about convincing your brain that you can keep going the distance. And it's true. I am so disappointed that I've allowed myself to put on weight and lose any kind of fitness and strength I used tp have - this programme is actually perfect to get me going again. I feel like I'm improving run on run and despite the slightly patronising tone I trust it to get me back to where I was quite a long time ago. It's also making me realise that to get there - and to maintain the fitness benefit I'm getting - I have to keep going, run three times a week, every week. And become addicted to it. Ha ha. 'The running life chose me' (tiktok reference) 

Now I'm going to run this through chatgpt:

So, guess what? The 'Couch to 5k' app just cranked it up a notch this week! Those 8-minute runs suddenly feel like a huge accomplishment. And get this, on run 15, they threw a 20-minute challenge at me. Can you believe it?

Overall, things are going alright, but I've got this new issue with my left foot. I'm worried it might be because of the bike I recently got. It's probably a tad too small, messing up the leverage. But hopefully, it's just my aging body causing some trouble.

Anyway, I've reached run 15 now, and it's getting intense!

This time it was a 5-minute walk followed by a whopping 20-minute run. Can you imagine? It's quite a jump from the previous 8-minute runs. The app even started talking about the psychology behind it all, convincing your brain that you can push through. And you know what? It's true. I'm really bummed out that I let myself gain weight and lose all the fitness and strength I used to have. But this program is perfect for getting me back on track. With each run, I can feel myself improving, despite the app's slightly condescending tone. I trust it to help me regain my former glory, which feels like ages ago.

It's also making me realize that if I want to reach my goals and maintain the fitness benefits I'm getting, I have to keep going. Three runs a week, every week. I might even become addicted to it. Ha ha! As they say, 'The running life chose me' (you know, that TikTok reference)

wow. 'Bummed out' 

Perhaps overdid the casual tone there, Chat.

But it does sound like a slightly unhinged human, someone pretending to be down with the kids perhaps 

Couch to 5k week #4: runs 10 - 12

 Run 10

And I got back with time to spare. There were 16 mins of running this week which has made a big difference. And it felt OK. According to the Apple health thing, it was 3.9kms but I don't think that's right as the Mapmyrun one seems to say it's well over 4. So I guess next time (Tuesday) I will set the Mapmyrun one and see just how far. 

Rather excitingly I went the opposite way round (this is how lame my life has got, that shaking things up a bit means going clockwise...) which meant that I had the first 'long' run (5 mins, I'll have you know) going slightly uphill - and it showed just how unfit I've got - and also how good it is the have the motivation of being controlled by the app. 

You are what you eat: recently I've been eating crap - lots of ultra-processed food which I convince myself is balanced out by my healthy salad lunches. Trouble is, everything counts - and I'm feeling quite seedy on it. That and the wine and I have no doubts about why it is I'm overweight, depressed and unmotivated. 

run 11

It was fine. No drama. I've proved to myself I can be run, showered and ready for the day ahead by 9am. Then I remember back in the 1/2 marathon days I would get up, run 7+ miles and be at work for 930. So my aspirations have been rather curbed. 

But I did Mapmyrun this morning and... 

3.84 km (I've been fooling myself thinking it was further...)

7m 45s per km (a lot of walking)

But - I'm nearly 1/2 way through and those stats can only get better.

So well done me for sticking with it and well done the C25K app.

run 12

done

no drama 

it is a lovely morning and I've decided I don't much like the music mixes I've been listening to but then I don't know what I would like to listen to either. Usually this time of day it's Radio 4 but it's not very motivating...

Couch to 5k week #3: runs 7 - 9

 run 7

It was ok. My Achilles seems to be holding up and my hip is not worse, so that's all good. There is another issue which is not for this page. 

Longer runs now - 3 minutes! Twice! It feels a little pathetic considering I probably could run for far longer, but I'm sticking with the programme as it'll help me ease back into it with less chance of overdoing it, getting injured and stopping for weeks until I'm confident it won't happen again. So sensible!

Not long now until blossom dump 2023

run 8

Nothing special. No drama.

Still over-running by about 1.5k I think. But I can't reduce the distance to fit in with the app - so I'm guessing as the weeks go on I will get to the end at the same time as the app. Oo - exciting!

There is a new challenge: I have a painter coming to do the outside of the house and he'll start about 9am - so I have to be done and showered by then. No biggie. 

run 9

I was up, out, run showered and dressed for 9am. Well done me, right?

re: blossom dump: I don't think it's a patch on last year's.

couch to 5K week #2 runs 4-6

 Run #4

Still doing it! The prompt of 'having' to do a run makes it easier to do. Having the option to wait until I feel like it just means I never 'have' to get out there. 

So, well done me. 

Niggles: a little on the left Achilles but nothing significant. Left hamstring's a bit hurty. Also left hip. There is a theme here: the limb with the severely compromised foot is doing OK. 

The schedule is 90-second runs and 2-minute walks 5 times with 5-minute walks at each end. Do run a little further but I doubt that will damage me. Other than the Achilles, hips etc

Run #5

Again, it's most definitely the imperative of getting this done which gets me out the door. Despite the niggles. A newish one this morning - after the end of the final 90-second run my left calf gave a little dull ache. Hmm. So I did the 5-minute warm-down walk and jogged a little bit more and it was fine. Fingers crossed for that one. My left hip is now aching but everything else is OK.

I am so unfit though - I know I used to actually run the 4+ km every so often - but then I wouldn't do it for weeks. I guess the point of the c25k is that you build up fitness along with strength? I hope so. It can't make me any worse. 

Run #6

I went against my own advice this morning and did the run. My hip is hurting (lateral hip pain, I've been googling) but doesn't seem to hurt while running. There is a tender area at the top of my hip which hurts when I press it. So I don't press it. I may go to the physio again and see what he says. Or my lovely osteopath. 

But I actually wanted to do it. The motivation following the action of committing to the plan? I don't know what it is or how long it's going to last but perhaps, just perhaps, in another 7 weeks I will have completed it and have run the full 5k. Or 30 mins as they call it. That would be a fast 5k for me... 

Couch to 5K week #1 runs 1-3

 I'm doing it!

Well, I've started doing it.

Backtrack: the operation was on 17 March and it went really well. I'd hoped I could have spent a few days on the sofa with codeine and Netflix but there wasn't enough pain. This is a good thing of course: I simply wanted more drama!

I've been walking to get it all working again and mostly that's been ok other than a bit of an ache from the actual arthritic joint. The operation seems to have worked. Fingers crossed the ache will ease over the next few weeks. 

week 1: run 1

But the run! I've been thinking about it for a while - getting back into running without overdoing it has been the issue. So the C25K seems to be a good idea. It really does start off gently - a 5-minute walk? I was glad there were only a few people around to notice me looking like I was failing to run. But everyone's heard of C25K so that was my excuse as if I needed one... I did judge the distance a bit wrong and ended up having to jog another 10 mins to get home - but it was downhill which seems to be an ok thing - I expect I'll do the same route in the coming weeks.

The actual running was a very gentle jog. Very gentle. It probably wouldn't have registered on the Mapmyrun app. But that's OK. My left Achilles was a tiny bit achy but my right foot never got any worse than the ache from walking. So that's all good.

I have thought that perhaps I need more support in my heels to compensate for the lack of bend in my foot? Perhaps one to think about if I get into this C25K a bit more.

So I am now committed to doing this 3 times a week for the next 9 weeks and I will be back to my gazelle-like best. Or I could skip a week and get there sooner. Or I could take my time and actually get there without any stupid injuries: walk before you run.

Distance according to the health app which comes with the phone: 3.9 km

week 1: run 2

Blimey. Well, if I hadn't committed to doing this thing I would not have gone for a run. In the afternoon, so help me. Just unheard of. I have to diminish it in my head so that it's just something I squeeze into the day - no biggie. I know I tend to over-dramatise running a bit - for heaven's sake I write a blog after every run, what's wrong with me. So getting a 30-minute run into perspective can only be a good thing. 

I don't trust the iPhone app distance cos I think I went pretty much the same way today and it was 4.26 km. The kicker is that I didn't start the C25K app properly and so I walked for a bit, wondered when the run was coming up and realised it hadn't begun measuring. I am an idiot. So I started it and ran until the end of the first run. So again I did more than I was supposed to but that can only be a good thing.

So here I am, buzzing with enthusiasm because I haven't given up already. Only 25 runs to go and I will be doing 5ks all over the place.

week 1: run 3

Well, I've discovered what the bell was - not in fact a cyclist coming up behind me, but the actual halfway point of the run. Yay! That's good for when I'm running along a towpath and don't know when to turn around. Well done me.

It was OK this morning: a beautiful sunny day which always helps. I have an old ache in my left hamstring and a new one in my right groin area. But I think that will all run off over the coming weeks. After all there is a lot of rest and recovery built in which is probably good for my foot as well. Next week will be a bit more running so perhaps the route I do (4.2km this time) will be covered in the duration of the app rather than me having to run a bit further to get home.

So why is this working? I guess it's because I have to do it now; I'm committed. It was unheard of to go 3 times a week and yet here I am. And I think I will keep going with it. What happens at the end of the 9 weeks is another matter. Hopefully by then I will be an elite runner addicted to the highs. That would be nice... 

Is it time to stop?

I did go out this morning and it was OK. Motivation follows action, and all that. 

So there I was trotting around the usual route, 3/4 of the way home - and my left calf began to ache a bit. So I stopped and stretched a bit and the pain kicked in. Bloody hell it was intense. I walked (limped) home, hoping that would loosen it a bit, but no. And now, a few hours later, if I get it wrong the pain just kicks right back in.

Should I just stop doing this to myself? Is my 'dream' of being a 'runner' just a stupid whim? Walking is apparently quite good for you and I've done a lot of that over the past 3 years or so. But actual aerobic fitness is another thing altogether. I believe running is perfect - you can take it anywhere. But I also now feel like it's beyond me, that I'm not made to run. 

Or are there exercises I can do to mitigate the potential for injury? Of course there must be because I don't get injured every time I go out. It just feels like it. 

So I will consult Dr Google and see if I can help myself. Of course, there is the operation in 3 weeks which will put me out of running action for a while - but perhaps it will give me time to work on the physio?

Watch this space... 

3.71km

6m 54 per km

damn and blast...

That was fine

I didn't even stress too much about getting out there. I mostly made the decision last night when I cancelled the Body Pump class I'd booked for this morning (I do tend to cancel more classes than I attend. Poor attitude) 

So I went out and didn't walk and didn't feel quite so out of breath. I got tired and kind of ignored the plan to add a few more metres and make it to 5k, but generally I feel very pleased with myself. 

4.51 km

6m 48s per km

So actually it was faster than I've been for ages and one of the splits was 6m 24s. Means nothing. Keep going 

Listening to a podcast: 'Stolen Hearts' on Wondery

I've got this

Yesterday I walked a lot - 13.4 km in fact which is a good thing of course. But it really made my stupid toe ache. So this morning when I had my run all planned out, I really wasn't sure about going. But I said if it didn't calm down a bit I would cut it short rather than actually injure it more than nature has done already.

But it got better (or no worse anyway) and I did the whole thing, including the muddy cut-through leading to a climb. So well done me. 

4.69 km (edging closer to the magical 5k...)

7m 07 per km - which I blame partly on the deliberately slow start plus faffing around while trying to get the next episode of the podcast running. It's a shortcoming of Sounds that if you start a series it seems to run the order backwards. There will be a way around it, but not when you're striding majestically across Horfield common... 

So, that's a win

Less Bouncy

When I got my Asics shoes (June 2016) they felt very bouncy indeed. I wore them today and they are definitely flat. Last time out my semi-off-road ones were making my feet ache on impact so I wondered if the others would be better, and they were. But they were slippy on the off-road bits. Who'd have thought? So, do I get new regular ones?

Area of concern this time: it's my lungs, they don't give me enough oxygen. So - I'm unfit? Got to be. My actual body was fine - nothing hurting too much (achy calfs, nothing too bad) but my throat felt constricted which I guess is the definition of not getting enough air which is about being unfit. So I have to keep pushing. I kept telling myself how much I was enjoying the experience. Once I got to the highest point it felt a lot better.

Not the best post over, but it's a habit and I like reading back over the years 

4.44km (edging closer to the 5k...)

6m 41s per km and that is the fastest I have been for a long time (17 May last year in fact) 

Comfort zone

 So; 'comfort zone', specifically, 'out of'

1. I'm in Boston Tea Party in Bishopston, being one of those annoying people who nest in the booths with a laptop and no intention of allowing anyone else in until they've finished what they're doing. I turned up here with huge plans to crack on with some of one of the many courses I've signed up to recently, but I've fallen at the Adobe hurdle: I don't know if my laptop is out of date (early 2014???) or the problem lies within my grey matter...  No matter, I've ground to a halt: obviously getting out of the wfh comfort zone isn't working for me today. 

2. I've taken up sleeping on the other side of the bed, just for the hell of it. It feels very odd, but also nice. However, this change has coincided with my piling on weight recently. The phrase 'correlation does not mean causation' springs to mind. So perhaps there are more fundamental reasons for the weight piling on.  Overeating maybe. 

But - of course the sole reason for unloading in this blog is because I have a run to report. Yay, well done me. 

It was bitterly cold, but I had the 'look at me running' headband on, and gloves. And it wasn't too icy. And I waited for the school run to be over. But, significantly, there was a distinct lack of reluctance to get out there. Is that a result of the Slimpod process I've begun? It involves a large element of CBT, attributing positive thoughts to the process, and so, if that's true, then I am very happy. On the other hand, I haven't lost a gram since I began listening to the audio tracks 8 days ago...That might be on me, right? 

Anyhoo; stats

4.36km

6m 55s per km

Whoop - very happy with all that. I think I should be able to manage another 640m to make it a round 5k. 

Cartoon: 'I'm interested in the couch to 5k programme. Can I see your range of couches?'

Bit of a favourite. 

Bloody Hell, Kevin

 reference for no good reason to 'Uncanny' on BBC Sounds

So I forgot to start the mapmyrun thing before I set off so I can convincingly lie about how far I ran before setting it. But in truth, it wasn't as far as last time... 

2.74 km

6m 57" per km

At least I got out there. And it was horrible. I had no energy to speak of and those gentle slopes I like to call hills just about broke me.

But (apart from the bit where I had to walk to start the app) I ran all the way. Yay. 

It's been extraordinarily wet recently and the only reason I didn't come back covered in mud was that the puddles were ankle-deep and washed it all off... 

But it's nice to have done it.

I'm getting the operation to slightly fix my ruined toe on 17th March and I feel I need to lose weight and get fit for that so that it won't be too awful to get back in shape after a couple of weeks of raised foot loafing around. So I have about 9 weeks to lose 10lbs and regularly run 5km

A better person than I could achieve that I'm sure. 

Happy New Year!

First one of 2023 and all that. I need to get a bit fitter because there is a chance I'll get an operation on my dodgy right toe soonish and that will mean an elevated foot for a couple of weeks. But after that I should be back on the road. 

My toe did hurt today for the first time in a while. On the bottom rather than where the bone spurs are - but I think that's to do with my gait more than anything else. I was being very mindful of how I was moving: elbows tucked in, core engaged, arches flexing. And yet, my hamstrings are aching (I did stretch before I left) and I expect my calves will be painful tomorrow. But I did a run, with the full intention of doing more. 

3.79km

7m 5" per km

What does this mean?

 It was ok. The hills didn't hurt, my lungs weren't screaming in protest, my calfs behaved. What the hell? 

It was lovely and cold and calm, I had my snood scarf thing around my ears like a proper runner, so that all helped. But I could have challenged myself a bit more and included the loop behind Tesco's. (Such a glamourous route) but I had the choice of not doing it so I didn't. And that, dear reader, is why I will never really improve.

Next time though... 

3.35km

7m 06s per km

I think the reason it felt OK was that I was going so slowly... That doesn't matter, though, does it? It's the getting out there and running which is the important part... 

Does it ever get easier?

What is it with fitness? I mean, I feel unfit, but in theory, the more I do the fitter I'll get, right? Or is it that if I put in the same effort, I'll go further, faster? What I do know is that fitness wears off and I am pretty much back where I started.

So this morning, I went a tiny bit further than last time and I didn't stop on the hills despite my lungs screaming at me to have a rest. So I feel good about myself for doing that. But it's the feeling of misery, of having to push myself which puts me off heading out. I see people running who seem to be enjoying it - does that mean they're not trying very hard - or, and this is the killer - are they enjoying the misery?

Is there even a thing as a 'runner's high' other than that glorious moment when you get home and take your shoes off?

3.36km

6m 46s per km

Just going out there and doing it

I have run every day this month, so well done me. 

Not funny, not really. 

2.83km

6m 57 per km

I mean, it's a tiny improvement on last time - but if I go one better every time I go out, I will be back to 5k in no time. Is that what I want? Or is it to simply keep going and stave off old age for as long as possible? 

Either works for me 

What's holding me back other than the fear of injury, is being overweight again and people laughing at my red face. So I could go out earlier and avoid the school run? Or is the truth more like no one gives a flying damn what I look like, they don't care that I'm a risible figure, or - most likely of all - they won't give me a moment's notice and why should they.  Although I do confess to being slightly judgemental when I see other runners, not so much in a derogatory way, more like I admire them for being out there and doing it.  Which is what I'm doing.

Motivation Follows Action

Literally this is the first run I've done since the last one.

1.97km

6m 55s per km

Going by the numbers, almost embarrassingly insignificant: going by my actually going out and doing it - a massive triumph, thank you. Well done me.

There were no significant hurties either - unless you count my screaming lungs while running up a gentle slope. I'm basically unfit, but by building up on these short runs that will change. I felt I could have gone further towards the end (on the flat) but in my head, I'd mapped the run and therefore I was at the end. That's another thing your mindset can do. I don't take actual pleasure in running (wish I did) but it's like a class, when you know it's coming to an end there isn't the uncomfortable option of taking it further. 

So, there it is. When I start doing 5km 3 times a week will I continue reviewing them? 

Perhaps I will just wait and see...

listened to: BBC Radio 6 Music

Jury's out...

 But I did get out there, go for a run, and am not in pain... 

I set myself a short circuit and managed to exceed it by, oh, 50m so well done me 

What I discovered: I am carrying too much weight for my muscles to cope with. I am unfit even though I've been walking or doing a class almost every day for the past couple of years, since lockdown, but obviously it's not enough to really keep fit (if I define being fit as being able to run for 5 km without dying...) 

2.36km

7m 10 per km. 

So, very slow and very short - but ffs I am coming from a position of being overweight, unfit, slightly depressed etc etc. The actual important thing here is to keep going, to keep motivated. Keep strengthening calves and loosening my Achilles. 

If I have something to aim for, would that actually help or would I see it as a failure if I don't actually achieve this? And if I do - what then? After the 1/2 marathon I kind of retired cos I didn't need to do it again. 

Psychology is the greatest weapon 

Who knew?

 Everyone apparently... 

This morning I had a severe case of anxiety. It happens from time to time and it's horrible. I find it very hard to get over - my usual distraction techniques weren't working and the stress was rising... But I had a Body Balance session booked and although I really did not want to go (it makes me very angry for all sorts of reasons) I did drag myself up there and did the session. It was fine. There was no anger because I kind of knew what was going on and I didn't need to rely on the indecipherable instructions quite so much. 

So that was a positive. But then I went on the treadmill. I'd promised I would give it a go, just a mile, just to see if my Achilles were up to it. The Body Balance class concentrates on stretching as much as anything so I reckoned that should be an excellent warm-up for a run. 

It was. I did a whopping 1.6 km and felt unfit, but no aching Achilles. Yay. My right foot was aching but I think that's due to it being badly used what with the big toe issue. 

So what is it that everyone knows? That exercise is a brilliant antidote to stress and anxiety. I think I did know that but lacked the gumption to make it happen for me. That's what's good about booking classes: you get fined £4 if you don't turn up. 

So that's my news. Nothing exciting, or game-changing. Apart from the possibility that I may - just may - be able to pick up the running again.

World record

 It was officially the shortest run ever undertaken in the history of (m) short runs. 

The context: I'd booked a class at the leisure centre but got the time wrong so I missed it. I could have cycled around the downs instead, but I decided to go for a short run. Just to see how I got on. I've been having serious issues with my big toe joint (hallux rigidus) where the bony growths are becoming an excruciatingly painful nuisance. Gross, I know. And I think that's what's been making my Achilles ache even without running. So going for a run was a bit of a risk.

But - the main issue was how unfit I've got. I was out of breath, feeling like I was made of lead before I got to the end of the road. 

But I continued on my record-breaking short run 

1.14km

6m 55s per km

So well done me, right

There is a thought in my head that I could do this run every day to build up to something a bit more worthwhile. The cons are the risks with my Achilles - the pros, however, are that I could build up to a 5k regular run.... Or a 10-minute run... 

angry and disappointed

 3.48km 

7m 8s per km

That was the first bit of the run. I stopped to stretch my right Achilles and managed to stop the mapmyrun thing. But my flipping Achilles. I am so angry and disappointed. It's not hurting too much but there is an issue with it - very low down which might be a different place from before. Don't know if that is significant. But it's there and it's something that will stop me running.

How long can I keep up this misguided belief that at some level I can run? Almost every time I go out there is an issue. I have to get over my body-consciousness issues to even get me out of the door, which is an incentive to keep me running rather than giving up and walking and looking like an even greater loser. An overweight, middle-aged, delusional loser.

So I started the app again and mostly walked home, at times running normally on my left leg and heel-striking on my right to protect my Achilles. What was that about not wanting to look like a loser?

1.41km

8m 48 per km

What do I do? 

Peaked too soon?

So - I was confident setting out this morning and it was mostly fine. Until about a mile from home, my left calf began to ache. It's pretty much ok - but it's one of those niggles which make me wary of running. I'll stretch and strengthen the thing and hopefully next time it won't hurt.

I tried on my Nike shorts this morning and wondered whatever possessed me to buy them - they are so ugly - or is that just my legs?

Otherwise, unremarkable. But in truth the less drama the better... 

Listening to American Scandal about the unabomber. 

4.98km

6m 52s per km.

Slower - but I went very slowly after about 1/2 way, just cos I was a little hungover and not very fit...

Better

Well, there I went. It was mostly OK but the urge to walk was (almost) overwhelming. I did slow down to a barely-a-jog pace - but oddly I was about to walk when I saw another runner coming towards me and that was enough for me to keep going. So, thank you, mystery jogger.

Consequences: tinnitus - this happens when I do exercise. It's horrible and there is nothing I can do about it.

Knees - perfectly fine

Calves and Achilles - perfectly fine

Lungs - a-bursting

Legs - tired but functional

Lessons learned - I reckon the problems I've had have come from lack of glute and hamstring strength - but also because I run without using my core. So - if I run with my core engaged, everything feels a whole lot better. So, I'll do that. It's harder work though. Get over it. 

4.66km

6min 38secs per km

I am staggered by that pace. The last time I went it was 7min 05" and before that 6 min 58. So - is this actual proof that I can do this? Could I ever get to 5km without keeling over? I shall have to find another 1/2 km to add on and go for it.

The other route through the allotments (much hillier) is about the same distance - going around the downs is over 6km but I have to cycle up there. Or drive. But I don't have a car. I'm getting ahead of myself. 

I didn't walk

 4.21 km

7m 05s/km

Well, I got out there and I didn't walk at all, which is good. However, my left calf is quite painful. I guess it's an overwork thing rather than anything nasty but it's annoyed me greatly as I really hoped I could get over myself and back into regular running. My feet also hurt - possibly because I tied my shoes too tight, I don't know - and it might be a while before I can try them again. 

So, some rollering, perhaps paracetamol and hopefully it will just be passing a pain.

At least my knees are more or less cured - the rolling prescribed by the osteopath has done the trick. There is an occasional twinge but really the agonising pain causing me to groan, to crawl upstairs is pretty much gone. Yay!

Gregorian Chant

It's been a long time coming - but it's done! 

I've been rollering my knees, guided by my lovely osteopath Mala - and they don't hurt anymore. I can go up and down stairs without wincing, without launching myself from the top, without seriously wondering if they need replacing. It's agony, rollering. The sweet spots are where it hurts the most and you go to town on them. But it works. One thing which has been instrumental to getting them in such a bad state had been the 1000s of miles of cycling like a girl. I mean, as a woman you want to cycle with your knees as close as possible, not flying out to the side like a bloke. But it stresses your knees. So now I cycle like a bloke. Eesh. 

Anyway, though - my right knee did hurt - I think I over-extended and caused a twinge which is still there now I've stopped, but it's a different pain so I think it will be OK. I will roll it in a mo. 

My calves were a bit hurty as well but just through tiredness, I think. And no Achilles drama.

I literally have no excuses left anymore.

4.36 km

6 min 58" per km

Very slow - but I don't care. There were a couple of times I was desperate to walk but I just ran at the speed of walking so I could say I ran the whole way round. It's all in the mind, right? 

And the title? They (whoever they are) say to run at the speed of chat. I was running at the speed of a gregorian chant. 

Punishment run

Sounds a bit melodramatic I know, but I've been in such a bad place recently. Overeating, too much wine, too little exercise and so on. I've put on weight and I feel weak and, frankly, old. 

So this morning I was working out if I should go for my traditional walk, or walk into work later, when my sensible brain kicked and made me go for a run, no excuses. 

And so out I popped and ran.

There was a time just over 1/2 way through, after all the hills had been conquered (they're very gentle hills but feel like mountains, what with the extra weight I'm carrying and the lack of puff) when I needed to walk. My lungs were straining, even if my legs felt OK. But I told myself it was punishment, that it wouldn't last forever, that I'd feel so very good for having run all the want. And I was right. It was awful.

4.42km

6m 48 per km

It's been a long time coming

It's a psychological thing in many ways. Because I haven't been for a run for a long time, I assume it will be horrible and that I'll suffer. Well of course it was, up to a point, but not as bad as I feared. And it's that fear which makes me put it off.

It's a beautiful morning - I mean, proper blue sky and birds singing, daffodils about to flower. All good. 

So where was the pain? Knees - no pain. Hips - a twinge at the end, no more. Calves - springy and strong. Achilles - doing their job. Feet - well they ached a lot. I guess they haven't been put to such use for such a long time.

It feels like all my recent efforts have been paying off. I've been rollering my inner and outer thighs which I think is helping my knees. Plus I periodically stretch and strengthen my calves and I believe that's helped my achilles. 

But hey - I feel triumphant. The danger is that now I've done a run I will treat the effects as permanent and I won't have to keep the benefit topped up. 

I did the route I normally do on my walks so there was a lot of uphill at the start but even that was more ok than I had thought it would be.

So, suffice it to say, I feel good about it and am self-aware enough to know I have to keep going if I am going to get any long-term benefit and to tell people I am a runner... 

4.1m

6m 57 per km

Over 5k for the first time in months!!

So - it's over a month since the last run and I've had a birthday since then. And I don't know what prompted me this morning - but I am glad I did. 

I've been doing exercise classes through Everyone Active over the last few weeks and maybe, just maybe, it's beginning to have an effect. Anyways,  I went out and did my first over 5km run since 27th Jan so well done me. The worst bit was towards the end, heading up behind the prison and deciding I was going to do the further one, the one with all the potholes and mud. It turns out that the hill doesn't stop when you get onto the cut, that the path is still rising. Bloody hills. But I didn't stop and now I feel very pleased with myself.

Perhaps I will start doing a bit more? Maybe? yes no?

Definitely continue with the classes as I've paid a year in advance for them (far, far cheaper than pay as you go - but there is an element of commitment)

Stats are a little underwhelming other than the undeniable fact that I broke the 5k mark

Yay!!!!!

5.15km

7m 5s per km

Sympathy For The Devil

 Only because it was the song I was listening to as I finished my run. It was on the Halloween playlist. And I think it goes on my Desert Island Discs playlist along with Heroes. 

So that's a roundabout way of saying I've been for a run - nearly 2 months after the last one. But it was a run. It's been tanking down on and off for the last couple of weeks so I nipped out between showers. Which means I didn't go very first thing to get it over and done with like I normally do. And I'm so glad I did.

My nudge was to put my sports bra on first thing rather than having to change into it before I went out - I hate putting the damn things on so it kind of removed that very minor hurdle.

And I didn't walk. I was so tempted as I am semi-fasting (nothing for the last 16 hours - the clocks went back last night so there is an extra hour to take into account. So well done me. 

4.72 km

6m 42 per km.

so not bad stats for me.

Plus I was in my new shoes and didn't get very painful knees (there was a bit of complaining but nothing debilitating) and my feet were ok (I have stiff arches I think - something to work on) 

So I guess I'm feeling positive about this. I've resigned from my gym (cost, don't go) so I can't allow sloth to take over. I've been to a few random classes at the sports centre so I must keep those up for strength but running would fill the aerobic gap. 

Basically I am well pleased with myself.

unfit: official_2

Well if I thought I struggled last time, I was so much worse this morning. A short, mostly flat run, and I walked several times. I know you need to go through this in order to get fit, but it makes life feel unfair.

OK - there has been a bit of wine and a lot of food over the last couple of days which doesn't help, and I am in the denial stage of wanting to lose weight and get fitter, so I'm not helping myself much.

And then there is my right knee. Is it trying to tell me to stop running? It hurts but not all the time and doesn't ache when I stop. I think it's the over-extending thing again - perhaps a brace would make a difference? Thing is, I don't want to fork out for one if it's not going to help. (Actually, they're not that expensive...) 

4.16km

7min 5s per km - well, there was a lot of walking... 

I know it's better than loafing on the sofa (of which I have done a lot) Perhaps I could do the strengthening exercises the physio told me to do all those months ago - I might not be in this state now if I had persevered. It was no quick fix though and I'm afraid perseverance is not a strong point with me...  'Sow', 'reap' spring to mind

Unfit: official

Well - it's been a long time but I have run out of reasons not to: my Achilles and calfs* are fine, the weather is lovely and I'm getting fatter. 

So I wore my old shoes - the ones I dissed for being worn out and causing foot pain as all the cushioning was flattened - and, well, they were fine. A bit flat but my lower legs were unproblematic.

But my right knee. Argh. It was hurting quite a lot and I think the issue is I over straighten my leg - if I'm more conscious of doing the basic cycling movement which Malcolm Balk taught all those years ago, there isn't a problem. But I've been conscientious about stretching my hamstrings and I might have opened up the back of my knee a nit too much. It also hurts if I do a plank and straighten my leg too far.  So it's something I need to address. I could go down the route of a brace, but that's a bit overkill I think. I need to be aware of it and not overstretch is all. 

It was a short run as I'm hopelessly unfit. but I could see myself doing the same again tomorrow and perhaps once more on Friday then think about upping the distance next week. Get me with my fitness plan despite the pain from my knee and the possibility of wearing the other shoes and getting back on the Achilles treadmill. 

So what would make a difference to my commitment? 

1. knee issues - look up the issue and see how I can improve on it

2. old-fashioned cushioned shoes rather than the semi-off road ones. In truth I got those cos I prefer the look of them. I can look up the ones I have and buy a replacement cheaper online. But only after I've done a few more runs 

3. headphones I don't need to bobby pin into my hair to stop them from falling off. Scout Amazon for cheap alternatives 

3.46km

7min 01s per km

Terribly slow, but also a major achievement. 

Well done me  < patronising pat on head >

*calves? makes me think of baby cows

Annoying

I've been planning to up the number of runs I do, gradually increasing the distance as I get fitter. A modest ambition by any standards. And as of the previous run, it seemed to be going well. (Not that one run can really be a sign of progress, but it's a start) 

And so with high hopes I left home this morning thinking I'd do the same route, perhaps adding on a little loop around the prison.

It was going so well, knees mainly  OK, feet acceptable, lungs protesting but holding up.

But my pigging calf. Again, it feels like it's taken a kicking, it was getting worse so I cut it short and came home. I've stretched the thing, strengthened the thing (this is as well as doing stretches before I left), and yet here I am again, aching and knowing I"m going to have to wait for it to calm down before I can even think about heading out on my mission again.

I could accept the cost of a physio, like the lovely one at Moti, and see what I can do to get over it as I do believe I can do the running but not at the cost of my calf. I can't even tell if it's the muscle or the Achilles - feels a bit too high for the Achilles but I guess it is quite a long thing. 

So - how much do I want to keep running and how much am I willing to pay for it? Or do I google the rest of today and work out a plan which may make it worse. 

grr. 

3.15km

6min 50 per km 

Can't do hills

I was doing so well I thought I'd do a slightly longer loop which involved a 100m or so of a gentle incline. I made it past a recycling truck and onto one of the cut-throughs near the allotments. But by the time I was away from public view, I just had to walk for a bit. 50 paces. I counted them and set off again. After that, I was home and dry. Well, dripping with sweat. It's the start of a few days of a heatwave so I was out and back by 720. Don't really like the heat, not when it's almost 30 degrees.

But well done me, right?

Niggles: surprisingly (and reassuringly) my left calf/Achilles were ok. My right knee was painful for a bit but got better.  My left hip - which I think was has always been a slight issue, even going back as far as the half  marathon (2006, still feel proud of having done it!) 

But generally, I survived. I'm away for 2 weeks after the end of next week so if I can actually do 3 runs before then I will consider taking my kit and going for runs when I"m there. Except people will want to run with me and that feels too stressful. 

4.96km

6m 53 per km 

Slow, but so what.

Almost pain free. Yay!

In many ways, it was a reassuring run: very short as I was pretty much out of breath because I've got so unfit over the past year.

Left leg niggles were OK- Achilles and calf behaved which was a relief. My right knee hurt a bit, a little bit stabby like it gets on the stairs, but I honestly don't believe that it's damaging it, rather, it's an inflammation that comes and goes. Paracetamol should sort that out. 

So there is it - perhaps it's the beginning of my plan to get back to running. Did I enjoy it? I'm kind of neutral about it - certainly not evangelical; in truth, I find those people intensely annoying. So what should my attitude be? Stoical? It's a practical solution to an ongoing issue - it's free (until I get new shoes and a loose top to cover up the joggling flab0. But I can do it anywhere, whenever and that's why it needs to be part of my life. 

3.14km

6m 47s per km

Not impressive in terms of physical performance but psychologically it was a triumph. 

Something new to concern me

It was OK getting out there today - the weather is perfect; cold and sunny - so it was with great gusto I left the house.

There was no Achilles pain, knees were holding up and the breathlessness I put down to doing 2 days of 800 calories on the fast800 diet (I have finally admitted to myself that weight loss requires effort and application, not hoping for the best and relying on denial of calorific value of wine/cheese/chocolate/buttered toast...)

But then the new niggle arrived. My left calf has kind of seized up - it's very painful and made worse by running on it, of course. So I kind of walked most of the way back, cutting it very short and feeling hacked off as I'd promised myself I'd do more short runs  (even slow ones) in the future and building up my fitness like that. 

Very disappointed. 

Would different shoes help? More supportive ones? I mean, the new ones I got were based more on looks than whether they would sort my various issues. So I have to decide: do I take the risk of spending the best part of £100 on new shoes which may not make any difference? I don't think I had the same issues of knees, Achilles, hips, etc with previous shoes - just the issue of fatty motivation...

3.19km

7m 11s per km.

Rain, Pain and my achilles. Again.

I shouldn't have crowed too soon. 

This morning it started raining about 5 mins after I left - I would not have run if it had already started, so that's a bonus. Kind of. 

My knees hurt a lot more this morning, but they're OK if I concentrate on being strong, not allowing them to turn in even a fraction - but it's slightly worrying. I think being back at the gym is a very positive thing in that respect: the exercises there are pretty much what the physio gave me, but with the weights and the machines it's easier to focus on the effects they're having

I decided to find a 5k route which meant a longer trek up to a favourite cut-through (I know, who has a favourite cut-through...) I was thinking how horrible being out of breath is and how wonderful it would be to walk for a while. But that's where the magic happens, right? That's where improvement lies, where fitness flourishes. So I kept running, knowing that once I hit the level it would be fine. It was; how nice.

But oh my god - my Achilles. Again. It was a little achy at first but now it's stiff and hurty and I think (fear) it's going to be as bad as it was before. Just when I thought I was over it. Just when I thought I could actually get back into this running thing. 

So - do I risk getting a different pair of shoes, ones that are more cushioned, more supportive? It's another £100 or so which, as a newly unemployed person, I don't want to spend. Not with a sick cat's operation to pay for this week... Not with no guarantee they would solve the issue... 

4.94km (sooo close to a 5k!)

6 min 38 per km (I blame to slog up the hill) 

Weight

OK, it's the 1st May, the start of my favourite month and I want/need to make the most of it. So what better way to start than to go for a little run. 

But I'm overweight and unfit and it's bloody hard work. That's OK, of course it's ok - I'm doing this for me: it doesn't matter if I'm slow or fast, it doesn't matter if I look like a middle-aged overweight woman trying to run, it doesn't matter that it's a stupidly short run. That's all in my head - no one else cares. And why should I care what they think anyway? I know I would like to look like one of those lean older ladies who have been running all their lives and also do yoga - but I can work on that. 

4.34km

6m 27 per km

So that was the fastest I've run in a long time and I didn't feel like I was trying any harder - therefore I am in fact getting fitter despite what my lungs and legs are telling me. If I'm putting in the same effort as last time, but I go faster, then I am getting fitter. And that should feel good. Of course, my lizard brain is telling me that the next time, if I'm a bit slower, I will have failed. But I won't actually know that's how I will feel until I go for another run - and that is the bit I will not have failed.... 

I love Spring

 It wasn't too hard getting out there this morning: when the sun is shining everything seems a little bit easier. 

That's not to say it was easy running - I got out of breath and found even this very gentle run hard work. I guess that's the whole point. I think my benchmark of feeling better about running is when I know I won't want to walk - which is a combination of getting fitter and also having a more determined mindset. I mean, the whole point of this is well-being - mental and physical strength.

Nothing much more to say - it was a very ordinary run - my knees and Achilles behaved which was nice; the bum/glue thing wasn't an issue; the only tiny niggle was my toes jamming into the end of my shoes - so I guess that's solvable by tying my laces a bit higher up my feet. Yay

4.53km

6m 40s per km 

Bum

So, this has been brewing for a while - an April run. And it's not 1/2 way through the month yet: well done me. 

It was fine - not too cold, not too far, didn't walk. I had to tell myself that when it felt hard going, that was where the magic happened. It's a tough sell, but I didn't walk. Did I say I didn't walk?

Now - I have issues with my knees hurting a lot when I go up and downstairs: I've been to a physio and have been given many, many exercises to make them better. And I think they're working. The exercises are to strengthen my glutes, hamstrings, quads - all the bits that keep my knees on the straight and narrow. So when the stabbing agony of knee pain hit me once or twice this morning, it struck me that I don't engage my bum muscles enough to keep my knees in line. So once I consciously did that, my dear old joints were, if not fine, then a whole heap better.

Yay!

4.74km

6m 41s per km 

Wake Up Call

 It wasn't the hardest thing to go out this morning, the thought had been noodling around my head for a while. And I was going to let myself off the hook by having an old lady jog, no pressure.

Well, my Achilles was troubling from the off although it eased a bit after 10 mins or so. But I was so out of breath - it's really hitting home how overweight, how unfit I really am. I think I've convinced myself that because I used to run a lot further I can just pick it up from there, and never mind the years in between. Well, life isn't like that. Apparently, you have to put in the effort.

2.39km

6m 58s

Told me.

Old. And peas.

 So 3 walks and occasionally slowing to a just-faster-than-walking pace. 

There has to come a time when I don't let myself off the hook with an 'oh but well done me for going for even this shabby little run' and accept that I will lose the ability and desire to run at all. And that would leave me with having to pay to go to classes. Which is now an issue as I've been made redundant. Which should give me ample time to get fit and up the miles etc. 

Except - my aching Achilles is still troubling me.  I think it might be my shoes not giving enough support (but they are good on the slightly off-road, very bumpy and muddy sections) (and they look cool) But whatever the cause I am now on the sofa with my ankle resting on frozen peas. And there are peas all over the floor cos I hadn't sealed the bag well enough... 

4.76km

7 min 1s per km - that is by far the slowest I have been for a long time. Perhaps ever. 

Is this wise?

4.76 km

6m 58s per km

Well, it took a bit of persuasion to get me out the door, but that was the easy part.

The first 100m or so, the golden zone, was fine, I was feeling great, thinking I'm so happy about this. Then my Achilles kicked in and began to ache gently. Then aching quite strongly. About this time my right knee also kicked in: it seems if I don't line it up properly, and quite accurately, it really hurts.

So there I was, kind of struggling with various aches and pains and with the thought that I should stop running and save myself long term injury. But it wasn't getting any worse and if I concentrated on my alignment it seems to help. So I kept going (slowly) and ended up running nearly 5km.

Then I got to thinking. Is it my shoes that are the issue? The sides of my feet ache a bit these days: is that due to the lesser padding on these ones? Perhaps the lack of foot support makes my legs unstable, making my knees and Achilles have to work harder?

It's a theory. But I am ok with running other than the pain and fear of injury. So not that OK. 

Benefit of Dry January

 5.05 km

6m 57s per km

How terribly slow, but that isn't the point. I think it's not far off the time I did for my 2 Parkruns, so at least I'm not getting any worse.

And it was OK.  I didn't get the urge to walk like I've done before - not that it was easy, but I think I might have had a bit more energy. I haven't lost any weight or anything - perhaps it's Dry January finally paying off. Only 4 days to go of course - perhaps I will continue into Arid February 

Pain tally: right knee niggle, nothing too bad: it remains to be seen if the stair-based agony kicks in again (it's been quite mild recently, thank you for asking)

Also - the outside of my left foot - it's something to do with tight arches I think. I'm working on them, being conscious of them when I'm walking to make sure I'm flexing.

Such a dull post. Apologies. 

What have I done?

Basically, I've been putting off going for a run for weeks through worry about my Achilles. It's still not right, but I can live with it. And so, with some trepidation, I set off this morning in the crisp winter sunshine with a spring in my step. 

And it was OK. That first burst of enthusiasm when nothing hurts and I was on full puff went away quite fast, but I kept going There was one moment of weakness when I felt like walking - but I'm putting myself through this cos I'm unfit and the process of keeping going is what changes that, is what will turn me into a running machine.

4.13km

6m 35 per km 

So nothing to brag about. Nothing to be ashamed of 

As for the 'what have I done?' thing - it means I've run out of excuses for sitting on my increasingly fat bum rather than go for a run. 

Slog not Jog

First run of the year, always good to get it out of the way. Even if it's not a total triumph.

Although - it was a success - I got out on the road again, that's a biggie.

My Achilles so far is OK - it's been aching dully for months but it's not feeling bad - a bit throbby maybe. My knees - they seem ok with running, it's stairs which are the killer. 

So according to mapmyrun I ran 0.38km at just over  7 min a km. I accuse the app of not measuring correctly cos I know I ran for over 20 mins. So it wasn't heroic by any stretch of the imagination but I know mapymyrun did not make an accurate assessment of my effort. 

And I felt OK. I have lost a lot of fitness over the past few months and gained a lot of pounds but with Dry January kicking the year off to a good start (Day 3 and all is well) and only 1/4 of the Christmas cake nommed I feel quite positive about 2021

It can't be any worse can it... 

Run #1 Lockdown #2

Basically, I've been avoiding running - I'm a lazy person who has never achieved a runner's high and is perpetually miffed about that - and using the dodgy Achilles has been a brilliant excuse. 

But this morning was cold and sunny, a lovely Autumnal start to the day and so I went for a run and to hell with the lame excuse. (see what I did there) 

It was OK. My left leg, the achy one, still feels stiff, overcompensating for my arthritic right toe (I'm such a fine specimen) but it didn't kick off like it did that one time. 

4.54 km (further than I thought - and mostly flat) 

6m 35 per km - really not too shabby considering I hit a very tired patch, completely ran out of energy and slowed right down. I didn't walk as I was listening to Sir Chris Hoy on Five Live and he was going on about how success comes with people working at it and how important exercise is for good mental health. Can't argue with that. 

It's actually been quite a long time, hasn't it...

So - I finally headed out to test my Achilles - I even did an NHS-prescribed warm up before I left - and I went on a flat route in case running uphill stresses the old tendon. 

And it was... OK. 

I'm definitely not running fit any more and my Achilles wasn't great. I allowed 20 mins or so in order not to put too much of a strain on it and by the end, I knew I'd been for a run, but more troubling was the ache in my leg. Nothing traumatic, it just felt stiff and uncomfortable. It's odd that my right foot with its knackered toe joint gives me no grief. I guess I"m over-compensating on my left. 

I do hope I get over this and can get back into running - it makes sense on so many levels... 

3.5 km

6m 51 per km 

It's doing me good, right?

It was a struggle – as usual – to get me out the house this morning, but not as hard as it’s been sometimes. Perhaps all I have to do is not give myself a choice.

So there I was, jogging away, meditating on the benefits of running, hoping I could run through the niggle at the back of my left heel, the bottom of my Achilles, that kind of area. I ran up to the highest point and really felt good about it. There was the usual consideration about walking some of the way, but that didn’t kick in until I got to the path going round the back of Tescos and the playing fields.

I got attacked by a giant spider: it had spun a web across the little pathway cutting between the roads so I am sorry but I had to dismantle its web so I could get past: the risk of it sticking to me as I went by was just too great. I’m sure it'll be fine. I noticed that someone’s been along there with a machete so I didn’t get too whipped by brambles and nettles: it has crossed my mind to bring secateurs with me on my next walk, but that kind someone has beaten me to it.

But the pain was getting worse: running through it wasn’t working. So I walked home. Limped really.

It’s so gutting – I think I can blame the new shoes being slightly different from the ones I was using before, the ones which I have run in for years without them causing problems. The new ones are more off-road which means less padding but they’re better for the back roads and paths.

So now I’m sitting with my leg out in front of me resting on an ice-pack of peas and hoping that my stupid old carcass can heal and get me back on the road.

Am I just kidding myself? I mean, I'm in my mid-50s, an irregular runner, overweight – why do I assume I can run? Even at a very slow easy pace am I just expecting too much? The women my age I see running are lean and gazelle-like, not stumpy, flabby and knock-kneed.   

New Shoes

Again! I know - it's only 4 years since I last got some...

A lot less bouncy than the old new ones - but these are hybrid trail/road runners. (The proof is the tiny blob of mud on the sole) The old ones were getting very smooth and slippery - and these are grippy and will get me through the muddy winter. Yay!

Also, they don't look like Day-Glo bumper cars like many of the others I was offered: I mean, please, who would wear those monstrosities?

Saucony Trail. Perhaps I will get sponsorship for promoting their product. It's unlikely, I'm no influencer

5.29 km

6m 30s min/km

Although I really wanted to walk, I applied the principle that walking is a choice, not compulsory (unless you have stress fractures) So I did slow down to a snail's pace but I kept running. It wasn't lovely: I don't do this as a hobby. I wish it was more of a compulsion but it's not - it's a pragmatic approach to keeping fit while also getting some vitamin D.

And it's the first time I've run twice in a week.

brambles and enlightenment...

...title of your sex tape...  (apologies - blame  brooklyn nine nine)

So - today's run provided:

• bramble scratches which have left an actual trail of blood down my arm - proud war wounds
• running in a vest rather than trying to cover up (but it's a loose vest which does the job)
• and enlightenment - nothing particularly useful, just the observation than giving in to the overwhelming need to walk (which happened at the highest point of the run) is akin to giving in to the urge to snack when you're trying to lose weight. It all counts, everything is a decision you make, everything has consequences. The challenge is to balance that temporary relief against the consequences. OK if the walking thing means you avoid vomiting or fainting then fine, but giving in cos you're a bit tired isn't - slow down to almost walking because once you walk once it's too easy to walk again. Plus it passes, the run will end, there is a meal to come later, there will be downhills ahead. 

You're welcome

5.3 km

6.34 min/km

Injured

I've been letting things slip - eating and drinking too much, even allowing the rain to stop me going for my walk - but not then doing a Joe Wicks workout either. one of my excuses for not running has been the fear of injury - which shouldn't be a thing but it's part of my long list of excuses.

So imagine how pleased with myself I was this morning when I headed out for an actual run. It was awful: I have gone all weighty again, I am eating badly and too much etc etc. And I need new shoes, have I mentioned that before? And apart from a light shower of drizzle and the need to walk a little, I managed to negotiate the hills without stopping, I ran through nettles and brambles and along the rutted lane behind the allotments.

I was well pleased when I got home and stopped the mapmyrun and tripped over the step and went flying... twisted ankle, scraped knee and hand.  It's not exactly bad, but it's annoyed me. Hopefully it won't stop me walking tomorrow and running again at least once this week.

5.45km
6m 50s per km
I feel old, slow, weighty and hurty

Glowing

It's become a bit of a thing, coming back from my run and immediately sitting down and reviewing it.  And it's at this point where I realise that the genre-busting post I'd been drafting in my head had utterly disappeared from my mind. Sorry about that.

So, what I have is this: it was OK. Better than last time as I felt less like walking. Also it felt a bit easier getting out of the house. Will I ever go for a run during the day? - I don't know. It would make sense as then I have all day to decide as opposed to limiting my choice to first thing in the morning and then the opportunity is gone for the rest of the day.

The shops reopen on Monday - I could get some new running shoes then (I expect there will be spectacular queues)

5.31 km
6m 30s per km

Privilege

There is a lot happening today. Black Lives Matter, George Floyd, global pandemic, refugees, terrorism, extremism.

And I worry about the fact that I have bought unflattering running shorts and my belly wobbles as I run.

5.29km
6m 34s per km

It's an Age Thing

For a change, I was listening to some music - a mix from BBC Sounds  - but I'm just not getting it. I feel so old but there is some much saminess - same voices - the gravelly ones - the rappers - the singer-songwriter . The songs are all about love and sex

Then Lose it (Eminem) came on and I do have a bit of history with that - (after all it came out in 2004) and I remembered how you can get lost in music, how it can move you. 
I have a kind of locked box where I stuffed all my old angst-ridden teenage diaries - and recently found the key. When I read through some of them, I realised I was all about mad crushes, sex and music. But all the music I listened to was samey - rock, ska - then goth - they were the tribes we lived in and from the outside, they all sounded the same

Anyhoo:

5.25km
6m 31s

A run on the downs

- for the first time in ages.

Reasons I felt it was a struggle:
1. overweight (not losing weight by numbers, but I think I'm losing muscle as I'm not going to the gym, so I'm basically turning into an amorphous blob)
2. It was hot - again. This has been the sunniest May on record by miles. It's been amazing and has helped enormously in making the lockdown bearable.
3. Worn out shoes
4. General laziness from now being at work for so long

I actually had to walk for a short bit - I know most of it is psychological but I think it was probably the right thing to do as it helped me get round the rest of the lap not feeling like I wanted to stop again

But I think the real reason is this:
6.29km
average pace - wait for it - 6m 19s per km. Which means I was running like the wind for way further than 5km.

Day Six

So far so good. No wine, being very disciplined with the intermittent fasting (it's actually very easy when you know you cannot eat anything because you don't have to decide how much or how little to eat of what) I feel a little bit lighter - the numbers aren't agreeing but if I'm feeling better in myself is the important thing.

5.11 km
6m 37s per km

Listening to Quanderhorn a very silly but quite clever sitcom on the BBC

Day One

I'm on a new health kick. Yesterday was Day Zero when I killed all my demons (ie I had a bacon bap for breakfast, and slobbed around the house for most of the day). It was a laying to rest of the habits that have brought me down recently.
This is a weight tracker for over the last 6 months or so:

It's obvious where this was heading. And I want to get back to where I was in November.  That felt far more comfortable.

So I've put that out there with the idea it'll shame me (perhaps 'motivate' would put a more positive spin on it...) and hopefully, in a few months time, the curve will be flipped over.

Today's run was a bit of a struggle - perhaps because I ate so much yesterday.

And yet:
5.17km
6m 29s per km - which is surprisingly faster than recently.

And so: day one. This is where new habits start. I'm not going to slob around quite so much; I'm going to do those niggling little jobs that are so easy to ignore. I'm going to take care of myself better, vut right back on the wine, be confident that it's ok to make mistakes.

Watch this space...

Average

Listening to The Corrupted which is a drama told across 5 series of 10 parts - it's really good. I love the idea of following a long saga. It weaves in contemporary history as well. Recommend.

5.34 km
6m 46s/km - it's over 10m 30s a mile which is slow but I think I can accept that.

A 10 minute mile is 6m 12s per km

It's a lovely morning and I was out of the house by 0715 after a crap night's sleep. I just didn't offer myself the choice of not going. If it had been raining it would have been a different matter - I have not even gone for a walk in the past week as the weather's been so awful. But it's May now - my favourite month: everything is looking green and the days are long. And then I think the longest day is only next month and the decline into Autumn has begun. But then I get over myself and enjoy the day.

Niggles: left foot is aching, left ankle too. Everything else seems to be working pretty well.

So all in all, this was a very average run.
Well done me*



                                                                                                          *Averagely well done me

Definitely need new shoes

During these times of lockdown and excessive online shopping, I need to rein in my spending on any unnecessary things.
New shoes are necessary. I will just get the same again. But what if they're not right - the design changes all the time... And it's so nice to get fitted properly. hmmm

Moti

5.15 km
6m 42s

No faster then, but I am getting into it a little bit more. Too much weight to carry of course. I dread to think what I might look like while I'm running. I guess I shouldn't worry about that, the important thing is getting out there.

This was in the Guardian this morning: it touches on a lot of the current existential discomfort we're all feeling.

The Missing Cryptoqueen

I've been obsessed with The Missing Cryptoqueen -  a BBC podcast about a cryptocurrency which isn't what it seems, the woman who set it up and the consequences for everyone involved. It's just so engaging, perfect for a run. Recommended.

Advert over.

I definitely need new shoes. I thought it was the way I was running which made my feet thud so heavily - but there is almost no padding left on the soles of my trusty old Asics. I bought them on 10th June 2016 so they've done OK. POssibly not done all that many miles and the mapmyrun doesn't do a running total. (see what I did there...)

On the upside, it's made me even more aware of how I'm running and I've been consciously using more spring from my arches and engaging my hamstrings more. I sound like an elite athlete. I don't look like one.

I reckon I've found a pretty good 5km route which is largely off-road/pavement and which I can extend if the mood takes me.

5.27km
34m 56s
6m 37 per km

There be dragons

Well, mainly fox poo tbh.
I ran down some of the new paths I've discovered while on my lockdown walks. Turns out there's quite a few of them round these parts. Far more interesting than house-lined roads. But a lot of fox poo to dodge.

5.51km - forgot to turn the sound on so I wasn't getting km markers but that's ok - I'd walked most of it anyway.
11.2 mins/km walking
6.36 km/m running
At least I'm faster at running

Also I felt a lot better than I have done recently - perhaps not drinking anything for a couple of days has helped. It's too easy to open a bottle at lunchtime (no kidding) and then finish it by bedtime. No one around to judge.

I've decided one of my lockdown pastimes will be to map all these little paths and cut-throughs. It's a thought. And I will mark where all the dragons live...

Well, that just happened

So I hauled myself out for a run with a new insight: as well as putting my kit out ready I should prepare my playlist the night before. I take an age to put it together even though it's usually only a podcast or play. (With a backup music playlist in case it all goes horribly wrong)

This morning was Detective Trapp which was interesting enough to listen all the way through the first part.

Perhaps a little too interesting...

I decided to go the other direction once I got to Horfield Common and pick up an old route through Henleaze (one of the dullest areas of Bristol) But I made the mistake of heading down an unfamiliar road and ended up god knows where. All the roads look the same round there. I have little sense of direction at the best of times and I really didn't know which way I should be going. Thank heavens for google maps. Turns out the road I was thinking of taking was basically totally the wrong direction.

6.52 km
6m 42s / km so very slow

Thoughts: I think I could have got to 10k if there weren't any hills (too many killer hills round here but at least I didn't walk up them...) And my left Achilles is aching. Is there something I can do to stop that happening? I think I need to land more centrally on my forefoot and bounce off my arches - something I've always been bad at. Current body part I'd like to exchange: feet.

Another 5k

Well, get me very much. Although I haven’t quite achieved the 3x5k a week I thought I was going to aim for. But I indeed ran further than 5km (not much over but there you go)

33m27s
5.18km, 6m27s per km - so ever so slightly faster  than the last one - and faster than the park run at Eastville park - which shows how bad I am on hills

I listened to a BBC podcast about Thomas Middleton who was a playwright contemporary of Shakespeare but wrote far darker plays and better parts for women - good on him. And then I listened to a Radio 1 workout playlist which was OK - listening to music is a different experience, more contemplative than speech. Not sure how I liked it - perhaps getting the perfect track is hard to find.

Rugly: a portmanteau of running + ugly. About 1/2 way round I realised my hoodie had come unzipped and I know that meant my belly was being framed and not in a flattering way. I know these kinds of things shouldn't concern me - but they do. As does how my face looks: I have to accept the redness (in a way it is OK as it just means I'm exerting myself) but it's the rest of my face which is troubling. I'm getting old and my jowls are becoming increasingly prominent and ageing. And I'm thick around the middle - a symptom of middle-age spread as well as being overweight again. And just everything really. I see other people out running and they are young and slim and tall and fast; I'm not one of them, I'm a slowcoach. Philosophically I have to accept the body I have and be grateful I can still run even if it's a bit crap.

It’s the Queen’s speech this evening. It’s an odd feeling - nice to know she’s there but she’s hardly in the same situation as the rest of us, but I guess she’s quite good at saying the right thing in the circumstances.

I’m writing this on my iPad with the fancy keyboard cover which I splashed out on for my travels. That’s not going to happen now. I 'm even thinking about taking some unpaid leave next year and try again. I think even if travel is allowed this June/July there will be nothing to travel to. Or perhaps they will all be so desperate for people to spend money I'd be welcomed with open arms.

But no that’s not how this is going to pan out is it.

The right thing to do

I've moved onto kilometres - with the idea that I will do a 5k run 3 times a week for the duration of the lockdown. 5K is a little bit further than I thought.

Today then:
5.92 km
6.38m/km (no idea how that works 0.38 of a minute or 38s? doesn't matter) (It's 10.26 mins/mile)

The plan, such that it is, is to get into the running again. And find out of the elusive runners' high actually exists for me. There are so many examples of people saying running helps their mental health - that any form of exercise is beneficial. I mean - of course it's beneficial, we're not designed to loaf around all day (even though that's kind of what's going to get us through this)

And so I will endeavour to do this 5k thing.

What helped enormously this morning was having had just 1/2 glass red last night (which is practically tea-total compared with my recent intake). Being a borderline alcoholic (but if I see myself as a borderline alcoholic probably means I am quite a long way down the line) it's not a good place to be. It's hard though - this isolation, these uncertain, unknowable times makes the usual; rules feel unnecessary, that any form of personal restrictions feel pointless: if there is no one to judge you why should you care about what you do? But is that the attitude of someone who believes other people's opinions are more important than their own.

There are many opportunities to get to know ourselves better during there uncertain, unknowable times.

Stay safe

covid19

What the hell is happening?

This is day 1 of the lockdown and I have already taken advantage of my single allowable excursion into the fresh air for daily exercise. So basically it takes a national emergency for me to get out for a run?

And it's kind of given me a dry cough (but I often get that after a run - must be the fresh air)

It's been a lovely few days weather-wise which is a kind of salve for the upheaval we're all experiencing. And in truth - to get out into the fresh air and drag some air into my lungs felt like a very good thing to be doing.

But omg was it a struggle. I have put on some of the weight I lost last year (about 1/2 of it, 5lbs in truth) and I've been knocking back the wine (no one can judge you when you're on a solo lockdown...)
So all that made it a struggle:
2.54 miles
10m 43s a mile.
I mean - that is the worst run I've done in terms of distance and speed for a very long time. But I did do a different route around the back lanes so it was at least interesting.

Now is the time to decide if I'm going to make running my thing. It makes perfect sense at the moment to up my frequency and distance over the next few weeks. There is no reason not to.

One extra note - this morning I did a yoga flow before I ran - only 1/4 of an hour - and it really did energise me. That's the sort of claim which I would normally snoot at but I can recommend doing it. Whether I will do it daily is another matter - but I did the yoga and the run after a bottle of wine last night and now I feel epic. (Doesn't take much, right)

A regular run

Regular, as in, once a month, that is...

But out I went. I even checked the rain forecast as it's been raining non-stop for days. And it started spitting about a mile in and I seriously thought about heading back. Such a wimp. And yet when it stopped, I was OK about continuing with the run, it felt like it was a good thing to be doing right then, yet again proving the truism that getting out there is the hardest part.

So here it is:
4.55 miles
11mins average pace.

I have no idea why it was so desperately slow today. I had to wait to cross the road a couple of times and I didn't exactly sprint up the hills and I am back on the intermittent fasting so I'm peckish - but still...

But I am so very glad I went for a run.

First run of the decade!

It was OK. At times I was wondering why I make such a fuss about it. OK, I was a little out of breath but while the joints and muscles and connective tissue weren't actually hurting, it was OK.

Slow, though

4.8 miles
10m 29s a mile.

There were hills involved

And a hurty knee

Thought processes: keep your elbows in and allow your knees to drive the motion. Worked well until I did something my right knee didn't like. It was a worry, but it settled down again mostly.

NATs
I look pretty bloody ugly when I run - red face, chin jutting forward, hair just a fright, arse wobbling etc etc
Bits of me are going to hurt
There is no point - I'm too old to get any benefit and I am impressing no one.

PETs
I look bloody good for my age
Looking ugly is temporary and no one is looking anyway
I don't hurt all the time
Occasionally - just occasionally - I feel the mindfulness of running

I would love to have a running track through a forest or along a coast (a flat one) but I have to accept the wild streets of Bishopston are perfectly good for day to day. If I go away in the Spring I can find some new places to tackle.

Note to self - never run during school delivery time. I hate the way they believe no one else has any right to use the pavement, that perhaps they aren't the centre of everyone else's universe. I mean, just pushing the pram onto the path just as I was getting there - do they never fucking look where they're going? It's the sense of entitlement which winds me up.
Just saying

last run of the decade!

Well, I do feel virtuous! I don't know if it was purely so I could say I ran on the last day of the decade which motivated me to get out there this morning, but out there I very much went.

Looking back through the blog I did a run on the 3rd January 2010 so it's almost a perfect 'first and last' achievement... and back then I was wrestling with the Nike+   gadget whereas now it's all mapmyrun, parkrun and Zombies Run!

3.62 miles
10m 29s a mile

It feels like the same old struggle every time I go out. I know it's good to get out there and I need to keep fit as I get old - but where is the endorphin rush? The feeling of freedom and adventure? Or am I expecting ever so slightly too much?

First mid-50s run

3.61 miles
10m 12s per mile

Well, that was a challenge. When the lady told me my first mile was 10m 57s I almost gave up...  but that's just a distraction.

The important thing is I kept going - despite the rather knackered running shoes and my seeming inability to stop thumping into my toes (perhaps just tie the shoes a little more firmly???) I did over 3 1/2 miles!

Nothing particularly going through my head other than whether I should get some new shoes - and if so, should I get the same ones online or go to Moti and get some fitted and new and possibly far more expensive... seems like a no-brainer. I know for a fact that getting shiny new kit won't encourage me to run - that kind of motivation comes from my internal monologue.

So - wishing everyone who celebrates Christmas a happy one and to everyone, a happy and healthy new year.

Cold and frosty - what was I thinking?

Well, I went for a run and it was indeed cold and frosty - and it felt really good. I was concerned about my left foot which felt a bit stress fracture-y but it's OK. Both my knees were a bit peaky and my hips got a bit stiff. But all in all, it was OK.

Underwhelming in terms of a run but how amazingly amazing am I for getting out there?

I definitely need new running shoes - I am thumping down, no spring at all. But is that more to do with my arches? Surely the mid-strike concept is that you don't need the padding cos all the spring comes from your feet? Not an expert.

Didn't start the app so I don't really know how far etc - about 40 mins I reckon so that's acceptable.

The little icon at the bottom of this page is telling me this is
formal 4/5
forceful 2/5
compliant 1/5
I have no idea what I'm supposed to do about this.

PS just amended the text a bit and the scores have all changed. I know what to do with this: ignore.

jog on

I've been battling depression, anxiety, the usual modern afflictions recently and it felt even tougher than usual getting out there. Am I glad I did? I guess so. I still don't understand people who can go for a run 'to clear their head' or 'because I need to' or even (these are weirdos) 'because I love it'

I was slow - but that's OK. It was hard going - and I don't have the excuse of excess weight (there's still a bit of a wobble, but less - I've lost about 8lbs so far) It's simply because I'm less fit than I was. I still cycle to work, go to the gym about twice a week and do planks most days - but the running/aerobic fitness is passing me by.

But I have been out there, feeling like I need new shoes - I last got some in 2016. I know I haven't done many miles on them but they are designed to deteriorate over time and I do feel like there is no bounce left. If I spend £80+ on new ones I have to promise myself that I will use them, that my part-time hours mean I can run every week, rather than once a month... And perhaps the more I do the better it will make me feel and I can keep running until my bones crumble.  You do see old people running and I guess it does them good...

3.9 miles
10m 26s