Jury's out...

 But I did get out there, go for a run, and am not in pain... 

I set myself a short circuit and managed to exceed it by, oh, 50m so well done me 

What I discovered: I am carrying too much weight for my muscles to cope with. I am unfit even though I've been walking or doing a class almost every day for the past couple of years, since lockdown, but obviously it's not enough to really keep fit (if I define being fit as being able to run for 5 km without dying...) 

2.36km

7m 10 per km. 

So, very slow and very short - but ffs I am coming from a position of being overweight, unfit, slightly depressed etc etc. The actual important thing here is to keep going, to keep motivated. Keep strengthening calves and loosening my Achilles. 

If I have something to aim for, would that actually help or would I see it as a failure if I don't actually achieve this? And if I do - what then? After the 1/2 marathon I kind of retired cos I didn't need to do it again. 

Psychology is the greatest weapon 

angry and disappointed

 3.48km 

7m 8s per km

That was the first bit of the run. I stopped to stretch my right Achilles and managed to stop the mapmyrun thing. But my flipping Achilles. I am so angry and disappointed. It's not hurting too much but there is an issue with it - very low down which might be a different place from before. Don't know if that is significant. But it's there and it's something that will stop me running.

How long can I keep up this misguided belief that at some level I can run? Almost every time I go out there is an issue. I have to get over my body-consciousness issues to even get me out of the door, which is an incentive to keep me running rather than giving up and walking and looking like an even greater loser. An overweight, middle-aged, delusional loser.

So I started the app again and mostly walked home, at times running normally on my left leg and heel-striking on my right to protect my Achilles. What was that about not wanting to look like a loser?

1.41km

8m 48 per km

What do I do? 

Still hurts

It's not good. The only cure is rest. I did the calf exercise at the gym this morning and it made my achilles hurt so I stopped it.
So what happens next? I'm going to pop into Moti to see if they have any advice - I haven't run since last time cos that seemed to be a bad idea. But I don't want to stop altogether and I don't want to go back to the old style. Perhaps that's not the worst thing that can happen.
Bit down, in truth. It's a kind of wake-up thing telling me I'm getting old and it'll take a long time to heal and then a long time again to get back to the level I was at before. (which wasn't very impressive frankly...)