covid19

What the hell is happening?

This is day 1 of the lockdown and I have already taken advantage of my single allowable excursion into the fresh air for daily exercise. So basically it takes a national emergency for me to get out for a run?

And it's kind of given me a dry cough (but I often get that after a run - must be the fresh air)

It's been a lovely few days weather-wise which is a kind of salve for the upheaval we're all experiencing. And in truth - to get out into the fresh air and drag some air into my lungs felt like a very good thing to be doing.

But omg was it a struggle. I have put on some of the weight I lost last year (about 1/2 of it, 5lbs in truth) and I've been knocking back the wine (no one can judge you when you're on a solo lockdown...)
So all that made it a struggle:
2.54 miles
10m 43s a mile.
I mean - that is the worst run I've done in terms of distance and speed for a very long time. But I did do a different route around the back lanes so it was at least interesting.

Now is the time to decide if I'm going to make running my thing. It makes perfect sense at the moment to up my frequency and distance over the next few weeks. There is no reason not to.

One extra note - this morning I did a yoga flow before I ran - only 1/4 of an hour - and it really did energise me. That's the sort of claim which I would normally snoot at but I can recommend doing it. Whether I will do it daily is another matter - but I did the yoga and the run after a bottle of wine last night and now I feel epic. (Doesn't take much, right)

A regular run

Regular, as in, once a month, that is...

But out I went. I even checked the rain forecast as it's been raining non-stop for days. And it started spitting about a mile in and I seriously thought about heading back. Such a wimp. And yet when it stopped, I was OK about continuing with the run, it felt like it was a good thing to be doing right then, yet again proving the truism that getting out there is the hardest part.

So here it is:
4.55 miles
11mins average pace.

I have no idea why it was so desperately slow today. I had to wait to cross the road a couple of times and I didn't exactly sprint up the hills and I am back on the intermittent fasting so I'm peckish - but still...

But I am so very glad I went for a run.

First run of the decade!

It was OK. At times I was wondering why I make such a fuss about it. OK, I was a little out of breath but while the joints and muscles and connective tissue weren't actually hurting, it was OK.

Slow, though

4.8 miles
10m 29s a mile.

There were hills involved

And a hurty knee

Thought processes: keep your elbows in and allow your knees to drive the motion. Worked well until I did something my right knee didn't like. It was a worry, but it settled down again mostly.

NATs
I look pretty bloody ugly when I run - red face, chin jutting forward, hair just a fright, arse wobbling etc etc
Bits of me are going to hurt
There is no point - I'm too old to get any benefit and I am impressing no one.

PETs
I look bloody good for my age
Looking ugly is temporary and no one is looking anyway
I don't hurt all the time
Occasionally - just occasionally - I feel the mindfulness of running

I would love to have a running track through a forest or along a coast (a flat one) but I have to accept the wild streets of Bishopston are perfectly good for day to day. If I go away in the Spring I can find some new places to tackle.

Note to self - never run during school delivery time. I hate the way they believe no one else has any right to use the pavement, that perhaps they aren't the centre of everyone else's universe. I mean, just pushing the pram onto the path just as I was getting there - do they never fucking look where they're going? It's the sense of entitlement which winds me up.
Just saying

last run of the decade!

Well, I do feel virtuous! I don't know if it was purely so I could say I ran on the last day of the decade which motivated me to get out there this morning, but out there I very much went.

Looking back through the blog I did a run on the 3rd January 2010 so it's almost a perfect 'first and last' achievement... and back then I was wrestling with the Nike+   gadget whereas now it's all mapmyrun, parkrun and Zombies Run!

3.62 miles
10m 29s a mile

It feels like the same old struggle every time I go out. I know it's good to get out there and I need to keep fit as I get old - but where is the endorphin rush? The feeling of freedom and adventure? Or am I expecting ever so slightly too much?

First mid-50s run

3.61 miles
10m 12s per mile

Well, that was a challenge. When the lady told me my first mile was 10m 57s I almost gave up...  but that's just a distraction.

The important thing is I kept going - despite the rather knackered running shoes and my seeming inability to stop thumping into my toes (perhaps just tie the shoes a little more firmly???) I did over 3 1/2 miles!

Nothing particularly going through my head other than whether I should get some new shoes - and if so, should I get the same ones online or go to Moti and get some fitted and new and possibly far more expensive... seems like a no-brainer. I know for a fact that getting shiny new kit won't encourage me to run - that kind of motivation comes from my internal monologue.

So - wishing everyone who celebrates Christmas a happy one and to everyone, a happy and healthy new year.

Cold and frosty - what was I thinking?

Well, I went for a run and it was indeed cold and frosty - and it felt really good. I was concerned about my left foot which felt a bit stress fracture-y but it's OK. Both my knees were a bit peaky and my hips got a bit stiff. But all in all, it was OK.

Underwhelming in terms of a run but how amazingly amazing am I for getting out there?

I definitely need new running shoes - I am thumping down, no spring at all. But is that more to do with my arches? Surely the mid-strike concept is that you don't need the padding cos all the spring comes from your feet? Not an expert.

Didn't start the app so I don't really know how far etc - about 40 mins I reckon so that's acceptable.

The little icon at the bottom of this page is telling me this is
formal 4/5
forceful 2/5
compliant 1/5
I have no idea what I'm supposed to do about this.

PS just amended the text a bit and the scores have all changed. I know what to do with this: ignore.

jog on

I've been battling depression, anxiety, the usual modern afflictions recently and it felt even tougher than usual getting out there. Am I glad I did? I guess so. I still don't understand people who can go for a run 'to clear their head' or 'because I need to' or even (these are weirdos) 'because I love it'

I was slow - but that's OK. It was hard going - and I don't have the excuse of excess weight (there's still a bit of a wobble, but less - I've lost about 8lbs so far) It's simply because I'm less fit than I was. I still cycle to work, go to the gym about twice a week and do planks most days - but the running/aerobic fitness is passing me by.

But I have been out there, feeling like I need new shoes - I last got some in 2016. I know I haven't done many miles on them but they are designed to deteriorate over time and I do feel like there is no bounce left. If I spend £80+ on new ones I have to promise myself that I will use them, that my part-time hours mean I can run every week, rather than once a month... And perhaps the more I do the better it will make me feel and I can keep running until my bones crumble.  You do see old people running and I guess it does them good...

3.9 miles
10m 26s

Jowl Express

So having been banging on about how being overweight is making running that must more of an effort - I tried it this morning having lost 6lbs (I know, well done me) and frankly it didn't make that much difference. But that doesn't mean I'm off to the pie shop. I'm sticking with the Adlerian approach to intermittent fasting.

3.97 miles
10m 07s
I did do one of the miles in under 10 mins so, that, really

So, the title of this run's post. I'm getting on a bit and all those features of my parents that I associate with them being one generation older than me are turning up on my own features now - the eye bags, the drooping eyelids - and the jowls. It's a genetic thing from one side of the fam - and I am not happy about it but I have the serenity to accept it. Up to a point. You see, running makes my face look as old as it could ever look as it is now: I curl my lips over my teeth so they look like witchy lines and my grimace draws my jowls down - and then there's the double chin wattling away.  You spend £s on a nice running bra so your boobs are comfy - but what about a chin hammock to stop the wobble and support the slack?

So running makes you look old on the outside but keeps you young on the inside. Discuss.

Adlerian Task

the courage to be disliked

Adlerian philosophy, as I see it, is a way of removing all values, emotions, judgement from a task. This way I can look at going for a run as simply a thing I am doing. It doesn't prevent me from doing something else, like going for coffee or reupholstering the dining chairs (that is a thing) - it's the thing I am doing until I stop doing it.
It's simple and it's helping me in all sorts of ways. not in every way but I think it's reducing stress by eliminating a large part of the decision-making process. 

So that got me out the door.

I am not pushing myself very hard - I am still too fat for that - but I am content that I am out there doing something which is good for me. My achilles might disagree but they can be quiet.

3.36 miles
10m 13"
Slow, but it's still exercise

First: wow. Then: wait, what?

So nbd I went out for a run thinking it would just be 30 mins or so. And it was ok. Stayed on the flat to start with, managed over 4miles (well done me)

But after 8 mins or so, the lady told me I'd run a mile. I mean - what? Surely there was something awry with the app. And the following miles were as normal.

But now I"m back and looking at the splits - it's somehow true:
mile 1: 8m 30
mile 2: 10m 22
mile 3: 10m17

average 9m 47

So I'm happy with that - and utterly perplexed about the first mile.
Theories - I have lost a few lbs (about 4 so far) and I haven't drunk any alcohol for 3 and a half weeks.

On a physical note - none of the usual aches and pains (less weight to lug around maybe). Also, I'm going to concentrate more on my mid-footedness - I have flat feet, I spent a lot of my life walking on the outside edge of my feet (which has led to a number of twisted ankles) but I can feel how much better it is when I land on the balls of my feet and stretch my arches, so I'm going to try and keep that up - it's a habit I need to change

Anyway, that was today's adventure.

Old. Slow. Fat.

The holy trinity.
one I can do nothing about
one I don't care about
one I need to address

I am a life coach and yet I can't seem to coach myself into running.

I have tried but it's too hard, I'm too old, it doesn't do me any good even when I do run, I need new shoes and looser clothing so no one can see the wobble. Etc. I am really good at convincing myself I won't run.

And yet when I do get out there and I am the slowest, oldest, fattest person on the downs, it doesn't seem like a waste of time. It is good that I am out there, it doesn't matter that I have to force myself, that I don't push myself. Once the 3 miles ticks over I feel I have done enough and it's OK to want to stop.

3.18 miles
10m 29s per mile.

So slow - but I got out there.

It doesn't get any easier, but...

...apparently I broke the 10-minute mile pace.

Yay me, right!

It was awful -as usual - but I actually did it. I went round a flat route including the county ground, which probably helped the pace.

3.83 miles
9m 56 per mile.

Feel pleased that I did it.

I can't just  'go for a quick run' - I have to make such a palava of it - the kit, the sounds, the mapmyrun. I think I envy those people (let's face it, blokes) who just head out the door, run, quick shower and off they go. I have a beetroot face which takes the best part of an hour to subside (or trowled on makeup) and I will have to wash and dry my hair as well. So there is all that to factor into the 'quick run'.  Which is why the morning run works better for me.

Do I need new shoes? Would they really make any difference? Would I keep the old ones at work in case I feel moved to go for a 'quick run'? No, wait...

The greatest run ever

If I was to rate each run individually, with no reference to past runs, then this one would be right up there.

3.42 miles
10m 16s /mile

So what's so great about that? Well, I am feeling very negative about myself these days and I don't wholeheartedly believe that exercise can lift you out of it, so it's tough to get out of the door. The fact that I did get out of the door is already a win in my book.

I thought I would just go for a couple of miles, and when the mapmyrun lady told me I'd run that far I was about 50m from home - but I ran on; The trust is, I felt ashamed that I might accept giving up after just 2 miles. I know everything counts, but that seemed almost worse than not going out in the first place.

So I did another loop. It felt horrid. I am so heavy, both mentally and physically these days that it was an almighty struggle.

But I did it - I did over 3 miles, my various aches didn't stop me although I might suffer a bit tomorrow - but it all adds up.

As I keep trying to convince myself - EVERYTHING COUNTS.

Being kind to myself

3.25 miles
10m 22s per mile

The more observant among you, dear readers, will notice that this was a sluggish run this morning.

Why so leisurely? I'm not very fit and I am overweight.

But at least I went for a 'run', right?

Well, yes, but it kind of highlights why I find it so hard to get going. What puts me off is more than the physical exertion, the sticky kit, the reliance on listening to something and therefore having to carry the iPhone (although without that I wouldn't be able to gather these fascinating statistics...)

No - I had a little epiphany this morning: there is no reward for running. Ok it's a reward in itself, but it came to me that just finishing a run is not enough - there has to be a reward greater than the feeling of achievement and defiance of my age and various physical complaints.

When bf goes training, pump etc, there is the social side of it - going to the pub mainly - and that is a good thing. I just come home, peel off the sweaty layer and have a shower. Oh, and gush forth in this blog.

So what should I do to increase the reward for doing exercise - and that includes going to the gym which I can fit neatly into my morning routine and yet I habitually convince myself it's ok to skip it.

It can't be food, it has to be something I wouldn't normally do. Scrummy shower gel maybe. I may get myself some Neal's Yard shower gel as I love that stuff. Will it be enough? Too late for today obvs but perhaps, just perhaps, it might help.

It won't though will it.

And the 'being kind to yourself' title? Well, there is no point in running any faster. It makes me feel crap, my ankle's not the best yet and I don't want to risk going over on it again. And it feels more comfortable. Perhaps as I lose weight (watch this space) I will up the pace - but it will be an unconscious thing - I don't want - I don't feel the need - to do the 5 miles in 45 mins like I did a few years back - but if I get there it would be good.

Just getting out there is reward enough.

I didn't walk...

I ran
I tripped
I limped

Bother. I twisted my ankle back in March and still occasionally get a twinge but I thought it would be ok to run on. But I slipped on some dodgy grass and went down, twisting it again. God, it hurt. Luckily I wasn't too far from the car and I could limp back. It eased off a bit so I am hoping it's not too bad. It aches now. Also luckily, I didn't rip my Sweaty Bettys and skin my knee.

It was otherwise a nice run on the downs. I was tired and it felt like very hard work, and I was so tempted to walk - but I just slowed down a notch (so it was no faster than walking basically...) and felt quite pleased with myself. Then I went over and it all went tits up and I now feel ugly inside and out.

3.02 miles
10m50s average pace (I was walking for the last 1/2 mile...)
But the running miles weren't as bad as I feared - 10m 8secs or so - quite pleased with that as I was feeling so overweight and sluggish.

Exciting news*

*clickbait

I've left mapmyrun and have signed (possibly re-signed) with Strava. Unfollowed everyone I was following and cancelled requests to follow and deleted my 2 followers.

It's no one's damn business but my own!

Is that enough?

Well, I've finally gone for a run - the coaching mindset is still there of course but I have just been too lazy recently.
And I still can't get mapmyrun working. It's annoying but it's also a bit me-shaming, pointing out that I run like a sloth and don't get very far.
But.
But...
This morning I didn't want to go, but I went for a run. I didn't have the mapmyrun, but I went for a run. I knew it was going to be unpleasant, but I went for a run.
And that is good enough.
It's better than not running.
I listened to an old episode of 'Jeremy Hardy speaks to the nation' - he was such a razor-sharp comedian.
So - I don't know how far I went, I ran for about 35 mins, I didn't get injured and basically, I am starting the day on a bit of a better footing than I have recently as I notice my distant demons are closing in.

Coaching success

I did my favourite run along the front at Whitstable last weekend which was one of those post-wine, pre-carb ones - and it was as lovely as usual.

But a couple of days before I did a practice coaching session with one of my fellow Animas students and we talked about how I see myself as a runner even though I don't run very much. My take away from this session was to have been for a run before the next one. Which I did, so well done me.

Of course, I always feel more motivated to run when I'm in Whitstable but there was a far greater determination that morning. It's all too easy to make excuses and put it off but after this session, I knew it was entirely up to me, that the benefit is entirely mine, that excuses are trivial.

How long this will continue I don't know as I haven't run since, but I'd like to think that coaching is a help.

The mapmyrun app still isn't working which annoys me hugely

Here come the excuses

1. I twisted my ankle on a walk 3 weeks ago and it's still troubling me
2. Over-indulgence over Easter
3. mapmyrun not working
4. it was too warm
5. pulled muscle on my right side still kicking in - might be a gluteus medius thing... still looking into that... (disclaimer: not a physiotherapist)

well, I could go on but the overall outcome is that yes I did go for a run and it was quite horrible. The mapmyrun thing was annoying, nothing more - but it does change the mental aspect of going for a run in that I feel there is less incentive to do at least the same as the last one, that if there is no record of the run then I can get away with doing less. I am not cut out for this am I...

But I did run and it was awful, but not as bad as it might have been. And it was better for me than not going for a run. So that's good.

Recovery

Well, that was both a struggle and a relief.

I've been away for a week or so in a fantastic place in Pembrokeshire. So that, plus great weather meant lots of walks along the coastal path. And a twisted ankle. So, what with the pulled muscle from the ParkRun and the dodgy ankle, it was a bit of a gamble. But, apart from a twinge in my side and various insignificant foot and calf and ankle aches, it was OK. I felt pleased I'd made the effort. Pats self on back.

3.37 miles
10m 05s per mile

Park run #2

Also hip flexor strain. Possibly. Dr Google suggests it'll be that.

Anyway - the parkrun was possibly the hardest run I've done in a long while. It's the same route as the first one - with a killer hill in the middle. I was n't feeling the love tbh and it was a bit of a super-human effort to get out the door - but I had forgotten how tough the thing is so I assumed I would be ok and the bottle of wine I finished off last night wouldn't affect me. I think it did...
I don't know when the results will be out but I know I wasn't last. Bottom 1/4 probably. God how I struggled.
And the near the end my right hip started hurting. It's been a bit off before but today it's proper sore - even when I'm walking. I think I need to stretch more - the 'runners' stretch' is the one I'm looking at. I doubt it's anything worse than that. But it advises not to run on it. So, that's happened.

Anyway - I am glad I went for it - I don't know if I'd braved the frankly vile weather and gone off on my own if I hadn't made the decision to double my parkrun tally.

Well done me, anyway.

Stats!
A new PB: 30m 30s
305th out of 497 people
57.81% is age grade - don't know what that is
95 is gender position - 95th woman out of 217 - so above 1/2 way!

305

Kath FARNABY

30:30

VW50-54

57.81 %

F

95

New PB!

2

Why do I run?

I have been putting this off for 3 days now. this morning was my last chance before Thursday to go out as I can't force myself to go of an evening. So I put the kit out the night before. Good Plan.
Although I lay bed in for 2 hours after I woke - partly cos I knew the first thing I'd be doing was going for a run.

So I got dressed and hesitated, trying to remember some of the reasons I run:

To counteract depression
To keep relatively fit
Bragging rights over people who don't run.
It is part of the minimum amount of exercise any sane person should be doing if they can
Delaying the worst effects of ageing

And so on

But then those lovey reasons are so easily burned:
running counteracts depression only for the time I'm out running.
I am not fit and getting less fit as I get older - it gets increasingly hard to stay at the same level
Most people I know who run will run further and faster than me
It is really the minimum amount I need to be doing - most of the time I'm sat at a desk or on the sofa which is the new smoking apparently
Being overweight is the worst thing for running - and I have regained a stone over the last 2 years.

So before I even stepped out of the door, I was in tears wondering why the hell I was doing this - it's so pointless. Nothing I do counts for anything. I count for nothing.

How I got out he door I don't know - but I only got as far as the end of the road before I turned around and came back. I was in a crisis - what was I doing? What is the point of my meaningless life? Everything - just plain old living - has become such a burden recently.

It was the hardest thing I've done to turn around and go for the run. Perhaps the feeling of abject failure kept my little fat legs in motion. For about 40 mins. Which is OK.

Did it cure the depression? It got me through that mini-crisis I guess.

But I"m now back home; same old me, same old ugly face in the mirror now with added blotchy redness.

It's not a good day.

Is it just me?

Or are the hills actually getting steeper? I did the run around St Werbergh's farm and found I ran out of strength heading up the railway path. I had to walk, it was horrible. I felt like I was just a bag of flab. Not a nice image. I did get going again though and decided I wasn't going to do the full run along Kellaway Avenue, and I think I did ok after that. I went over 3 episodes of the Book at Bedtime (Orlando by Virginia Woolf - I'm enjoying it) so that's 45 mins. (it wasn't)

And I am very glad I did put myself through it

The reasons/excuses - I am still overweight - I lost a couple of pounds but have eaten like an idiot since and had the best part of a bottle of wine last night - so that's the immediate reason. So I simply have to stop doing that and running will no longer be quite such an ordeal.

My toenail is almost off. That will be a relief cos I keep worrying it might rip. Another image hard to unsee...

3.8 miles
10m 41 pace.

Not exactly inspiring - or looking at it another way - well done me for dragging my carcass out for a run despite everything

The First Step

The first step is the hardest, right, but what if there is another way of looking at it? The first step is a huge achievement - a triumph, if you will, over inertia, over doubt, over laziness.
It's ticking off the first little thing on your to-do list: this morning it was to charge my Kindle.
It's taking the literal first step out the door for a run.
It's having the healthy option, passing on the pudding - the first step towards losing the next lb.

So I went for a run: the first step along today's road of self-improvement.

And the first step is the action, which we all know, leads to motivation.

Today's run: on one hand it was terrible - on the other, it was a triumph.
It's been snowy and what's left is icy patches, quite lethal in places but there's space to jog along the road or the sunny side of the street. It meant running very slowly and carefully. Also, I am so overweight again I was struggling: at the 1/2 way mark I have to slow down - but there's nothing wrong with that. I have to fight the compulsion to compare myself with other people (positively as well as negatively - we are all separate beings, there is no fair comparison)
On the triumphant side; I went for a run; I slowed down in order to keep going and I felt a lot better at that point (it was the first step along the path of finishing a run); the weather is glorious and sunshine is a powerful boost to my mood. Ok, my eyes and nose were running which was a bit annoying but it was very minor.

4.68 miles (far far further than I thought I ran - another triumph, thank you)
10m 45s pace - the slowest for a long, long time - a combination of carrying too much weight and tiptoeing around the ice sheets...

That first 2 minutes...

That's what proper runners must feel like all the time - light, swift, invincible. It doesn't last long and by the time I was getting close to home I was feeling like a sack of spuds.

But I went. I had to get out there and do it before I got sucked into doing anything else like washing up, morning pages, anything. And that's how I used to do it, in the far off days of training for the 1/2 marathon: up at 6am, do 7 miles and back in time for breakfast and the day ahead. I was so much lighter and fitter - and younger - then.  But I was also heel-striking and since I altered to mid-foot I've had 2 stress fractures and haven't run much over 5 miles.

I've also been getting knee pain and I really hope it's not through running. It's likely to be an age thing, coupled with a lack of strength in the relevant muscles, but more likely to be stiffness. I will try some quad stretches for a while and if that doesn't work then back to the osteopath or else the Moti man (although that's for real runners...)

4.86 miles
10m 26s

I would like to get back under 10-minute miles - that will require weight loss more than anything else...

awesome

4.86 miles
10m 18s per mile

So what's so awesome? I mean, my calf muscles are aching and that's going to last for a few days; my throat feels like sandpaper; my cough has been triggered - dry, hacking, unpleasant and irritating to everyone. And it turns out I was wearing my vest inside out (under a top tho so no biggie) And I wallopped my elbow. And my blackened toenail (from running) was a bit hurty - I think it's due to fall off very soon)

But - I went for a run despite everything and it didn't feel like A Big Deal. In fact, once I got up to the downs and got my breath back from the hill climb, I felt like I could keep going a bit longer - I wasn't going to risk the calves though as that's a bit too much. But I feel good for going and that's enough.

bloody hell and a happy new year...

Is it really 4 weeks since my last run? At least that long. Since then has been Christmas, New Year and the worst cold/sore throat/chest infection combo I have ever had. And it took a superhuman effort to go out today. I knew if I didn't it would be at least Friday before I went for one - and there was nothing actually stopping me today.

It was touch and go whether I was going to go (really building this up now...) I woke up, like I have done for the last 3 weeks, with a lung full of cack to cough up so I didn't want to go first thing. Which meant running after lunch - not something I ever do - so well done me, right.

It was horrible. I gave me a good talking to before I left - about how much good it will do me, psychologically as well as physically and how it's part of how I define myself, all that guff - and I was only ever going to do a short one. So with all that in mind off I went.

God, it was hard work.

3.82 miles
10m 26s

And now I'm coughing up pints of the green stuff - I guess it's been loosened and it will hasten my recovery.

Uphill struggle

Quite literally: I was struggling on the hills this morning. I'm blaming it on having 2 halves of 'Double Standard' last night at The Urban. (That means something to me, I'm not going to explain it) It was my birthday so we went out for a fish pie (I know how to celebrate) and the beer came with it. And I didn't even have fish pie (always rebellious) - I had moules frites and smoked mackerel pate which had added horseradish - something I will add to my own in future.

So, that's a lot of nothing before I start on about this morning's run.

It felt very tough: I know I am carrying a lot of extra weight which doesn't help - in fact, it's the single thing which makes running such a challenge. But now I have got my birthday out the way I am going to turn things around health-wise. I know I keep saying it - but until it becomes ingrained into my every waking thought and I believe, not only that I can do it, but that the pain will be worth it - I am setting out to fail
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels: it's a dangerous concent for anyone who might have an eating disorder - but it is the truth as far as motivation for weight-loss is concerned.

4.7 miles
10m 16s pace

short and wet

'Oh, it's OK', I thought 'I will run in this light rain'. And so, I did and it was fine: the hairband kept the worst of the rain out my eyes and the earbuds lasted until the last 10 mins or so (spoiler: I have just left Helen and Freddie about to be eaten by pigs - Tracks, final part)

So mostly good. But I hadn't considered my poor phone. I hope it was OK stuffed up my sleeve, not too damp up there.

It worked enough to record my stats - which are both good and bad. Bad because I only ran 3.29 miles but good because I ran them in 9m 50 a mile.
So, I'm taking that as a win.

I read about a revolutionary face washing product yesterday - a cloth that cleans your skin, taking off all makeup, even waterproof mascara (a bold claim and one which rarely delivers in my experience) and it was only about $20 - as in, only available in the US. But I read down a bit and it turns out it's a microfibre cloth - just like the 5 I got for £3.50 the other day. So I tried it and it actually works. Who'd have thought? A second win. My life has taken an upturn and I can better tackle the weight and alcohol issues which threaten to take me down.

Tinnitus

One of the main vexations of running is how loud my tinnitus seems when I get home. Is it because I've had headphones on or just raised blood pressure? Is it actually getting worse and I should go and have another scan? I wish there was a cure.

It took ages to get out the door this morning - not because, well, running - but I've added even more stuff to my running kit: there is now a headband which I've had for ages and makes me look like a nit, but keeps my ears warm and hides the worst of my hair - and I found a little clip for my headphones which stops them moving around my neck. (Not in a strangly way, they just wander)

But I did run and it was OK.

4.80 miles
10m 16s pace. (but I did do one mile in 9m 41 - pretty bloody good for me these days...*

*I've just worked out that the 9m 41s referred to the last mile which wasn't a full mile - it was the 0.8 of the 4.8 miles. Prawn.

Insane

5.39 miles
9m 54s

I mean - I wasn't aiming to run that far or that fast - I was just doing my thing as per. I went the slightly less hilly route up to the downs which probably helped with the speed thing but other than that I wasn't thinking. Also I had no idea it was over 5 miles. I was thinking towards the end when Tracks finished and I had space to think that a half marathon is about 3 times the distance I was running today, that if I did it again I would want to do a PB which would mean 9 minute miles and that I would like to buy the bf a place in the New York marathon next year. I was rambling.

I did get one of these: Finburst running belt  - I wouldn't recommend. The belt is huge and the zip broke before I even left the house.

Weight vs speed

It's pretty much a straight line, the relationship between weight and speed: on a graph, it's a 45-degree angle. Simple.
For every lb over 9 stone, I think I probably take an extra 15 seconds per mile. It's just a theory and I can't be bothered to test it, but I feel in my bones I'm right so I'm just leaving it there.

4.76 miles
10m 14s pace.

I have to stick with the reassurance that simply getting out into the fresh air is a Good Thing and I never regret going for a run.

hamstrings give you wings

48 mins

4.79 miles

10m10s pace

After a relatively long time running – which is anything over ½ an hour for me – I get to the stage where the end is nigh, most of my energy is spent and the podcast’s finished. At this point this morning, I remembered I have hamstrings – I don’t use them much as a rule – but when they were added into the mix, I found an extra turn of speed.

It’s biomechanics, isn’t it and ignore them at your peril because they will keep you going in the long run

For example, remembering to keep your elbows tucked in to your sides to stop twisting, remembering to land mid-foot rather than on your heels, remembering to hold your phone in a manner which doesn’t trigger RSI.* (I failed on that score a couple of weeks ago in Whitstable and have been paying the price ever since)

But it does nothing for fat fingers – blood is centrifuged into my hands, making my digits increasingly sausagey the longer the run goes on.  Same for the red face* – it’s why I never run at lunchtimes at work (well, it’s one reason, and the best I can come up with)

It seems amazing, considering all that, that someone who’s overweight, knock-kneed and middle aged can actually run. It’s not pretty, but I am running.

One other side effect no one told me about is that it makes my tinnitus, temporarily at least, borderline unbearable: is it the raised blood pressure?  Is there raised blood pressure after running? (It's only temporary)

You talk to a (serious) runner and they will tell you they or someone they know, found running cured their depression, anxiety, all sorts of mental health issues. It’s great of course. For me – once the podcast finished and was hoping to get into this meditative state, I found myself over-thinking – ‘am I meditating here, am I thinking normally or am I getting into a meta rabbit hole and thinking about thinking?’ Whatever, I arrived back home with this list of ideas to jot down for the blog.

*I need one of these: Finburst running belt

**my face doesn’t go sausagey

2 runs and part time working

The weekend before I started working 3 days a week (again) I was in Whitstable which, by law, means a run along the seafront. I went the Sea Salter way and really enjoyed it - very blowy and bracing - and I felt very good about it

4.28 miles, 10m 23s

I honestly thought I'd gone faster than that - but the prize is the run itself - and it did help counteract some of the wine and chocolate. But not by much

And I have just returned from a midweek run - this is a non-working day and it is fantastic to have the time. I have to consider every single penny I spend from here on in and make sure I don't end up penniless and alone when I'm old. That's a different story.

Today's story is: 4.89 miles (ever closer to the magic 5 miles..) pace 10m 12s.

Amazingly I ran for 49 mins and 56 secs. It's the longest one for a long time. It was ok - struggling a bit on the early hill at the end of the railway path but the rest of it is almost 100% mental.

So I feel I have achieved something good here. It's 0955 and I have the rest of the day to pursue other interests.

Mid week.

Well, that's a first for a very long time...

I'm away for work staying in sunny Solihull. In a very nice hotel with one flaw, more on that later.

So I packed the running kit almost believing that was enough to get me out on the pavements at some point in the 2 days I'm here. And what should I see in reception but a plinth sort of thing with a local map with 3 routes marked out, a number of apples and take-away leaflets printed with the routes. Amazing, right - never seen that kind of thing before (and this isn't some 5-star wonder, it's a Crowne Plaza)
So I had a look at the leaflet and couldn't make head or tail of the directions. I thought the medium length route - about 3.5 miles - looked nice, taking in a park and a pond as it did. But the instructions made no sense. I've figured out since that the colour of the route, the length and the directions are all arse about face. Mildly annoying but also quite funny.

So I looked up a suggested route on mapmyrun and set off. Didn't stick to it. The area's a bit like Sneyd Park - poshish houses and old trees and so on. And I did find the park which had a pond - lovely. I hanker after such a thing in Bristol, but the closest one is probably Eastville and that's a drive away.

But head-wise - I think I really enjoyed it. I felt stronger - not lighter physically, but perhaps a little lighter psychologically - and it was helped enormously by having an unfamiliar place to find my way around. I had to put music on rather than a play cos it was hard to concentrate on a plot as well as making sure I didn't get hopelessly lost. As I got closer to the hotel on the way back I began having these odd thoughts, that I would like to keep going further - a lot further... It was odd, but with a distant familiarity... Why didn't I keep going? I think due to aching Achilles and knowing that overdoing it is never a good idea - the best way is to build up slowly.
2 questions arise:  1. how slowly  2. build up to what?

3.49 miles
35m 56s
10m 16 average
- fastest was 9m 59 - first sub-10 mile in a long long while

Still steaming

Literally 5 mins after the run - and I'm just decompressing with an icy glass of sparkling water. One of life's pleasures.

49m 15s
4.37 miles.

Didn't actually make a single mile under 10 mins. Am I getting slower? Heavier, certainly. But slower. Is that the point? I mean, if I ever do another Park Run will I try and get a faster time? Is that what I want? Or do I simply want to feel that I run? I want to be part of the running community, to get out into the open air, to get niggly things like blisters and tight hamstrings. (well, not really the niggly bits)

I'm very glad of my bum-sculpting Sweaty Betty running tights - I think I would wobble off the pavement if I didn't have some support.

Day one (#76)

So this is another one of those days when I promised I would get my act together, start losing weight and getting my physical fitness back on track...

It's going very well so far (it's 10 am), but I'm very hungry (I'm back on the 16:8 intermittent fasting regime, not that I ever stopped it, just ate far too much the second I was allowed to...) 

So, I went for a run which was fine once I set my foot out of the door (motivation follows action, after all)

4.88 miles
10.21s per mile

I followed some of the old route, through the allotments and back up Coldharbour Rd - it was nice to get a different view. It's quite hilly - but at least the hills are at the start.

I would like to do more Park Runs - but I actually want to do more than 5k at the weekends and I only want to run one of the days. Not exactly a terrible dilemma to be in...

I also threw in a couple of 4-minute yins at the end; it's quite alarming how fast stiffness kicks in after a couple of weeks of being a slob.

Congratulazioni

I ran in Sicily on holiday. Well done me, right.
It was a toughie - but then, I am very weighty these days and it was only one run in 2 weeks...

They were running down to a dam then back to the top of the hill and then back down to the car: about 40 mins in total, 35 of which were uphill.  But I thought I'd better have a go as I'd packed the running kit. So, we parked about 100m from the dam and set off quite slowly (Yay, I thought) but then turned back and started running up the hill. I conked out after 10 mins or so and knew I'd have to walk - but then I had the genius idea of running back down to the dam, then running uphill a bit more. So I did that. Twice, about 20 minutes of it. I was so out of breath I thought I was dying but there was no alternative but to keep going - and in fact I didn't die.

So much pain...

Not right away - the pain came later.

The verruca is on its way out - yay!
The achilles pain is getting less - also, yay!
Lugging my lardy arse on a run - same old same old.

4.48 miles
10m 17 per mile

Felt pleased I'd gone out (but then I rarely regret it, it's getting out the door which is the toughest part)

Got back and took my shoes and socks off (one of the greatest feelings in the world)

But then - I stubbed my toe and nearly hit the roof. Honestly, I thought I'd broken my foot. It was the second smallest one which got the worst of it.

However, 10 minutes later and it's gone down a bit - I can still feet a dull ache but the excruciating pain seems to have subsided.

Poor me, right.

A walk in the park

Except it was supposed to be a run on the Downs.
Oh well.

Also - I ran for a stupidly long time - there is no need to run for an hour, is there? I mean the benefits wane after about 45 mins. Plus it's left me with aching calves and front leg muscles (the name will come to me...)

So - it was OK - I had to walk a couple of time through sheer knackeredness - but I think that's ok. I did recall something I heard yesterday - that you may think you've pushed your body to its limits - but you can always do more. (['m very sure there is a limit to thank way of thinking, but it got me home)

drum roll:
1 h - 0 mins - 42 seconds (so technically over an hour...) (but the last bit might have been the time it took to stop the workout - what with unlocking the phone digging down into the app and all that) (but I'm sticking with the hour)
5.82 miles
fastest mile 9'58"
unimpressive but a run nevertheless
Well done me

Quads

Do not go gentle #2

Truly I feel pleased I made the effort and actually went for a run. But I rarely regret it (perhaps the time I got a stress fracture was one to forget)
I recently took some advice from a colleague who persuaded me to start very slowly and not get out of breath too soon because that makes you feel awful for the rest of the run. So that's what I did - and I kept up the slow pace for the rest of the run, but that's by-the-by... 
I do feel heavy - overweight and burdened with a little depression, with the thought of my life stretching out ahead with no change in the levels of stress I feel... Again, that's something in my power to change. But leaving the comfort of a secure job basically adds to the levels of 'hell, no' I live with.

Anyway - I am upping my blogging game and hopefully making it a bit more readable, informative and entertaining and so on. There are links galore, photos* and confessions - an irresistible combination, right.

5.7 miles
10m 06s
Fastest mile 9m 50s

So I'm happy about that. Not that it takes much...

*I am an idiot - I wanted to take a photo of a lane on the downs which I love - it's flat, straight, lined by trees - but lovely. So I thought I'd be all clever and do this - I ended up with a 3-frame video. Not so clever am I now? Oh well.

Setting off with the intention of being slow worked so well: I was concerned about a niggly achilles which seemed to be permanent but by the end, it had calmed down. The other one was getting twingy though. And my left hip did its thing as well... Age, it's a bugger. In my darkest days, I would have taken the alternative; I'm glad to say I don't feel that way any more. 

I have to thank Malcolm Balk for getting me into this style of running – or at least for getting me away from heel-striking. I know following my embracing of his technique I did have 2 stress fractures but I’m prepared to believe they were because I bought the wrong shoes and not building up any kind of strength. I learned my lesson…  But I did remember his teachings when I was annoyed about running so slowly – and the way to speed up is to lean forward from the hips and your body will compensate by running faster to stop you falling over. So simple. I need stronger hamstrings though.  Well, I need to make sure I keep going to the gym in general, for many reasons and not just for running.

Talking of age – which is one of the themes of this thing as it’s my greatest concern these days – fighting it, accepting it, enjoying it. (The ‘enjoying’ it is beyond me so far)
I have a very common issue, which I share with a great many female runners of all ages and that’s the charm-free stress incontinence oh joy… It’s common, it’s not a worrying thing – but ffs it would be far nicer not to have anything else to worry about. Thankfully I only ever get this while running and it’s not something that’s particularly obvious – but it feel like there’s something catastrophic happening in my pants.

Other age-related things – the Mail Online (which I know is basically click bait for the stupid (I read it a lot...)) had cures for things which no one worries about

1.     the burden of back fat fat – at last there are exercises to get rid of it. Which work really well along as long as you lose weight

2.     the magic pill for weight loss is finally here. It helps you're your appetite which is something which gets harder as you age. So it’s not a magic weight-loss pill, you have to do some weight-loss work yourself.

I was listening to random songs on my phone this morning – there are loads of tracks, most of which have been following me around for years – I rarely download anything these days; I listen to spotify but only on wifi so out on the road I rely on downloaded plays and so on. Anyway – there I was shuffling away and the Foo Fighters came on - long road to ruin – and it reminded me a. it was the inspiration for the name of this blog and b. it was from a long time ago. 2009 in fact (which in itself is 3 years after my ½ marathon)









 

Do not go gentle into that good night

I feel old at the mo - and it's not getting any easier. Ageing sucks.

I wish I could hope it was going to get better but I don't believe it will. I think that's the point though, right? I mean if you put the same effort in every time, you will get better without noticing. Except that isn't working for me. Perhaps it was last night's wine and this morning's sunniness. I'd like to think there was a reason other than my being ancient and overweight...

3.96 miles
10m 02s a mile

I guess I need to focus on the fact that I'm out running which is basically the only proper exercise I get. And it's more than a lot of people my age do.

Precipitation or perspiration?

3.88 miles
10m13s pace
It's not getting any easier. Apart from the temperature being much lower than for the past few months - that helped enormously and I know I'm going against popular opinion, but it's a relief...
Anyway - there I was jogging away when it started to rain. It hasn't rained for weeks and weeks. So I had to pop my phone into my waistband - and then got concerned that it would get humid anyway... Dilemma. But not exactly serious, right.. .
I am concerned also - more so - that the HRT I've begun is making me put on weight: in theory this doesn't happen, age makes you do that. But in the 4 weeks I've been on it I have put on 2lbs without changing anything. So it looks like I will have to be on a permanent diet and up the exercise in order to maintain a steady weight. And some days I feel like giving up.
And I think I have a verruca which is making my toe hurt.
Life doesn't get any easier does it

I am awesome

Well, not to blow my own trumpet or anything (I don't have one) but I ran this morning and actually - get this - put on a little extra loop right at the end.
I know.
Awesome
4.42 miles
10m 9s

So not very awesome really, but it's a state of mind. And possibly something to do with deciding (again) that I have to get my health in order. There are things I need to do more of, things I need to start doing and things I need to stop.

In my head I am a runner. In reality, running less than 5 miles every other weekend does not a runner make.  I am not fit enough to really enjoy running. Oh, I read somewhere about the 'runners' high' and how it is a real thing - but you have to run an awfully long way to feel it. Not less than 5 miles.

So is this yet another New Start'? Time will tell. Except it's up to me, not time.

I have begun a Bullet Journal: I'm tracking the things I want to do more of: yoga, run, gym, AFD, I think there's an affirmation page as well - don't do much of that. The thing about these journals is they're a bit addictive - you design pages for projects, for a daily diary, monthly lists and so on. And there is an index which is the equivalent of pockets in dresses - so useful you can't believe you never did it before.

running backwards

So - new leggings (sweaty betty sale) - very nice. I also got SB socks - 'technical'socks n fact - but they were a disappointment - a waste of £15 (I know - what was I thinking?) Basically they were slippery inside my shoes and my toes jammed into the end and bruised my toenail. Snowflake problems.

Anyhoo. At least I ran. It was OK - one of those times I got the kit out the night before and didn't give myself the option not to go. And in that sense, it very much worked. Also, I decided I would just go for a jog, no pressure. The lady on Mapmyrun said my pace was about 10mins 18. So a bit lame, but I can't dwell on that.

New leggings were a triumph as well so that's made me very happy.

3.16 miles
10m 10s per mile

How the actual Hell did I ever do a 1/2 marathon in a little over 2 hours?

Post holiday run

I've been up in Scotland - near Oban - for the past week. It was awesome: a whole week with good friends, lots of wine and lots of food. And very little exercise other than wild swimming in the sea loch which our house overlooked. Goodness, it was cold - but so stimulating: I felt refreshed and alive coming out of it. There were jellyfish floating around but nothing that could kill you...

There was no running despite taking my kit: this was mainly due to the steepness of the surrounding hills and the roads which were too dangerous to run along.

But I did a hill climb from the back of the house up about a mile and a half of stupidly steep hills but with an amazing view from the top. We climbed 732 feet which felt quite a long way.

Today's run - with the added handicap of all that food and wine over the past week:
3.92 miles
pace - 10 mins exactly
So it was a run and I know I have to keep at it before it will do me any good at all. But with a couple of those a week, plus the gym and the 16:8 I believe I will lose the flab I've gained over the past year.

Against the odds

Well, it was a run. I didn't use the mapymyrun app, I just did a short run - I don't even know how long it took.
It was tough - I've been drinking a lot recently - a bottle of wine a night is a lot, right? - and last night I had more than that I think. Also, there was a lot of meat involved - a huge chunk of chicken last night and bacon this morning so I feel full of food. And I have put on so much weight (see Wine and Meat) and so running is harder. Add onto that how little I've run recently - plus the absence of other aerobic activity and I am feeling very sluggish.
But at least I went for a run despite everything. And I didn't stop. I slowed right down but kept plodding away. Well done me.
Next week we're away in Scotland for a few days and I will take my running shoes and - as GB has said before - if you take them you have to use them.
So I will. And perhaps I will run one evening this week as well... and next Saturday morning before we go.
Is this really going to happen?
We shall see. (It will be marked in my bullet journal tracker)

hero - zero - hero

Not a great start to the day, frankly. It was dull, rainy and I was up at 0545 to take bf to the station for his trip to Lords. Not Lourdes as we hilariously thought.

But I was determined to go for a run. (Looking back I can convince myself of my determination) I decided I was going to do the Eastville parkrun again - nice distance, lots of people, get a time (could I best the last time I did it? Ooo, exciting, right)

I got there early and popped into Tesco to see if they had insulated bags. (I lead an enviable life) but they didn't. So I basically paraded round Tesco in my running kit looking like a whale.

But, whatever. I went to the bottom of the car park where it's closest to the run and parked up. I was expecting other runners to be there as they were last time, but there was no one. 'It's the weather', I  thought to myself. 'Lightweights', I thought, feeling smug.

As I got ready to go up to the park there was one of those yellow AA signs pointing to 'Love Will Save the Day' a weekend festival in Eastville Park

Thwarted

So what did I do next? Well, I went home, fought against my own inertia and actually went for a run.

Yay me.

Very glad I did even though it felt like I was hauling a massive weight around my middle - oh, hang on, it's called my wine belly.

I really do have to get myself in hand.

2.9 miles
9m 55" per mile

It was really short - but about the same as a park run, right? (Er, no. 5k is 3.1 miles)

I so have to get myself in hand.  At least I didn't walk...

Park Run

Eastville Park Run - this morning!

It was surprisingly challenging as I'd imagined a gentle, flat course around the boating lake - but no. It's a 3-lapper - one short - then a longer one around the boating lake, then another short one. And half of each lap was uphill. I did run all the way (well done me) but I was with the middle-aged and overweight (what was I expecting?)
Apparently, they send you your time and position out of the runners - I already have an idea of how useless I was. But I did it. The atmosphere was great (it was sunny which helps) and it was also a 'deaf takeover' to make Deaf Awareness Week so I was expecting several of my office colleagues to be there: there was one. I was running behind him a lot of the way and when he stopped after the first circuit to say hello to his baby I thought I could maybe perhaps make a competition of this. He did walk part of the way so obviously I reckoned this was a no-brainer...
There were photographers along the route and I had several moments of terrible self-consciousness. Not that anyone cares other than me...
And then on the final little hill before the finish straight I caught up with my colleagues who was walking and then he proposed a race - and just took off... Mortified.
So that's it - I have lost my Park Run cherry.
Will I do it again? In principle, yes - but I want to have a longer run at the weekend and it kind of interferes with that. No reason I can't run midweek of course. Apart from me being me...

30m 36s
56.92% in my age range
78th woman
282nd out of 433 runners

Fair to middling I'd say

Running from tree to tree

Even though I was out of the house by 0830 it was already getting warm. Cool enough under the trees, but the heat is rising. And it's a bank holiday - potentially the hottest since someone invented this bank holiday. So I am soaking up some Vitamin D before it gets too stupidly hot.

I had to walk twice: just not in the zone (again) I reckon when I get a bit fitter I won't have that problem any more. (Convinced, much?)
I was listening to a radio play about a catastrophic loss of all electrical power - and as the power cut began - my headphones died... wooo.

4.21 miles
9m 45s
Quite pleased with that

where is the Zone?

I'm still steaming from this morning's run and I have a number of observations.

1. I have left The Zone'
2. I am unconvinced running is doing me any good - or any harm. It is neutral.
3. I need to run more
4. Tinnitus is made far worse by running

1. The Zone. This is where I existed when I lost weight. A lot of weight. I was strong in my refusal to consume calories between 8pm and midday. It worked then - it doesn't work now. I eat far, far too much before 8pm (and often continue after) I drink far, far too much wine which usually drifts after 8pm and makes me ravenously hungry the next day (although there is a part of me which believes that fasting is a better way to cure a hangover than bacon - something to do with resting one's digesting system to allow it to deal with the Poison)

My inspiration in the past has come from Beck Diet Solution   and  Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol. Both are outlooks which don't rely on willpower or woo.

They are devastatingly simple to follow and understand - and they work. So, I simply have to go back to those mindsets, right? But my current mindset, the current Zone I'm inhabiting, is that they won't work, that I don't need to follow them, that all I have to do is want to be thin and fit and it will happen - while in the meantime I can watch tv, eat crap and drink wine without suffering any of the consequences. I'm not a stupid person, just blind to my own frailties.

Anyway - I have run and it hasn't killed me...
4.21 miles
9m 44s pace

The Other Blog

half of half a marathon

This is the other blog for the 10k I did many years ago - after the one and only half marathon.
If I do the 10k this year I will be amazed...

it's all in the mind

 5.39 miles – that’s good.

10m 29s per mile – pretty bad even for me.

I had to keep walking. Just felt knackered. And of course – once you have a walk then it’s so much easier to walk again. And again. And again.

What’s the cause this time? Well, the physical culprits - red wine yesterday (it was a beautiful day and the wine was lush) and too much extra weight, and too hot, and so on and so forth.

But the big obstacle was all in my head. I just felt beaten. Not a great feeling and I would love to think it was only going to happen this once – but I also believe that it’s ongoing. Unless I change my mindset to ‘I am doing this’ I will flounder.

So it’s all a bit of a downer tbh.

When I weigh less, when I don’t have a hangover, when it’s cooler, I feel fitter and stronger and able to run further.

I am starting (again) to reinvent myself: I’ve been here several times recently, I know, and every time I fail it means there is more of a mountain to climb. I very much rely on the carrot rather than the stick. If I can get under 9st in the next 2 weeks I will feel more empowered to continue, but I have been over 9st for so long now it feels like a permanent state.

For my mental well-being I can’t believe that’s the truth. Not that my mental well-being relies on losing weight - it just doesn’t – it’s just that the feeling of not being in control, of giving in to my inner sloth take over my life – really is all in my head.

It's all in the mind...

...apart from the bits that are in your legs...

It was a cold drizzly start but I still bravely went out. Also a bit hungover so not an auspicious start.
And it wasn't easy - I went up to the downs for a change and it felt good not to be starting off uphill. But it went horribly wrong when I headed down towards the zoo and began heading back up - I simply couldn't manage the hill. I knew if I kept going I wouldn't recover - so I walked for a few minutes. And it worked. I actually got my breath back.
And then as I was almost back at the car I thought I should keep going a bit longer - get over the 5 miles again - but my head was going 'oh you don't have to do that, wouldn't you prefer to finish now - after all you've gone for your run blah blah blah'
But I fought that voice and I went a little further and got further than 5 miles.
Very much yay for me

5,09 miles
9m 48s

I've got some bluetooth earbuds - they're very good except that they're noisy - they bang around as I run. I know I can jam them in harder but then I can't hear the real world. But it's better than having the cables trailing down

The leggings have run

They actually feel really nice. I think they stop the worst of the wobble which is a bonus. Now, of course, it's a bit warmer I don't really want long leggings. But hey ho.

5.1 miles
9m 57s a mile

So it's the furthest I've run for a long time. It was tough. But it's done.

I am drowning in stress at work (again) so I was hoping a run would help - but the truth is that it helps while you're running, but now I'm back, the stress is still there - so much so that I will be popping into work to see if there is anything I can be doing. It's Easter - so the long weekend hasn't helped in the slightest: there is so much to do.

But that's life and I need to appreciate that I'm middle-aged and fit and healthy. I am very lucky.

The leggings are in...

... and they are awesome.

£95 new - £40 off ebay.

Now I feel motivated, enlightened and fit and sharp and gorgeous...

or - just £40 lighter and still waiting for the rainy hail to give over and I can try them out.

Day 1. Again

I ran this morning – further than I have for quite some time. Well done me. The reason was that I’ve decided to do the Bristol 10K in May. It gives me about 7 weeks to up my miles.

But it’s more than just an event to aim for: it’s motivation to overhaul my whole physical and mental well-being. So no pressure there then.

I have put on weight (have I mentioned that???) through over-eating and over-drinking. The part-time months have left me lazy. So now I’m working back full time I want to get back to being and feeling like the person I am.

It’s going to be tough. It’s only 430pm and I’m considering heading up to the shop to get a bottle of wine for the evening. It’s a bad idea.

How much do I want to start this journey?

I’ve been gathering inspirational sayings

1.     Motivation follows action

2.     Everything counts: every bite, every step, every sip

I reckon every extra stone in weight adds an extra minute a mile on pace: so if I was to lose the weight I could conceivably run 9-minute miles. Quite a challenge but it was a realistic aim until I had the stress fractures (mind, I was also very much younger then...)

But – every journey starts with the first step (I’ll put that as number 3) and today is just me stepping out the door…

4.18 miles

10m 01s per mile

Day 1

It's 0744 and I have already been for a run. Well done me, right!

It was OK - the hardest part was getting out the house yada yada yada


3.07 miles, 9m52s a mile so not too shabby

I think I almost enjoyed the first bit, even the hill (slight slope) - the difficulty is when I get a bit tireder and the weight starts being an issue. I guess when I was thinner I could run further before this became an issue. So I have to lose the weight

Easy, right.

But at least it's started.

Pre-relaunch

Tomorrow I begin to change my life. Not 'Tomorrow my life changes' - I am doing this.

Starting with a run - nothing special, just the first in this new chapter.

And then I build up to starting my new job early on Monday morning. 

I have been bidding for some leggings: on paper, they are my perfect running kit: zero gravity leggings They are very, very expensive. On eBay I bid  up to £25 but am already outbid. I'm glad: I didn't like them when I tried them on. I am still too fat to wear anything so beautiful.
So basically I have £95 to spend on new kit once I'm under way again

So there it is.
Ready to go.

Tomorrow

it's getting warmer

For the first time this year I've got back in from a run and not felt the need to leap in the shower and get warmed up. In fact it's positively balmy out there today.

My choices of exercise today were running or the gym. And I made the right choice I think: I was listening to the Girl on the Train and have 30 mins or so left - so I will walk into work and listen to the rest of it rather than cycle in via the gym. Genius.

An average run.

Nothing special - nothing hurt until I got back and tried going up and down stairs and my knees kicked in. I hope there's nothing properly wrong with them - I think it's an inflammation of the tendon lying underneath my kneecap - so I am stretching my quads and possibly taking a few NSAIDs.

What I don't want to think about today: just how much harder it is to run with an extra stone of flab to carry.

What don't you want to think about?

Just throwing this out there

What don't you want to think about?

Asking this gets to the very heart of who you are. What - or who - are you hiding from?

Mine is: getting old: a huge part of me thinks it's never going to happen so there is no point thinking about it, the rest knows it is happening right now, and that scares me

Awesome

Kind of awesome anyway. More  like 'adequate', to be honest

The usual route - and along the way I noticed a couple of possible back lanes I could try out next time. Always good to have something novel to look forward to...

It was hard persuading myself to go - I was sure the left achilles thing might kick in again - and my right ankle is still a bit iffy from the twist the other day. But it was fine. The biggest struggle is carrying the extra flab

I'm not overly impressed.

I know I have to keep going and - as long as I don't get injured - it will get better, I will be fitter and more importantly, I will enjoy it more.

3.11 miles
9m 52 pace

30 mins - it feels tough. I am useless on the hills (but I know that's where the magic happens...) I can't believe I ever used to run for over an hour. I used to go before work - about 0615 in the Summer - and run for about 7miles. But as soon as I'd done that 1/2 marathon all that stopped. Then I did the forefoot running thing, got 2 stress fractures and tbh the love left me. I still want to go running - it's something that kicks in quite often - Jasper in Canada for one thing. And Whitstable. So I will keep battling away. I think I also need to address the faffing around that goes into it - the kit and the amusements seem to make a big deal out of something which isn't all that.

1 year, 1 stone later

So today appears to be the anniversary of achieving my slimmest state in decades. To mark the occasion I weighed in at exactly 1 stone more. Over 9st. This time last year I was contemplating seeing if I could just tip under the 8st mark, just to feel what it was like...

This morning's run then. It's a nice morning - cold but sunny. I had a good play to listen to - about the aftermath of the Great Escape - didn't think I would be as engaged as I was tbh. My achilles was a bit dodgy after 20 mins or so, so I was taking it v easy in the hope it would just wear off. Then I slipped off the pavement waiting to cross the road and snagged my left ankle. It didn't seem like anything much - but I think it is. It hurts now and I feel like an old woman.

This is going to be a pivotal week in my life: I start back down the weight-loss route, I have a job interview which if I don't get, I will resign. Quite dramatic, possibly stupid - but I am tired of spending a good part of my working life feeling panicked, stressed and depressed. I'm in the very privileged position of having no mortgage and no dependents so really it's only my life I'm risking.
If I get the job - less running;  if I don't, I can spend the rest of my running years trying to keep on the road.

3.09 miles
10m 05s a mile