Why do I run?

I have been putting this off for 3 days now. this morning was my last chance before Thursday to go out as I can't force myself to go of an evening. So I put the kit out the night before. Good Plan.
Although I lay bed in for 2 hours after I woke - partly cos I knew the first thing I'd be doing was going for a run.

So I got dressed and hesitated, trying to remember some of the reasons I run:

To counteract depression
To keep relatively fit
Bragging rights over people who don't run.
It is part of the minimum amount of exercise any sane person should be doing if they can
Delaying the worst effects of ageing

And so on

But then those lovey reasons are so easily burned:
running counteracts depression only for the time I'm out running.
I am not fit and getting less fit as I get older - it gets increasingly hard to stay at the same level
Most people I know who run will run further and faster than me
It is really the minimum amount I need to be doing - most of the time I'm sat at a desk or on the sofa which is the new smoking apparently
Being overweight is the worst thing for running - and I have regained a stone over the last 2 years.

So before I even stepped out of the door, I was in tears wondering why the hell I was doing this - it's so pointless. Nothing I do counts for anything. I count for nothing.

How I got out he door I don't know - but I only got as far as the end of the road before I turned around and came back. I was in a crisis - what was I doing? What is the point of my meaningless life? Everything - just plain old living - has become such a burden recently.

It was the hardest thing I've done to turn around and go for the run. Perhaps the feeling of abject failure kept my little fat legs in motion. For about 40 mins. Which is OK.

Did it cure the depression? It got me through that mini-crisis I guess.

But I"m now back home; same old me, same old ugly face in the mirror now with added blotchy redness.

It's not a good day.