it's all in the mind

 5.39 miles – that’s good.

10m 29s per mile – pretty bad even for me.

I had to keep walking. Just felt knackered. And of course – once you have a walk then it’s so much easier to walk again. And again. And again.

What’s the cause this time? Well, the physical culprits - red wine yesterday (it was a beautiful day and the wine was lush) and too much extra weight, and too hot, and so on and so forth.

But the big obstacle was all in my head. I just felt beaten. Not a great feeling and I would love to think it was only going to happen this once – but I also believe that it’s ongoing. Unless I change my mindset to ‘I am doing this’ I will flounder.

So it’s all a bit of a downer tbh.

When I weigh less, when I don’t have a hangover, when it’s cooler, I feel fitter and stronger and able to run further.

I am starting (again) to reinvent myself: I’ve been here several times recently, I know, and every time I fail it means there is more of a mountain to climb. I very much rely on the carrot rather than the stick. If I can get under 9st in the next 2 weeks I will feel more empowered to continue, but I have been over 9st for so long now it feels like a permanent state.

For my mental well-being I can’t believe that’s the truth. Not that my mental well-being relies on losing weight - it just doesn’t – it’s just that the feeling of not being in control, of giving in to my inner sloth take over my life – really is all in my head.