Winter is coming...

it's so cold.
Wait, it's quite warm today.
no - cold again
mild...

Sorry old joke

It was ok. I mean I was expecting the 3-week gap to have had some very bad effects - but the truth is it was fine for the first 85% or so - then I felt tired and my mind began wandering off into fantasies of sofa, water, shower...

But - it's done.

My left ankle is a bit hurty  - I slipped over on wet leaves earlier in the week (wrenched shoulder, grazed knee, hurt pride) and I must have twisted my ankle a bit. Still, I managed to run the best part of 5 miles on the thing so I guess there's not too much wrong with it. Also I did the yin yoga thing last night - that surely has to help. Possibly need to do it twice a week rather than twice a month...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sDPQyWZJi0

It's tough and I don't do the end bits cos I am weak. But I think it must be beneficial.

frankly shabby

I know I keep missing out on my updates but seeing as it's only me who ever reads the things it seems daft to fret...

hello - anyone out there?

there is a mighty echo in cyberspace...

this morning it was perishing - but that's ok tbh. I did a usual route - the reverse one - and it was ok. i was flagging by the end but other than that it was ok.
no stats - using the old ipod nano these days.
note to self - must put some more recent music on the playlist - and less muse.

so - as all is well, there is nothing to stop me running twice a week and possibly even upping the distance - perhaps a 5-miler is possible...

A nice Sunday morning run. Would be nice.

OK I've had about 3 weeks off - terrible chesty cold excuse.
There was another run before then, just being lax with the recording tbh

but today's was another new approach - ditching the iphone/mapmyrun combo and just using my old ipod mini thing - listening to music, not being at all concerned about the nice lady telling me how slowly I'm runing.

So I have no idea how far I went other than it was the same route as usual (I think I am beyond cracking the 5-mile mark...)  and it was no doubt slow. But I ran out of puff, my arthritic toe was aching and my left side hips/thigh were hurting (probably due to the flipping arthritic toe)

But it was ok. I don't want to join the club and turn into a running bore - they're lovely people but omg they go on...

Will I continue? I want to - it's  good, flexible exercise and it makes me feel good. But the toe is an increasingly big issue. It's aching and it's affecting how I run - twisting possibly, lop-sided at least.
Perhaps a sports massage to ease the left side a bit - I  have no idea. 

Don't ever get old.
Don't ever get arthritis.

Gardening + running = knackered legs

I do like gardening - although not while the place is still a building site - with no change in sight tbh.
It was the autumn clear-out yesterday - lots of lavender to cut down, weeds to pull, perennials to tidy, that sort of thing. Lots of ground-level working, lots of working those leg and back muscles.
So when I got up this morning I was stiff and achy. But like a true hero I went for a run anyway...
(too dramatic??)

4.36 miles
9m 51 per mile

So nothing particularly good other than the amazing achievement of getting out there for a run. The weather was gorgeous which helps and I was quite early (got back about 9am) and it was all OK.
Really, it was ok. Nothing hugely painful and I didn't feel like giving up.
So, proof if proof were needed that I don't have to run every day - once a fortnight is more than often enough.
no... wait...

Dispiriting if you let it

Well, I was pleased I went for a run yesterday - the usual route - but run in reverse - usual time, if a couple of seconds a mile faster whoopie doo.

that's it really. It was the day of the Bristol half marathon and so I had to bite my tongue when the runners around me were banging on about PBs and how they beat a rival by a single second. And so on.
I have to just suck it up and pretend I don't want someone to appreciate that my going for a run takes just as much effort as anyone else.

baby steps

Baby steps might be all I'm good for, frankly. But it's not the end of the world

I spent last weekend with a large group of people from a running club. It was like being with the Moonies: everyone was telling me how marvellous the club - and running - is, that no one gets left behind (well, that's encouraging - I mean patronising) and how when they started they got out of breath and they didn't like it and now they've pretty much all run marathons.
I was being indoctrinated.
On the other hand - they were all of an age as me, and some were of a build too (the more dedicated marathon runners where wiry) so there is no reason why I couldn't join them and add some sociability to my runs.
But that would also mean that I would be expected to talk while running - and that would make me a walker...

but hey ho

I did an evening run this week and it was ok. Actually nothing like as bad as I was expecting - it's often like that, the expectation being far worse than the reality.
My left hip was aching and my right foot was a bit iffy to begin with - and towards the end my toes were banging into the ends of my shoes which is unpleasant as my squished little toe is quite painful when it rubs. (There is a lovely corn thing there now)
at least my right big toe nail is hanging on in there for now - it's getting very black and a bit dead-looking at the bottom. Unpleasant.

4.34 miles
9m 41/mile

Not the worst ever.

somehow it's getting tougher...

I'm not pushing myself any harder - and yet...
Perhaps it's like watching the minute hand going round the clockface of your life - you don't really notice you're ageing, but all the evidence is there if you look closely enough

top metaphor

4.43 miles
9min 42 per mile

But i spent the rest of yesterday feeling knackered and i fell asleep watching Orange is the new Black at 8 o clock. and then again at 20 past 8 for an hour...
I have many more episodes to watch and I'm running out of time to watch them all...

meh

Can't even remember running  - I think it was Saturday cos it was going to be a pigging hot day and I thought it would be best to get it out of the way before gardening all afternoon
And I was v slow.

Usual route - 4.4 miles
10min 01 per mile
So slower than normal

Odd run...

So why didn't I run last weekend? Was away on Friday night, bit meh on Sunday... Wish I had a better excuse...

Anyway - didn't want to run today either but because I put my kit out last night I was kind of whittling away at my excuses not to.

So I did.

And the 1st bit was really very fast - and I have no idea why or how...

4.5 miles
9min 25 a mile (so quite fast for me...)
but then the 1st mile was 8 mins 15 per mile... I wonder if there has been a glitch cos I have never knowingly run so fast. Well, relatively fast. For my age. etc.

but - run: done.

Despite almost overwhelming odds...

...I ran this morning.
It's a Monday - I know, get me.
Well, I was simply too busy - the get-out in Sunday was a particular case in point. And on Saturday I had to wait in for a delivery

And then, on Sunday during the get-out, my big toe, right foot (yes, that big toe) was crushed under a seating rostrum. I thought at the time it was a bit hurty, but there was no blood. Not on the outside anyway - but my toenail is now quite black. Oh joy. And it hurts. But only when walking - running seems to be OK. What is it with running/walking?
Oh well.
I went v slow just in case (who am I kidding: I went v slow cos I am v slow...)

4.36 miles; 9m 55s per mile

And my toe:

ouch, right?
Crikey - I do not have photogenic feet do I...

Once a week is not enough...

...but will I ever be motivated enough to run in the evening which is when I would have the time? Perhaps I could revert to my 1/2-marathon training routine and run at 6am... it's not impossible, but do I have the motivation? Ageing is so uncool...

4.93 mile
9m 45s per mile

So nothing spectacular - but I have to accept I'm not going to get much better without a huge change in motivation - plus it's still almost 5 miles and even if I'm going at jogging pace, it's good exercise, more than a lot of people my age do - plus I like to think of myself as a runner...

So all in all, I will keep it up - possibly treat myself to some new running kit. (Cos that will make all the difference when I'm red-faced and panting like a steam train.)

Blasted Blisters

5.26 miles
9m 31s

My mapmyrun has me down as walking. I am one hell of a fast walker...

I ran from the downs this morning which is why it's longer and possibly faster as it is less hilly from the start.
It was OK to begin with - then the tiredness kicked in and then the blisters. Damn them. I had vaseline on my toes which should have avoided it but perhaps the slipping around it causes makes it worse. I just don't know...

The bits that ache are the tops of my thighs, the outer sides. It's where I get pains sometimes. But it's not a big deal is it? I can run through it - and again this morning I did feel a little bit stronger... It doesn't last long this feeling and I pay for it later when I slump a bit and start looking like a fat old trout pretending to be a runner...

But I'm 50 now and am still running despite everything. I guess that's a good thing.

cycle run

Something I haven't done in a long while - cycling up to the downs for a run. It was quite nice apart from the hill climb - but I guess that's the bit which does the most good.

4.4 miles
9m 51s per mile

Certainly no sprint but there is a long uphill section which my flab and I found quite challenging.

I may well be fooling myself, but there was a part of me which felt stronger than normal during this run. It might all be in my mind (and the stats would bear that out) but if it's making me feel better then why don't I do it far more often?

post-work run

Do not like the post-work run.

It felt like the toughest thing I have ever done and yet it was the same as most of the other runs. Why does it feel so much harder? I mean, on top of the usual challenges of being 10lbs overweight and generally unfit? With an arthritic toe - did I mention that?

4.36 miles
9m 50s per mile
not the worst ever in terms of stats, but omg it hurt. I didn't stop though... Well done me.

Long time coming

OH well - it's 2 weeks since I last ran. The grizzly scab on the knee has pretty much gone leaving a lovely scar. So I had no excuse to stop at home.

And the thing is - if I want to even get a little bit better I have to run 2 or 3 times a week. Not once or twice a month. I would like to finish a run without panting for breath and wondering if the pain in my left hip is anything more than age-related. Or arthritis-related...

I haven't even got an appointment yet to talk to someone about the options for my toe joint - so I reckon in the meantime I will continue as well I can.

Anyway -the actual numbers are...

drum roll...

4.38 miles at 9m 41s a mile.

Sadly that is pretty good for me...

Fell Over

Tripped over a kerb. Blood, gore, knee fell off...

OK it's probably a bit over dramatic, but I tripped over a kerb and went flying and I now have a large dressing on my hurty knee and feel very sorry for myself.

 It wasn't a great run - even apart from the terribly injury. I wanted to get up to 5 miles and didn't. I was also very tired for no reason. I guess you can't progress every single time you hit the pavement.

Shouldn't have called it 'hit the pavement' - too soon.



Stats: 4.35 miles, 10min 3s per long, tedious mile

3 runs

16 May - Whitstable - 50m19s  5.1 miles 9min 47/mile
17 May - whitstable - 49m 24s  5.2 miles 9m 32/mile
23 May - bristol - 1h 2m 16s - 6.4 miles - 9m 47/mile

Those are the longest runs I have done for years. I am knackered.
The Whitstable ones were the best - either way along the seafront, the smell of the sea, the fresh air, the flat routes, the new sights and sounds - just inspiring - which is why I went both days, why I went a long way on Sunday cos I saw a nature reserve I hadn't seen before and had to have a look.
Today's run was long cos I was dropped off at the downs and I did a circuit before heading home. It was far rather than I thought and it was incredibly hard work. I'm glad I did it but I'm not sure if I will repeat it in any hurry. But then how else do you get better?
The one caveat to all this running is my feet - the arthritic toe joint makes the surrounding toes ache a lot and there was a twinge from the place on my left foot where I had that stress fracture before.
Perhaps I need to restrict how much I do and not push it too much...

dull stats...

..but frankly a ray of hope as well...

That run felt like I was progressing a little. Thing is, it wiped me out for the rest of the day which I spent on the sofa falling asleep very 1/2 hour or so.

Might have been something else causing that. I had a splitting headache as well.

hey ho, and all that...

3.77 miles
9m 35s per mile

so all in all not too bad...

thoughtful...

3.77 miles (usual route)
9m 40s per mile

Slowly getting better. Faster, anyway
And 2 runs in 2 days - get me. As I was running round I was actually thinking that I could do it twice a week - 3, even.
But if I do go ahead with this joint replacement, I won't be able to run for weeks. So perhaps subconsciously I'm getting ahead in fitness so it's not quite so disheartening when I come to rehabilitation.
Or something.
Anyway - it's gratifying to read the stats that say I'm getting fitter. Unfortunately I'm not losing weight - still over 9st - but I guess being fit and strong is far more important than being skinny.

tech fail (again)

Definitely operator error this morning...

I was in 2 minds about running. I have a yin yoga video which I have done once and have promised to keep doing it.  Obviously I haven't.  But that was an option which would have got me out of running. Then I thought to myself that running isn't a punishment - it's a privilege and a joy.

So I went for a run. And I felt better than I have for a long time. I am sure I was running faster and sure enough, the 2nd time the mapmyrun lady popped into my headphones, I was running under 9'30" a mile which is about as good as it gets for me.

So I get home all glowing and pleased with myself - AND FORGET TO STOP THE WORKOUT APP.

Apparently I was doing 12 minute-plus miles by the time I stopped the thing.

Oh well. It was good while it lasted...

Bionic

I've had a stiff right big toe joint for a while now, and occasionally it's been quite painful, but it's never let me down in terms of running. In fact, walking hurts far more than running.

I went to the GP for something else a while ago and mentioned my poor toe. I couldn't bend it upwards from the ground. He sent me for an x-ray. 

A mere 5 weeks later (the practice did chase the hospital for a report time and time again) I got a phonecall from a random GP at the practice who blithely told me that my joint has such bad osteoarthritis that I need a joint replacement. 

I was quite shocked. I had been goolging and had convinced myself that what I needed was a cheilectomy where they just scrape off the extra bone that's been growing on top the joint, a couple of weeks off work and gently back into the running.

But no. It's far more involved than that. And I was left with too little information. Normally I would defend the NHS to the hilt, but this time, not so much. I want to talk to someone who does these operations who can tell me exactly what's going to happen, long term outcomes, recovery, alternatives - will I be able to run again in the future?

I know that doing nothing will mean that it will get worse and also that my recovery will take longer as I will be so old... 

So I guess I will go for it - but not until I get to talk to someone.

I got the message from the GP that they don't refer people for consultations any more, you just go there for the operation and that's all you get. It's been suggested that the consultation part of the process has gone in order to keep the whole procedure (from referral to operation) under 18 weeks. Well, frankly, it doesn't matter if it takes more than 18 weeks so why not just take this off the grid so to speak.

Anyway - that's what's happening. exciting in a way to think that possibly later this year I will have a fully-functioning toe once more. 

In the meantime I will continue to limp around town, but run like the wind on Saturdays... kind of.

adequate

3.78 miles
9m 49s per mile

not sure why pace is important enough to record.

I am too overweight to really enjoy running. Carrying that extra flab just makes it tough and miserable. And wobbly. If I lost 10lbs then I would fly like the wind. A light breeze at any rate...

Hey ho - I am grateful that I am able to run, do yoga, cycle and walk even if driving is out of my reach for now...

going backwards

Not literally.
I ran this morning and felt good, stronger, like the 'training' is paying off, like I was beginning to benefit from 3 weeks of no wine. But no - it's not to be I fear.

3.78 miles
9m 51 per mile

It's a little disappointing in truth
I guess this is where my natural gumption and determination will kick in and keep me running over the Summer. Sadly my ng and d don't exist and I will give up if things don't improve.
Well, possibly.
Thing is, I still really value running as a keep fit thing, as a way to see the sea shore - just as a way to explore a place. And it feels good to be able to think I can run for 5k or so which is more than a lot of people my age. Although I hate that qualifier.

Heavy going

I ran yesterday - and I felt like I was dying. I guess it's cos I am very unfit (and getting unfitter???) It's very frustrating - it would help enormously if I could feel that I was getting better - even improving slowly would be better than this.
Oh well. I only have myself to blame - months of drinking too much, dealing with hangovers by consuming excess carbs, and generally ignoring the fact that being old means having to cut way back on calories just to stay the same weight.
Sometimes I wonder how hard this is going to get...

Stats:
3.68 miles
36m 57s
10m 02s per mile

AT LEAST I WENT FOR A FLIPPING RUN...

Bank holiday run in the rain

3.77 miles
9m 52s per mile
Nothing particularly exciting...

But it was done - and getting to Happy Lane put a smile on my face :)

Brighton no.2

Gorgeous morning, long flat run - couldn't be better.
Apart from it was too sunny (not really, no such thing), and I am too fat to make the most of the route.

3.7 miles
9m 27s per mile

Not as far as the other day but I had lots to drink last night which kind of makes things even more challenging than hauling extra weight...

TBH it was a little dull - it's kind of offputting when you turn around, retrace your steps and you can see the end of the run a long way off.
It's not the end of the world and it's far preferable to running in the hills and traffic of Bristol...

Brighton Run

It's one thing I really love - running next to the sea. Brighton seafront is quite big, meaty - not like Whitstable which is soft and twee.
But, nevertheless it was a longish run by the sea!!
Happy runner
Unhappy runner's feet (they're a bit tired and achy tbh especially since I made them walk all round the laines afterwards...)

4.50miles
44m10s
9min 48 a mile

So it's the longest and fastest one I've done for a while. Mainly cos it's quite flat. Also time of day (0830) and I'd had a little bit of breakfast before hand.
So all in all it was good.
I am paying for it now of course - hurty feet, blistery little toe, etc.

foolish

I found a new cut-through called Happy Lane the other day and it pleases me!

The run was OK - it felt better than last time which is good.

3.83 miles
37m41s
9m49s per mile

I am actually a little bit pleased with that. It's far off how well I used to run, but I have changed my philosophy to 'progress not perfection'. That runner from the isn't me anymore, she's gone. I am who I am now, with my collection of physical and mental challenges to overcome.

I am still a fatty though.

a weighty problem

3.09 miles in 30.36mins
9mins 54 secs per mile

Bloody hell it was hard work. I always find running at the end of the day (well, 5pm...) much harder than first thing in the morning. But really???

I think my greatest challenge with this (apart from the fear of more stress fractures, and bone spurs/arthritis making my right big toe rigid and excruciatingly painful) is that I am carrying about a stone in extra weight. No kidding. I'm not enormously overweight, but the fact is I have gained a stone over the past couple of years (perhaps a bit longer). While I know at my great advanced age of 50 I can expect to be gaining a few lbs here and there, I have been dealing with my stress, depression and so on by eating and drinking far too much. And now I'm paying the price.

'So, lose the weight' I hear from the web.
Of course I know I have to lose weight. It's tough. I have dieted before and never kept the weight off - never, if I'm honest, even reached a target weight. I have low-carbed, meal-replaced, and driven myself to anorexic levels of calorie counting (actually I did achieve a target weight of 100lbs doing that but I know now I nearly slipped into anorexia proper)
I still have issues around food - for me it's about comfort - feeling hungry makes me very nervous, as if I don't believe I'll be able to cope with the slings and arrows that everyday life throws at you. Any emotional feeling makes me want to eat and drink to excess - either good or bad feelings, doesn't matter.
I have delved into 'the Beck Diet Solution' and it is genius - it deals with 'dieting' rather than promoting a perfect diet.
I will attempt to go for the 5:2 intermittent fasting option again - previously I have lost about a lb a week but have given up due to emotional complications...

I know if I want to feel like myself again (not the 'old' me - that person is gone, I want to feel like I am the best person I can be - for myself) I need to shed some lbs even if it's just to get back into the clothes languishing in my wardrobe because they're fat too tight.
Sounds easy.
Will  running play a large part? Part of regaining my self-esteem is that I will be 'a runner' of sorts. Probably not the of the 1/2 marathon stripe, but of the '5-mile of a weekend and a shorter run in the week sort' My motivation for running is because it makes me feel better, feel positive, not because it might help me lose weight.
Running while you're firing on all cylinders is amazing.

And next week I will be running along the seafront in Brighton - inspired by 'running like a girl' by Alexandra Heminsley

And that is the end of the longest blog post I think I've ever done

A run

It was OK
I didn't need new kit, I didn't need it to be flat or sunny or especially early or late.
I didn't go fast at all apart from down the long straight rd just before the end - sefton park rd - 1/3 mile - and I wanted to get my average pace under 10 minutes per mile. Why that mattered - well, it doesn't. But it's a nice round number to be under...

3.7 miles, 36m 48s, 9mins 57" per mile

The last 1/3 mile was a killer.

But I did it. Despite being now 'disabled' and entitled to free prescriptions.

a new world

This is a tough one to write.
I know I have a lot to be grateful for in my life - I'm not starving, I'm not scared for my life, I have a loving family.
But sometimes I wonder how evil I must have been in a previous life to deserve the challenges that sometimes come my way.
I've been through difficult living arrangements, tough employment situations, a stress fractured foot... things that test your resilience and seem insurmountable at the time - but looking back puts things into perspective and you appreciate the good things.
I was hoping that I was heading for some good times as I feel I've been dealing with a lot of crap over the past 2 or 3 years - I felt there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
Then on Thursday last week I blacked out on the way home from work and ended up in A&E being treated for epilepsy.
I'm probably going to be on drugs for the rest of my life; I can't drive for a year (A whole flaming YEAR) and it happened in the co-op: I had to get rid of the coat I was wearing in case anyone recognises me in it.
I feel humiliated, embarrassed, my muscles ache where they went into spasm, I have bruises on my arms where the needles went in. I just don't want this to be my life from now on.

I know it's no big deal in the scheme of things but it's something I now have to deal with and already the driving ban is hitting home. I already felt as useless as a peri-menopausal woman can be - and this just is the icing on the shitty cake.

But. I know it's important that I keep myself fit and healthy to give me any chance of getting the better of this and making sure I can drive again. So I have to run - Nell McAndrew seems to think it's a good idea and she looks great:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2974716/How-woman-learn-love-running-yes-TV-presenter-Nell-McAndrew-s-new-book-tells-started.html

So I am feeling very sorry for myself but I know other people have far worse things wrong with them - things that could actually kill them so I should shut up.
It just seems totally over the top to ban me from driving for having 2 seizures in 2 years. I am still a better driver than some of the numbskulls trying to negotiate their way around Henleaze...
The drugs I'm on have a terrible possible side effect which could be lethal - it's a skin lesion thing which sounds a lot worse than the fits imho.

So I am in a slump now. Is it wrong to enjoy the attention of the ambulance people - they were so kind and made me feel safe. Everyone at A&E was very nice. But I'm kind of on my own now I get that - I just have to suck it up and make sure I don't make things worse for myself.

Hey ho.

Slow.

3.71 miles
37m 18s
10m 4s per mil
Slower then ever before - also I am heavier than I have ever been in my life.
Issues: right big toe - I have done a fair bit of walking over the last 2 days and so my toe joint is very stiff - happily (weirdly) running doesn't seem to affect it quite so much. The knock-on effect though is that my right foot feels stiff and odd I guess through compensating for my dodgy toe joint.
Left hip - bit of a squeal but nothing too drastic.
Breath - very little on the hills
Stomach - I feel nauseous, like I have just eaten a huge meal. I have eaten today but not for a while - and last time I ran on empty I still had that feeling. I guess it's cos my newly extended stomach requires more oxygen to sustain it and so it makes me feel sick. Not pleasant and I should look on it as inspiration to lose weight.
Why else would I run other than to lose weight? Well, to get fit of course and to put off being old and unfit. Although I am pretty much there. I would like to be fitter and slimmer than average. That's all.

The jogging life for me

Well, there is really no excuse not to get out there and run,. It does me more good than harm (I have to believe that...) and even though my back is not 100% it doesn't stop me running. Well, jogging. A fast saunter, really...
37m 46s
3.8miles
10min 3s per mile
It's better than nothing.
In reality, I am getting on which means that recovery always takes longer. Also I am putting on weight and it's getting harder to shift. And my cretinous, arthritic big toe means that there is extra train being put on various other joints.
What 'getting on' doesn't mean is that I have to give up.
So really, until I cannot put one foot in front of the other I should keep on running, and if anything up the mileage and even consider doing the Bristol 10k at the end of May - it's something realistic to aim for isn't it.

Happy New Year

Well, it's been a tough start to the year - I have had the worst cold I have EVER had in my life. It ended up with a chest infection which obviously stopped me running for a long time - but also I was coughing so hard I have done something fairly major to my lower back. It's always been a bit weak but I have never been so incapacitated by pain. Made me very unhappy. And very, very unfit.
But yesterday I decided it was better enough to have a run with the option of cutting it short.

The stats speak for themselves - never have I been so slow (or so wobbly...)

28m 28s
2.8 miles
10min 7s pe rmile

The long road to running begins again...