Putting on weight and not doing enough exercise: and I wonder why I felt so exhausted today. I had to walk. I had no breath. I was barely jogging at times.
But I went for a run.
Now I'm wondering if the achievement of 'going for a run' is really enough to make me feel good about myself. I don't feel good about myself. Time is taking its toll, but I am grateful I've got this far and haven't totally given up.
4.2km
7m 7s per km
I'm currently with car: it's a rare occurrence and one I'm taking full advantage of. Today's treat was to drive up to the Downs for a run. Always good to have a change of scene, plus it's mostly flat, so it's all good.
I can't believe I used to run up there from home, go all the way round - at times even up to the observatory for goodness' sake - and be back in time to go to work.
But not today.
The mystery about this morning's effort was that I felt just as knackered as I did the last time I went up there - and that was really weirdly tough. I had to walk a couple of times just because I felt so rough. I did have quite a lot of wine last night which is probably the main reason...
And then - I look at the stats and they're not even that bad. TF?
4.73km
6m 52s per km
So I did get new shoes and they felt good.
I have even been for a run in them.
Well - the mild disappointment is that they're not as padded as I'd hoped. My right foot was still achy like before but perhaps not quite so bad. And now I have new shoes I am obliged to run more.
it was a struggle getting going this morning - for one thing, it's cold and for another, I am lazy and fearful about putting any effort into exercise. But that's a me issue.
I also walloped my knuckle on a wheelie bin - it wasn't painful then but now it's all swollen up and hurty.
Oh, poor, poor me.
it was also muddy...
5.01km
7m 13s per km
I walked for a while so I could find the next episode of the podcast...
Also I am a very slow runner
I think my foot issue might be more limiting than I hoped. It's hurting near the bottom of my second toe - I guess there is a lot of pressure on there. So any new shoes will have to have the padding rather than the off-road (ha!) capability.
But there I was, bravely running through the pain, and almost got to the 5k mark but stopped cos it was getting too hurty, like it might cause damage.
4.81km
7m 02s per km
and I'm not disappointed by being slow - there are plenty of people slower and I'm just doing me.
I wore my old shoes to see if they fit better than the off-road ones and indeed they do. My toes don't ram into the end, which is nice. But they are too hard: I think the padding gets compacted or just perishes over time. The main effect of this is that my poor arthritic right foot is really aching now. No matter how much I try to convince myself that not having a functioning joint isn't a big problem, it is, nevertheless, a problem. One I just have to live with as there is no actual cure. Pain-killers, cutting back on the ballet, and flat shoes all should help.
'You never see a fat runner', I thought. Then I looked in the mirror.
short: 4.29km (didn't want to push it too far: I was huffing and puffing like a fat runner anyway)
not quite so slow: 6m 54s per km which is a little pleasing but could have done without the foot pain and the tiny niggle of calf ache.
Oh woe is me.
But also, well done me for going for a run.
One day I won't make such a song and dance about it...
I think this is the last morning before some new storm comes in and I'll be staying firmly indoors.
As for how slow I was, well, new records are being set:
5.03km (small cheer for going over 5km) (by 3m but who's counting)
7min 13s per km.
But I'm ok with it - the point of this is doing exercise and all the benefits that brings, and if I'm barely moving then so what? Plus it was over 36 mins and I believe the peak benefit of cardio comes at about the 45 min mark so there is that to aim for.
But well done me: a win for today
Definitely a good start to the day when it's about freezing but the sun is out, not a cloud in the sky. No excuse - and in truth it wasn't a hard decision to head out, so well done me.
Slow though. But I thought to myself that this is jogging and that's perfectly OK. It's good for me and I'm not going to beat myself up about it. And I still put in sufficient effort to make my calfs hurt enough to find me now resting on ice doing this...
There are loads of curly dogs out and about these days - I imagine them being lockdown dogs, the cute teddy bear types that don't shed. It's the kind of dog I would go for if I ever did, but I know there are so many rescues that need a home and it's a bad thing to encourage breeding... But I'm never going to get a dog, so...
Anyhoo - the stats:
4.43km
7m 2s per km
I'm OK with that.
I gave myself no choice this morning. Just did my usual selection of moves and then went out. No big deal. Listened to 'This Thing of Darkness' on BBC Sounds - it's about a prison psychologist working with long-term prisoners. Not a barrel of laughs but interesting enough to distract me.
So - does my theory of lb-for-lb correlation stand?
4.3 km - so further
7m 06s per km - faster
But have I lost weight? Nope.
There was a brief respite from the incessant rain this morning so I went for a run. No big deal, right? Well, not for most people - for me, however, it is a very big deal.
But as per usual - well done me for getting out there, well done me for not stopping, well done me for doing the warm-up walk first and preventing the hurty bits from hurting so much.
But, look at this:
3.88 km
7m 10s per km
Even slower than last time.
But, I'm even heavier than last time.
So there it is. There is almost a lb-for-lb correlation between weight and distance/speed, and right now I'm at an inflection point (hopefully). From now on I will be faster and fitter.
Easy to say, obvs, but now Christmas is out of the way and only a week away with chums to over-indulge coming up, I can embark on the long road back to fitness and weight loss and increased happiness at my freedom from binge-eating.
I gave myself no excuse, didn't overthink it and just got out the door. I knew it was going to be a hard one because it's been such a long time and I still have the issue with my hamstrings or whatever part of me that's hurty.
3.89km
7m 02s per km
I was dreading the calf niggle but that was OK - full disclosure I have been stretching it a bit, well done me. The hamstrings, or whatever part of me it is that's hurty, were aching a bit (and I expect I'll suffer tomorrow) but other than that, I ran all the way and felt out of breath and very fat and slow.
So in that sense, I am unfit and not exactly primed for running.
But. I went for a run. And kept going. Isn't overcoming adversity and fear the very definition of strength?
Same thing.
Beautiful morning - perishingly cold but bright and sunny. I'd already committed to running this morning so I was going for it. I did the usual routine, including some general warm-up moves which are pretty good for getting going in the mornings, and I often do them. But it was so cold I decided that I wouldn't do the warm-up walk once I got out the door.
Is that where I went wrong?
It was OK until about 2.5 km in, and despite taking it very easy, that tiny ache in my left calf muscle kicked in. So I did the sensible thing and walked home. In the cold.
2.66 km
7m 35s per km
I have to address this issue if I want to keep running. Last time, I left it about 4 weeks until the ache had gone completely (it had been aching when I wasn't doing anything, even when just sitting down) So that will happen again. Also, I will do strengthening exercises, the calf raises. I had thought about seeing a sports injury person but in truth, I know they will simply say I have to strengthen my calves: I can't see any way around that. I don't think there is anything intrinsically wrong with my leg, I'm just a bit overweight and haven't got the strength in those little muscles.
So there it is. Another few weeks of just wondering if I will be able to run again. And more time to over-dramatise the fact that on occasion I get out the door and go for a run. I somehow still see myself as being 'a runner'. But all the new clothing in the world won't make the pain go away: that requires dedication and determination.
So I made it out the door, after all the usual faff, did the warm-up walk and got going. But then the tiny niggle in my left calf became more insistent.
So I cut the run very short and came home. I do not want to go through the whole recovery thing again. In future, I will take far more notice if there is a niggle but also do some calf exercises which are very dull but may do the trick
3.07 km
6m 58 per km
By 'this' I mean running, not just writing this blog which in itself is a bit of a mystery.
I mean, I get so tired and out of breath - really struggling to get enough air into my lungs. (But isn't that when it's doing most good ?) It's good to get out of breath for time to time to improve fitness. But I also know it will never get any better: as soon as it feels better that means you're not putting in enough effort. So by keeping the same perceived level of effort you're improving every time. Can I live with that level of discomfort?
When I catch sight of my reflection in car windows, I feel ashamed of how I look. I'm fat, barrell-shaped, red in the face. I shouldn't be inflicting the sight of me on the general public. I actually saw 2 people I know this morning which was troubling: firstly my neighbour which meant I had to change my route to avoid running too close or even worse, chatting (cos I was on my warm-up walk) (does anyone else do that?) Then as I was finishing I saw a former colleague which was really nice but I did have to explain I was on my way home rather than setting out.
Discombobulated, generally.
5.2km
6m 57s per km.
Slow.
But I did it.
So I was well pleased with myself for not going out first thing due to the rain but, rather, waiting for it to stop and then going out.
I felt OK - no wine for a week or so, eating well, sleeping well so there was absolutely no reason for me to be running at 6m 50s per km pace. But there it is.
5.36km at a snail's pace.
But it's done and I am grateful for that small mercy.
Indeed. I got up and went for a run. It's a nice morning which helped, plus I'd decided last night to run, which also helped. And it was OK. It's my lack of fitness and excess weight which makes it so hard - but when my breath feels most laboured, that's when the most benefit is happening. Right? My inner monologue tells me that, and I keep going.
5.15km
6m 45s per km
Not unhappy with that
And that's the most interesting thing about this morning's run. I mean, runs are not inherently interesting if they're just done for exercise. It's when there is a challenge they become interesting; there is jeopardy.
The only jeopardy for me is whether my calf issues flare up.
My hamstrings are achy and they don't seem to get any better even with stretching. I hope it's nothing to do with my hips.
And that was today's run.
5.66km
6m 44s per km
I do this now
I do this now
I do this now
I do this now
However I look at it, I've been for a run when I didn't really feel like it, but I didn't hate the idea. So I went. Is this how it's supposed to be? A neutral event?
5.54km
6m 57 per km.
I knew it was slow, but also that slow is fine. It was 340 calories (like that is a worthwhile statistic to have on the app...) My max pace was 4m 38s per km which is insanely fast for me... But equally irrelevant as I'm not after PBs.
So I do this now.
Skumfished? I've thought about it too much now. I think it's a northern word for being very hot. It sounds better than it looks written down...
It might be the hottest day of the year today - bit off for mid-September but I guess that's what we've done to the world.
I was out about 7am to miss the worst of the heat (and to get the run over and done with) so it was quite nice.
5.12 km (so happy when the lady told me I'd done the 5k!)
6m 48s per km
It's slow but I am still very unfit and struggle on the gentle hills. Will I keep this up once the weather turns cold? I don't know. I do know it's good for me to run even the little that I do.
4.97 km
If I'd left turning off the tracker for maybe another second I'd have heard the lady tell me I'd gone the full 5k
It could have been worse - I almost walked - so very nearly. I think it was a combination of the stifling heatwave we're having and not having anything to eat (other than 550ml wine...) last night. And the extra weight I'm carrying without the amelioration of weight training.
So - job done
6m 38 per km
5.04km
6m 45s per km
Did it.
Well done me.
I won't do myself down for achieving such an unambitious goal because it's been a long time coming. What I do have to do is not rest on it. Now that I've done it I can do it again and I can never do less - unless I'm on a different run and don't know how far I've gone.
