Am I terribly unfit or the strongest I've ever been?

I gave myself no excuse, didn't overthink it and just got out the door. I knew it was going to be a hard one because it's been such a long time and I still have the issue with my hamstrings or whatever part of me that's hurty. 

3.89km

7m 02s per km

I was dreading the calf niggle but that was OK - full disclosure I have been stretching it a bit, well done me. The hamstrings, or whatever part of me it is that's hurty, were aching a bit (and I expect I'll suffer tomorrow) but other than that, I ran all the way and felt out of breath and very fat and slow. 

So in that sense, I am unfit and not exactly primed for running.

But. I went for a run. And kept going. Isn't overcoming adversity and fear the very definition of strength?

Woe is very much me #2

Same thing.

Beautiful morning - perishingly cold but bright and sunny. I'd already committed to running this morning so I was going for it. I did the usual routine, including some general warm-up moves which are pretty good for getting going in the mornings, and I often do them. But it was so cold I decided that I wouldn't do the warm-up walk once I got out the door. 

Is that where I went wrong?

It was OK until about 2.5 km in, and despite taking it very easy, that tiny ache in my left calf muscle kicked in. So I did the sensible thing and walked home. In the cold. 

2.66 km

7m 35s per km 

I have to address this issue if I want to keep running. Last time, I left it about 4 weeks until the ache had gone completely (it had been aching when I wasn't doing anything, even when just sitting down) So that will happen again. Also, I will do strengthening exercises, the calf raises. I had thought about seeing a sports injury person but in truth, I know they will simply say I have to strengthen my calves: I can't see any way around that. I don't think there is anything intrinsically wrong with my leg, I'm just a bit overweight and haven't got the strength in those little muscles. 

So there it is. Another few weeks of just wondering if I will be able to run again. And more time to over-dramatise the fact that on occasion I get out the door and go for a run. I somehow still see myself as being 'a runner'. But all the new clothing in the world won't make the pain go away: that requires dedication and determination. 

Woe is very much me

So I made it out the door, after all the usual faff, did the warm-up walk and got going. But then the tiny niggle in my left calf became more insistent. 

So I cut the run very short and came home. I do not want to go through the whole recovery thing again. In future, I will take far more notice if there is a niggle but also do some calf exercises which are very dull but may do the trick

3.07 km

6m 58 per km

Why am I doing this?

By 'this' I mean running, not just writing this blog which in itself is a bit of a mystery.

I mean, I get so tired and out of breath - really struggling to get enough air into my lungs. (But isn't that  when it's doing most good ?) It's good to get out of breath for time to time to improve fitness. But I also know it will never get any better: as soon as it feels better that means you're not putting in enough effort. So by keeping the same perceived level of effort you're improving every time. Can I live with that level of discomfort? 

When I catch sight of my reflection in car windows, I feel ashamed of how I look. I'm fat, barrell-shaped, red in the face. I shouldn't be inflicting the sight of me on the general public. I actually saw 2 people I know this morning which was troubling: firstly my neighbour which meant I had to change my route to avoid running too close or even worse, chatting (cos I was on my warm-up walk) (does anyone else do that?) Then as I was finishing I saw a former colleague which was really nice but I did have to explain I was on my way home rather than setting out. 

Discombobulated, generally.

5.2km

6m 57s per km.

Slow. 

But I did it. 

Disappointed

So I was well pleased with myself for not going out first thing due to the rain but, rather, waiting for it to stop and then going out. 

I felt OK - no wine for a week or so, eating well, sleeping well so there was absolutely no reason for me to be running at 6m 50s per km pace. But there it is. 

5.36km at a snail's pace.

But it's done and I am grateful for that small mercy.

Well done me

Indeed. I got up and went for a run. It's a nice morning which helped, plus I'd decided last night to run, which also helped. And it was OK. It's my lack of fitness and excess weight which makes it so hard - but when my breath feels most laboured, that's when the most benefit is happening. Right? My inner monologue tells me that, and I keep going. 

5.15km

6m 45s per km

Not unhappy with that

It was sunny

And that's the most interesting thing about this morning's run. I mean, runs are not inherently interesting if they're just done for exercise. It's when there is a challenge they become interesting; there is jeopardy.  

The only jeopardy for me is whether my calf issues flare up. 

My hamstrings are achy and they don't seem to get any better even with stretching. I hope it's nothing to do with my hips. 

And that was today's run.

5.66km

6m 44s per km

I do this now

I do this now

I do this now

I do this now

I do this now

However I look at it, I've been for a run when I didn't really feel like it, but I didn't hate the idea. So I went. Is this how it's supposed to be? A neutral event? 

5.54km

6m 57 per km.

I knew it was slow, but also that slow is fine. It was 340 calories (like that is a worthwhile statistic to have on the app...) My max pace was 4m 38s per km which is insanely fast for me... But equally irrelevant as I'm not after PBs. 

So I do this now. 

Scumfished

Skumfished? I've thought about it too much now. I think it's a northern word for being very hot. It sounds better than it looks written down... 

It might be the hottest day of the year today - bit off for mid-September but I guess that's what we've done to the world.

I was out about 7am to miss the worst of the heat (and to get the run over and done with) so it was quite nice. 

5.12 km (so happy when the lady told me I'd done the 5k!)

6m 48s per km

It's slow but I am still very unfit and struggle on the gentle hills. Will I keep this up once the weather turns cold? I don't know. I do know it's good for me to run even the little that I do.

 

Three metres

4.97 km

If I'd left turning off the tracker for maybe another second I'd have heard the lady tell me I'd gone the full 5k 

It could have been worse - I almost walked - so very nearly. I think it was a combination of the stifling heatwave we're having and not having anything to eat (other than 550ml wine...) last night. And the extra weight I'm carrying without the amelioration of weight training. 

So - job done

6m 38 per km

Achievement level: outstanding

5.04km

6m 45s per km

Did it.

Well done me.

I won't do myself down for achieving such an unambitious goal because it's been a long time coming. What I do have to do is not rest on it. Now that I've done it I can do it again and I can never do less - unless I'm on a different run and don't know how far I've gone. 

50% chance of rain

Usual dilemma: 50% chance of rain so I decided it would be foolish beyond reason to go out. 

However, I can be foolish beyond reason so out I went.

Happily, there was no rain. Also I had my new bum bag which was sold as some kind of miracle running accessory because it has a hole for your headphone cable to poke through. It's just a bum bag though. And it would keep my phone dry if it did rain. So I know I look like a bit of a twat but surely the point is I'm out there. If people choose to judge then so be it.

4.14 km

6m 47 per km

Not sure how the usual route was shorter today but I do go round the back of Tescos which may be some kind of portal...

Gasping

I hate that feeling when you know you can't get enough oxygen into your lungs. My lungs. Yours are probably very capacious. 

But I didn't even slow down much which I am taking as a win. 

It was the normal route:

4.36km

6m 36s per km 

So quite acceptable for me.

I was remembering that not so long ago I would run down to the city farm in St Werberghs then along the railway path, up the loooong hill back to Horfield Common and back home. That feels impossible now.  And I know even if I set that as some kind of a goal, I don't care enough to go for it. After all, what would come next? I want to enjoy running, to feel the benefits and frankly I'm not great at challenging myself. Although completing the C25K was a pretty awesome achievement. For a low achiever... 

No excuses

Nothing truly hurt. 

Did 4.3km at 6m 43s so pretty standard.

The biggest struggle other than actually getting out of the door is getting my sports bra fastened. 

My lungs were screaming as I'm unfit - but this is how I will get fit, of course. 

It's very simple and yet I've been making a song and dance about it for so long I don't know how to just get over myself and nonchalantly go for a run 

1. is the weather going to be ok

2. kit      a. bra - always a challenge to get into 

               b. what do I wear to feel like I've covered up the worst bits?

               c. will I be warm/cool enough?

3. sounds - what to listen to - podcasts are best but there are some very dull ones out there. I've taken to deciding the night before but it's still a bit hit or miss. And don't get me started on trying to find ones I'm 1/2 way through but haven't subscribed to, or getting the next one to play in order (looking at you BBC Sounds) Sometimes it's easier to listen to live radio or some motivational music. 

4. How far to go - so scared of going too far and not being able to get back. I have never been unable to get back (Other than stress fractures and calf pulls...)

etc - it's all just flummery

No drama

Just a run, avoided the rain, and no significant pain. 

But goodness was I tired. I had very little energy - not sure why. Age? Too much extra weight?

Whatever, I deliberately slowed down a lot towards the end - but at least I didn't stop. The voice from the C25K was in my head, saying something like:  'I know you're tired but you can do this.'  So is that the lasting legacy of C25K? Whatever, I got through the whole run without dying. So well done me. 

4.28km

6m 38per km. Insanely fast - no wonder I was tired... 

I do wonder if the mapmyrun app is accurate, though. I can't believe I was that fast over the whole distance. I did do a burst for the last 100m or so and that was a killer but I can't believe it would have made much difference to the overall speed.

It's still a win though, and I'll take that. 

What's going on?

Me: I'm going for a run this morning 

Weather Forecast: it's going to rain 

Me: I'm not going for a run, I'll do the garden instead

WF: Didn't you see - it's going to rain so you're not going to do the garden either are you 

Me: True. I'm going to stay in bed

Me (looking out of the window at the actual weather) But it's not raining now...

WF: um, right - but it will be, you mark my words. Symbols.

Me: I could go now and hopefully beat the rain... (does warm-up exercises) 

WF: Don't say I didn't warn you

Me: (leaving out the house) I'll come back if it does tank down

(Double-checks the weather forecast)

Me: Now you're saying it's not going to rain

WF: You have passed the test. Well done

Me: I'm having an imaginary conversation with the Met Office weather app.

It was fine. Usual niggles

4.71km 

6m 41 per km

And it didn't rain 

 

Well done me

I surprised myself this morning: there I was noodling away on the sofa wondering how accurate the rain forecast was going to be (it should have been raining then but wasn't) when I realised I have a thing to do at 10am and if I didn't get going right there and then, I wasn't going to go. Of course I have not gone for a run many, many times but not this time. So off I went.

Well done me, indeed. 

Slightly achy Achilles but that seemed to ease along the way. Just the usual hip and top of hamstrings things. 

4.07 km running - don't count the warm-up walk

6m 50s per km which is respectable for me.

So if I can find another km out there I will soon be at my target. Yay. 

This might very well be the new normal.

Unremarkable.

4.63 km (including the warm-up walk at the beginning)

7m 26s per km. Again, including the warm-up walk at the beginning. 

So getting towards the 5k and I felt OK. Bit lungy but that surely is part of the reason one runs - to get fitter which requires effort. The e-word. Not my favourite.

Anyway - I did it, no drama

The new normal?

So - my legs felt heavy this morning. Probably because I am overweight and they carry that extra burden... But I'd committed (somehow - there are no consequences or rewards for doing this) (Oh, hang on - isn't it all about rewards and consequences?) to going out this morning. My thinking was (I overthink it, it's why running's a rare occurrence. Note that during the c25k there was no thinking involved and I just went out and did it. Lesson) that the weather is about to turn unusually stormy later this morning and I'd cancelled a Body Pump class so I had to do something. 

It was mainly ok - a bit out of breath like I should be and there was the heavy legs thing going on but mainly OK. Until I think about my Achilles: it was a little bit hurty all the way round, but it didn't get (much) worse. It's better when I concentrate on my knees rather than my feet. I'm trying to remember the Malcolm Balk session when I'm sure he said something about visualising your knees moving in a circle rather than your feet hitting the ground... It's all a bit vague now - probably about 15 years ago. Just after the 1/2 marathon (2006) but it did help a bit. Calfs are fine. 

This new normal thing - 5 minute warm-up walk, do the run trying not to hurt my Achilles, then icing for 10 mins while I do this. 

4.14km

6m 39s per km - wait, that's insane. I was running slowly. I do not think that's right but I didn't do anything different. I mean - yay! 

This is OK, right?

It is a beautiful morning, I awoke refreshed and have a nice new top. I am living the dream. 

It was OK - I did the 5-minute warm-up walk which I can only assume is the secret to this even though I'd rather leave the house running, but you know, getting old means compromise... 

My Achilles was the worry - it's still aching, a niggle, nothing serious but there is the constant thought that it would trigger my calf muscles and I'd end up walking back feeling wretched. But - it didn't get any worse (well, maybe a little bit) and I've given it 10 mins of ice so fingers crossed it will be fine for 2 runs a week (building up to 3, let's not be unambitious here)

And I felt OK lung-wise. Not super fit but nothing like the gasping red-faced loser I have been. 

So, am I now a 'runner'? Looking at the stats, I'm more of a jogger but that's more than a couch potato. 

3.88km

6m 51 per km