That first 2 minutes...

That's what proper runners must feel like all the time - light, swift, invincible. It doesn't last long and by the time I was getting close to home I was feeling like a sack of spuds.

But I went. I had to get out there and do it before I got sucked into doing anything else like washing up, morning pages, anything. And that's how I used to do it, in the far off days of training for the 1/2 marathon: up at 6am, do 7 miles and back in time for breakfast and the day ahead. I was so much lighter and fitter - and younger - then.  But I was also heel-striking and since I altered to mid-foot I've had 2 stress fractures and haven't run much over 5 miles.

I've also been getting knee pain and I really hope it's not through running. It's likely to be an age thing, coupled with a lack of strength in the relevant muscles, but more likely to be stiffness. I will try some quad stretches for a while and if that doesn't work then back to the osteopath or else the Moti man (although that's for real runners...)

4.86 miles
10m 26s

I would like to get back under 10-minute miles - that will require weight loss more than anything else...

awesome

4.86 miles
10m 18s per mile

So what's so awesome? I mean, my calf muscles are aching and that's going to last for a few days; my throat feels like sandpaper; my cough has been triggered - dry, hacking, unpleasant and irritating to everyone. And it turns out I was wearing my vest inside out (under a top tho so no biggie) And I wallopped my elbow. And my blackened toenail (from running) was a bit hurty - I think it's due to fall off very soon)

But - I went for a run despite everything and it didn't feel like A Big Deal. In fact, once I got up to the downs and got my breath back from the hill climb, I felt like I could keep going a bit longer - I wasn't going to risk the calves though as that's a bit too much. But I feel good for going and that's enough.

bloody hell and a happy new year...

Is it really 4 weeks since my last run? At least that long. Since then has been Christmas, New Year and the worst cold/sore throat/chest infection combo I have ever had. And it took a superhuman effort to go out today. I knew if I didn't it would be at least Friday before I went for one - and there was nothing actually stopping me today.

It was touch and go whether I was going to go (really building this up now...) I woke up, like I have done for the last 3 weeks, with a lung full of cack to cough up so I didn't want to go first thing. Which meant running after lunch - not something I ever do - so well done me, right.

It was horrible. I gave me a good talking to before I left - about how much good it will do me, psychologically as well as physically and how it's part of how I define myself, all that guff - and I was only ever going to do a short one. So with all that in mind off I went.

God, it was hard work.

3.82 miles
10m 26s

And now I'm coughing up pints of the green stuff - I guess it's been loosened and it will hasten my recovery.

Uphill struggle

Quite literally: I was struggling on the hills this morning. I'm blaming it on having 2 halves of 'Double Standard' last night at The Urban. (That means something to me, I'm not going to explain it) It was my birthday so we went out for a fish pie (I know how to celebrate) and the beer came with it. And I didn't even have fish pie (always rebellious) - I had moules frites and smoked mackerel pate which had added horseradish - something I will add to my own in future.

So, that's a lot of nothing before I start on about this morning's run.

It felt very tough: I know I am carrying a lot of extra weight which doesn't help - in fact, it's the single thing which makes running such a challenge. But now I have got my birthday out the way I am going to turn things around health-wise. I know I keep saying it - but until it becomes ingrained into my every waking thought and I believe, not only that I can do it, but that the pain will be worth it - I am setting out to fail
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels: it's a dangerous concent for anyone who might have an eating disorder - but it is the truth as far as motivation for weight-loss is concerned.

4.7 miles
10m 16s pace

short and wet

'Oh, it's OK', I thought 'I will run in this light rain'. And so, I did and it was fine: the hairband kept the worst of the rain out my eyes and the earbuds lasted until the last 10 mins or so (spoiler: I have just left Helen and Freddie about to be eaten by pigs - Tracks, final part)

So mostly good. But I hadn't considered my poor phone. I hope it was OK stuffed up my sleeve, not too damp up there.

It worked enough to record my stats - which are both good and bad. Bad because I only ran 3.29 miles but good because I ran them in 9m 50 a mile.
So, I'm taking that as a win.

I read about a revolutionary face washing product yesterday - a cloth that cleans your skin, taking off all makeup, even waterproof mascara (a bold claim and one which rarely delivers in my experience) and it was only about $20 - as in, only available in the US. But I read down a bit and it turns out it's a microfibre cloth - just like the 5 I got for £3.50 the other day. So I tried it and it actually works. Who'd have thought? A second win. My life has taken an upturn and I can better tackle the weight and alcohol issues which threaten to take me down.

Tinnitus

One of the main vexations of running is how loud my tinnitus seems when I get home. Is it because I've had headphones on or just raised blood pressure? Is it actually getting worse and I should go and have another scan? I wish there was a cure.

It took ages to get out the door this morning - not because, well, running - but I've added even more stuff to my running kit: there is now a headband which I've had for ages and makes me look like a nit, but keeps my ears warm and hides the worst of my hair - and I found a little clip for my headphones which stops them moving around my neck. (Not in a strangly way, they just wander)

But I did run and it was OK.

4.80 miles
10m 16s pace. (but I did do one mile in 9m 41 - pretty bloody good for me these days...*

*I've just worked out that the 9m 41s referred to the last mile which wasn't a full mile - it was the 0.8 of the 4.8 miles. Prawn.

Insane

5.39 miles
9m 54s

I mean - I wasn't aiming to run that far or that fast - I was just doing my thing as per. I went the slightly less hilly route up to the downs which probably helped with the speed thing but other than that I wasn't thinking. Also I had no idea it was over 5 miles. I was thinking towards the end when Tracks finished and I had space to think that a half marathon is about 3 times the distance I was running today, that if I did it again I would want to do a PB which would mean 9 minute miles and that I would like to buy the bf a place in the New York marathon next year. I was rambling.

I did get one of these: Finburst running belt  - I wouldn't recommend. The belt is huge and the zip broke before I even left the house.

Weight vs speed

It's pretty much a straight line, the relationship between weight and speed: on a graph, it's a 45-degree angle. Simple.
For every lb over 9 stone, I think I probably take an extra 15 seconds per mile. It's just a theory and I can't be bothered to test it, but I feel in my bones I'm right so I'm just leaving it there.

4.76 miles
10m 14s pace.

I have to stick with the reassurance that simply getting out into the fresh air is a Good Thing and I never regret going for a run.

hamstrings give you wings

48 mins

4.79 miles

10m10s pace

After a relatively long time running – which is anything over ½ an hour for me – I get to the stage where the end is nigh, most of my energy is spent and the podcast’s finished. At this point this morning, I remembered I have hamstrings – I don’t use them much as a rule – but when they were added into the mix, I found an extra turn of speed.

It’s biomechanics, isn’t it and ignore them at your peril because they will keep you going in the long run

For example, remembering to keep your elbows tucked in to your sides to stop twisting, remembering to land mid-foot rather than on your heels, remembering to hold your phone in a manner which doesn’t trigger RSI.* (I failed on that score a couple of weeks ago in Whitstable and have been paying the price ever since)

But it does nothing for fat fingers – blood is centrifuged into my hands, making my digits increasingly sausagey the longer the run goes on.  Same for the red face* – it’s why I never run at lunchtimes at work (well, it’s one reason, and the best I can come up with)

It seems amazing, considering all that, that someone who’s overweight, knock-kneed and middle aged can actually run. It’s not pretty, but I am running.

One other side effect no one told me about is that it makes my tinnitus, temporarily at least, borderline unbearable: is it the raised blood pressure?  Is there raised blood pressure after running? (It's only temporary)

You talk to a (serious) runner and they will tell you they or someone they know, found running cured their depression, anxiety, all sorts of mental health issues. It’s great of course. For me – once the podcast finished and was hoping to get into this meditative state, I found myself over-thinking – ‘am I meditating here, am I thinking normally or am I getting into a meta rabbit hole and thinking about thinking?’ Whatever, I arrived back home with this list of ideas to jot down for the blog.

*I need one of these: Finburst running belt

**my face doesn’t go sausagey

2 runs and part time working

The weekend before I started working 3 days a week (again) I was in Whitstable which, by law, means a run along the seafront. I went the Sea Salter way and really enjoyed it - very blowy and bracing - and I felt very good about it

4.28 miles, 10m 23s

I honestly thought I'd gone faster than that - but the prize is the run itself - and it did help counteract some of the wine and chocolate. But not by much

And I have just returned from a midweek run - this is a non-working day and it is fantastic to have the time. I have to consider every single penny I spend from here on in and make sure I don't end up penniless and alone when I'm old. That's a different story.

Today's story is: 4.89 miles (ever closer to the magic 5 miles..) pace 10m 12s.

Amazingly I ran for 49 mins and 56 secs. It's the longest one for a long time. It was ok - struggling a bit on the early hill at the end of the railway path but the rest of it is almost 100% mental.

So I feel I have achieved something good here. It's 0955 and I have the rest of the day to pursue other interests.

Mid week.

Well, that's a first for a very long time...

I'm away for work staying in sunny Solihull. In a very nice hotel with one flaw, more on that later.

So I packed the running kit almost believing that was enough to get me out on the pavements at some point in the 2 days I'm here. And what should I see in reception but a plinth sort of thing with a local map with 3 routes marked out, a number of apples and take-away leaflets printed with the routes. Amazing, right - never seen that kind of thing before (and this isn't some 5-star wonder, it's a Crowne Plaza)
So I had a look at the leaflet and couldn't make head or tail of the directions. I thought the medium length route - about 3.5 miles - looked nice, taking in a park and a pond as it did. But the instructions made no sense. I've figured out since that the colour of the route, the length and the directions are all arse about face. Mildly annoying but also quite funny.

So I looked up a suggested route on mapmyrun and set off. Didn't stick to it. The area's a bit like Sneyd Park - poshish houses and old trees and so on. And I did find the park which had a pond - lovely. I hanker after such a thing in Bristol, but the closest one is probably Eastville and that's a drive away.

But head-wise - I think I really enjoyed it. I felt stronger - not lighter physically, but perhaps a little lighter psychologically - and it was helped enormously by having an unfamiliar place to find my way around. I had to put music on rather than a play cos it was hard to concentrate on a plot as well as making sure I didn't get hopelessly lost. As I got closer to the hotel on the way back I began having these odd thoughts, that I would like to keep going further - a lot further... It was odd, but with a distant familiarity... Why didn't I keep going? I think due to aching Achilles and knowing that overdoing it is never a good idea - the best way is to build up slowly.
2 questions arise:  1. how slowly  2. build up to what?

3.49 miles
35m 56s
10m 16 average
- fastest was 9m 59 - first sub-10 mile in a long long while

Still steaming

Literally 5 mins after the run - and I'm just decompressing with an icy glass of sparkling water. One of life's pleasures.

49m 15s
4.37 miles.

Didn't actually make a single mile under 10 mins. Am I getting slower? Heavier, certainly. But slower. Is that the point? I mean, if I ever do another Park Run will I try and get a faster time? Is that what I want? Or do I simply want to feel that I run? I want to be part of the running community, to get out into the open air, to get niggly things like blisters and tight hamstrings. (well, not really the niggly bits)

I'm very glad of my bum-sculpting Sweaty Betty running tights - I think I would wobble off the pavement if I didn't have some support.

Day one (#76)

So this is another one of those days when I promised I would get my act together, start losing weight and getting my physical fitness back on track...

It's going very well so far (it's 10 am), but I'm very hungry (I'm back on the 16:8 intermittent fasting regime, not that I ever stopped it, just ate far too much the second I was allowed to...) 

So, I went for a run which was fine once I set my foot out of the door (motivation follows action, after all)

4.88 miles
10.21s per mile

I followed some of the old route, through the allotments and back up Coldharbour Rd - it was nice to get a different view. It's quite hilly - but at least the hills are at the start.

I would like to do more Park Runs - but I actually want to do more than 5k at the weekends and I only want to run one of the days. Not exactly a terrible dilemma to be in...

I also threw in a couple of 4-minute yins at the end; it's quite alarming how fast stiffness kicks in after a couple of weeks of being a slob.

Congratulazioni

I ran in Sicily on holiday. Well done me, right.
It was a toughie - but then, I am very weighty these days and it was only one run in 2 weeks...

They were running down to a dam then back to the top of the hill and then back down to the car: about 40 mins in total, 35 of which were uphill.  But I thought I'd better have a go as I'd packed the running kit. So, we parked about 100m from the dam and set off quite slowly (Yay, I thought) but then turned back and started running up the hill. I conked out after 10 mins or so and knew I'd have to walk - but then I had the genius idea of running back down to the dam, then running uphill a bit more. So I did that. Twice, about 20 minutes of it. I was so out of breath I thought I was dying but there was no alternative but to keep going - and in fact I didn't die.

So much pain...

Not right away - the pain came later.

The verruca is on its way out - yay!
The achilles pain is getting less - also, yay!
Lugging my lardy arse on a run - same old same old.

4.48 miles
10m 17 per mile

Felt pleased I'd gone out (but then I rarely regret it, it's getting out the door which is the toughest part)

Got back and took my shoes and socks off (one of the greatest feelings in the world)

But then - I stubbed my toe and nearly hit the roof. Honestly, I thought I'd broken my foot. It was the second smallest one which got the worst of it.

However, 10 minutes later and it's gone down a bit - I can still feet a dull ache but the excruciating pain seems to have subsided.

Poor me, right.

A walk in the park

Except it was supposed to be a run on the Downs.
Oh well.

Also - I ran for a stupidly long time - there is no need to run for an hour, is there? I mean the benefits wane after about 45 mins. Plus it's left me with aching calves and front leg muscles (the name will come to me...)

So - it was OK - I had to walk a couple of time through sheer knackeredness - but I think that's ok. I did recall something I heard yesterday - that you may think you've pushed your body to its limits - but you can always do more. (['m very sure there is a limit to thank way of thinking, but it got me home)

drum roll:
1 h - 0 mins - 42 seconds (so technically over an hour...) (but the last bit might have been the time it took to stop the workout - what with unlocking the phone digging down into the app and all that) (but I'm sticking with the hour)
5.82 miles
fastest mile 9'58"
unimpressive but a run nevertheless
Well done me

Quads

Do not go gentle #2

Truly I feel pleased I made the effort and actually went for a run. But I rarely regret it (perhaps the time I got a stress fracture was one to forget)
I recently took some advice from a colleague who persuaded me to start very slowly and not get out of breath too soon because that makes you feel awful for the rest of the run. So that's what I did - and I kept up the slow pace for the rest of the run, but that's by-the-by... 
I do feel heavy - overweight and burdened with a little depression, with the thought of my life stretching out ahead with no change in the levels of stress I feel... Again, that's something in my power to change. But leaving the comfort of a secure job basically adds to the levels of 'hell, no' I live with.

Anyway - I am upping my blogging game and hopefully making it a bit more readable, informative and entertaining and so on. There are links galore, photos* and confessions - an irresistible combination, right.

5.7 miles
10m 06s
Fastest mile 9m 50s

So I'm happy about that. Not that it takes much...

*I am an idiot - I wanted to take a photo of a lane on the downs which I love - it's flat, straight, lined by trees - but lovely. So I thought I'd be all clever and do this - I ended up with a 3-frame video. Not so clever am I now? Oh well.

Setting off with the intention of being slow worked so well: I was concerned about a niggly achilles which seemed to be permanent but by the end, it had calmed down. The other one was getting twingy though. And my left hip did its thing as well... Age, it's a bugger. In my darkest days, I would have taken the alternative; I'm glad to say I don't feel that way any more. 

I have to thank Malcolm Balk for getting me into this style of running – or at least for getting me away from heel-striking. I know following my embracing of his technique I did have 2 stress fractures but I’m prepared to believe they were because I bought the wrong shoes and not building up any kind of strength. I learned my lesson…  But I did remember his teachings when I was annoyed about running so slowly – and the way to speed up is to lean forward from the hips and your body will compensate by running faster to stop you falling over. So simple. I need stronger hamstrings though.  Well, I need to make sure I keep going to the gym in general, for many reasons and not just for running.

Talking of age – which is one of the themes of this thing as it’s my greatest concern these days – fighting it, accepting it, enjoying it. (The ‘enjoying’ it is beyond me so far)
I have a very common issue, which I share with a great many female runners of all ages and that’s the charm-free stress incontinence oh joy… It’s common, it’s not a worrying thing – but ffs it would be far nicer not to have anything else to worry about. Thankfully I only ever get this while running and it’s not something that’s particularly obvious – but it feel like there’s something catastrophic happening in my pants.

Other age-related things – the Mail Online (which I know is basically click bait for the stupid (I read it a lot...)) had cures for things which no one worries about

1.     the burden of back fat fat – at last there are exercises to get rid of it. Which work really well along as long as you lose weight

2.     the magic pill for weight loss is finally here. It helps you're your appetite which is something which gets harder as you age. So it’s not a magic weight-loss pill, you have to do some weight-loss work yourself.

I was listening to random songs on my phone this morning – there are loads of tracks, most of which have been following me around for years – I rarely download anything these days; I listen to spotify but only on wifi so out on the road I rely on downloaded plays and so on. Anyway – there I was shuffling away and the Foo Fighters came on - long road to ruin – and it reminded me a. it was the inspiration for the name of this blog and b. it was from a long time ago. 2009 in fact (which in itself is 3 years after my ½ marathon)









 

Do not go gentle into that good night

I feel old at the mo - and it's not getting any easier. Ageing sucks.

I wish I could hope it was going to get better but I don't believe it will. I think that's the point though, right? I mean if you put the same effort in every time, you will get better without noticing. Except that isn't working for me. Perhaps it was last night's wine and this morning's sunniness. I'd like to think there was a reason other than my being ancient and overweight...

3.96 miles
10m 02s a mile

I guess I need to focus on the fact that I'm out running which is basically the only proper exercise I get. And it's more than a lot of people my age do.

Precipitation or perspiration?

3.88 miles
10m13s pace
It's not getting any easier. Apart from the temperature being much lower than for the past few months - that helped enormously and I know I'm going against popular opinion, but it's a relief...
Anyway - there I was jogging away when it started to rain. It hasn't rained for weeks and weeks. So I had to pop my phone into my waistband - and then got concerned that it would get humid anyway... Dilemma. But not exactly serious, right.. .
I am concerned also - more so - that the HRT I've begun is making me put on weight: in theory this doesn't happen, age makes you do that. But in the 4 weeks I've been on it I have put on 2lbs without changing anything. So it looks like I will have to be on a permanent diet and up the exercise in order to maintain a steady weight. And some days I feel like giving up.
And I think I have a verruca which is making my toe hurt.
Life doesn't get any easier does it

I am awesome

Well, not to blow my own trumpet or anything (I don't have one) but I ran this morning and actually - get this - put on a little extra loop right at the end.
I know.
Awesome
4.42 miles
10m 9s

So not very awesome really, but it's a state of mind. And possibly something to do with deciding (again) that I have to get my health in order. There are things I need to do more of, things I need to start doing and things I need to stop.

In my head I am a runner. In reality, running less than 5 miles every other weekend does not a runner make.  I am not fit enough to really enjoy running. Oh, I read somewhere about the 'runners' high' and how it is a real thing - but you have to run an awfully long way to feel it. Not less than 5 miles.

So is this yet another New Start'? Time will tell. Except it's up to me, not time.

I have begun a Bullet Journal: I'm tracking the things I want to do more of: yoga, run, gym, AFD, I think there's an affirmation page as well - don't do much of that. The thing about these journals is they're a bit addictive - you design pages for projects, for a daily diary, monthly lists and so on. And there is an index which is the equivalent of pockets in dresses - so useful you can't believe you never did it before.