Annoying

I've been planning to up the number of runs I do, gradually increasing the distance as I get fitter. A modest ambition by any standards. And as of the previous run, it seemed to be going well. (Not that one run can really be a sign of progress, but it's a start) 

And so with high hopes I left home this morning thinking I'd do the same route, perhaps adding on a little loop around the prison.

It was going so well, knees mainly  OK, feet acceptable, lungs protesting but holding up.

But my pigging calf. Again, it feels like it's taken a kicking, it was getting worse so I cut it short and came home. I've stretched the thing, strengthened the thing (this is as well as doing stretches before I left), and yet here I am again, aching and knowing I"m going to have to wait for it to calm down before I can even think about heading out on my mission again.

I could accept the cost of a physio, like the lovely one at Moti, and see what I can do to get over it as I do believe I can do the running but not at the cost of my calf. I can't even tell if it's the muscle or the Achilles - feels a bit too high for the Achilles but I guess it is quite a long thing. 

So - how much do I want to keep running and how much am I willing to pay for it? Or do I google the rest of today and work out a plan which may make it worse. 

grr. 

3.15km

6min 50 per km 

Can't do hills

I was doing so well I thought I'd do a slightly longer loop which involved a 100m or so of a gentle incline. I made it past a recycling truck and onto one of the cut-throughs near the allotments. But by the time I was away from public view, I just had to walk for a bit. 50 paces. I counted them and set off again. After that, I was home and dry. Well, dripping with sweat. It's the start of a few days of a heatwave so I was out and back by 720. Don't really like the heat, not when it's almost 30 degrees.

But well done me, right?

Niggles: surprisingly (and reassuringly) my left calf/Achilles were ok. My right knee was painful for a bit but got better.  My left hip - which I think was has always been a slight issue, even going back as far as the half  marathon (2006, still feel proud of having done it!) 

But generally, I survived. I'm away for 2 weeks after the end of next week so if I can actually do 3 runs before then I will consider taking my kit and going for runs when I"m there. Except people will want to run with me and that feels too stressful. 

4.96km

6m 53 per km 

Slow, but so what.

Almost pain free. Yay!

In many ways, it was a reassuring run: very short as I was pretty much out of breath because I've got so unfit over the past year.

Left leg niggles were OK- Achilles and calf behaved which was a relief. My right knee hurt a bit, a little bit stabby like it gets on the stairs, but I honestly don't believe that it's damaging it, rather, it's an inflammation that comes and goes. Paracetamol should sort that out. 

So there is it - perhaps it's the beginning of my plan to get back to running. Did I enjoy it? I'm kind of neutral about it - certainly not evangelical; in truth, I find those people intensely annoying. So what should my attitude be? Stoical? It's a practical solution to an ongoing issue - it's free (until I get new shoes and a loose top to cover up the joggling flab0. But I can do it anywhere, whenever and that's why it needs to be part of my life. 

3.14km

6m 47s per km

Not impressive in terms of physical performance but psychologically it was a triumph. 

Something new to concern me

It was OK getting out there today - the weather is perfect; cold and sunny - so it was with great gusto I left the house.

There was no Achilles pain, knees were holding up and the breathlessness I put down to doing 2 days of 800 calories on the fast800 diet (I have finally admitted to myself that weight loss requires effort and application, not hoping for the best and relying on denial of calorific value of wine/cheese/chocolate/buttered toast...)

But then the new niggle arrived. My left calf has kind of seized up - it's very painful and made worse by running on it, of course. So I kind of walked most of the way back, cutting it very short and feeling hacked off as I'd promised myself I'd do more short runs  (even slow ones) in the future and building up my fitness like that. 

Very disappointed. 

Would different shoes help? More supportive ones? I mean, the new ones I got were based more on looks than whether they would sort my various issues. So I have to decide: do I take the risk of spending the best part of £100 on new shoes which may not make any difference? I don't think I had the same issues of knees, Achilles, hips, etc with previous shoes - just the issue of fatty motivation...

3.19km

7m 11s per km.

Rain, Pain and my achilles. Again.

I shouldn't have crowed too soon. 

This morning it started raining about 5 mins after I left - I would not have run if it had already started, so that's a bonus. Kind of. 

My knees hurt a lot more this morning, but they're OK if I concentrate on being strong, not allowing them to turn in even a fraction - but it's slightly worrying. I think being back at the gym is a very positive thing in that respect: the exercises there are pretty much what the physio gave me, but with the weights and the machines it's easier to focus on the effects they're having

I decided to find a 5k route which meant a longer trek up to a favourite cut-through (I know, who has a favourite cut-through...) I was thinking how horrible being out of breath is and how wonderful it would be to walk for a while. But that's where the magic happens, right? That's where improvement lies, where fitness flourishes. So I kept running, knowing that once I hit the level it would be fine. It was; how nice.

But oh my god - my Achilles. Again. It was a little achy at first but now it's stiff and hurty and I think (fear) it's going to be as bad as it was before. Just when I thought I was over it. Just when I thought I could actually get back into this running thing. 

So - do I risk getting a different pair of shoes, ones that are more cushioned, more supportive? It's another £100 or so which, as a newly unemployed person, I don't want to spend. Not with a sick cat's operation to pay for this week... Not with no guarantee they would solve the issue... 

4.94km (sooo close to a 5k!)

6 min 38 per km (I blame to slog up the hill) 

Weight

OK, it's the 1st May, the start of my favourite month and I want/need to make the most of it. So what better way to start than to go for a little run. 

But I'm overweight and unfit and it's bloody hard work. That's OK, of course it's ok - I'm doing this for me: it doesn't matter if I'm slow or fast, it doesn't matter if I look like a middle-aged overweight woman trying to run, it doesn't matter that it's a stupidly short run. That's all in my head - no one else cares. And why should I care what they think anyway? I know I would like to look like one of those lean older ladies who have been running all their lives and also do yoga - but I can work on that. 

4.34km

6m 27 per km

So that was the fastest I've run in a long time and I didn't feel like I was trying any harder - therefore I am in fact getting fitter despite what my lungs and legs are telling me. If I'm putting in the same effort as last time, but I go faster, then I am getting fitter. And that should feel good. Of course, my lizard brain is telling me that the next time, if I'm a bit slower, I will have failed. But I won't actually know that's how I will feel until I go for another run - and that is the bit I will not have failed.... 

I love Spring

 It wasn't too hard getting out there this morning: when the sun is shining everything seems a little bit easier. 

That's not to say it was easy running - I got out of breath and found even this very gentle run hard work. I guess that's the whole point. I think my benchmark of feeling better about running is when I know I won't want to walk - which is a combination of getting fitter and also having a more determined mindset. I mean, the whole point of this is well-being - mental and physical strength.

Nothing much more to say - it was a very ordinary run - my knees and Achilles behaved which was nice; the bum/glue thing wasn't an issue; the only tiny niggle was my toes jamming into the end of my shoes - so I guess that's solvable by tying my laces a bit higher up my feet. Yay

4.53km

6m 40s per km 

Bum

So, this has been brewing for a while - an April run. And it's not 1/2 way through the month yet: well done me. 

It was fine - not too cold, not too far, didn't walk. I had to tell myself that when it felt hard going, that was where the magic happened. It's a tough sell, but I didn't walk. Did I say I didn't walk?

Now - I have issues with my knees hurting a lot when I go up and downstairs: I've been to a physio and have been given many, many exercises to make them better. And I think they're working. The exercises are to strengthen my glutes, hamstrings, quads - all the bits that keep my knees on the straight and narrow. So when the stabbing agony of knee pain hit me once or twice this morning, it struck me that I don't engage my bum muscles enough to keep my knees in line. So once I consciously did that, my dear old joints were, if not fine, then a whole heap better.

Yay!

4.74km

6m 41s per km 

Wake Up Call

 It wasn't the hardest thing to go out this morning, the thought had been noodling around my head for a while. And I was going to let myself off the hook by having an old lady jog, no pressure.

Well, my Achilles was troubling from the off although it eased a bit after 10 mins or so. But I was so out of breath - it's really hitting home how overweight, how unfit I really am. I think I've convinced myself that because I used to run a lot further I can just pick it up from there, and never mind the years in between. Well, life isn't like that. Apparently, you have to put in the effort.

2.39km

6m 58s

Told me.

Old. And peas.

 So 3 walks and occasionally slowing to a just-faster-than-walking pace. 

There has to come a time when I don't let myself off the hook with an 'oh but well done me for going for even this shabby little run' and accept that I will lose the ability and desire to run at all. And that would leave me with having to pay to go to classes. Which is now an issue as I've been made redundant. Which should give me ample time to get fit and up the miles etc. 

Except - my aching Achilles is still troubling me.  I think it might be my shoes not giving enough support (but they are good on the slightly off-road, very bumpy and muddy sections) (and they look cool) But whatever the cause I am now on the sofa with my ankle resting on frozen peas. And there are peas all over the floor cos I hadn't sealed the bag well enough... 

4.76km

7 min 1s per km - that is by far the slowest I have been for a long time. Perhaps ever. 

Is this wise?

4.76 km

6m 58s per km

Well, it took a bit of persuasion to get me out the door, but that was the easy part.

The first 100m or so, the golden zone, was fine, I was feeling great, thinking I'm so happy about this. Then my Achilles kicked in and began to ache gently. Then aching quite strongly. About this time my right knee also kicked in: it seems if I don't line it up properly, and quite accurately, it really hurts.

So there I was, kind of struggling with various aches and pains and with the thought that I should stop running and save myself long term injury. But it wasn't getting any worse and if I concentrated on my alignment it seems to help. So I kept going (slowly) and ended up running nearly 5km.

Then I got to thinking. Is it my shoes that are the issue? The sides of my feet ache a bit these days: is that due to the lesser padding on these ones? Perhaps the lack of foot support makes my legs unstable, making my knees and Achilles have to work harder?

It's a theory. But I am ok with running other than the pain and fear of injury. So not that OK. 

Benefit of Dry January

 5.05 km

6m 57s per km

How terribly slow, but that isn't the point. I think it's not far off the time I did for my 2 Parkruns, so at least I'm not getting any worse.

And it was OK.  I didn't get the urge to walk like I've done before - not that it was easy, but I think I might have had a bit more energy. I haven't lost any weight or anything - perhaps it's Dry January finally paying off. Only 4 days to go of course - perhaps I will continue into Arid February 

Pain tally: right knee niggle, nothing too bad: it remains to be seen if the stair-based agony kicks in again (it's been quite mild recently, thank you for asking)

Also - the outside of my left foot - it's something to do with tight arches I think. I'm working on them, being conscious of them when I'm walking to make sure I'm flexing.

Such a dull post. Apologies. 

What have I done?

Basically, I've been putting off going for a run for weeks through worry about my Achilles. It's still not right, but I can live with it. And so, with some trepidation, I set off this morning in the crisp winter sunshine with a spring in my step. 

And it was OK. That first burst of enthusiasm when nothing hurts and I was on full puff went away quite fast, but I kept going There was one moment of weakness when I felt like walking - but I'm putting myself through this cos I'm unfit and the process of keeping going is what changes that, is what will turn me into a running machine.

4.13km

6m 35 per km 

So nothing to brag about. Nothing to be ashamed of 

As for the 'what have I done?' thing - it means I've run out of excuses for sitting on my increasingly fat bum rather than go for a run. 

Slog not Jog

First run of the year, always good to get it out of the way. Even if it's not a total triumph.

Although - it was a success - I got out on the road again, that's a biggie.

My Achilles so far is OK - it's been aching dully for months but it's not feeling bad - a bit throbby maybe. My knees - they seem ok with running, it's stairs which are the killer. 

So according to mapmyrun I ran 0.38km at just over  7 min a km. I accuse the app of not measuring correctly cos I know I ran for over 20 mins. So it wasn't heroic by any stretch of the imagination but I know mapymyrun did not make an accurate assessment of my effort. 

And I felt OK. I have lost a lot of fitness over the past few months and gained a lot of pounds but with Dry January kicking the year off to a good start (Day 3 and all is well) and only 1/4 of the Christmas cake nommed I feel quite positive about 2021

It can't be any worse can it... 

Run #1 Lockdown #2

Basically, I've been avoiding running - I'm a lazy person who has never achieved a runner's high and is perpetually miffed about that - and using the dodgy Achilles has been a brilliant excuse. 

But this morning was cold and sunny, a lovely Autumnal start to the day and so I went for a run and to hell with the lame excuse. (see what I did there) 

It was OK. My left leg, the achy one, still feels stiff, overcompensating for my arthritic right toe (I'm such a fine specimen) but it didn't kick off like it did that one time. 

4.54 km (further than I thought - and mostly flat) 

6m 35 per km - really not too shabby considering I hit a very tired patch, completely ran out of energy and slowed right down. I didn't walk as I was listening to Sir Chris Hoy on Five Live and he was going on about how success comes with people working at it and how important exercise is for good mental health. Can't argue with that. 

It's actually been quite a long time, hasn't it...

So - I finally headed out to test my Achilles - I even did an NHS-prescribed warm up before I left - and I went on a flat route in case running uphill stresses the old tendon. 

And it was... OK. 

I'm definitely not running fit any more and my Achilles wasn't great. I allowed 20 mins or so in order not to put too much of a strain on it and by the end, I knew I'd been for a run, but more troubling was the ache in my leg. Nothing traumatic, it just felt stiff and uncomfortable. It's odd that my right foot with its knackered toe joint gives me no grief. I guess I"m over-compensating on my left. 

I do hope I get over this and can get back into running - it makes sense on so many levels... 

3.5 km

6m 51 per km 

It's doing me good, right?

It was a struggle – as usual – to get me out the house this morning, but not as hard as it’s been sometimes. Perhaps all I have to do is not give myself a choice.

So there I was, jogging away, meditating on the benefits of running, hoping I could run through the niggle at the back of my left heel, the bottom of my Achilles, that kind of area. I ran up to the highest point and really felt good about it. There was the usual consideration about walking some of the way, but that didn’t kick in until I got to the path going round the back of Tescos and the playing fields.

I got attacked by a giant spider: it had spun a web across the little pathway cutting between the roads so I am sorry but I had to dismantle its web so I could get past: the risk of it sticking to me as I went by was just too great. I’m sure it'll be fine. I noticed that someone’s been along there with a machete so I didn’t get too whipped by brambles and nettles: it has crossed my mind to bring secateurs with me on my next walk, but that kind someone has beaten me to it.

But the pain was getting worse: running through it wasn’t working. So I walked home. Limped really.

It’s so gutting – I think I can blame the new shoes being slightly different from the ones I was using before, the ones which I have run in for years without them causing problems. The new ones are more off-road which means less padding but they’re better for the back roads and paths.

So now I’m sitting with my leg out in front of me resting on an ice-pack of peas and hoping that my stupid old carcass can heal and get me back on the road.

Am I just kidding myself? I mean, I'm in my mid-50s, an irregular runner, overweight – why do I assume I can run? Even at a very slow easy pace am I just expecting too much? The women my age I see running are lean and gazelle-like, not stumpy, flabby and knock-kneed.   

New Shoes

Again! I know - it's only 4 years since I last got some...

A lot less bouncy than the old new ones - but these are hybrid trail/road runners. (The proof is the tiny blob of mud on the sole) The old ones were getting very smooth and slippery - and these are grippy and will get me through the muddy winter. Yay!

Also, they don't look like Day-Glo bumper cars like many of the others I was offered: I mean, please, who would wear those monstrosities?

Saucony Trail. Perhaps I will get sponsorship for promoting their product. It's unlikely, I'm no influencer

5.29 km

6m 30s min/km

Although I really wanted to walk, I applied the principle that walking is a choice, not compulsory (unless you have stress fractures) So I did slow down to a snail's pace but I kept running. It wasn't lovely: I don't do this as a hobby. I wish it was more of a compulsion but it's not - it's a pragmatic approach to keeping fit while also getting some vitamin D.

And it's the first time I've run twice in a week.

brambles and enlightenment...

...title of your sex tape...  (apologies - blame  brooklyn nine nine)

So - today's run provided:

• bramble scratches which have left an actual trail of blood down my arm - proud war wounds
• running in a vest rather than trying to cover up (but it's a loose vest which does the job)
• and enlightenment - nothing particularly useful, just the observation than giving in to the overwhelming need to walk (which happened at the highest point of the run) is akin to giving in to the urge to snack when you're trying to lose weight. It all counts, everything is a decision you make, everything has consequences. The challenge is to balance that temporary relief against the consequences. OK if the walking thing means you avoid vomiting or fainting then fine, but giving in cos you're a bit tired isn't - slow down to almost walking because once you walk once it's too easy to walk again. Plus it passes, the run will end, there is a meal to come later, there will be downhills ahead. 

You're welcome

5.3 km

6.34 min/km

Injured

I've been letting things slip - eating and drinking too much, even allowing the rain to stop me going for my walk - but not then doing a Joe Wicks workout either. one of my excuses for not running has been the fear of injury - which shouldn't be a thing but it's part of my long list of excuses.

So imagine how pleased with myself I was this morning when I headed out for an actual run. It was awful: I have gone all weighty again, I am eating badly and too much etc etc. And I need new shoes, have I mentioned that before? And apart from a light shower of drizzle and the need to walk a little, I managed to negotiate the hills without stopping, I ran through nettles and brambles and along the rutted lane behind the allotments.

I was well pleased when I got home and stopped the mapmyrun and tripped over the step and went flying... twisted ankle, scraped knee and hand.  It's not exactly bad, but it's annoyed me. Hopefully it won't stop me walking tomorrow and running again at least once this week.

5.45km
6m 50s per km
I feel old, slow, weighty and hurty