Congratulazioni

I ran in Sicily on holiday. Well done me, right.
It was a toughie - but then, I am very weighty these days and it was only one run in 2 weeks...

They were running down to a dam then back to the top of the hill and then back down to the car: about 40 mins in total, 35 of which were uphill.  But I thought I'd better have a go as I'd packed the running kit. So, we parked about 100m from the dam and set off quite slowly (Yay, I thought) but then turned back and started running up the hill. I conked out after 10 mins or so and knew I'd have to walk - but then I had the genius idea of running back down to the dam, then running uphill a bit more. So I did that. Twice, about 20 minutes of it. I was so out of breath I thought I was dying but there was no alternative but to keep going - and in fact I didn't die.

So much pain...

Not right away - the pain came later.

The verruca is on its way out - yay!
The achilles pain is getting less - also, yay!
Lugging my lardy arse on a run - same old same old.

4.48 miles
10m 17 per mile

Felt pleased I'd gone out (but then I rarely regret it, it's getting out the door which is the toughest part)

Got back and took my shoes and socks off (one of the greatest feelings in the world)

But then - I stubbed my toe and nearly hit the roof. Honestly, I thought I'd broken my foot. It was the second smallest one which got the worst of it.

However, 10 minutes later and it's gone down a bit - I can still feet a dull ache but the excruciating pain seems to have subsided.

Poor me, right.

A walk in the park

Except it was supposed to be a run on the Downs.
Oh well.

Also - I ran for a stupidly long time - there is no need to run for an hour, is there? I mean the benefits wane after about 45 mins. Plus it's left me with aching calves and front leg muscles (the name will come to me...)

So - it was OK - I had to walk a couple of time through sheer knackeredness - but I think that's ok. I did recall something I heard yesterday - that you may think you've pushed your body to its limits - but you can always do more. (['m very sure there is a limit to thank way of thinking, but it got me home)

drum roll:
1 h - 0 mins - 42 seconds (so technically over an hour...) (but the last bit might have been the time it took to stop the workout - what with unlocking the phone digging down into the app and all that) (but I'm sticking with the hour)
5.82 miles
fastest mile 9'58"
unimpressive but a run nevertheless
Well done me

Quads

Do not go gentle #2

Truly I feel pleased I made the effort and actually went for a run. But I rarely regret it (perhaps the time I got a stress fracture was one to forget)
I recently took some advice from a colleague who persuaded me to start very slowly and not get out of breath too soon because that makes you feel awful for the rest of the run. So that's what I did - and I kept up the slow pace for the rest of the run, but that's by-the-by... 
I do feel heavy - overweight and burdened with a little depression, with the thought of my life stretching out ahead with no change in the levels of stress I feel... Again, that's something in my power to change. But leaving the comfort of a secure job basically adds to the levels of 'hell, no' I live with.

Anyway - I am upping my blogging game and hopefully making it a bit more readable, informative and entertaining and so on. There are links galore, photos* and confessions - an irresistible combination, right.

5.7 miles
10m 06s
Fastest mile 9m 50s

So I'm happy about that. Not that it takes much...

*I am an idiot - I wanted to take a photo of a lane on the downs which I love - it's flat, straight, lined by trees - but lovely. So I thought I'd be all clever and do this - I ended up with a 3-frame video. Not so clever am I now? Oh well.

Setting off with the intention of being slow worked so well: I was concerned about a niggly achilles which seemed to be permanent but by the end, it had calmed down. The other one was getting twingy though. And my left hip did its thing as well... Age, it's a bugger. In my darkest days, I would have taken the alternative; I'm glad to say I don't feel that way any more. 

I have to thank Malcolm Balk for getting me into this style of running – or at least for getting me away from heel-striking. I know following my embracing of his technique I did have 2 stress fractures but I’m prepared to believe they were because I bought the wrong shoes and not building up any kind of strength. I learned my lesson…  But I did remember his teachings when I was annoyed about running so slowly – and the way to speed up is to lean forward from the hips and your body will compensate by running faster to stop you falling over. So simple. I need stronger hamstrings though.  Well, I need to make sure I keep going to the gym in general, for many reasons and not just for running.

Talking of age – which is one of the themes of this thing as it’s my greatest concern these days – fighting it, accepting it, enjoying it. (The ‘enjoying’ it is beyond me so far)
I have a very common issue, which I share with a great many female runners of all ages and that’s the charm-free stress incontinence oh joy… It’s common, it’s not a worrying thing – but ffs it would be far nicer not to have anything else to worry about. Thankfully I only ever get this while running and it’s not something that’s particularly obvious – but it feel like there’s something catastrophic happening in my pants.

Other age-related things – the Mail Online (which I know is basically click bait for the stupid (I read it a lot...)) had cures for things which no one worries about

1.     the burden of back fat fat – at last there are exercises to get rid of it. Which work really well along as long as you lose weight

2.     the magic pill for weight loss is finally here. It helps you're your appetite which is something which gets harder as you age. So it’s not a magic weight-loss pill, you have to do some weight-loss work yourself.

I was listening to random songs on my phone this morning – there are loads of tracks, most of which have been following me around for years – I rarely download anything these days; I listen to spotify but only on wifi so out on the road I rely on downloaded plays and so on. Anyway – there I was shuffling away and the Foo Fighters came on - long road to ruin – and it reminded me a. it was the inspiration for the name of this blog and b. it was from a long time ago. 2009 in fact (which in itself is 3 years after my ½ marathon)









 

Do not go gentle into that good night

I feel old at the mo - and it's not getting any easier. Ageing sucks.

I wish I could hope it was going to get better but I don't believe it will. I think that's the point though, right? I mean if you put the same effort in every time, you will get better without noticing. Except that isn't working for me. Perhaps it was last night's wine and this morning's sunniness. I'd like to think there was a reason other than my being ancient and overweight...

3.96 miles
10m 02s a mile

I guess I need to focus on the fact that I'm out running which is basically the only proper exercise I get. And it's more than a lot of people my age do.

Precipitation or perspiration?

3.88 miles
10m13s pace
It's not getting any easier. Apart from the temperature being much lower than for the past few months - that helped enormously and I know I'm going against popular opinion, but it's a relief...
Anyway - there I was jogging away when it started to rain. It hasn't rained for weeks and weeks. So I had to pop my phone into my waistband - and then got concerned that it would get humid anyway... Dilemma. But not exactly serious, right.. .
I am concerned also - more so - that the HRT I've begun is making me put on weight: in theory this doesn't happen, age makes you do that. But in the 4 weeks I've been on it I have put on 2lbs without changing anything. So it looks like I will have to be on a permanent diet and up the exercise in order to maintain a steady weight. And some days I feel like giving up.
And I think I have a verruca which is making my toe hurt.
Life doesn't get any easier does it

I am awesome

Well, not to blow my own trumpet or anything (I don't have one) but I ran this morning and actually - get this - put on a little extra loop right at the end.
I know.
Awesome
4.42 miles
10m 9s

So not very awesome really, but it's a state of mind. And possibly something to do with deciding (again) that I have to get my health in order. There are things I need to do more of, things I need to start doing and things I need to stop.

In my head I am a runner. In reality, running less than 5 miles every other weekend does not a runner make.  I am not fit enough to really enjoy running. Oh, I read somewhere about the 'runners' high' and how it is a real thing - but you have to run an awfully long way to feel it. Not less than 5 miles.

So is this yet another New Start'? Time will tell. Except it's up to me, not time.

I have begun a Bullet Journal: I'm tracking the things I want to do more of: yoga, run, gym, AFD, I think there's an affirmation page as well - don't do much of that. The thing about these journals is they're a bit addictive - you design pages for projects, for a daily diary, monthly lists and so on. And there is an index which is the equivalent of pockets in dresses - so useful you can't believe you never did it before.

running backwards

So - new leggings (sweaty betty sale) - very nice. I also got SB socks - 'technical'socks n fact - but they were a disappointment - a waste of £15 (I know - what was I thinking?) Basically they were slippery inside my shoes and my toes jammed into the end and bruised my toenail. Snowflake problems.

Anyhoo. At least I ran. It was OK - one of those times I got the kit out the night before and didn't give myself the option not to go. And in that sense, it very much worked. Also, I decided I would just go for a jog, no pressure. The lady on Mapmyrun said my pace was about 10mins 18. So a bit lame, but I can't dwell on that.

New leggings were a triumph as well so that's made me very happy.

3.16 miles
10m 10s per mile

How the actual Hell did I ever do a 1/2 marathon in a little over 2 hours?

Post holiday run

I've been up in Scotland - near Oban - for the past week. It was awesome: a whole week with good friends, lots of wine and lots of food. And very little exercise other than wild swimming in the sea loch which our house overlooked. Goodness, it was cold - but so stimulating: I felt refreshed and alive coming out of it. There were jellyfish floating around but nothing that could kill you...

There was no running despite taking my kit: this was mainly due to the steepness of the surrounding hills and the roads which were too dangerous to run along.

But I did a hill climb from the back of the house up about a mile and a half of stupidly steep hills but with an amazing view from the top. We climbed 732 feet which felt quite a long way.

Today's run - with the added handicap of all that food and wine over the past week:
3.92 miles
pace - 10 mins exactly
So it was a run and I know I have to keep at it before it will do me any good at all. But with a couple of those a week, plus the gym and the 16:8 I believe I will lose the flab I've gained over the past year.

Against the odds

Well, it was a run. I didn't use the mapymyrun app, I just did a short run - I don't even know how long it took.
It was tough - I've been drinking a lot recently - a bottle of wine a night is a lot, right? - and last night I had more than that I think. Also, there was a lot of meat involved - a huge chunk of chicken last night and bacon this morning so I feel full of food. And I have put on so much weight (see Wine and Meat) and so running is harder. Add onto that how little I've run recently - plus the absence of other aerobic activity and I am feeling very sluggish.
But at least I went for a run despite everything. And I didn't stop. I slowed right down but kept plodding away. Well done me.
Next week we're away in Scotland for a few days and I will take my running shoes and - as GB has said before - if you take them you have to use them.
So I will. And perhaps I will run one evening this week as well... and next Saturday morning before we go.
Is this really going to happen?
We shall see. (It will be marked in my bullet journal tracker)

hero - zero - hero

Not a great start to the day, frankly. It was dull, rainy and I was up at 0545 to take bf to the station for his trip to Lords. Not Lourdes as we hilariously thought.

But I was determined to go for a run. (Looking back I can convince myself of my determination) I decided I was going to do the Eastville parkrun again - nice distance, lots of people, get a time (could I best the last time I did it? Ooo, exciting, right)

I got there early and popped into Tesco to see if they had insulated bags. (I lead an enviable life) but they didn't. So I basically paraded round Tesco in my running kit looking like a whale.

But, whatever. I went to the bottom of the car park where it's closest to the run and parked up. I was expecting other runners to be there as they were last time, but there was no one. 'It's the weather', I  thought to myself. 'Lightweights', I thought, feeling smug.

As I got ready to go up to the park there was one of those yellow AA signs pointing to 'Love Will Save the Day' a weekend festival in Eastville Park

Thwarted

So what did I do next? Well, I went home, fought against my own inertia and actually went for a run.

Yay me.

Very glad I did even though it felt like I was hauling a massive weight around my middle - oh, hang on, it's called my wine belly.

I really do have to get myself in hand.

2.9 miles
9m 55" per mile

It was really short - but about the same as a park run, right? (Er, no. 5k is 3.1 miles)

I so have to get myself in hand.  At least I didn't walk...

Park Run

Eastville Park Run - this morning!

It was surprisingly challenging as I'd imagined a gentle, flat course around the boating lake - but no. It's a 3-lapper - one short - then a longer one around the boating lake, then another short one. And half of each lap was uphill. I did run all the way (well done me) but I was with the middle-aged and overweight (what was I expecting?)
Apparently, they send you your time and position out of the runners - I already have an idea of how useless I was. But I did it. The atmosphere was great (it was sunny which helps) and it was also a 'deaf takeover' to make Deaf Awareness Week so I was expecting several of my office colleagues to be there: there was one. I was running behind him a lot of the way and when he stopped after the first circuit to say hello to his baby I thought I could maybe perhaps make a competition of this. He did walk part of the way so obviously I reckoned this was a no-brainer...
There were photographers along the route and I had several moments of terrible self-consciousness. Not that anyone cares other than me...
And then on the final little hill before the finish straight I caught up with my colleagues who was walking and then he proposed a race - and just took off... Mortified.
So that's it - I have lost my Park Run cherry.
Will I do it again? In principle, yes - but I want to have a longer run at the weekend and it kind of interferes with that. No reason I can't run midweek of course. Apart from me being me...

30m 36s
56.92% in my age range
78th woman
282nd out of 433 runners

Fair to middling I'd say

Running from tree to tree

Even though I was out of the house by 0830 it was already getting warm. Cool enough under the trees, but the heat is rising. And it's a bank holiday - potentially the hottest since someone invented this bank holiday. So I am soaking up some Vitamin D before it gets too stupidly hot.

I had to walk twice: just not in the zone (again) I reckon when I get a bit fitter I won't have that problem any more. (Convinced, much?)
I was listening to a radio play about a catastrophic loss of all electrical power - and as the power cut began - my headphones died... wooo.

4.21 miles
9m 45s
Quite pleased with that

where is the Zone?

I'm still steaming from this morning's run and I have a number of observations.

1. I have left The Zone'
2. I am unconvinced running is doing me any good - or any harm. It is neutral.
3. I need to run more
4. Tinnitus is made far worse by running

1. The Zone. This is where I existed when I lost weight. A lot of weight. I was strong in my refusal to consume calories between 8pm and midday. It worked then - it doesn't work now. I eat far, far too much before 8pm (and often continue after) I drink far, far too much wine which usually drifts after 8pm and makes me ravenously hungry the next day (although there is a part of me which believes that fasting is a better way to cure a hangover than bacon - something to do with resting one's digesting system to allow it to deal with the Poison)

My inspiration in the past has come from Beck Diet Solution   and  Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol. Both are outlooks which don't rely on willpower or woo.

They are devastatingly simple to follow and understand - and they work. So, I simply have to go back to those mindsets, right? But my current mindset, the current Zone I'm inhabiting, is that they won't work, that I don't need to follow them, that all I have to do is want to be thin and fit and it will happen - while in the meantime I can watch tv, eat crap and drink wine without suffering any of the consequences. I'm not a stupid person, just blind to my own frailties.

Anyway - I have run and it hasn't killed me...
4.21 miles
9m 44s pace

The Other Blog

half of half a marathon

This is the other blog for the 10k I did many years ago - after the one and only half marathon.
If I do the 10k this year I will be amazed...

it's all in the mind

 5.39 miles – that’s good.

10m 29s per mile – pretty bad even for me.

I had to keep walking. Just felt knackered. And of course – once you have a walk then it’s so much easier to walk again. And again. And again.

What’s the cause this time? Well, the physical culprits - red wine yesterday (it was a beautiful day and the wine was lush) and too much extra weight, and too hot, and so on and so forth.

But the big obstacle was all in my head. I just felt beaten. Not a great feeling and I would love to think it was only going to happen this once – but I also believe that it’s ongoing. Unless I change my mindset to ‘I am doing this’ I will flounder.

So it’s all a bit of a downer tbh.

When I weigh less, when I don’t have a hangover, when it’s cooler, I feel fitter and stronger and able to run further.

I am starting (again) to reinvent myself: I’ve been here several times recently, I know, and every time I fail it means there is more of a mountain to climb. I very much rely on the carrot rather than the stick. If I can get under 9st in the next 2 weeks I will feel more empowered to continue, but I have been over 9st for so long now it feels like a permanent state.

For my mental well-being I can’t believe that’s the truth. Not that my mental well-being relies on losing weight - it just doesn’t – it’s just that the feeling of not being in control, of giving in to my inner sloth take over my life – really is all in my head.

It's all in the mind...

...apart from the bits that are in your legs...

It was a cold drizzly start but I still bravely went out. Also a bit hungover so not an auspicious start.
And it wasn't easy - I went up to the downs for a change and it felt good not to be starting off uphill. But it went horribly wrong when I headed down towards the zoo and began heading back up - I simply couldn't manage the hill. I knew if I kept going I wouldn't recover - so I walked for a few minutes. And it worked. I actually got my breath back.
And then as I was almost back at the car I thought I should keep going a bit longer - get over the 5 miles again - but my head was going 'oh you don't have to do that, wouldn't you prefer to finish now - after all you've gone for your run blah blah blah'
But I fought that voice and I went a little further and got further than 5 miles.
Very much yay for me

5,09 miles
9m 48s

I've got some bluetooth earbuds - they're very good except that they're noisy - they bang around as I run. I know I can jam them in harder but then I can't hear the real world. But it's better than having the cables trailing down

The leggings have run

They actually feel really nice. I think they stop the worst of the wobble which is a bonus. Now, of course, it's a bit warmer I don't really want long leggings. But hey ho.

5.1 miles
9m 57s a mile

So it's the furthest I've run for a long time. It was tough. But it's done.

I am drowning in stress at work (again) so I was hoping a run would help - but the truth is that it helps while you're running, but now I'm back, the stress is still there - so much so that I will be popping into work to see if there is anything I can be doing. It's Easter - so the long weekend hasn't helped in the slightest: there is so much to do.

But that's life and I need to appreciate that I'm middle-aged and fit and healthy. I am very lucky.

The leggings are in...

... and they are awesome.

£95 new - £40 off ebay.

Now I feel motivated, enlightened and fit and sharp and gorgeous...

or - just £40 lighter and still waiting for the rainy hail to give over and I can try them out.

Day 1. Again

I ran this morning – further than I have for quite some time. Well done me. The reason was that I’ve decided to do the Bristol 10K in May. It gives me about 7 weeks to up my miles.

But it’s more than just an event to aim for: it’s motivation to overhaul my whole physical and mental well-being. So no pressure there then.

I have put on weight (have I mentioned that???) through over-eating and over-drinking. The part-time months have left me lazy. So now I’m working back full time I want to get back to being and feeling like the person I am.

It’s going to be tough. It’s only 430pm and I’m considering heading up to the shop to get a bottle of wine for the evening. It’s a bad idea.

How much do I want to start this journey?

I’ve been gathering inspirational sayings

1.     Motivation follows action

2.     Everything counts: every bite, every step, every sip

I reckon every extra stone in weight adds an extra minute a mile on pace: so if I was to lose the weight I could conceivably run 9-minute miles. Quite a challenge but it was a realistic aim until I had the stress fractures (mind, I was also very much younger then...)

But – every journey starts with the first step (I’ll put that as number 3) and today is just me stepping out the door…

4.18 miles

10m 01s per mile