It's the day before and I feel depressed about the whole thing.

In the overall scheme of things it's irrelevent whether I run tomorrow or not. Perhaps if I had decided to run for a charity it might be different, but I feel curiously nonplussed at the prospect of the event now. I expect I'll finish in some ordinary time, feel stiff for a couple of days and the world will continue to turn.

It doesn't help that the house is in turmoil with plastering happening on the hall and stairs when I would have preferred this weekend to be a big build up to the thing and a bit of anticipation perhaps. As it is, I'm just going to be stuffing myself with more pasta than I can really face and tomorrow I'll feel unprepared and distant from the other 14,998 runners who are no doubt going to enjoy a really significant day.

It's a Big Deal for me to do this - I've been training and it's something I never thought I would be capable of doing even this time last year. So why am I so negative about it? Is it cos I know I can (well, have) run 12 miles and this is just a little bit further or is it so that if I fail tomorrow I don't beat myself up about it? I have little enough self-esteem as it is without adding a very public failure to the score, so hopefully that at least will spur me on.

So, here goes. Perhaps this is better than feeling nervous. Perhaps it really is a non-event and anyone with working limbs could manage it with a little application.

Even if I do finish tomorrow, it's no big deal.