It's all in the mind...

...apart from the bits that are in your legs...

It was a cold drizzly start but I still bravely went out. Also a bit hungover so not an auspicious start.
And it wasn't easy - I went up to the downs for a change and it felt good not to be starting off uphill. But it went horribly wrong when I headed down towards the zoo and began heading back up - I simply couldn't manage the hill. I knew if I kept going I wouldn't recover - so I walked for a few minutes. And it worked. I actually got my breath back.
And then as I was almost back at the car I thought I should keep going a bit longer - get over the 5 miles again - but my head was going 'oh you don't have to do that, wouldn't you prefer to finish now - after all you've gone for your run blah blah blah'
But I fought that voice and I went a little further and got further than 5 miles.
Very much yay for me

5,09 miles
9m 48s

I've got some bluetooth earbuds - they're very good except that they're noisy - they bang around as I run. I know I can jam them in harder but then I can't hear the real world. But it's better than having the cables trailing down

The leggings have run

They actually feel really nice. I think they stop the worst of the wobble which is a bonus. Now, of course, it's a bit warmer I don't really want long leggings. But hey ho.

5.1 miles
9m 57s a mile

So it's the furthest I've run for a long time. It was tough. But it's done.

I am drowning in stress at work (again) so I was hoping a run would help - but the truth is that it helps while you're running, but now I'm back, the stress is still there - so much so that I will be popping into work to see if there is anything I can be doing. It's Easter - so the long weekend hasn't helped in the slightest: there is so much to do.

But that's life and I need to appreciate that I'm middle-aged and fit and healthy. I am very lucky.

The leggings are in...

... and they are awesome.

£95 new - £40 off ebay.

Now I feel motivated, enlightened and fit and sharp and gorgeous...

or - just £40 lighter and still waiting for the rainy hail to give over and I can try them out.

Day 1. Again

I ran this morning – further than I have for quite some time. Well done me. The reason was that I’ve decided to do the Bristol 10K in May. It gives me about 7 weeks to up my miles.

But it’s more than just an event to aim for: it’s motivation to overhaul my whole physical and mental well-being. So no pressure there then.

I have put on weight (have I mentioned that???) through over-eating and over-drinking. The part-time months have left me lazy. So now I’m working back full time I want to get back to being and feeling like the person I am.

It’s going to be tough. It’s only 430pm and I’m considering heading up to the shop to get a bottle of wine for the evening. It’s a bad idea.

How much do I want to start this journey?

I’ve been gathering inspirational sayings

1.     Motivation follows action

2.     Everything counts: every bite, every step, every sip

I reckon every extra stone in weight adds an extra minute a mile on pace: so if I was to lose the weight I could conceivably run 9-minute miles. Quite a challenge but it was a realistic aim until I had the stress fractures (mind, I was also very much younger then...)

But – every journey starts with the first step (I’ll put that as number 3) and today is just me stepping out the door…

4.18 miles

10m 01s per mile

Day 1

It's 0744 and I have already been for a run. Well done me, right!

It was OK - the hardest part was getting out the house yada yada yada


3.07 miles, 9m52s a mile so not too shabby

I think I almost enjoyed the first bit, even the hill (slight slope) - the difficulty is when I get a bit tireder and the weight starts being an issue. I guess when I was thinner I could run further before this became an issue. So I have to lose the weight

Easy, right.

But at least it's started.

Pre-relaunch

Tomorrow I begin to change my life. Not 'Tomorrow my life changes' - I am doing this.

Starting with a run - nothing special, just the first in this new chapter.

And then I build up to starting my new job early on Monday morning. 

I have been bidding for some leggings: on paper, they are my perfect running kit: zero gravity leggings They are very, very expensive. On eBay I bid  up to £25 but am already outbid. I'm glad: I didn't like them when I tried them on. I am still too fat to wear anything so beautiful.
So basically I have £95 to spend on new kit once I'm under way again

So there it is.
Ready to go.

Tomorrow

it's getting warmer

For the first time this year I've got back in from a run and not felt the need to leap in the shower and get warmed up. In fact it's positively balmy out there today.

My choices of exercise today were running or the gym. And I made the right choice I think: I was listening to the Girl on the Train and have 30 mins or so left - so I will walk into work and listen to the rest of it rather than cycle in via the gym. Genius.

An average run.

Nothing special - nothing hurt until I got back and tried going up and down stairs and my knees kicked in. I hope there's nothing properly wrong with them - I think it's an inflammation of the tendon lying underneath my kneecap - so I am stretching my quads and possibly taking a few NSAIDs.

What I don't want to think about today: just how much harder it is to run with an extra stone of flab to carry.

What don't you want to think about?

Just throwing this out there

What don't you want to think about?

Asking this gets to the very heart of who you are. What - or who - are you hiding from?

Mine is: getting old: a huge part of me thinks it's never going to happen so there is no point thinking about it, the rest knows it is happening right now, and that scares me

Awesome

Kind of awesome anyway. More  like 'adequate', to be honest

The usual route - and along the way I noticed a couple of possible back lanes I could try out next time. Always good to have something novel to look forward to...

It was hard persuading myself to go - I was sure the left achilles thing might kick in again - and my right ankle is still a bit iffy from the twist the other day. But it was fine. The biggest struggle is carrying the extra flab

I'm not overly impressed.

I know I have to keep going and - as long as I don't get injured - it will get better, I will be fitter and more importantly, I will enjoy it more.

3.11 miles
9m 52 pace

30 mins - it feels tough. I am useless on the hills (but I know that's where the magic happens...) I can't believe I ever used to run for over an hour. I used to go before work - about 0615 in the Summer - and run for about 7miles. But as soon as I'd done that 1/2 marathon all that stopped. Then I did the forefoot running thing, got 2 stress fractures and tbh the love left me. I still want to go running - it's something that kicks in quite often - Jasper in Canada for one thing. And Whitstable. So I will keep battling away. I think I also need to address the faffing around that goes into it - the kit and the amusements seem to make a big deal out of something which isn't all that.

1 year, 1 stone later

So today appears to be the anniversary of achieving my slimmest state in decades. To mark the occasion I weighed in at exactly 1 stone more. Over 9st. This time last year I was contemplating seeing if I could just tip under the 8st mark, just to feel what it was like...

This morning's run then. It's a nice morning - cold but sunny. I had a good play to listen to - about the aftermath of the Great Escape - didn't think I would be as engaged as I was tbh. My achilles was a bit dodgy after 20 mins or so, so I was taking it v easy in the hope it would just wear off. Then I slipped off the pavement waiting to cross the road and snagged my left ankle. It didn't seem like anything much - but I think it is. It hurts now and I feel like an old woman.

This is going to be a pivotal week in my life: I start back down the weight-loss route, I have a job interview which if I don't get, I will resign. Quite dramatic, possibly stupid - but I am tired of spending a good part of my working life feeling panicked, stressed and depressed. I'm in the very privileged position of having no mortgage and no dependents so really it's only my life I'm risking.
If I get the job - less running;  if I don't, I can spend the rest of my running years trying to keep on the road.

3.09 miles
10m 05s a mile

Anatomy of a run

It's 8am on a non-work day although I have a list of worky things to do regarding a job interview on Tuesday
I have a graze on my knee (I know, how old am I?)
I am concerned about the potential Achilles problem - also considering perhaps stretching the thing like you're supposed to?
Another alternative is to go to the gym and use the cardio things there (eyeing up the rowing machine to get an all-over sweaty glow)

And yet I am still in my dressing gown trying to make a decision.

Full disclosure: I don't want to exercise. It hurts. It makes me red-faced and knackered. I feel like people are laughing at me for daring to go out in lycra at my age and current wobbliness.

There is a 3rd way - stay in the warm, prepare for the interview. Go for a coffee and read my book. Clean the house. Start on the garden clearance.

And then I get a shot of reality - I can do all those things AS WELL AS GO FOR A RUN

It's now 0811

It's 1003 and I did option 2...
I drove to the gym (bad idea - nowhere to park) and did the usual stuff with the heavy things and then did 20 mins on the rower. 143 calories later and I'm back. I took it stupidly easy on myself, only gradually upping the difficulty - but if I do it again I will start higher. It was OK - 'meditative' as lovely Ross described it. I was listening to a play - could manage some music I think.
And although I thought I was taking it easy (I was) I felt quite wobbly driving back so I guess it's doing something.

Will it be a regular thing? My half-arsed plan was to replace my regular pre-work coffee with a 20-minute row - saving £2.52 and working off 140-odd calories. What's not to like? (Losing my beloved pre-work coffee for one thing)

So that's it - the start of a new era of self-improvement? Or a one-time flash in the pan.
I guess that choice is up to me...

Here's possibly (definitely) my very first link:
Bitterly true-isms from the truth potato

CHANGE OF DIRECTION

Sorry for shouting but I think my life is about to take an abrupt turn.
Like, resigning my job with no concrete plan for the future.
It's a biggie. The biggest maybe.

So I need some kind of focus otherwise I will descend into invisibility - overweight, middle-aged, a nobody

The only thing I can't change is the passage of time. So I use Time to my advantage (stay with me, it's all getting a bit self-help)
It will take time to tackle the weight issue
It will take time to regain fitness, strength and flexibility (as far as that is physically even possible) and it will take time to make my way in this brave new world of my own creation.

But in the meantime - it's a horrible morning so I'm going to stay in the relative warm, do my possibly useless teeth-whitening and start on my copywriting course which will change my life.

Possibly.

The world is full of possibility

(written 24th Jan)

Cheeky blighters

It was a vile morning but I went out anyway, full of vim and vigour. Made it up to the first high point without any drama.

A young chap asked for my help as he'd been at a friend's house and couldn't find his way to Temple Meads. It's about 2 -3 miles from that point. So I pointed him in the right kind of direction and off he went. I hope he got there OK

When I set off again, my calf muscle was quite painful. Dilemma: do I go on regardless, or accept I need to rest/stretch/strengthen it and wait for it to mend. So I decided to go home, less than a mile away.

Annoying though

But when I stopped the mapmyrun thing, one of the adverts popped up:
'you made that 1.69 mile WALK look easy, why not raise money for cancer research'

1.69 mile WALK.

WALK

I ran (that's RAN) 1.69 miles before the pain started.
OK my pace was 11m 25s a mile which is possibly the very definition of

Perhaps only I will ever know I had run every step of the way

I did it

It was a grizzly morning - that grey rain which just makes you want to stay inside and drink tea.
But on my 'I Am Doing This' list was to go for a run.
So I very much did just that.

It wasn't nice.

My first concern was to keep my phone dry. Just hoped for the best really. It was fine.

Next was the burden of a lack of fitness and a massive arse. I am finding it tough to get my breath back after a gentle slope. It didn't seem to be getting any easier  - but then came the pace update - 9mins 42. I am quite surprised. It totally explains why I was so out of breath - but not why I was running faster...
It meant of course that the run was shorter - just over 30 mins which isn't the idea. I think 45 mins is better. But I could not have run much further this morning.

And I have a calf strain. It wasn't too much but got worse over the last 10 mins or so. Not sure why it's happening - is it something linked with the arthritis?

And I'm writing this standing up at the kitchen table - it's meant to be much better for you, isn't it. I have to think of my massive arse at the p[oint and hopefully, gramme by gramme it will shrink Hopefully to the size it was this time last year before I stupidly put every lb back on

But now I'm back - showered and with the whole day ahead with nothing planned. Just how I like it, tbh.

I am not doing this *hangs head in shame*

That didn't last long. I was honestly going to run this morning but when I felt the remnant of an achilles twinge left over from Friday, I didn't go.

This is the problem with me - the lack of motivation and the belief in my other mantra  'motivation follows action' - another blatant  and oft-proved truism.

So, in the light of 'new year new me' (which has got off to a very shaky start)  I will just get over myself and lose the stone in weight I seem to have put back on (thank you wine and chocolate. And bacon)

So here goes.

I will lose the 10 lbs I regained last year because that will tackle the depression and lack of self confidence. Also, I will embrace running and yoga to become as lithe, (well, as much as a short-arse can be lithe) supple and fit as I feel the person I am is.

Advanced grammar.

It's also pay day at the much-reduced rate thinks to going part-time. It's a massive pay cut. It might be the worst decision I've ever made - or it could make the whole self-improvement thing a doddle.

I hope I can convince myself it's the latter otherwise I will be whiling away my spare time watching Netflix and drinking wine. And that is not the person I believe I am deep down. (Problem is, that person is really, really deep down these days)

This is a wake-up call like no other. (Apart from the last few)

I Am Doing This

'I Am Doing This' is my new mantra.

It's streets head of looking in the mirror and telling myself  'I can do this': it's immediate - it's  already happening.
It works when I haven't even begun to do the thing: a statement of intent as much as a status update.

So that's the new thing

I ran this morning - I didn't want to, in fact I would have found it so very easy to talk myself out of it. I've done that many, many times before. But 'I am doing this' happened and there I was, running. And feeling quite pleased about it. Don't like the hills, but there you go.

Incidentally I hear there is a film about the Ashton Court Park un on BBC Inside Out West on 22 January - it's the story of a family coming together and training for this 5km run. It's awesome.


3.44miles
9m58s a mile

Just lurking under the 10 minute mile. Is that ever going to change? Only if I put my heart and soul into it.

Am I doing this?

Back on track. Kind of.

A not-too-bad run this morning. It was OK. What can I say?

It was very cold and my left index finger was white with shock for a couple of miles but it warmed up.

I started listening to a podcast but gave up – it wasn’t funny enough or clever enough so I bailed and listened to ‘Elsinor’ from BBC. It’s a prequel to Hamlet. If I’d known it was a prequel before I set off it would have made far more sense.

3.35 miles

9m 51s pace

Not very far, not very long. I think I need to up the time to about 45 mins which I understand is the optimum for aerobic fitness. Which means I have to put in more effort. Never something I want to hear… But I am turning into a fatty so perhaps it’s time to step up.

And when I got back there was a squirrel on the bird feeder - urban wildlife! I was hoping for birds... 

-->

Happy new year!

Yes - I have run every day this year so far.

Enough with the stupid cliches - other than 'new year, new me'

I am cutting my work days to 3 a week - therefore requiring a massive rethink in terms of spending. I'm not sure it's the right thing to do in many ways - other than needing to have a clear out of things which cause me stress - such as work. It's going to be more intense but then there will be more time to decompress - and that is a good thing.

Also, I have literally put on all the weight I lost over the past year or so - 8st 13.4lbs. And I was actually pleased I hadn't broken the 9st level.
Back on the intermittent fasting - and healthier eating - cutting right back on the wine (which has been my major downfall tbh)

So, all that's happening.

But I did run this morning - first time for a while and it felt like it. My hips are aching and the odd bit on the joint next to my buggered big toe joint is giving me cause for concern. Hey ho - there is a light on the toe joint horizon - well, 2 really. One is chasing the cortisol injection to make the thing less painful and the other is a new replacement cartilege treatment (cartiva) - private of course but it might just cure the thing.

3.14 miles
9m 56 pace
Barely average tbh but I am very glad I did it. if it wasn't for the odd toe thing I would mind less about running... 
I also have to keep going to the gym - limited to work days though - 3 days in a row? It's hardly impossible.

So - a plan...
running twice a week - once on Friday or Saturday  morning and Westbury on Monday evening
3 gyms
Yin every day - have done 8 mins today, quite hard work but I think it's a good thing to do. A class of actual yoga is probably good as well - but I don't want to do a full 90 mins - an hour is more than enough

So there you go.
It's 2018 already.
How did that happen..

inspiration

I need some inspiration

It's cold and wet outside.
I over indulged over Christmas.
I feel old and knackered

Although all the above are reasons to go for a run (not to hide away inside and pretend I don't need to take any exercise) my superb rational brain is fighting the logic and I am very much stuck indoors horrified at the antics of my bf. He is out running 19 miles at the start of a tour around the entire coast of Wales. I am impressed by his madness.

But not inspired

Oh, perhaps tomorrow I will do a zombie run... It would feel good to blast out a quick run before the end of the year...

I'm a runner now

I've been for 2 Monday evening runs with the Westbury Harriers and I may go back for more (except for work and Christmas...)
It was surprisingly OK - I mean, I usually avoid running with other people but I found it was fine. Also not knowing the course helped as I did't know where the hills were or how long there was left. So a win, really.
I put myself in the slowest group of course and it was quite easy. So when I do go back I will go up one and challenge myself. Not fond of a challenge really. Hence my rather troubling current situation. But that's for another blog...