27 Mar 2015

Brighton no.2

Gorgeous morning, long flat run - couldn't be better.
Apart from it was too sunny (not really, no such thing), and I am too fat to make the most of the route.

3.7 miles
9m 27s per mile

Not as far as the other day but I had lots to drink last night which kind of makes things even more challenging than hauling extra weight...

TBH it was a little dull - it's kind of offputting when you turn around, retrace your steps and you can see the end of the run a long way off.
It's not the end of the world and it's far preferable to running in the hills and traffic of Bristol...

24 Mar 2015

Brighton Run

It's one thing I really love - running next to the sea. Brighton seafront is quite big, meaty - not like Whitstable which is soft and twee.
But, nevertheless it was a longish run by the sea!!
Happy runner
Unhappy runner's feet (they're a bit tired and achy tbh especially since I made them walk all round the laines afterwards...)

4.50miles
44m10s
9min 48 a mile

So it's the longest and fastest one I've done for a while. Mainly cos it's quite flat. Also time of day (0830) and I'd had a little bit of breakfast before hand.
So all in all it was good.
I am paying for it now of course - hurty feet, blistery little toe, etc.


22 Mar 2015

foolish

I found a new cut-through called Happy Lane the other day and it pleases me!

The run was OK - it felt better than last time which is good.

3.83 miles
37m41s
9m49s per mile

I am actually a little bit pleased with that. It's far off how well I used to run, but I have changed my philosophy to 'progress not perfection'. That runner from the isn't me anymore, she's gone. I am who I am now, with my collection of physical and mental challenges to overcome.

I am still a fatty though.

18 Mar 2015

a weighty problem

3.09 miles in 30.36mins
9mins 54 secs per mile

Bloody hell it was hard work. I always find running at the end of the day (well, 5pm...) much harder than first thing in the morning. But really???

I think my greatest challenge with this (apart from the fear of more stress fractures, and bone spurs/arthritis making my right big toe rigid and excruciatingly painful) is that I am carrying about a stone in extra weight. No kidding. I'm not enormously overweight, but the fact is I have gained a stone over the past couple of years (perhaps a bit longer). While I know at my great advanced age of 50 I can expect to be gaining a few lbs here and there, I have been dealing with my stress, depression and so on by eating and drinking far too much. And now I'm paying the price.

'So, lose the weight' I hear from the web.
Of course I know I have to lose weight. It's tough. I have dieted before and never kept the weight off - never, if I'm honest, even reached a target weight. I have low-carbed, meal-replaced, and driven myself to anorexic levels of calorie counting (actually I did achieve a target weight of 100lbs doing that but I know now I nearly slipped into anorexia proper)
I still have issues around food - for me it's about comfort - feeling hungry makes me very nervous, as if I don't believe I'll be able to cope with the slings and arrows that everyday life throws at you. Any emotional feeling makes me want to eat and drink to excess - either good or bad feelings, doesn't matter.
I have delved into 'the Beck Diet Solution' and it is genius - it deals with 'dieting' rather than promoting a perfect diet.
I will attempt to go for the 5:2 intermittent fasting option again - previously I have lost about a lb a week but have given up due to emotional complications...

I know if I want to feel like myself again (not the 'old' me - that person is gone, I want to feel like I am the best person I can be - for myself) I need to shed some lbs even if it's just to get back into the clothes languishing in my wardrobe because they're fat too tight.
Sounds easy.
Will  running play a large part? Part of regaining my self-esteem is that I will be 'a runner' of sorts. Probably not the of the 1/2 marathon stripe, but of the '5-mile of a weekend and a shorter run in the week sort' My motivation for running is because it makes me feel better, feel positive, not because it might help me lose weight.
Running while you're firing on all cylinders is amazing.

And next week I will be running along the seafront in Brighton - inspired by 'running like a girl' by Alexandra Heminsley

And that is the end of the longest blog post I think I've ever done



6 Mar 2015

A run

It was OK
I didn't need new kit, I didn't need it to be flat or sunny or especially early or late.
I didn't go fast at all apart from down the long straight rd just before the end - sefton park rd - 1/3 mile - and I wanted to get my average pace under 10 minutes per mile. Why that mattered - well, it doesn't. But it's a nice round number to be under...

3.7 miles, 36m 48s, 9mins 57" per mile

The last 1/3 mile was a killer.

But I did it. Despite being now 'disabled' and entitled to free prescriptions.


2 Mar 2015

a new world

This is a tough one to write.
I know I have a lot to be grateful for in my life - I'm not starving, I'm not scared for my life, I have a loving family.
But sometimes I wonder how evil I must have been in a previous life to deserve the challenges that sometimes come my way.
I've been through difficult living arrangements, tough employment situations, a stress fractured foot... things that test your resilience and seem insurmountable at the time - but looking back puts things into perspective and you appreciate the good things.
I was hoping that I was heading for some good times as I feel I've been dealing with a lot of crap over the past 2 or 3 years - I felt there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
Then on Thursday last week I blacked out on the way home from work and ended up in A&E being treated for epilepsy.
I'm probably going to be on drugs for the rest of my life; I can't drive for a year (A whole flaming YEAR) and it happened in the co-op: I had to get rid of the coat I was wearing in case anyone recognises me in it.
I feel humiliated, embarrassed, my muscles ache where they went into spasm, I have bruises on my arms where the needles went in. I just don't want this to be my life from now on.

I know it's no big deal in the scheme of things but it's something I now have to deal with and already the driving ban is hitting home. I already felt as useless as a peri-menopausal woman can be - and this just is the icing on the shitty cake.

But. I know it's important that I keep myself fit and healthy to give me any chance of getting the better of this and making sure I can drive again. So I have to run - Nell McAndrew seems to think it's a good idea and she looks great:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2974716/How-woman-learn-love-running-yes-TV-presenter-Nell-McAndrew-s-new-book-tells-started.html

So I am feeling very sorry for myself but I know other people have far worse things wrong with them - things that could actually kill them so I should shut up.
It just seems totally over the top to ban me from driving for having 2 seizures in 2 years. I am still a better driver than some of the numbskulls trying to negotiate their way around Henleaze...
The drugs I'm on have a terrible possible side effect which could be lethal - it's a skin lesion thing which sounds a lot worse than the fits imho.

So I am in a slump now. Is it wrong to enjoy the attention of the ambulance people - they were so kind and made me feel safe. Everyone at A&E was very nice. But I'm kind of on my own now I get that - I just have to suck it up and make sure I don't make things worse for myself.

Hey ho.