The full set

achilles trouble - check
stress fracture - check
industrial sized blisters - check
IT Band syndrome - check

I'm sure there's something else...

oh yes - pulled calf muscle - check

Bugger the thing.
There I was, happily running across Horfield Common, taking in the view of the enormous new hospital. I was working out if I had got to the furthest point away from home (and could therefore look forward to starting the return half) when my right calf muscle went  pop. It was horrible. My leg was suddenly unusable - heavy, weak.  Annoying.
So I had to get home.
It hurt just as much to walk as it did to run so I invented an embarrassing, flat-footed, limping shuffle home. Where I am now, sitting down and it's really aching.
I was going to walk into town but I think that's probably a no...
ffs
I so want to get back into running and yet it seems that every single bloody time I go for a run something starts to hurt.

The google doctors are saying it might take a minimum of 2 weeks.
I am so fed up of this.
I don't want to run faster each time, or beat other people. I simply want to keep fit and  lose some weight. I'm not competitive, I'm not trying to run a marathon. I just want to be able to run for an hour or so without fucking up my body.
What is wrong with me?