The day of my first work out. I feel amazing. My arms are all wobbly and for once it's not cos of the flab but cos of the effort! I think there was an element of endorphins going on as well as it lasted all of 20 mins (6 exercises all done to the point of not being able to do any more, hence the wobbliness)

So how do I make this part of a new routine? 1 to 1 on Mondays, then back on Weds and Fri? or I could come on Saturday mornings and then go for a run on the downs - 2 birds, one stone, always an efficient option...

I feel so positive that this is going to do me the world of good, I hope I don't let myself down and offset the good stuff with too much wine and chocolate. But if I do go the distance and really see the benefit it means Christmas wan't have to be too restricted (or at least I will do myself less harm through over-indulgence...)

My last day of this deal with the gym is on my 45th birthday - officially heading into middle-age. Should I turn up with a big, fat, sugar-loaded cake to celebrate???

This is the day I begin at the gym and possibly the first step on the route to the next 1/2 marathon.

Bit ambitious maybe, but you have to start somewhere.

Am quite nervous about the gym thing - I know it's going to be tough and I will feel feeble and foolish for thinking I can improve. But I hope it will be inspirational as well. I'm sure the guys there are very supportive and I won't be the weakest or oldest person they've ever had to deal with.

It's for me, all this, not to make me look good compared with other people - I have to feel better about myself and that will be done by losing flabbiness and feeling stronger, perhaps running better and not having a really hurty shoulder from time to time.

So, an hour's induction and inspiration today, another trip before the next session and then start feeding in runs and yogas...

I have to do this for me!

later
It was good!! This is a gym where they don't believe in multiple reps and staggeringly heavy weights - it's about working until you can't work any more and then stopping. Sounds too good to be true.
We shall see.

Apparently I will begin to notice a difference in about 8 weeks - I have to be patient and keep going. I will then have 4 weeks left on the programme and by my birthday in December I'll really feel the benefit.
All it will take is motivation, determination, perspiration, and many other -ations and I will take over the world.
I mean, be slimmer and happier in myself...

Bristol Half Marathon 2010

I know it's a long way off yet, but here's where I start working for it!

I have joined a gym (for the unfit, aged and generally hopeless cases) in the hope I can build up some muscle and lose some weight (oh - wasn't that pretty much my plan for entering the 2009 half???)
But this deal means an hour a week with a personal trainer and unlimited use of the gym the rest of the time. I know a couple who go there and they say it's brilliant - it's not all about upping the reps and pushing til you explode, in fact it's about doing everything really slowly up to your muscles' limit. So, yes, there will be a red face involved but apparantly it gets results.
It's only for 12 weeks - til my birthday - so even if I don't feel it's me, it's not forever.

I am already carbo-loading in anticipation of my first session next Tuesday afternoon.

Hmm.

Not much happening on the running front these days. It would seem that the incentive to run was to get fit to do the 1/2 marathon and now that's gone I'm back to not running.

Perhaps the incentive to run ought to be to work off the appalling amount of excess middle-age spread weight I've piled on recently...

(Note to self - carbo loading is only acceptable for a limited time before a long run - it's not a lifestyle choice)

It's all over

I feel very sad about it actually. Annoyed with myself for not being up to the challenge and sad that I missed out on the event I've been training for.

I know there will be other runs and so on but right now I feel I've missed out.

Boyf had a good run and I felt proud of him when he crossed the line. I know I would have failed - either that or done myself some long-term damage. And a stomach upset didn't help.

All in all a bit of a disappointment really.

So this has to be the start of getting myself properly fit - to achieve all the things I set out to do when I entered the race back in whenever it was. I will keep running, do more yoga and aerobics, be an all-round wonder I guess.

Not too much to aim for is it???

I'm almost defintely not going to do it.

I went for a 5 miler this morning which was fine - heart and lungs are magnificent... But my lower legs (and bum for that matter) are a different story. I am getting pains down the sides of my calves - not achilles area - and my left heel is still aching. As I run I get pain in my upper hamstrings which stabs down my legs from time to time.

I have (almost) decided that it's daft to try and run on Sunday. My big fear is getting to the 10 mile point reasonably OK but then hitting the bit where my toe hurts, my foot siezes up again and there is still more than 3 miles to go, that's over half an hour. I don't want to walk, I most definitely don't want to be struggling along with everyone cheering me on like I'm one of the red-faced plucky but sad cases who feature in the TV round ups. (I had that fear last time)

But there is still a part of me which desperately wants to do this - well, I want to have done it. I have to ask myself if it's worth the risk of injury to do this one run. I can book any number of 10ks which I know I can do (even though I freaked out a bit on the Bristol 10k)

Now I'm sat at work with my little toe hurting, my heel aching and my lower legs periodically spasming. It's not looking good is it?

Perhaps this is where my new life of healthy and varied exercise begins. It was always going to happen after the run, perhaps I just bring it forward a couple of weeks (cos the week following a run is a rest week) and get stuck in.

But I so wanted to cross the finish line in a blaze of glory

Perhaps I will

It's Thursday - 3 days before the Big Day. Hmmm. Not feeling too hopeful.

I'm still looking for proper excuses not to do it as I know it'll be tough and ultimately pointless in the overall scheme of things. But I know on a personal level it will do me a power of good to finish (or a heap of harm if I don't...)

So I'm going to do 5 miles tomorrow morning and see how my ailments and injuries hold up to the strain. Either I will be fine in which case, bring it on, or else everything will be made much much worse and there will be no question about running on Sunday.

Am undecided which outcome is favourite....

I am looking for excuses not to do the thing now.

I know I hurt my toe on Sunday, but it's getting better. The aches are easing, although my right lower leg bit is still a bit sore.
But I am recovering.
Therefore, surely, there is no particular reason not to go for it this Sunday? I know it'll be tough, especially if it's hot. And I am in the slowest group - but I have to do it only for myself, it doesn't matter a damn that other people will be faster than me or will do it without pain - this is only for me.

So, what do I get out of doing it? Apart from pain.

Thinking back to 2006, the moment of crossing the finish line is euphoric, and there are few opportunities to feel that way so I should grab it with both hands. Or feet.

I am just dreading the final few miles where there will be loads of people looking to laugh at the wobbly people and I will be in pain - on Sunday I really thought there was no way I could have gone further - certainly not running. And I don't want to put myself through that.

I don't know yet.

I have been accused of not really training very hard, and that hurt.

Hurts.

After half an hour it's my left side - bum, ankle. After a hour my right bum joins in. After 90 mins my feel start aching, especially my right one. After that, my right foot seizes up and everything gets little more serious.

Amazingly, heart and lungs are fine - especially after running up to the camera obscura and up the cross country hill by the zoo - those bits seems to be more invigorating than knackering.

But, feet. Now there's a problem.

I had a blister on my little toe which seemed to be healing up fine, so it was duly strapped up in a plaster and seemed ok for a while. When my foot stared hurting, it felt more like a stiffness coming into it, but then the real pain began and it was all coming from this fiendish toe.

So I get in, and unpeel my socks and there it is - still, in essence, my toe, but in addition to the seriously gross dead skin from the old blister is an enormous, deep blood blister. mmm.
Feel very annoyed and puzzled as to what the hell to do about it. I'm not planning on another long run before next Sunday - might even be presuaded not to run at all frankly - so there is a good chance it'll heal by then - but how to stop it coming back??
It's not a chafing issue (I had none of those today, hurrah) it's cos my little toe is a freak of nature and curls under the other ones so it's getting squashed all the time.
It's a problem...

Distance: 11.73 with some of those up steep hills. It's still 15 mins short of the real thing though which would put my time at 2h 10 - down on last time - but I am 3 years older and about 1/2 stone heavier. Not that I should be looking for excuses. After all, surely I should be applauding the fact that I can run over 10 miles with only minor inconvenient injuries.

This time next week I may have finished the Bristol half Marathon. Not sure if I deserve to do well as I haven't trained properly for it - none of the cross training you're supposed to put in, and apart from training runs, I cycle or walk to work, but done none of the yoga and pilates I had been doing, and certainly none of the body pump or aerobics which might have made a difference.
Last time I just wanted to finish - this time I know deep down I want to do it faster - but I will have to settle for the glorious feeling of crossing the finish line without making too much of an idiot of myself by coming last or having to have a sit down along the way.
Fingers crossed.

Good luck to everyone running next Sunday - let's hope it's cool.
xx

Dear blog

I haven't run since Tuesday, partly cos my ankles have started to ache (they're getting better now)

I just don't feel up to it

My over-riding feeling about this 1/2 marathon is anger - I am so cross with myself for entering it. I'm not looking forward to it in the slightest (other than finishing, if I get that far)
It's meant I've had to run long distances which frankly isn't the best way to train - there should be some cross-training and fast runs and so on but I've done nothing like that (I do cycle or walk to work but once there I'm sitting on my fat bum all day)

What was I thinking? I was watching the London Marathon and believing it's simply a case of not stopping, of just running easily until the finish line. None of the pain of training, the days of feeling stiff and tired, or blistered and chafed. There is nothing to recommend that side of things. Nothing.
I have a plaster wrapped round my little toe where it's blistered, I have raw patches round my waist and on my legs from where my trousers have rubbed. My back aches. What's to like?

Perhaps if I'd put myself up for sponsorship I would feel more motivated, but the main motivation was to get me out doing exercise, losing weight and feeling better. I am fatter now than back in April and I feel lousy.

I know this is all my problem, there is no one else to blame.

I still have to make the decision whether to do the run or not. I'd feel guilty if I didn't cos there are lots of people who would like to have entered (they could have my racechip) but I also have to consider the possible cost of doing it - apart from all the physical pain, if I fail to finish the damn thing (or even, if I'm honest, if I walked part of the way) I will be disproportionately devastated; I will feel I've let myself down and I am useless. All very dramatic but I know there will be a high pric to pay for failure.

Now I sound like a Bond villain.

This is awful - I've finally gone over 10 miles (10.55 in fact) but it hurts so much. I have a massive blister on my little toe which is going to take some time to improve. And everything I wear seems to have some kind of chafing effect somewhere on my body - I'm running out of options.

I feel like I'm at least a week behind in training for this thing. I felt at the end of my energy today when I finished, although I guess it's different during the event and also there aren't the hills I put into training...

My neck aches where I'm tense. My feet ache cos of fallen arches. My bum hurts - really bad twinges today which feel like I want to call them sciatica.

I still have the option of not doing this, and I am sorely tempted - from the look of the course by the time we get into running the nicer bits around town it'll be after 9 miles and I will be too knackered to care.

Hmm.

Oh and also I needed more energy - I ate an awful lot yesterday for one reason or another but a small bowl of bran flakes this morning really wasn't enough. I guess I need to invest in some redbull or something for a kick.

But the worst thing is the little toe blister I think.

Getting too old and fat for this sort of nonsense.

Well, this morning was a different kettle of fish.

I did a longish run - the 9.22 miles (still haven't cracked the 10 miles...) and apart from the really sore bum, little toe blister, spasms of lower back pain, it was ok.
I swear I feel better after I've done the run up the steep hill. It's horrible at the time but once I've got my breath back, I feel stronger.
I know I have a long way to go yet but now I feel far more positive than I did after the last pathetic run.

I was trying work out where I would be on the day if I was doing the 1/2 marathon course, and I'm working on the principle that the end of the cut, after the portway, will be about 9 miles - so in theory I had reached the latter stages of the race, where it gets more interesting around town, but also where I am going to feel the pain soooo badly...

I would like to get this over and done with - not looking forward to it at all.

This is awful.
I couldn't manage a short run this morning - like, less than 5 miles. I set off intending to do a shortie but just got more and more tired and eventually just walked.
I felt terrible.

I know a lot of this is in your head, but my head was so out of it this morning it was terrible. Can I go on? I am planning to get over 10 miles on Saturday morning but at this rate I won't get to the end of the bloody road.

Can it work that you go in for the run and not know you can make it? On this morning's performance I know I can't make it. If the run was this Sunday I wouldn't even bother trying. I have 2 weeks and 3 days to decide. Unless I can do 10 miles (further would be better) I won't start the race. Plus I have to remember what I was like at the start of the 10k - I was too hot, but I also needed the loo and felt like walking all the way round. Sheesh I hate being so bloody weak.

Everything really hurts. My hamstrings feel wrong and my glutes (assuming I have some and it's not all just flab back there) feel rubbish. I don't know if it's to do with the nerve that runs down the back of your legs (sciatic???) or just lazy muscles but there is such an ache going on today.

I did the 8.2 miles round the downs route at 620 this morning which was OK - I felt strong enough and not too much out of breath, I even got a rush of endorphins after doing the hill climb which was nice - but all the time the back of my legs felt like they were weak or just slightly absent. Odd feeling and I can only hope it doesn't get any worse.

My plan this week is to do a short but faster (ha!) run on Thursday and then a 10-12 miler on Saturday morning. I am not looking forward to that - if the legs weren't aching it would be ok, a mental challenge more than physical, but right now I just want to go to bed.

I ought to have a look at the 1/2 marathon route to visualise what's happening where and when - as in, where on my training can I expect to be starting along the portway - Oh I hope they don't make us go along by the cut after the Portway - that would be mean...

9.22 miles

Only 4 miles off the full course.

Can I do it? Still not sure.

It hurts. My hamstrings aren't very good.My right foot hurts (have mashed my little toe). My shoulders ache. The list goes on.

And my ipod's not working properly - I blame the radio add-on.

But, in truth, I have run over 9 miles and it took an hour and 35 mins (still on approx 10 minute miles, which means a slower 1/2 marathon time than last time...)

And when I get back I wonder if it's worth the effort. I can't imagine setting off and doing it again and I am still overweight. And I have to fit in runs around work now which means setting off about 6am to get it done before work - and possibly cycling in to work to add on to the training effort.

But, I did do the hard uphill bit round the downs and thought my heart was going to explode - but then that feeling went away and I began to feel very good. Endorphins perhaps...

I don't know. Should I go for it and expect to do it more slowly than last time and to struggle to finish? Or give in and just drink wine and accept the ageing process...

Well, at least I went for a run.

Didn't much feel like going (no change there) but heroically forced myself into the old lycra and headed off into the morning greyness. Regretting, I might add, the wine I had last night. Never a good preparation for a run as I don't believe wine drinking can be classed as carbo-loading.

So I did a far from impressive 3 and a half mile run. Didn't enjoy any of it as I was so tired and lethargic.

This week I have to get up to 10 miles and next week it'll be 12. Chances of that happening seem to be getting ever more remote.

OK it's been a while since I last ran (5 days in fact) but I did major cycling and walking at the weekend and I think they should count.

However. I have just 'treated' myself to a run along the towpath alongside the Avon which is something I've wanted to do for a while - after all, great scenery, flattish path, what could be better???

So I looked up on the map an 8-mile route (as in found the 4-mile point where I could turn round) and went for it. And it was good - a change from the route round the houses and downs I've been doing so for that reason it was a success.

But - I was struggling. Whether it's cos I overdid the cycling and walking at the weekend, or the major part of a bottle of wine last night, but by half way back, I was having stern words with myself to keep going. I had to fight the urge to let myself go all floppy and middle-aged and to keep strong. I tried to get hooked onto a horizontal wire pulling me forward over the ground and that seemed to work for a while but it made me run too fast and I could feel the energy running out...

My left hip was aching a lot and my feet weren't too happy either.

When I got back to the car I saw I'd been out about an hour and a half which I reckoned made this a 9 mile run - hurrah. Except when I looked it up properly it was only 8.55 miles. Not much more than my last run around the downs which I felt much happier doing.

1/2 marathon? Who am I kidding?

Oh good grief

I did a 8.2 mile run around the downs and it was mainly ok. The secret is to keep in the moment - the second you think about finishing, getting home for a cup of tea etc, you're lost.

So I did the whole thing, trying not too be too bouncy, to keep shoulders and elbows down, don't lean back etc etc and I know it's the right way to do it, cos it feels more efficient, even though it's much harder work at the time. I need to build up the muscles which allow me to do that - when I was getting tired and I started running like a middle-aged woman it uses up far more energy.

And now I am in a quandry - yesterday I was all for not doing the 1/2 marathon - who am I kidding? Too old, too fat. But today I am more confident (even though I'm still 4 or 5 miles off the distance) but it means I will have to really be determined and focused and I don't know if I have it in me...

Hmmm

Jeez
Am very tired - I thought I'd added on a huge loop around the downs onto my normal 10k-ish run. But then I did the mapometer thing and found out it had added about 1/2 a mile.
Must do better.
And faster, longer etc.

Moti rang me on Friday to see if I wanted to sign up to a 1/2 marathon weekly training session. It is tempting but it's £15 a pop and it's at 11am on Sunday by which time I would prefer to be home, washed and fed.

No, I think I will have to battle on and just accept that I will have to run twice as far, in public, as I have been. But this will take place on one particular occasion and time not of my choosing.

It's a test of character and determination, of drive and chocolate.

And it's in 5 weeks.

Can I fartlek? Can I heck as like.

Really didn't want to go this morning but bravely got over myself and went for it.

And now I hurt: there is something wrong with my right leg, I'm sure. It's probably a consequence of IT band crapness but I can't seem to run with my feet going in a straight line - the right one kicks out. It's making my legs ache as I run and after as I was walking into work both legs felt really tired and achy.

Perhaps I will concentrate on stretching more - I did an extreme stretch in yoga at the weekend which really hit the spot (maybe I overdid it???)

I am doubting my capabilities of working up to the 1/2 marathon over this - I think I can do the fitness side but if it's going to hurt so much it feels like an injury - where's the point in that? Feel a bit down to be honest.