Woe is very much me #2

Same thing.

Beautiful morning - perishingly cold but bright and sunny. I'd already committed to running this morning so I was going for it. I did the usual routine, including some general warm-up moves which are pretty good for getting going in the mornings, and I often do them. But it was so cold I decided that I wouldn't do the warm-up walk once I got out the door. 

Is that where I went wrong?

It was OK until about 2.5 km in, and despite taking it very easy, that tiny ache in my left calf muscle kicked in. So I did the sensible thing and walked home. In the cold. 

2.66 km

7m 35s per km 

I have to address this issue if I want to keep running. Last time, I left it about 4 weeks until the ache had gone completely (it had been aching when I wasn't doing anything, even when just sitting down) So that will happen again. Also, I will do strengthening exercises, the calf raises. I had thought about seeing a sports injury person but in truth, I know they will simply say I have to strengthen my calves: I can't see any way around that. I don't think there is anything intrinsically wrong with my leg, I'm just a bit overweight and haven't got the strength in those little muscles. 

So there it is. Another few weeks of just wondering if I will be able to run again. And more time to over-dramatise the fact that on occasion I get out the door and go for a run. I somehow still see myself as being 'a runner'. But all the new clothing in the world won't make the pain go away: that requires dedication and determination. 

Woe is very much me

So I made it out the door, after all the usual faff, did the warm-up walk and got going. But then the tiny niggle in my left calf became more insistent. 

So I cut the run very short and came home. I do not want to go through the whole recovery thing again. In future, I will take far more notice if there is a niggle but also do some calf exercises which are very dull but may do the trick

3.07 km

6m 58 per km

Why am I doing this?

By 'this' I mean running, not just writing this blog which in itself is a bit of a mystery.

I mean, I get so tired and out of breath - really struggling to get enough air into my lungs. (But isn't that  when it's doing most good ?) It's good to get out of breath for time to time to improve fitness. But I also know it will never get any better: as soon as it feels better that means you're not putting in enough effort. So by keeping the same perceived level of effort you're improving every time. Can I live with that level of discomfort? 

When I catch sight of my reflection in car windows, I feel ashamed of how I look. I'm fat, barrell-shaped, red in the face. I shouldn't be inflicting the sight of me on the general public. I actually saw 2 people I know this morning which was troubling: firstly my neighbour which meant I had to change my route to avoid running too close or even worse, chatting (cos I was on my warm-up walk) (does anyone else do that?) Then as I was finishing I saw a former colleague which was really nice but I did have to explain I was on my way home rather than setting out. 

Discombobulated, generally.

5.2km

6m 57s per km.

Slow. 

But I did it. 

Disappointed

So I was well pleased with myself for not going out first thing due to the rain but, rather, waiting for it to stop and then going out. 

I felt OK - no wine for a week or so, eating well, sleeping well so there was absolutely no reason for me to be running at 6m 50s per km pace. But there it is. 

5.36km at a snail's pace.

But it's done and I am grateful for that small mercy.

Well done me

Indeed. I got up and went for a run. It's a nice morning which helped, plus I'd decided last night to run, which also helped. And it was OK. It's my lack of fitness and excess weight which makes it so hard - but when my breath feels most laboured, that's when the most benefit is happening. Right? My inner monologue tells me that, and I keep going. 

5.15km

6m 45s per km

Not unhappy with that

It was sunny

And that's the most interesting thing about this morning's run. I mean, runs are not inherently interesting if they're just done for exercise. It's when there is a challenge they become interesting; there is jeopardy.  

The only jeopardy for me is whether my calf issues flare up. 

My hamstrings are achy and they don't seem to get any better even with stretching. I hope it's nothing to do with my hips. 

And that was today's run.

5.66km

6m 44s per km

I do this now

I do this now

I do this now

I do this now

I do this now

However I look at it, I've been for a run when I didn't really feel like it, but I didn't hate the idea. So I went. Is this how it's supposed to be? A neutral event? 

5.54km

6m 57 per km.

I knew it was slow, but also that slow is fine. It was 340 calories (like that is a worthwhile statistic to have on the app...) My max pace was 4m 38s per km which is insanely fast for me... But equally irrelevant as I'm not after PBs. 

So I do this now.