a run on the downs

It was OK. It made sense to drive up to the downs as it's far nicer than running from home. And I am very down these days. I know running's supposed to give you a lift and I guess it does. I'm still on the 16:8 (not exactly losing a shedload of fat but there you go) so I was running on an empty stomach. It was tough to begin with but it got a little easier later on.
44m 53s
4.47 miles
10m 02 per mile.
I am a jogger not a runner. Being a jogger is a fine and noble pursuit. It's good for me and keeps my mind off the current shitty nature of my life as I see it. I have no right to call my life in any way shitty compared with 99.9% of the world - but I am down.
Me
Work
Home
When will the good things happen?

Better

This morning was so different.

For a start I have been back on the 16:8 intermittent fasting regime (not eating between 8pm and midday) so I was running on an empty stomach - but it felt fine. Surprisingly.

Where the pains were:
1. knackered toe joint after about 30 mins
2. left hip at the side
3. general hips on both sides - possibly due to the crappy running action caused by running lop-sided on my knackered toe.

But - it was a run which made me feel better for having been on it. So that's good, right?

Running for mental health

There is a lot of evidence to support that running is good for your mental health - reducing stress hormones, improving appetite and sleep, having a goal even if it's just to get out of the house and run for 30 mins.
I do harbour a few mental health issues - general depression, anxiety, the usual modern afflictions - and I never regret going for a run even if it's a huge effort to get out there.
Perhaps it's time to make a greater commitment to just getting out there
I may even take the radical step of running in my walking shoes (the clumpy merell things). I have run in them before - in France on a holiday - and it was ok. With the mid-foot strike there is less need for the heel cushioning and there is plenty of support around the mid-foot. It's a plan in case I decide to go away in May and only want to take the one pair of shoes. It's going to add a level of suspense to today's run...


later
I got ready to go and convinced myself it was a good idea. And I truly believed that it would do me good and was happy at the thought.
I drove up to the downs and the heavens opened. I was tooled up with the app and headphones and ready to go. But I gave in. Decided that a hot bath would do me more good. I started driving back home - but then the rain stopped so I forced myself to get over myself and run.
I set off and felt like shit. I was heavy and slow and desperately unhappy. I walked a bit of the way.
In total I dragged myself for 1.6 miles and came home.
Now I feel terrible, a failure. I spent the rest of the day eating and making myself sick. Hate that it's come to this.
I know that on a better day I would tell the story differently - that despite the rain I went for a run which is an achievement
But today I feel wuite down.

it's been a while...

I think there has been a couple of runs recently - but using the tiny ipod means I don't have the stats. Although that doesn't mean the runs don't count.
Does it?
Accurate stats never used to matter, in my days of training for the 1/2 marathon. Then it was a bit of cotton wound round the course on a scale map..

That was 10 years ago.
10 YEARS
ffs what's happened to all that time?

I know I'm much slower (and fatter and older) but it was mst definitely a jog this morning. I did go around the downs for the first time in a year or so (cos I can now drive after 12 months of purdah waiting to see if I have another seizure and am banned for another 12 months - but it's fine and I'm back on the road. Yay!)

4.28 miles
10m 26s a mile.
Really slow.

On my leisurely way round the downs I was overtaken by a young perfect person and I began to berate myself for being the way I am - slow, overweight, red in the face, ungainly - I could go on. But then I got a grip - ff sake, I thought, I am in my 50s and still running - I might not be fast or particularly fit - but I compare well with most women my age and running is part of how I define myself. The ladies at my partner's running club aren't particularly fast either - they do it for all their own reasons but mostly cos they enjoy it. And there are times when I am loving the feeling - there is strength in my legs, the sun is out, people are waving (well one chap did) and I realise how blessed I am to be where I am, capable of running - I am one of the luckiest people on the planet.
Even if I do feel that sometimes I have the weight of the world on my shoulders...

To the stars, Gaia, whoever - thank you (and I accept the responsibility to care for myself)

not exactly impressive but...

... it was a run in anyone's book. I tried putting it off as long as possible but the damn thing wouldn't go away.
So I went. It was very warm today which was odd.
But it's done and it's earned me an afternoon on the sofa admittedly doing 1/2 worky things but that's ok. And there are baked potatoes baking for later and all is good with the world.
Apart from the headache, the aching muscles, the blistery little toe and so on.
No, it's all good.
Mostly good.

Unusual

Running in the evening. Unusual. Out of character.

Still, a run's a run. And this one was fine. Far better than I'd feared. I am quite pooped now but I'd spend all afternoon watching a film, feeding tiny bits of wood into the fire. It was a full time job as the wood was all too long and needed feeding in bit by bit and they were spitty so there was a constant need to be on spark watch. And there was the issue of burning through this wood at such a pace that we kept on having to get more. It's a grubby business.

But I did go for a run.

:-)

Happy New Year

Hmm. I did run on New Year's Day which is a thing. It was OK. I guess I am running out of excuses not to run. Although one of my colleagues said 'running's bad for you - knees' yesterday and he's a bit right. But then doing no exercise is far, far worse for your joints. And I do gym and cycle and yoga from time to time so I'm not going to use him as an excuse.

I'm not going to set targets or anything this year (have I ever?) just go out there as and when and enjoy it as far as that can happen. If I sign up for a 10K or half marathon then so be it.
But I doubt that I will...

Winter is coming...

it's so cold.
Wait, it's quite warm today.
no - cold again
mild...

Sorry old joke

It was ok. I mean I was expecting the 3-week gap to have had some very bad effects - but the truth is it was fine for the first 85% or so - then I felt tired and my mind began wandering off into fantasies of sofa, water, shower...

But - it's done.

My left ankle is a bit hurty  - I slipped over on wet leaves earlier in the week (wrenched shoulder, grazed knee, hurt pride) and I must have twisted my ankle a bit. Still, I managed to run the best part of 5 miles on the thing so I guess there's not too much wrong with it. Also I did the yin yoga thing last night - that surely has to help. Possibly need to do it twice a week rather than twice a month...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sDPQyWZJi0

It's tough and I don't do the end bits cos I am weak. But I think it must be beneficial.

frankly shabby

I know I keep missing out on my updates but seeing as it's only me who ever reads the things it seems daft to fret...

hello - anyone out there?

there is a mighty echo in cyberspace...

this morning it was perishing - but that's ok tbh. I did a usual route - the reverse one - and it was ok. i was flagging by the end but other than that it was ok.
no stats - using the old ipod nano these days.
note to self - must put some more recent music on the playlist - and less muse.

so - as all is well, there is nothing to stop me running twice a week and possibly even upping the distance - perhaps a 5-miler is possible...

A nice Sunday morning run. Would be nice.

OK I've had about 3 weeks off - terrible chesty cold excuse.
There was another run before then, just being lax with the recording tbh

but today's was another new approach - ditching the iphone/mapmyrun combo and just using my old ipod mini thing - listening to music, not being at all concerned about the nice lady telling me how slowly I'm runing.

So I have no idea how far I went other than it was the same route as usual (I think I am beyond cracking the 5-mile mark...)  and it was no doubt slow. But I ran out of puff, my arthritic toe was aching and my left side hips/thigh were hurting (probably due to the flipping arthritic toe)

But it was ok. I don't want to join the club and turn into a running bore - they're lovely people but omg they go on...

Will I continue? I want to - it's  good, flexible exercise and it makes me feel good. But the toe is an increasingly big issue. It's aching and it's affecting how I run - twisting possibly, lop-sided at least.
Perhaps a sports massage to ease the left side a bit - I  have no idea. 

Don't ever get old.
Don't ever get arthritis.

Gardening + running = knackered legs

I do like gardening - although not while the place is still a building site - with no change in sight tbh.
It was the autumn clear-out yesterday - lots of lavender to cut down, weeds to pull, perennials to tidy, that sort of thing. Lots of ground-level working, lots of working those leg and back muscles.
So when I got up this morning I was stiff and achy. But like a true hero I went for a run anyway...
(too dramatic??)

4.36 miles
9m 51 per mile

So nothing particularly good other than the amazing achievement of getting out there for a run. The weather was gorgeous which helps and I was quite early (got back about 9am) and it was all OK.
Really, it was ok. Nothing hugely painful and I didn't feel like giving up.
So, proof if proof were needed that I don't have to run every day - once a fortnight is more than often enough.
no... wait...

Dispiriting if you let it

Well, I was pleased I went for a run yesterday - the usual route - but run in reverse - usual time, if a couple of seconds a mile faster whoopie doo.

that's it really. It was the day of the Bristol half marathon and so I had to bite my tongue when the runners around me were banging on about PBs and how they beat a rival by a single second. And so on.
I have to just suck it up and pretend I don't want someone to appreciate that my going for a run takes just as much effort as anyone else.

baby steps

Baby steps might be all I'm good for, frankly. But it's not the end of the world

I spent last weekend with a large group of people from a running club. It was like being with the Moonies: everyone was telling me how marvellous the club - and running - is, that no one gets left behind (well, that's encouraging - I mean patronising) and how when they started they got out of breath and they didn't like it and now they've pretty much all run marathons.
I was being indoctrinated.
On the other hand - they were all of an age as me, and some were of a build too (the more dedicated marathon runners where wiry) so there is no reason why I couldn't join them and add some sociability to my runs.
But that would also mean that I would be expected to talk while running - and that would make me a walker...

but hey ho

I did an evening run this week and it was ok. Actually nothing like as bad as I was expecting - it's often like that, the expectation being far worse than the reality.
My left hip was aching and my right foot was a bit iffy to begin with - and towards the end my toes were banging into the ends of my shoes which is unpleasant as my squished little toe is quite painful when it rubs. (There is a lovely corn thing there now)
at least my right big toe nail is hanging on in there for now - it's getting very black and a bit dead-looking at the bottom. Unpleasant.

4.34 miles
9m 41/mile

Not the worst ever.

somehow it's getting tougher...

I'm not pushing myself any harder - and yet...
Perhaps it's like watching the minute hand going round the clockface of your life - you don't really notice you're ageing, but all the evidence is there if you look closely enough

top metaphor

4.43 miles
9min 42 per mile

But i spent the rest of yesterday feeling knackered and i fell asleep watching Orange is the new Black at 8 o clock. and then again at 20 past 8 for an hour...
I have many more episodes to watch and I'm running out of time to watch them all...

meh

Can't even remember running  - I think it was Saturday cos it was going to be a pigging hot day and I thought it would be best to get it out of the way before gardening all afternoon
And I was v slow.

Usual route - 4.4 miles
10min 01 per mile
So slower than normal

Odd run...

So why didn't I run last weekend? Was away on Friday night, bit meh on Sunday... Wish I had a better excuse...

Anyway - didn't want to run today either but because I put my kit out last night I was kind of whittling away at my excuses not to.

So I did.

And the 1st bit was really very fast - and I have no idea why or how...

4.5 miles
9min 25 a mile (so quite fast for me...)
but then the 1st mile was 8 mins 15 per mile... I wonder if there has been a glitch cos I have never knowingly run so fast. Well, relatively fast. For my age. etc.

but - run: done.

Despite almost overwhelming odds...

...I ran this morning.
It's a Monday - I know, get me.
Well, I was simply too busy - the get-out in Sunday was a particular case in point. And on Saturday I had to wait in for a delivery

And then, on Sunday during the get-out, my big toe, right foot (yes, that big toe) was crushed under a seating rostrum. I thought at the time it was a bit hurty, but there was no blood. Not on the outside anyway - but my toenail is now quite black. Oh joy. And it hurts. But only when walking - running seems to be OK. What is it with running/walking?
Oh well.
I went v slow just in case (who am I kidding: I went v slow cos I am v slow...)

4.36 miles; 9m 55s per mile

And my toe:

ouch, right?
Crikey - I do not have photogenic feet do I...

Once a week is not enough...

...but will I ever be motivated enough to run in the evening which is when I would have the time? Perhaps I could revert to my 1/2-marathon training routine and run at 6am... it's not impossible, but do I have the motivation? Ageing is so uncool...

4.93 mile
9m 45s per mile

So nothing spectacular - but I have to accept I'm not going to get much better without a huge change in motivation - plus it's still almost 5 miles and even if I'm going at jogging pace, it's good exercise, more than a lot of people my age do - plus I like to think of myself as a runner...

So all in all, I will keep it up - possibly treat myself to some new running kit. (Cos that will make all the difference when I'm red-faced and panting like a steam train.)

Blasted Blisters

5.26 miles
9m 31s

My mapmyrun has me down as walking. I am one hell of a fast walker...

I ran from the downs this morning which is why it's longer and possibly faster as it is less hilly from the start.
It was OK to begin with - then the tiredness kicked in and then the blisters. Damn them. I had vaseline on my toes which should have avoided it but perhaps the slipping around it causes makes it worse. I just don't know...

The bits that ache are the tops of my thighs, the outer sides. It's where I get pains sometimes. But it's not a big deal is it? I can run through it - and again this morning I did feel a little bit stronger... It doesn't last long this feeling and I pay for it later when I slump a bit and start looking like a fat old trout pretending to be a runner...

But I'm 50 now and am still running despite everything. I guess that's a good thing.

cycle run

Something I haven't done in a long while - cycling up to the downs for a run. It was quite nice apart from the hill climb - but I guess that's the bit which does the most good.

4.4 miles
9m 51s per mile

Certainly no sprint but there is a long uphill section which my flab and I found quite challenging.

I may well be fooling myself, but there was a part of me which felt stronger than normal during this run. It might all be in my mind (and the stats would bear that out) but if it's making me feel better then why don't I do it far more often?

post-work run

Do not like the post-work run.

It felt like the toughest thing I have ever done and yet it was the same as most of the other runs. Why does it feel so much harder? I mean, on top of the usual challenges of being 10lbs overweight and generally unfit? With an arthritic toe - did I mention that?

4.36 miles
9m 50s per mile
not the worst ever in terms of stats, but omg it hurt. I didn't stop though... Well done me.

Long time coming

OH well - it's 2 weeks since I last ran. The grizzly scab on the knee has pretty much gone leaving a lovely scar. So I had no excuse to stop at home.

And the thing is - if I want to even get a little bit better I have to run 2 or 3 times a week. Not once or twice a month. I would like to finish a run without panting for breath and wondering if the pain in my left hip is anything more than age-related. Or arthritis-related...

I haven't even got an appointment yet to talk to someone about the options for my toe joint - so I reckon in the meantime I will continue as well I can.

Anyway -the actual numbers are...

drum roll...

4.38 miles at 9m 41s a mile.

Sadly that is pretty good for me...

Fell Over

Tripped over a kerb. Blood, gore, knee fell off...

OK it's probably a bit over dramatic, but I tripped over a kerb and went flying and I now have a large dressing on my hurty knee and feel very sorry for myself.

 It wasn't a great run - even apart from the terribly injury. I wanted to get up to 5 miles and didn't. I was also very tired for no reason. I guess you can't progress every single time you hit the pavement.

Shouldn't have called it 'hit the pavement' - too soon.



Stats: 4.35 miles, 10min 3s per long, tedious mile

3 runs

16 May - Whitstable - 50m19s  5.1 miles 9min 47/mile
17 May - whitstable - 49m 24s  5.2 miles 9m 32/mile
23 May - bristol - 1h 2m 16s - 6.4 miles - 9m 47/mile

Those are the longest runs I have done for years. I am knackered.
The Whitstable ones were the best - either way along the seafront, the smell of the sea, the fresh air, the flat routes, the new sights and sounds - just inspiring - which is why I went both days, why I went a long way on Sunday cos I saw a nature reserve I hadn't seen before and had to have a look.
Today's run was long cos I was dropped off at the downs and I did a circuit before heading home. It was far rather than I thought and it was incredibly hard work. I'm glad I did it but I'm not sure if I will repeat it in any hurry. But then how else do you get better?
The one caveat to all this running is my feet - the arthritic toe joint makes the surrounding toes ache a lot and there was a twinge from the place on my left foot where I had that stress fracture before.
Perhaps I need to restrict how much I do and not push it too much...

dull stats...

..but frankly a ray of hope as well...

That run felt like I was progressing a little. Thing is, it wiped me out for the rest of the day which I spent on the sofa falling asleep very 1/2 hour or so.

Might have been something else causing that. I had a splitting headache as well.

hey ho, and all that...

3.77 miles
9m 35s per mile

so all in all not too bad...

thoughtful...

3.77 miles (usual route)
9m 40s per mile

Slowly getting better. Faster, anyway
And 2 runs in 2 days - get me. As I was running round I was actually thinking that I could do it twice a week - 3, even.
But if I do go ahead with this joint replacement, I won't be able to run for weeks. So perhaps subconsciously I'm getting ahead in fitness so it's not quite so disheartening when I come to rehabilitation.
Or something.
Anyway - it's gratifying to read the stats that say I'm getting fitter. Unfortunately I'm not losing weight - still over 9st - but I guess being fit and strong is far more important than being skinny.

tech fail (again)

Definitely operator error this morning...

I was in 2 minds about running. I have a yin yoga video which I have done once and have promised to keep doing it.  Obviously I haven't.  But that was an option which would have got me out of running. Then I thought to myself that running isn't a punishment - it's a privilege and a joy.

So I went for a run. And I felt better than I have for a long time. I am sure I was running faster and sure enough, the 2nd time the mapmyrun lady popped into my headphones, I was running under 9'30" a mile which is about as good as it gets for me.

So I get home all glowing and pleased with myself - AND FORGET TO STOP THE WORKOUT APP.

Apparently I was doing 12 minute-plus miles by the time I stopped the thing.

Oh well. It was good while it lasted...

Bionic

I've had a stiff right big toe joint for a while now, and occasionally it's been quite painful, but it's never let me down in terms of running. In fact, walking hurts far more than running.

I went to the GP for something else a while ago and mentioned my poor toe. I couldn't bend it upwards from the ground. He sent me for an x-ray. 

A mere 5 weeks later (the practice did chase the hospital for a report time and time again) I got a phonecall from a random GP at the practice who blithely told me that my joint has such bad osteoarthritis that I need a joint replacement. 

I was quite shocked. I had been goolging and had convinced myself that what I needed was a cheilectomy where they just scrape off the extra bone that's been growing on top the joint, a couple of weeks off work and gently back into the running.

But no. It's far more involved than that. And I was left with too little information. Normally I would defend the NHS to the hilt, but this time, not so much. I want to talk to someone who does these operations who can tell me exactly what's going to happen, long term outcomes, recovery, alternatives - will I be able to run again in the future?

I know that doing nothing will mean that it will get worse and also that my recovery will take longer as I will be so old... 

So I guess I will go for it - but not until I get to talk to someone.

I got the message from the GP that they don't refer people for consultations any more, you just go there for the operation and that's all you get. It's been suggested that the consultation part of the process has gone in order to keep the whole procedure (from referral to operation) under 18 weeks. Well, frankly, it doesn't matter if it takes more than 18 weeks so why not just take this off the grid so to speak.

Anyway - that's what's happening. exciting in a way to think that possibly later this year I will have a fully-functioning toe once more. 

In the meantime I will continue to limp around town, but run like the wind on Saturdays... kind of.

adequate

3.78 miles
9m 49s per mile

not sure why pace is important enough to record.

I am too overweight to really enjoy running. Carrying that extra flab just makes it tough and miserable. And wobbly. If I lost 10lbs then I would fly like the wind. A light breeze at any rate...

Hey ho - I am grateful that I am able to run, do yoga, cycle and walk even if driving is out of my reach for now...

going backwards

Not literally.
I ran this morning and felt good, stronger, like the 'training' is paying off, like I was beginning to benefit from 3 weeks of no wine. But no - it's not to be I fear.

3.78 miles
9m 51 per mile

It's a little disappointing in truth
I guess this is where my natural gumption and determination will kick in and keep me running over the Summer. Sadly my ng and d don't exist and I will give up if things don't improve.
Well, possibly.
Thing is, I still really value running as a keep fit thing, as a way to see the sea shore - just as a way to explore a place. And it feels good to be able to think I can run for 5k or so which is more than a lot of people my age. Although I hate that qualifier.

Heavy going

I ran yesterday - and I felt like I was dying. I guess it's cos I am very unfit (and getting unfitter???) It's very frustrating - it would help enormously if I could feel that I was getting better - even improving slowly would be better than this.
Oh well. I only have myself to blame - months of drinking too much, dealing with hangovers by consuming excess carbs, and generally ignoring the fact that being old means having to cut way back on calories just to stay the same weight.
Sometimes I wonder how hard this is going to get...

Stats:
3.68 miles
36m 57s
10m 02s per mile

AT LEAST I WENT FOR A FLIPPING RUN...

Bank holiday run in the rain

3.77 miles
9m 52s per mile
Nothing particularly exciting...

But it was done - and getting to Happy Lane put a smile on my face :)

Brighton no.2

Gorgeous morning, long flat run - couldn't be better.
Apart from it was too sunny (not really, no such thing), and I am too fat to make the most of the route.

3.7 miles
9m 27s per mile

Not as far as the other day but I had lots to drink last night which kind of makes things even more challenging than hauling extra weight...

TBH it was a little dull - it's kind of offputting when you turn around, retrace your steps and you can see the end of the run a long way off.
It's not the end of the world and it's far preferable to running in the hills and traffic of Bristol...

Brighton Run

It's one thing I really love - running next to the sea. Brighton seafront is quite big, meaty - not like Whitstable which is soft and twee.
But, nevertheless it was a longish run by the sea!!
Happy runner
Unhappy runner's feet (they're a bit tired and achy tbh especially since I made them walk all round the laines afterwards...)

4.50miles
44m10s
9min 48 a mile

So it's the longest and fastest one I've done for a while. Mainly cos it's quite flat. Also time of day (0830) and I'd had a little bit of breakfast before hand.
So all in all it was good.
I am paying for it now of course - hurty feet, blistery little toe, etc.

foolish

I found a new cut-through called Happy Lane the other day and it pleases me!

The run was OK - it felt better than last time which is good.

3.83 miles
37m41s
9m49s per mile

I am actually a little bit pleased with that. It's far off how well I used to run, but I have changed my philosophy to 'progress not perfection'. That runner from the isn't me anymore, she's gone. I am who I am now, with my collection of physical and mental challenges to overcome.

I am still a fatty though.

a weighty problem

3.09 miles in 30.36mins
9mins 54 secs per mile

Bloody hell it was hard work. I always find running at the end of the day (well, 5pm...) much harder than first thing in the morning. But really???

I think my greatest challenge with this (apart from the fear of more stress fractures, and bone spurs/arthritis making my right big toe rigid and excruciatingly painful) is that I am carrying about a stone in extra weight. No kidding. I'm not enormously overweight, but the fact is I have gained a stone over the past couple of years (perhaps a bit longer). While I know at my great advanced age of 50 I can expect to be gaining a few lbs here and there, I have been dealing with my stress, depression and so on by eating and drinking far too much. And now I'm paying the price.

'So, lose the weight' I hear from the web.
Of course I know I have to lose weight. It's tough. I have dieted before and never kept the weight off - never, if I'm honest, even reached a target weight. I have low-carbed, meal-replaced, and driven myself to anorexic levels of calorie counting (actually I did achieve a target weight of 100lbs doing that but I know now I nearly slipped into anorexia proper)
I still have issues around food - for me it's about comfort - feeling hungry makes me very nervous, as if I don't believe I'll be able to cope with the slings and arrows that everyday life throws at you. Any emotional feeling makes me want to eat and drink to excess - either good or bad feelings, doesn't matter.
I have delved into 'the Beck Diet Solution' and it is genius - it deals with 'dieting' rather than promoting a perfect diet.
I will attempt to go for the 5:2 intermittent fasting option again - previously I have lost about a lb a week but have given up due to emotional complications...

I know if I want to feel like myself again (not the 'old' me - that person is gone, I want to feel like I am the best person I can be - for myself) I need to shed some lbs even if it's just to get back into the clothes languishing in my wardrobe because they're fat too tight.
Sounds easy.
Will  running play a large part? Part of regaining my self-esteem is that I will be 'a runner' of sorts. Probably not the of the 1/2 marathon stripe, but of the '5-mile of a weekend and a shorter run in the week sort' My motivation for running is because it makes me feel better, feel positive, not because it might help me lose weight.
Running while you're firing on all cylinders is amazing.

And next week I will be running along the seafront in Brighton - inspired by 'running like a girl' by Alexandra Heminsley

And that is the end of the longest blog post I think I've ever done

A run

It was OK
I didn't need new kit, I didn't need it to be flat or sunny or especially early or late.
I didn't go fast at all apart from down the long straight rd just before the end - sefton park rd - 1/3 mile - and I wanted to get my average pace under 10 minutes per mile. Why that mattered - well, it doesn't. But it's a nice round number to be under...

3.7 miles, 36m 48s, 9mins 57" per mile

The last 1/3 mile was a killer.

But I did it. Despite being now 'disabled' and entitled to free prescriptions.

a new world

This is a tough one to write.
I know I have a lot to be grateful for in my life - I'm not starving, I'm not scared for my life, I have a loving family.
But sometimes I wonder how evil I must have been in a previous life to deserve the challenges that sometimes come my way.
I've been through difficult living arrangements, tough employment situations, a stress fractured foot... things that test your resilience and seem insurmountable at the time - but looking back puts things into perspective and you appreciate the good things.
I was hoping that I was heading for some good times as I feel I've been dealing with a lot of crap over the past 2 or 3 years - I felt there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
Then on Thursday last week I blacked out on the way home from work and ended up in A&E being treated for epilepsy.
I'm probably going to be on drugs for the rest of my life; I can't drive for a year (A whole flaming YEAR) and it happened in the co-op: I had to get rid of the coat I was wearing in case anyone recognises me in it.
I feel humiliated, embarrassed, my muscles ache where they went into spasm, I have bruises on my arms where the needles went in. I just don't want this to be my life from now on.

I know it's no big deal in the scheme of things but it's something I now have to deal with and already the driving ban is hitting home. I already felt as useless as a peri-menopausal woman can be - and this just is the icing on the shitty cake.

But. I know it's important that I keep myself fit and healthy to give me any chance of getting the better of this and making sure I can drive again. So I have to run - Nell McAndrew seems to think it's a good idea and she looks great:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2974716/How-woman-learn-love-running-yes-TV-presenter-Nell-McAndrew-s-new-book-tells-started.html

So I am feeling very sorry for myself but I know other people have far worse things wrong with them - things that could actually kill them so I should shut up.
It just seems totally over the top to ban me from driving for having 2 seizures in 2 years. I am still a better driver than some of the numbskulls trying to negotiate their way around Henleaze...
The drugs I'm on have a terrible possible side effect which could be lethal - it's a skin lesion thing which sounds a lot worse than the fits imho.

So I am in a slump now. Is it wrong to enjoy the attention of the ambulance people - they were so kind and made me feel safe. Everyone at A&E was very nice. But I'm kind of on my own now I get that - I just have to suck it up and make sure I don't make things worse for myself.

Hey ho.

Slow.

3.71 miles
37m 18s
10m 4s per mil
Slower then ever before - also I am heavier than I have ever been in my life.
Issues: right big toe - I have done a fair bit of walking over the last 2 days and so my toe joint is very stiff - happily (weirdly) running doesn't seem to affect it quite so much. The knock-on effect though is that my right foot feels stiff and odd I guess through compensating for my dodgy toe joint.
Left hip - bit of a squeal but nothing too drastic.
Breath - very little on the hills
Stomach - I feel nauseous, like I have just eaten a huge meal. I have eaten today but not for a while - and last time I ran on empty I still had that feeling. I guess it's cos my newly extended stomach requires more oxygen to sustain it and so it makes me feel sick. Not pleasant and I should look on it as inspiration to lose weight.
Why else would I run other than to lose weight? Well, to get fit of course and to put off being old and unfit. Although I am pretty much there. I would like to be fitter and slimmer than average. That's all.

The jogging life for me

Well, there is really no excuse not to get out there and run,. It does me more good than harm (I have to believe that...) and even though my back is not 100% it doesn't stop me running. Well, jogging. A fast saunter, really...
37m 46s
3.8miles
10min 3s per mile
It's better than nothing.
In reality, I am getting on which means that recovery always takes longer. Also I am putting on weight and it's getting harder to shift. And my cretinous, arthritic big toe means that there is extra train being put on various other joints.
What 'getting on' doesn't mean is that I have to give up.
So really, until I cannot put one foot in front of the other I should keep on running, and if anything up the mileage and even consider doing the Bristol 10k at the end of May - it's something realistic to aim for isn't it.

Happy New Year

Well, it's been a tough start to the year - I have had the worst cold I have EVER had in my life. It ended up with a chest infection which obviously stopped me running for a long time - but also I was coughing so hard I have done something fairly major to my lower back. It's always been a bit weak but I have never been so incapacitated by pain. Made me very unhappy. And very, very unfit.
But yesterday I decided it was better enough to have a run with the option of cutting it short.

The stats speak for themselves - never have I been so slow (or so wobbly...)

28m 28s
2.8 miles
10min 7s pe rmile

The long road to running begins again...

No big deal...

 Just went for another run last Friday - no mapmyrun app to garner stats, just me and a useless ipod to listen to the radio (it nearly deafened me as the signal came and went...) and I ran the usual route up past the prison, past the moggery, looping back along coldharbour rd, glos rd and the sefton park straight...

No big deal then. Felt very ordinary, no pain, no drama...

SO THERE'S NO REASON WHY I CAN'T DO IT 3 TIMES A WEEK AND GET FITTER IS THERE

I have been for a run

Of course I have been far, far too busy to actually get off my bum and go for a run - so very, very busy...

This is a lie

Today was the first time I've been running since the last post. Not very impressive is it.
Except in the preceding weeks I have turned 50 and yet I still went for a run.

3.72 miles
36m 20s
9m 45s a mile
not the worst ever - but every time I go for a run it's a run.

Another Tech Fail

OK get these stats:
4.88 miles
37.19 mins
7min 39secs permile

I am an elite athlete...

In truth I don't think the the gps thingy had quite homed in on my position and so it possibly gave me a very flattering reading at first - in fact the first mile and a bit was run in a pace of a shade over 3 mins a mile... Still, it was quite amusing. Not very amusing, but a little

It was tiring, it was OK - my left hip hurt which I think is due to lack of mobility - I really must do those stretches I was given some years back - I'm sure they will work...

In all it was a good idea to go for a run - I do feel better - if knackered - for doing it.

5" run

Honestly - 5 seconds. If I'm listening to redux I have to make sure it doesn't disappear when I leave wifi so I start and pause the mapmyrun thing, get the sounds going and then I start mapmyrun.
I didn't start it. I was getting concerned when I didn't get an update 1/2 way through.
Hey ho.
It was the same route as last time at I guess about the same pace.  So I'll assume it was all that.

Concerned about my stomach - it felt like it was full of lead. I know I had a bit of a hangover this morning - but it was about 4pm when I ran so that should have gone. I guess it's just that I am very unfit.
And my left hip started aching - too tight I guess - I need to stretch.

Bad times

4.02 miles
40.43"
10min 7secs a mile
I ran round the downs and it was stupidly hard work. I did the 5:2 diet for the first time this week so I guess there was an issue with energy but it's ridiculous. I am so unfit it's embarrassing. Is it an age thing? I stand no chance if it's to do with age. So should I continue? I want to feel OK about doing a 5-mile run, that's all. I guess if I'm ever to run 5 miles in under 45 mins I'm going to have to work really hard, and I don't know it I've got in me to go down that line.
I did enjoy running round the downs though - far nicer than round the streets. It was the 1/2 marathon today and I kind of know there is no chance I will ever do one of those again. Not that I'm that bothered tbh.

Sometimes I impress myself

3.56 miles
9mins 48 pace

Sloooow but at least I went back out there for the first time in a million years and did a run. It was hard work. I am very unfit for running. I know that means I have to run more and get fitter, simple. I may even treat myself to some new running kit. Oooo, yes!


SHOCK UPDATE
About 30 mins after I finished running, it's started raining. I am blessed.

I am a jogger, not a runner

Not that the whole jog/run thing is important but this morning I tipped into the 10+ mins per mile category. I brought it back, but for a while I was down there with the joggers...

stats:
3.13 miles in 30m 45s which is 9m49s a mile. It's also 323 calories which just about cancels out the huge hunk of cheese I had after breakfast.

It's no way to carry on is it

almost not worth the effort...

On 28th July I ran 2.8 miles in 27min25 - 9min 40 per mile

It's really not very impressive is it? At least I went for a run. Which I haven't done for 11 days now.

Not very impressive

baby steps

Slow baby steps at that...
3.52 miles at 9min 40 a mile
I was trying to make myself feel better by believing  the 1st half was mostly uphill but frankly I think even 9mins 30 is a way off for me as yet - too fat, to unfit. Something to work on I guess - although it makes the likelihood of the 5in45 challenge a little unrealistic. That would mean a 9-minute mile (5 of them in fact) which is a tough ask. I know it's nothing to most other people but I have to accept my limits and run because I enjoy it and because it keeps me fit - and you can do it any time and it's a good way of seeing new places. Many reasons to run. Really very few reasons not to - hurty feet/knees/hips - blisters, fractures that sort of thing. I have accepted I'm better running in the supportive shoes not my beloved merrell minimals. Perhaps when I'm much lighter and stronger and fitter I will return. I feel like my ideal shoes would be some with support on the front of my foot rather than the heel as that's where the rolling and weakness comes in... That and some which aren't 1/2 a size too small... And wear socks.
Rambling now
Which is a fair description of my running style. :)

2 runs

1.41 miles @ 9min 58 and 2.6 miles at 9min 30

Really quite happy with those runs... The second one I think I could have gone further but I didn't want to push it
I'm quite surprised I'm still doing 9mins 30 pace as I feel slow (I know it IS slow, I'm not deluding myself) but I hope I can keep up this improvement. Must run more than once a week I guess.

Injury news - nothing to do with running but I've pulled a muscle in my hip - I think it's the abductor - it hurts when I turn corners or go upstairs anyway. It's stopping me walking and cycling today but I guess it'll be ok in a day or so. It just hurts and I am fed up with being in pain from injuries...

Not there yet...

I'm not exactly throwing myself into the return to running am I? I still have an idea that some sparkly new clothing might make all the difference, but I am fooling myself
I have a bad back which doesn't help - but all such things are connected...
I hurt my foot cos I was running a bit twisted which meant I cycled more than walked to work which exacerbated the (possible) cause of the bad back which is that my saddle was too high so that when I was going uphill, at the bottom of the pedal my lower back was twisting slightly to get the power on...
So, if the saddle height is the cause of all this, it would explain the stress fracture, the hurty foot and the bad back.
If this is the case, then everything is solved. If only everything in life was that simple...

I'm back!

Well, kind of... If you can call 0.94 miles 'a run' then, yes, I'm back...
:-)

5 minutes

I ran for 5 minutes on the treadmill this morning. It felt good. My foot still has a small lump which I think could turn against me again so I'm not going to push this recovery. I reckon if I do 5 minutes on the treadmill every time I go to the gym, then this will strengthen my foot and all that goes with it and I will be back before long
The long road to running starts here.
Again.

fingers crossed...

My foot's stopped hurting today. I just noticed this morning that I hadn't winced
:-D

Limp

Well, I'm still not back running, but I think it'll be soon...
I am getting very bored of being in pain with every step. Sometimes it hurts when I take the weight off it (barefoot, especially) and sometimes it just kicks in during a step. It's better in birkenstocks.
Thing is, to avoid the pain of walking I have to use my hurty big toe more.
I feel life is not being fair at the moment.
Oh I know there are far worse things that could happen, but when I try and do everything right and I still end up injured I feel unhappy.

enough is enough

It's now 18 days since it started hurting and it's still hurting. Oh, to be honest, on some days the pain is a different sort, in a different place, but it's still a pain...
The physio got my foot back on straight so I can now put it flat down on the ground. But  I think that might have increased the irritation on the nerve or something. And now there are shooting pains going into my ankle.
I've booked into the doctors this afternoon so perhaps they might be able to shed some light on it. Perhaps they will tell me to get the weight off it for a few days - that'll be interesting. Anti-inflammatories, that sort of thing.
Hey ho. I think I'm fairly confident it's not a stress fracture.
And that's the good news...

16 days later...

...and the pain is still there
I'm going to see the physio in an hour or so, but that's not going to cure it. Hopefully it'll straighten me out enough to stop it happening again and I can resume running with confidence...
In the meantime it's bloody painful. I keep thinking it's worn off then I walk funny on it and it's off again. I would be very happy for it not to hurt at all for a while...

emotional level: glum

Good news, bad news

Good news -  I ran more than 5 miles this morning...
5.18 miles at 9m35s a mile. Happy with those numbers

Bad news - I have hurt my foot. I feel it might be serious in the sense that it could stop me running in the future. I have hallux rigidus in my right big toe joint. It's painful - very painful - at times but until now it hasn't affected my running.
I think there is a combination of factors here - one is the big toe joint not working well. This forces me to run a little on the side of my right foot which obviously puts a strain on other bones and joints. Not good. Also my shoes are a bit rubbish - they have lost their grip (I can believe it's the way I'm running which makes my feet slip on the road...) also I have quite sweaty feet these days and with no socks on my feet are sliding around a bit. I guess when I feel brave enough to run again I'll try socks and see if that solves the problem (s)

I feel very unhappy about this. If it is enough to stop me running I will feel crap. I live with runners and they are gleeful about running further, faster, more heroically and I feel really pissed off with them. I am never going to be in their league obviously but if I can't even keep going for myself then it's going to take a lot of adjustment on my part.
I am angry.

A first

This morning I broke all expectations and went to the gym - then went for a run.
It makes perfect sense of course - while I'm off work for a while, I need to keep up with the fitness - and actually spend more time on getting fitter. So I cycles up to the top of blackboy hill and my lovely gym, then ran round the downs and cycled home. And it wasn't as awful as I thought it might have been...  It was hard work and I had to walk up the cross-country section, but apart from that - this is how it panned out:

4.63 miles in 44m29s
which is a less than impressive 9min 35secs a mile.

Good enough for an overweight middle-aged trout?

Get me!

I have just run at lunchtime at work. Blooming amazing.

It took 70 mins from desk to desk which is ok - there is no excuse not to make it a regular thing, frankly.

Stats: well, the first one which came up in the headphones was for a 9'07" mile which reflects the fact it's pretty flat at the start. But I did the cross country bit and the hill just defeated me: I actually had to walk for a while.
So overall I did 3.02 miles at 9'28" a mile - so not too shabby really.
And I'm just really pleased that I made the effort - OK it's alovely day and I'm sure if it was raining I would not have gone. And it is such a kerfuffle getting changed, cycling up there, running, shower remembering keys - headphones - phone etc etc - but I expect it's done me a power of good.

What have I done?

It's kind of the opposite of unleashing a monster - I've tamed a placid lamb...

Running yesterday in the beautiful clear crisp morning sunshine was the nearest it gets to being a pleasure. (Note to self - I need a different route: even though the daffs are coming out I feel I have done that run so many times...)

Stats, though, don't make for happy reading
4.3 miles
9min 47 a mile

9 mins 47 seconds to run a mile - quite the slowest I've been for a while.
Excuses: the day before we'd spent in London walking. Walking for miles and miles. In shoes with paper-thin soles (shoes are now in recyling - much as I like them they've had their chips) So my feet were none too great and my feet are my achiles heel (you see what I did there...)

I am definitely going slower and slower. At this rate the 10k will take me... (pause to calculate...) over an hour. That's poor. Last time I did it was under 56 mins. surely I can aim to go that fast this time?
Or is it the taking part, the fact I'm a fatty old bird doing it, enough?

I don't know.

I do know I hate this ageing thing cos everything you thought of as being anything like permanent turns out to be anything but...

A new approach

I have decided I can't pretend to be a runner. I am a jogger. My natural pace is about 9'30" a mile and I should be happy with that. When I try and push myself is when I get blisters and worse. So I am going to be happy with my natural pace and take the benefit from going at that speed. If I get faster along the way then that's fine. What I want to avoid is the feeling that I'm failing if I can't run as fast as my v fit boyf or 18 year old stepdaughter. Not going to happen.

stats then...
4.27 miles
41m 18s
9m 40s a mile. Slow. But I did it (and I still have aching calves so I'm glad I didn't push it any more)

Whether this new approach will continue I have no idea, but I think I will be happier if I run this sort of thing 3 times a week. And by doing that I guess I will be faster.

It's a start...

4.32 miles
9.25mins/mile
40.42 mins

It's been really terrible weather recently but I managed to avoid a massive deluge by about 5 mins :D

Is it cos I am so unfit that I struggle with energy for these runs? There comes a point about 30 mins in when I just run out of puff. I even had a bit of breakfast this morning so it's not that. And one of the main reasons for running is to lose weight so I wouldn't be happy to up the calories when I only used 444 this morning.
How annoying is it that running uses about 100 calories a mile... You would have thought it would have been a lot more than that.
But no.

But hey ho - I have been for a run and it didn't kill me. Perhaps it truly is a start and this is where I train up to a regular 5 mile circuit and then for the 10k in May. I would really like to do that in under an hour and ideally under 55 mins which was how long I took to run the last one. It will help if I've lost a bit of weight by then of course but I guess the best training is just to get keep going out there and running.

pushing it now...

Well, at least it was a run. It's been a long time since the last one so I went for it a bit. It was a nice morning - cold but really sunny. Perfect.

stats - 4.45 miles in 40mins 37 secs
9mins 07secs a mile - pretty good for me

So the big question in my mind anyway is - can I get to do 5 miles in 45 mins? On paper perhaps I could. Perhaps I am kidding myself.

I thought this was supposed to get easier...

3.8 miles at 9mins 11 a mile.

Not a bad pace but bloody hell it was tough. I know I've put on weight and it's really taking its toll.
I need to get out 2 or 3 times a week for any improvement to be made (but it's soooo cold out there I find it hard to get motivated)
I also have to believe that it's doing me good. I have a feeling that it's not helping me at all - not to lose weight cos I don't run enough plus there is the issue of injuries which I'm getting quite paranoid about...
I guess I just need to get over myself and get on with it. It's hard work, of course it is, but once I get up to a comfortable 5 miles at that pace I can begin to bed it into my regime. (why I can't do that NOW I have no idea)

Wheelspin

I finally made it out onto the tough streets of St Andrews - only to find them covered in a thin layer of frost. It was a lovely morning and the chilliness was quite nice - but it was really hard going. I was tiptoeing around and kept losing my footing.
But I made it! With possibly the least impressive stats for a very long time.
It's quite remarkable the difference it makes going slowly - it feels much easier...

Stats:
3.6 miles
36 mins
I reckon that's 10 mins a mile...

So at least I have ended the year with a run. And I have kind of promised I will run on New Year's Day. It's the start of a year dedicated to running and getting fit.
Possibly.

ow ow ow ow ow

3.92 miles
35min 17
8.59 mins/mile

so, yay, I have cracked the 9 mins a mile thing - but at what cost? there is the usual feeling of achiness - but also I have lost the top layer of my right little toe to a huge blister. Not happy. Perhaps I should think about socks. Except I need larger shoes...
First world problem.

Ow

Calf pain in 3 - 2 - 1...
Tomorow is going to be painful. But it's good to believe I can do the 30-odd minute run without excuses.

3.87 miles
35.25 mins
9.09 min/mile - i guess that's 9mins 9secs...

wow -  I can do almost 9 mins a mile - which leads me to believe I may one day do the 5 in 45..

Is this the dawning of a new era?

I went for a run yesterday. There was no fanfare, no bunting, just me, the road and a chill wind.

I ran a reasonable distance in a reasonable time and today I feel my calfs are aching but nothing too bad - no achilles pain, no broken metatarsals, no blisters.

Obviously this means I'm not trying hard enough, but in my book it means I have no excuse not to start running regularly and trying for my arbitrary target of 5 miles in 45 minutes.

stats
3.81 miles
34' 40"
9m 06" a mile

I do hope this GPS is accurate as I seem to be getting faster according to it, but I don't feel like I'm running any faster.

I also must get something other than podcasted radio plays to listen to... although I have a fear of running out of things to listen to and suddenly I have to concentrate on the running...

Whitstable

Yay
I like running next to the sea. It was cold, windy and wonderful. I'm sure if I was there all the time it would pall eventually but for the few times I get to run there I love it.
I was inspired by G saying if I didn't take my kit I had to accept it and not regret - but if I did take it I had to run no matter what. Luckily it was a fantastic morning and off I went.

stats (cos I was running with the app)
3.49 miles
32m 6 secs
9min 12 a mile. (seems very fast but who am I to argue with technology.) (It was also so cold perhaps I went faster to stop from freezing)

treadmill twenty

Nifty title, huh.

I did a 20-minute on the treadmill and went, I think, 2.45km. Not exciting but the longest run I've done in a while.
This weekend I'm off to see chums in Whitstable so there is the prospect of a run along the seafront. I am a bit nervous about it considering the lack of practice I've been having recently - but I should never pass up the opportunity to run alongside the sea. 30 mins, that's all...  

Progress??

1.50 miles
14.05 mins
9m24s per mile

I ran after a gym workout seeing as I was up those parts anyway - and it was awful.
I have never felt so unfit. It was a huge struggle and I walked part of the way (but paused the mapmyrun app which is why I'm still under 30min miles...
so:
1. I am unfit and have to decide to train more
2. mapmyrun app is very good - it's GPS so no more stupid measuring of maps
3. I need to put some running music on my phone or download some 15-minute dramas...

I guess it's all a step in the right direction.
And I'm glad I made the effort to go.

another treadmill mile

Well, same again really. I got as fast as 11.1km/h whatever that means* and ran a mile.
At first my achilles was very sore, but once it was warmed up it was far better. But still a bit sore.

I have a theory now that when I bust my calf muscle I stopped using it properly and this has led to over-use of my achilles on that side. So, I reckon I can stretch my calfs, build them up a bit, stretch my achilles a lot and hope for the best.

A mile isn't going to get me anywhere is it...

*6.89722mph**
**8min 41" per mile. :)

It's about time...

I decided I have to get going on this running thing again - and the thing that's stopping me (other than feeling overweight and unfit) has been my achilles. So I went to my lovely gym and did a mile on the treadmill.
Really don't like treadmills.
But once I got warmed up (as if cycling up there and doing a weights session wasn't enough to warm up...) my achilles felt ok

Since the last time...

No more runs. My left achilles really hurts.

I was going to run this morning but even as I tried to jog over to the car (I was going to go round the downs with a thought to doing it from work) - and my achilles hurt so much I knew it was stupid to go for a run.
And I feel so fat - despite the 16:8 which I've been doing for a few months now - I still weigh about the same as I ever did. I know I overeat and drink too much wine - but ffs this is me standing still, not shifting an ounce.
What with that and the arthritis in my toe I feel ancient. Fat and middle-aged. And I have the world's troubles on my shoulders to deal with as well.

Fuck it - I'm going to Boston for a coffee and a bacon sarnie.

Long run

5.42 miles
bother - didn't stop the clock properly.
how incredibly annoying
I think I did 5 in 45. I believe I did 5 in 45. I really think I was back in about 43 mins... Oh how I wish I had stopped the clock.
grrrr.

Route - I was dropped off on the downs so I did a circuit and came back.

Niggles
left achilles - I have to make sure I get my heels down as I run. I concentrate on using my knees rather than just my feet. I hope it's working.
Left lower back - it's really quite painful. I might even go back to the osteopath. I guess getting into yoga more regularly will help as well.

But I've gone further than for a long long time.
And it's very hard work

PB

ok it's hardly earth-shattering but it's remarkably satisfying to see the clock tell you you've hit the target you set yourself...
Which was - drum roll - to do the kellaway run in under 32 mins

31'55" tadah!

niggles - left hip very stiff. left heel/achilles a bit sore.
I think I'm generally surviving though.
I thought as I huffed back home that I kind of haven't run much since I started going to the gym - I reckon I've put on weight - as in muscle! - plus flab which makes running so very much harder work. So if I'm going to pick up the running I have to shed the weight. Which I'm doing by upping the running miles...

grunt

I guess this is the real world.

A 33-min run, nothing special, out of breath at the end, feet a bit achy, left hip a bit hurty, 2nd left toe a bit blistery.
Nothing. Special.
Except that it has been done. And it was done in the evening. So, good for me.

If I am ever going to hit my 5 in 45 target I'm going to have to up my game somewhat.
I think the first thing to do is get a 5 mile circuit or 2 worked out and drag myself round those, before trying to up the speed. I think I will get there - unless I feel as pooped as I did along sefton park rd this evening earlier in the run.
It just feels like I have a mountain to climb at the mo. How I ever ran a 1/2 marathon I have no idea. It's what age does to you...

2 runs. Yes, 2.

I actually went for a run at lunchtime. It's got to be the future... Apart from the slightly over an hour aspect which might not go down too well, but I think I can swing it - but the major downer is the Bright Red face. Puce. Beetroot. Whatever the colour is called it took a good while to calm down and return to human hue.

I have just come back from another go at The Loop. It took just under 33 mins for 3.5 miles. Have I got it in me to do the 5 miles in 45 mins I promised myself I would do by the end of May? It's going to take some training... And my calfs are very very tight now...

Hang on - I am amazed I am so slow. That is very depressing. 9 mins 25 secs per mile.
I know I can go faster cos I was having a go every so often, but it's really hard *whiny voice*


I'm so not cut out for this am I.

Hard

I did that loop again and bloody hell it was hard work. Pre-breakfast, post a winy night out so there's an initial problem. Also I haven't got any running muscles. And I was at a yoga class on Thursday and the achiness is kicking in now - very tight hamstrings, me.
So there's the excuses - but I am so proud of myself for doing the full loop - I was only going to do 20 mins or so but there I was, 15 mins in and half way round.
I am so on it.

One inspiration is Jamie McDonald - he's running across Canada - 5000 miles with no back up. He is utterly barking but he's doing it. He's up against all sorts of problems like injuries, freezing cold, baking heat and loneliness.
His videos are well worth looking at:
http://www.jamiemcdonald.org/

Another thing - I rediscovered my robi plug-in radio for the ipod so I was very happy listening to beloved radio four all the way round - but by the time I finished, the battery was flat. It absolutely kills the battery life. Also it's previously killed the actual  ipod so perhaps it's not the best. But the radio feature on the ipod is utterly useless.

So that's it for me - very pleased with the fact I've done it - now I'm assessing my pains. My right foot, the one with the arthritic big toe, is a problem. My whole foot aches and I'm wondering if I should get to a podiatrist for some exercises to get round the problem. Also my freakishly long left second toe is rubbing against the show. I may have to get a larger size... That would be annoying cos mine are perfectly OK. I also need more running tights cos obviously now I'm going to be running every day.
Ha.

But honestly - support Jamie

getting there. possibly

I ran around a loop yesterday, rather than the 'round the houses' route - and I think I went a bit fruther than usual (I ought to measure it I guess) I ran for 35-40 mins I think which is good for me.
I have to walk a little at the end cos my left calf was tightening up and I felt it was about to pop. Which is a bad thing. It feels OK today though.

3.66 miles - possibly the furthest I've run in a loooong time

Well done me!

smug ish

Been on holiday for a week in France - beautiful, rural, flat France
Went for 3 runs of about 25 mins each. It was lovely.
I wore normal Merrell walking shoes - to run in! Kerrr-azy -  I know. I got a blister in a new place but that's about all.
I love barefoot (ish) running

3.2 miles, 30 mins

Not earth-shattering but I am very pleased with myself
Especially since I was in the minimal shoes - yay!!!

niggles: left hip, left second toe going wandering somehow, bit blistery
right foot a bit stiff, frankly.

but that's about the sum of my troubles which is good.
now I need to have the confidence to go further afield and try to build up to a 5 mile circuit which is the aim. I've read so much about too much aerobic activity does you no particular good. It's certainly not the best thing for losing weight - oh no - I have to cut down on calories to do that.

hot as June

Well, 21 mins later and I'm having a freezing cold fizzy water - lovely.
The run was very very hard - I am very unfit.
Still in my old shoes, and my calf is a little achy now. Perhaps it's time to use the flat ones again. I will run again this week sometime and have a go in them. Perhaps 10 mins. Perhaps I can't use the flat ones at all, I just feel like the padded ones are so huge and clumsy.
Hey ho.

good news, bad news

Mostly good news.

I ran for 20 mins this morning and it was fine. My calf was feeling tired but nothing scarier than that.
The bad news: I was running in my old trainers, the ones with loads of padding.
I was still trying not to heel-strike (other than going downhill...) and a bit of me thinks that the shoes only helped a tiny bit.
So perhaps the next outing will be in a minimal shoe and see how I get on.
But - yay!!!!

the 10-minute rule

The plan now is to run for about 10 mins at a time - ie to avoid the inevitable pain. Hopefully this will strengthen the bits that need it and I can build on that.

So I set off for 10 mins and managed 13 - but my wretched calf was aching from the get-go. It didn't get any worse, but I'm not happy about it.   :( (see, unhappy)

This is getting depressing now

I was excited about going for a run this lunchtime at work (I know that's a bit sad, but it's part of my rehabiliation into being a runner again)

But I only managed about 15mins before the calf muscle went again.

I thought I was doing everything right - running with the whole of my foot going onto the ground (not flicking off one side of my foot) I wasn't going too fast (no danger of that ever) and just enjoying the feeling of being out running on the downs in the sunshine

But I'm not allowed that little amount of pleasure; I'm not allowed to reclaim the feeling that 'I am a runner'...

I know I'm over-dramatising it all, but ffs give me a break. Am I just too old now? Is that it? Other people run into their 80s why can't I even get to my 50s without seriously wondering if my time is over?

At the risk of sounding like a stroppy toddler - it's not effing fair.*
I want to stop wanting this.


*a very sweary stroppy toddler

Missed one...

shin splints.
Not holding out for shin splints of course, just thought I'd cover all bases.

I'm back at the physio about the calf stuff - it's the old problem of being mightily twisted. And not in a good way.

But at least if that is the problem it can be cured :)

btw
I went for a cycle/run around the downs on Monday. I managed about 25 mins before the calves became unusable...

The full set

achilles trouble - check
stress fracture - check
industrial sized blisters - check
IT Band syndrome - check

I'm sure there's something else...

oh yes - pulled calf muscle - check

Bugger the thing.
There I was, happily running across Horfield Common, taking in the view of the enormous new hospital. I was working out if I had got to the furthest point away from home (and could therefore look forward to starting the return half) when my right calf muscle went  pop. It was horrible. My leg was suddenly unusable - heavy, weak.  Annoying.
So I had to get home.
It hurt just as much to walk as it did to run so I invented an embarrassing, flat-footed, limping shuffle home. Where I am now, sitting down and it's really aching.
I was going to walk into town but I think that's probably a no...
ffs
I so want to get back into running and yet it seems that every single bloody time I go for a run something starts to hurt.

The google doctors are saying it might take a minimum of 2 weeks.
I am so fed up of this.
I don't want to run faster each time, or beat other people. I simply want to keep fit and  lose some weight. I'm not competitive, I'm not trying to run a marathon. I just want to be able to run for an hour or so without fucking up my body.
What is wrong with me?

Blister

Top of right little toe.
It really hurts
But at least I did it on a run a couple of days ago

it's not ground-breaking, but...

at least it's only a week since my last run.
I did the same route and it was ok - apart from the cold. I should have worn gloves. And a warmer top. But I did get warmed up eventually.
5 sections
1. up to glos rd by sainsbury's
It was fine other than the chilly bits
2. up to Kellaway
getting into a stride a bit now but the hill at the end is challenging. The worst part was where my ipod ran out of juice and I was left alone with my thoughts until the end of the run...
3. kellaway to glos rd
getting breath back, nothing too bad but glad it's the 1/2 way point
4. down glos rd to Ashley Hill
I have to make sure I'm looking ok for this bit as there's always someone doing the walk of shame and they still look better than I do. By now on the previous outing there was a hip pain - not today. :)  This time it's my right foot aching and cos it's downhill slightly there is pressure on my feet. But it's livable with.
5. Ashley rd/sefton park and home
I need to make sure my right foot's not taking too much hammering - I think I'm running a bit too much on my toes and try to go more mid-foot strike and I think this is the future. It might also lessen the effect  on my calves which threaten to be agonising later on.

I'm very glad I did it - and before breakfast, too, which allegedly means more fat-burning which is No Bad Thing.

Now to up the frequency and distance. No pressure...

First time for a long time...

...not just running but running for more than 30 mins!
Get me.

33' 35"
3.55 miles/ 5.71km
567secs per mile
9 mins 27 secs per mile - not very impressive but there were hills and I am very fat.

I'm glad I did the route past the prison, along Kellaway and down Ashley Hill - at least it gets me away from schlepping round St Andrews which is a bit of a bore.

But now I know what I'm up against in terms of getting fitter and faster - and I have to up the mileage to 5 miles which I think is doable although I was struggling towards the end - but that of course is what this exercise thing is all about...

Will I ever do another 1/2 marathon? It seems really unlikely right now - perhaps a 10k this year? I'm only just 1/2 way there though...

I'm not back...

IT Band problems again.
Can. Not. Believe. It


This was drafted about a week ago - it's got a bit better since then, I'm not having to hop downstairs for instance but it's definitely getting better.

Chilly

2.65 miles, 25 mins
9mins 26 secs per mile

Not exactly an earth-shattering pace, but I guess the fact I've done it is more important than impressing anyone...

aches and pains
slight blister on right instep - painful but hopefully it won't get any worse - bring on the scar tissue...
also, left hip - an old niggle. I wonder if it's worth going back to the physio at Moti to get some idea of stretches or exercises...

Well, I am having to bite the bullet and get going on the Summer fitness plan. How well it's going to go is open to speculation. I'd like to think I can crack it. I need to.
  

I'm back

2.93 miles, 27 mins
9mins 12secs a mile
I've still got the old magic...

ok my right foot is achy when I run but that's about the worst of it, so it's not too bad.
I'm unfit of course, 1/2 an hour is about as far as I want to go for now - but I will build up on it and go longer/further...

So I need to get a 3-mile route planned as I'm bored of heading off round the same old circuit, filling in the time to make it up to 20+ mins. It'd be a lot better to have a long circuit so I can't give up 1/2 way round and cut it short. Scary.
And yet I used to run 6 miles reasonably happily. Was I thinner then? A bit. Certainly fitter. Will I get back to that state - quite possibly

Perhaps it's time to treat myself to new running kit (and ditch some of the horrible old stuff...)

20 minutes

And that's all I can manage, really. It was hard work and 2 days later I'm still aching. Plus I have a stinking cold and a chest infection, probably not connected...
But at least I was glad to have done a short run. Now I have to build on that and eventually get up to 5 miles regular.
Might take some time.

Tis better to travel in hope...

...than arrive at a run in February??

or something

One run a month isn't exactly going to set the world on fire is it (not the world but perhaps my calves...)

Just can't seem to summon the energy/gumption to get back out there and start building up the miles again. 20 mins is pathetic, but I have to (re)start somewhere

Happy New Year

Well, I've done my first run of the new year. And it was a dazzling 20mins long.
20 hard minutes.
Out of breath and heavy legs
And, rather worryingly, today I have a slightly achy left foot. I only hope it's a under-use thing not a harbinger of something more breaky.

And I am going to have to buck up my ideas if I'm going to build up to a regular 5-miles...
Happy new year indeed...

end of 2012

Looks like I'm not going to get a run in before next year... it's 3pm on nye, so basically there is no chance. Plus it's foul weather (and has been for about the past 2 weeks) all of which adds up to me not having run for an awfully long time.

So I will have to find some motivation to get myself out there again next year.
Tomorrow...

Happy New Year!!
x